So, about what Elliot said. He did say "If". Let's see how Olivia takes his words, shall we?

It's a challenge to write this story from Olivia's POV only so we never really know what's going on with Elliot, what he's thinking and what happens when Olivia isn't with him. It's kind of like real life ...

...

15. Hug

"Liv, if I were to pursue you, it would be the real thing. The whole package, to have and to hold. Because you deserve the world, and nothing less."

…

Olivia freezes momentarily and stares at her partner and roommate.

"That's … that's so sweet of you to say," she stammers, glancing around to see if anyone is listening in on their hushed conversation. But aside from a few officers working on a computer in the other corner, they are alone. She isn't sure what to make of Elliot's little declaration and she decides to simply take it as a compliment and not read more into it than he might be trying to say.

"It's true Liv. I know your mother never made you feel like you were worth anything, but you are. You're an amazing cop as well as an amazing person. You're gonna be an amazing mother too, and I'm proud to be your friend. You should never settle for less than what you deserve. Which is a lot more than what you've gotten so far."

"Wow."

Olivia leans back in her chair and studies her partner's flushed face.

"Where is all of this coming from El?"

Elliot huffs and looks at Cragen's office once more.

"I'm just sick of everyone having an opinion about you when they don't even know you."

"Did Kathy say something?"

She doesn't know why she's asking him that. It's just a hunch. And his eyes are telling her she's hit the nail on the head.

"What? Just tell me, El. I can take it."

Elliot shakes his head.

"I'm not gonna repeat her words. And I don't want you to be there when I see her in court. You don't need all that crap in your … condition."

Olivia rolls her eyes.

"I'm pregnant El. That doesn't make me fragile. When did you talk to her?"

"She called me this morning while you were in the shower."

"Oh."

"Lizzy wanted to talk to me."

Olivia perks up.

"And? Did you talk to her?"

"Only for about ten seconds. She said hi daddy and I ehm … well, I … I thanked her for the drawing and I tried to tell her that I miss her and I love her, but then Kathy was back on the phone."

Olivia knows Elliot must have choked up and she wants to reach for him and comfort him. He misses his little girl so much.

"I told her that they're my kids as much as hers, and I won't let her take them from me. And I told her I'm getting a bigger place soon, so I can have the kids over."

"What did she say?"

Elliot shakes his head and she knows Kathy probably said something about her.

"Doesn't matter," Elliot says tersely, confirming her suspicion.

"El. If finding a place together is going to damage your case …"

Elliot sighs.

"I need to get a place so I can show the judge that I can have them over."

Olivia bites her lip and before she can change her mind, she tells her partner,

"Then let's do it."

Elliot's eyebrows shoot up and he looks at her with wide eyes.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. If that's what you need to get joint custody of the kids, we have to make that happen."

Elliot's face lights up and he grins widely.

"If Cragen wasn't watching us like a hawk, I'd hug you right now," he tells her happily.

Olivia laughs out loud.

"You can save that for when we get home."

"Deal," Elliot says, winking at her before returning to his paperwork. "Now let's get some work done and make the boss happy again."

...

Olivia is dead on her feet when they finally get home that night. They decide to turn in early after finishing some leftover Chinese food, sitting next to each other on the couch with the TV on in the background. Olivia had wanted to look at apartments on her laptop with Elliot but she doesn't think she's up for it now. Elliot is tired too and tells her it's no big deal. It can wait another day.

"When are you due in court?" Olivia asks him, and Elliot tells her that a date hasn't been set yet. Kathy is just setting everything in motion now.

They eat silently after that, each caught up in their own thoughts. When they call it a night and stand up, Elliot puts a hand on Olivia's arm. She looks up at him inquisitively and he smiles shyly at her.

"I still owe you that hug," he tells her. "I really appreciate what you're doing for me Liv."

Olivia shrugs, trying to shake off the tension she feels rising in her body. It's only a hug, she tells herself. He's touched her before. Friends hug. It's no big deal.

"You do so much for me too," she tells him. "And I need a bigger place anyway."

Elliot's smile widens a bit and he reaches for her shoulders. Olivia steps closer to him and places her hands on his waist tentatively.

"Still, it's quite a commitment. I know that's not your eh … forte, so to speak."

Olivia chuckles. She knows he's right. She's never been good at committing to other people but his hands, gently squeezing the tense muscles in her shoulders, are wildly distracting and she doesn't have a comeback. Elliot pulls her closer to him and she leans against him, resting her cheek against his shoulder, her forehead touching his cheek. When he wraps his arms around her, she tries to relax in his arms and wraps hers around him as well. They hold each other, tater boy safely trapped between them, and Olivia feels herself getting warm from the inside out. Elliot doesn't say anything else but it's as if she can feel what he's trying to tell her. She's safe with him, and her baby too. He will never hurt them. And she believes him.

When he straightens up, Olivia tries to pull away, assuming that the moment is over. She closes her eyes when Elliot doesn't let go but presses his lips to her temple, and she lets out a ragged breath.

"Thank you for trusting me," Elliot mumbles against her skin.

Olivia just nods, hoping it will be enough for Elliot. She is trying very hard to remain calm but his touch is making her feel little sparks of electricity all over her skin. It's different this time, nothing like other times he's touched her. Elliot looks down at her and she looks up at him with wide eyes. His eyes scan her face and her lips part when she sees them settle on her mouth. That's her cue to bolt and she looks down quickly while stepping away from him.

"Goodnight El," she says softly, almost whispering.

She hears him breathe out slowly. He is as affected as she is by that hug and she can't imagine why. It's only her, after all. They don't do lovey dovey stuff. They're partners.

She doesn't hear him wish her goodnight until she reaches the door to her bedroom and she slips inside her room quietly.

"Come on," she whispers to herself. "It was just a hug."

But she knows she's lying to herself. It wasn't just a hug for her and it wasn't for him either. She lets herself fall onto the bed fully clothed and stares up at the ceiling. She suddenly wonders if it's such a good idea to find an apartment together. She doesn't even know if she can look at him in the morning. The shock he's sent through her system has taken her completely by surprise. She's told herself, since they have managed to live side by side for years, that it wouldn't be a problem. She has all the reflexes down pat. She can live in the same house with him without letting her feelings get in the way, she's told herself.

But she isn't so sure now and sighs again. Must be her hormones acting up again. She pushes herself up from the bed to go to the bathroom, and for a moment, she's tempted to peek into the living room again, just to see what Elliot is doing. Is he going to lie awake too, like she expects she will? But she turns to walk into her adjoining bathroom instead. Elliot keeps his toothbrush in the kitchen these days, so he won't disturb her when she's already asleep. She wonders if he's taken off his shirt and she frowns at her reflection in the mirror. She can't give room to those thoughts. Those thoughts have to stay where she put them, filed away under 'don't go there' in the back of her mind. She brushes her teeth, removes her makeup and peels off her clothes. She has just pulled her long nightgown over her baby bump when she's startled by a thump in the living room. She almost jumps out of her skin and needs a moment to realize that Elliot probably just bumped into the coffee table or something. She's pathetic and she forces herself not to give in to the urge to check on him. Or check him out for that matter. She crawls into bed and lies on her side, cradling her belly with one arm. As she relaxes, her baby wakes up and lets her know he's still in there.

Olivia smiles. Her little tater boy is like an oasis to her. He already has the ability to pull her from her worries and the darkness of the job, and he hasn't even been born yet. She rubs her belly lovingly and speaks softly to her son. She yawns a few times and finds herself drifting off to sleep far more easily than she had expected. Her eyes are already closed when she whispers to her son,

"We're gonna keep you safe, little man. Elliot and me. We'll always be there for you."

…

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