19. Good men

On Saturday, Elliot goes over to Queens to see his younger children. He doesn't know if Kathy will let him in, but at least the kids will know he came to see them. He's texted Kathleen in advance, so he knows they're expecting him. He has no hopes of seeing the kids during the holidays but the least Kathy can do, for him as well as the children, is to let him see them, even if it's only for one afternoon.

Olivia is on call as backup for Munch and Fin, and she's promised Elliot that she will only call him if it's absolutely necessary, while Elliot has promised her to keep her updated on how things go in Queens.

Olivia has started packing all the baby things and their summer clothes. Anything she can do now, they won't have to do in January, and it gives her something to do. Elliot's already stocked the fridge and done the laundry, not wanting her to lift anything anymore at this point.

Olivia rubs her belly gently when she feels tater boy moving around. His movements are becoming more distinct and Elliot will be able to feel them any day now. She even thinks her son has been having hiccups a few times and it's a miraculous realization that there is a whole life growing inside her. A brand new life, waiting to happen, waiting to explore the world. She is already protective of him and she knows that will multiply a thousand times once her child is born. She smiles when she thinks of the new, sunny apartment where she will raise her son. She already has ideas for his room. There will be an extra bunk bed in his room for Elliot's kids, but his corner will be all his, with his own crib, changing table, books and toys. She wants to either paint his name on the wall or hang up wooden letters spelling his name and she can hardly wait to move in so she can get started.

Once all her baby supplies are neatly packed in moving boxes, Olivia lays down on the couch to take a nap. Elliot did put away his pillow this time but she finds it and breathes in his scent contently as she buries her face in the pillow. There's no use in denying it any longer and she's gradually getting used to that notion. However nervous it makes her, she does have feelings for her friend that don't fit the friend zone at all. She only loves him more for the respectful way he's been treating her since he moved from the cribs to her couch. She's his best friend above all and he'd never do anything to make her feel threatened by his presence or unsafe in her own home. In fact, she feels safer when he's there.

She has decided to blame her hormones for that particular development because until now, Olivia Benson has never needed anyone else to feel safe. She's got her physical fitness, her police training and her gun. Why would she need anyone else? She doesn't, she insists. It's just … nicer this way. Together. And there's an extra life to look out for now, so she reasons.

She smiles, closing her eyes. She can reason all she wants but she knows. Deep down, she knows. And despite having to keep their distance for now, it's getting easier and easier to imagine what it's going to be like. She thinks she won't need those ear plugs after all.

…

Olivia wakes up when she hears her phone buzz on the coffee table and rubs her face to wake it up before sitting up. "Sideways," she reminds herself. Better to get used to that already.

She reaches for her phone and grins when her belly gets in the way. This pregnancy is beginning to take serious shape now. She reaches her phone on the second try and opens her messages. She has one from Fin, telling her they are doing fine without her (with a wink) and to enjoy her weekend off, and two from Elliot. The first one reads,

'Taking the kids out to Burger King. Dickie too. Fingers crossed. El'

Her fingers tremble when she opens the second message. How have things gone with Dickie?

'Had fun with the girls, so happy to see to see Liz again (my little peach). Kathleen says hi. Dickie was grumpy and quiet, needs more work. Will be home around four. El'

Olivia checks the time and is surprised to see it is almost four. She gets up from the couch and decides to make some tea. It's chilly outside and she gathers that Elliot has probably spent some time with the kids outside. A warm drink will be good for him after the afternoon he's had. She is certain that he worries more about Dickie than he's letting on.

Elliot arrives just when the tea is ready and Olivia holds out a cup to him as soon as he's shed his coat and shoes, and walks up to her in the kitchen.

"Thanks," he says quietly.

Quiet is the right word to describe him right now and Olivia decides not to prod. He will tell her what's on his mind when he's ready. They drink their tea and go over a few ideas for dinner. Elliot tells her he's gotten them enough food for a week but if she wants to order something, it's fine with him. She watches him for a few moments and he smiles when he looks at her.

"The girls were great," he tells her. "When we were outside, Liz kept reaching for my arm. When the others were chatting among themselves, I told her that she needs to believe that I never went out to replace them with a new family. She said she believes me and she told me that she keeps quiet for Kathy's sake, but she and Kathleen talk a lot."

"I'm glad El. I know how much you've missed her," Olivia says.

"Kathleen says she's old enough to decide for herself which parent she wants to live with."

Elliot watches her for a reaction and for a moment, Olivia doesn't know what to say. She hadn't really thought about that possibility.

"You think she'd … she'd want to live with us?"

Elliot pulls his shoulders up and drops them again while blowing out a breath.

"I'm not sure what she wants. She's got all her friends in Queens. I do know I'm going to have to make it very clear that I'm not looking to take the kids away from Kathy. I just want equal rights, that's all. And I'm willing to pay my share. They're my kids."

He's gotten a little agitated while speaking and Olivia puts a hand on his arm. Elliot smiles sadly at her.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize El. You can never overreact when it comes to your kids."

His eyes drop to her baby bump.

"Yeah," Olivia says with a smile. "I know I'm going to be exactly the same."

"I'm sure you are. You've always been a badass but wait until Momma Bear Benson comes out."

They both chuckle and Elliot's mood improves a little. They agree on cooking one of Elliot's new recipes together and enjoy a relaxed and relaxing evening together. They're both happy to catch up on some sleep over the weekend before they head out to work again on Monday morning.

…

Olivia's been fiddling with her phone. They're waiting for Elliot and Fin to bring in a suspect in their latest rape-murder case. Olivia has spent her day interviewing the victim's two sisters and her best friend, to get a better idea of how the woman lived her life. But the grieving family has left and she isn't busy at the moment.

She's flipping through the pictures on her phone and her breath hitches when she suddenly finds a selfie of her and Miguel. She was so sure that she'd deleted all of them but here it is. One picture.

It's a happy picture. They're both smiling brightly into the camera, with sand and sea in the background. It looks like it was taken near the little coffee place where they used to start their day. It had tables and chairs right up to the beach and they had loved to sit there, people-watching, and imagining life stories behind the people they were seeing. She'd really had a great time with Miguel. She had met him on her second day at the hotel, and they had hooked up two days later. He was one of the good guys and she'd felt good with him. Not in love, but if he'd lived in the city, she could have seen them become friends. She isn't sure why she is so worried that he might cause trouble once she tells him about the baby. He had been nothing but honest with her. He'd been upfront about his relationship status. He was still madly in love with his ex and wasn't looking for anything serious while on vacation. He had just wanted to clear his head and have some fun. He had been a perfect match for her at the time.

She remembers their talk about their roots, and how he had made her discomfort disappear when her father had come up.

"So explain the name and the tan," Olivia asks with a grin. "Your name is Mexican but you look … well, not Mexican."

Miguel chuckles and pulls her a little closer, kissing her temple as they stare out over the water together, still in their swimwear. The sun will be going down soon but it's still warm and his hot skin feels good against hers. Miguel has one arm wrapped around her shoulders, and her arms are around his waist.

"My grandfather Miguel is Mexican. He immigrated here, started the family business and married an African American woman. Then out popped my dad and the Mexican name was carried on. Dad found an African American wife too and they made me. Voila - a dark and handsome guy with a Mexican name."

Miguel spreads his arms and grins down proudly at her, showing off his perfect body. He is dark and handsome indeed. And incredibly well-built and muscular.

"So don't you want to carry on the family tradition and find yourself an African American wife too?" Olivia asks him.

"I've been working on it, Olive."

His eyes become a little sad and she kisses his jaw. Miguel smiles at her again and remarks,

"There's something exotic about you too, though. What did they put in the cocktail to make a beauty like you?"

It's her turn to become a little sad, and she stares at a small boat in the distance when she tells him,

"Unfortunately, I only know half of that story. I never knew my father."

"I'm sorry Olive. But your mom must have told you about him?"

She shakes her head and Miguel turns her around so she is facing him.

"No? How come?"

She hadn't exactly planned to tell her summer fling about her disturbing ancestry but it all comes out then. Miguel holds her and talks to her soothingly, assuring her that she is a unique individual and a beautiful person inside and out, and that how she was conceived doesn't change that.

"I for one am very taken with you, Olive. I wouldn't change a single thing about you."

He kisses her then and she knows he means every word. He really is a good guy and he has no trouble taking her mind off her troubled past that night, or the remaining time they spend together.

"Earth to Liv."

"What?"

"You were miles away, Liv. Where did you go?" Munch asks, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Would it have something to do with the handsome man on your phone?"

...

Dun dun? Please review!