I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. I groaned inwardly and looked at the clock. I'd overslept by two hours. I sat up testing my body. I wasn't getting sick but that headache was killing me. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to rummage around the medicine cabinet. There I found regular strength Tylenol and popped a few in my mouth not really caring about the recommended dosage. Once it was put away I walked downstairs to the kitchen where Natasha sat sipping coffee.
"Good morning." She said glancing at me.
"Morning." I greeted back getting a glass of water.
"You're up later than normal, Steve wanted to go check on you but I convinced him to let you sleep." She informed me.
"Yeah, I woke up with this killer headache. I guess it would have been worse if I'd woken up at 5:45." I told her.
"Have you taken anything for it?" She questioned.
"Yeah," I confirmed.
"Good, if that doesn't help let me know." She said.
"Will do," I said sipping the water.
"What are your plans for the day?" She was inquisitive.
"Nothing as of right now. Nothing sounds amusing." I informed her.
"Then would you mind sitting with me for a few hours? I want to get to know you a bit more. You remind me of someone." She requested.
"Yeah, sure. I wouldn't mind at all." I agreed.
"So, the night that Steve hit you, why'd you get so bent out of shape about him drawing you?" She questioned and I flinched.
"I honestly couldn't tell you," I said.
"Why did you shove his hand away?"
"I'm not a big fan of physical contact," I answered honestly.
"I see. So do you mind telling me why you locked yourself in your room for five days? That isn't healthy." She advised.
I sighed. " I hate thunderstorms. Have for a long time."
"Steve would have helped you. He knows what it's like to be haunted by memories." She informed me.
"Like the war and the ice. It was honestly better for me to be alone." I stated.
"Maybe. Then again, maybe not. I have info on you just like you do on us. Next time there's a storm I want you to try to stay around either Steve and myself, let your subconscious mind also realize that we're not going to tie you up and beat you." She suggested.
"I can't promise anything," I responded.
"As long as you try, I'll be happy. So on to something lighter. What's your favorite color?" She changed the subject.
"Purple," I answered quickly.
The conversation went on like that. Simple questions that I could answer for the most part. I was so lost in what must have been a normal conversation to normal people that I lost track of time until Steve came in to ask if we wanted to watch a movie. Natasha and I both agreed and we gathered in the living room. Natasha picked the movie and we settled around the room. The movie she chose was some comedy. I found myself smiling at the stupid jokes.
After the movie, Steve randomly threw a pillow at me. I threw it back hitting him in the face. Natasha laughed and he threw it at her. She dodged it and continued to laugh. I grinned.
"What was that for?" I questioned.
"You just looked like you needed to be hit with a pillow." He told me.
I pouted and the guilt was immediately there. Natasha just laughed harder. I blinked several times letting my eyes fill with obvious moisture. Steve started to panic.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, please don't cry." He said holding both hands up.
I let one tear escape and allowed my bottom lip to quiver a bit. Natasha was trying to stop laughing long enough to catch her breath.
"I'm so sorry, please don't cry." He pleaded.
I couldn't stop myself from laughing," Captain, how do you survive a fight? A pout and a tear make you feel guilty."
It was Steve's turn to pout. Natasha and I shared another laugh but I found myself thinking that the Captain's pout was cute.
"You're grounded." He told me.
"Oh, no whatever will I do?" I laughed.
"Go to your cage like a good boy." Steve teased.
I pouted again showing him my middle finger. He gave me a look and Natasha muttered "language". We shared another laugh. Steve crossed his arms.
That night I had a strange dream. There was a nameless, faceless person that was on a bed with me. They kissed me gently and ran a hand down my body. I released a light moan letting the sensations bite freely at me. The whispered "good boy" and kissed my neck. The new feelings rushed through me. The scene around me changed a bit. My arms were restrained above my head and the person shushed me. I felt their mouth on my neck trailing down my body until they reached a part of my body that had never been touched before. I let out a choked cry as the pleasure surged through my body as their mouth worked me.
I jolted awake, breathing hard, sticky wetness covering my skin and sitting in a puddle between my legs. I began to panic. That could not have been normal. I jumped up running to the bathroom to shower, once done I grabbed one of the many red clothes and tried to clean the white sheets. When it didn't work I threw the cloth down and ripped the sheets off of the bed taking them to the laundry room along with my soiled clothing. I had just shoved everything into the washer when Steve walked in.
"What are you washing?" He asked.
"Whites," I answered blandly.
"Do you have room for a few shirts?" He didn't know but I felt like he did.
"Uh, yeah." I took them from him and put them in the washing machine before turning it on.
"You up for sparring?" He questioned.
"Sure, will Natasha be joining us?" I asked.
"No, she's gone shopping, said that it looked like we were getting low on some stuff." He informed me.
"Oh, alright," I said as we got to the gym.
Sparring only took a couple of hours with Steve beating me easily. I was too distracted by the odd images that my subconscious had conjured up the previous night.
"What's on your mind?" He questioned.
"Huh? Oh, nothing." I said quietly.
"Right, if you want to talk about it, I'm here." He assured me.
"Thanks, but there's nothing to talk about," I told him.
"Okay, I'm going to go change over the laundry." He said.
I nodded and made my way to the library. Maria had sent over the school work and I got on it hoping to make the thoughts that I didn't understand go away. I blazed through the school work and decided to read a book. I was half way through it when Steve walked in holding what use to be a white shirt. I looked from the ruined clothing to his face trying to gauge his mood.
"Jayson, next time you wash whites you need to make sure that there is no red washcloth in the machine." Obviously not happy.
"Is Captain America too much of a man to wear pink? Can't be mistaken for one of those homosexuals?" I teased.
His face lit up in a dark blush," That's not the point!"
My brain clicked," Steve, are you gay?"
"Of course not." He snapped.
"You know honesty is a two-way street. If you are, just tell me. It'll stay between us." I told him.
He looked torn. "I don't know what you're talking about. I can't be gay." He said sounding more unsure.
"And why not? Because it was a different time and homosexuality obviously didn't exist back then? More times than not you wouldn't get judged now. Nobody really cares and nobody would have to find out." I reasoned.
"Then why does it matter?" He questioned.
"Because if you are then you need to accept it," I responded.
"Alright, I'm gay, are you happy?"He snapped.
"That you admitted it? Yes. That you still haven't come to terms with it? No." I answered simply.
"How do you come to terms with something that you've been told is wrong and a sin your whole life?" He sighed sitting across from me.
"I don't believe in a God but if he does exist then I'm sure there would be something worse than being gay. Like, I don't know, murder?" I said.
He nodded," Maybe. Back then they were treated on equal terms."
"Well, this isn't your time. And, in this time people generally don't care." I told him. "There are many celebrities that are gay and haven't lost their fan base or a lot of people that don't get any less appreciation for what they do because of their orientation."
"That's fine but for now I'd like to keep it between us." He said.
"I can do that." I agreed.
"Thank you." He said.
Natasha came back shortly and we helped her unload the bags. She was grinning to herself. All too soon I figured out why. she had bought a game console and about fifty games. I remembered some of the other kids talking about video games but never held any interest in their recollections of them. It's not like I wasn't willing to try it but I was very unsure. Natasha hooked it up and showed us how to work it. We both just nodded stupidly.
"Oh, speaking of gaming, Clint, Tony, Thor, and Bruce are coming over tomorrow night. Tony's bringing board games." She informed us.
"Is bringing Clint here is a good Idea?" Steve questioned.
"Steve, they have to learn to be in the same room together." Natasha reasoned.
"They? Nat, we both know that it's Clint. He's the problem." Steve argued.
"I know but they'll have to work together at some point," Natasha told him.
"Work together? What do you mean?" I asked.
"Steve, you did tell him?" She questioned.
"I planned to, closer to time." He said crossing his arms.
"Tell me what?" I asked starting to get annoyed.
"That we're taking a trip to Mongolia to take out one of the hydra bases in a month." Natasha explained." And we'll need your help."
"Steve, why didn't you just tell me?" I questioned.
"Because you wanted to stay out of the action." He defended.
"Then you but honesty is a two-way street," I repeated.
"How about a movie?" Natasha suggested changing the subject.
Steve and I agreed and ended up sitting on the couch together. I laid back and propped my feet up on his lap. He put one hand on my legs. My breath hitched noticing how big his hands were. I relaxed my body not wanting him to think I was uncomfortable with him touching me now that I'd known the truth. Honestly, I didn't care but I was now noticing the muscles occasionally flexing in his thigh. While they were distracted I tried to sort through my strange thoughts. I'd never noticed things so... Attractive about people. In fact, I'd never found anything attractive. I'd never found that strange but the things I was feeling and thinking were very strange. The dreams I'd had the previous night were strange.
Of course, I knew about sexual attractions. It was the reason that we had our own rooms at the Hydra base. They feared that we'd be more inclined to do what most teenagers did, experiment with our sexuality. Reproduce, spread STDs, or worst in their eyes, develop feelings. If we developed feels for another "classmate" we would be more likely to rebel. Hydra wanted to keep us as compliant as possible which was why they tried to pick us up when we were still young. That's also why they never had open-ended questions during our classes or asked us to write opinionated essays. If we had an opinion we'd be punished or worse.
Here I still had my own room, Steve and I were friends at best so my attraction couldn't have been toward him but toward certain qualities, I deduced. He was an admiral individual so it could have been misplaced hero worship, I also reasoned. I tried to believe both of those. It had to be true.
"Are you alright?" Steve whispered.
"I'm fine, why?" I whispered back.
"Your legs keep shifting, do I need to move my hand?" He was considerate.
"No, I'm just thinking." I told him.
"About what?" He questioned.
"Nothing important. I promise." I said almost pleadingly.
He nodded letting it go. He also went to move his hand away from my knee. I grabbed his hand placing it back where it had been, I quickly released it trying to avoid his gaze.
After the movie, we ate dinner and I quickly went to bed after making it. I laid on my stomach and closed my eyes trying to sleep dreamlessly. No such luck. I did sleep but my dreams were full of the same person from the night prior. This dream was different though. The person was just petting me, telling me that I was a good boy. I hated being treated like a dog but this person was different. I was loving the attention and the constant praise. As their hand stroked my throat I let out a soft purr.
"You're such a good boy." They said in a husky voice.
"Thank you," I said as their lips touched mine.
I was unsure of what I was thanking them for but it seemed to please them. They let out a possessive growl and I woke up panting again. This time thankfully there was no mess. I still took a shower to calm myself down. Once finished I walked to the Kitchen.
"Hey, I noticed you washed your sheets yesterday," Natasha said walking in.
"Yeah, they were dirty," I replied smoothly.
"Even after being washed three days before?"She asked smirking.
"Were they?" I replied not so smoothly.
"Yes, and you were in such a hurry to destroy the evidence you ruined the laundry." She said knowingly.
"Just because they're pink doesn't mean they're ruined. And I don't know what you're talking about." I denied.
"Was that your first wet dream?" She asked seriously.
"Wet dream?" I questioned unsure what she was actually talking about.
"It's perfectly normal. Any normal person has been there at least once in their lives," she said not really explaining.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said getting irritated.
"They're sex dreams." She said simply.
"I can't have sex dreams if I'm not sexually attracted to anything." I reasoned.
"That's what I thought before I found Maria." She laughed. " So who was it about?"
"I don't know. They're faceless and I can't tell gender or voice." I said finally giving in.
"Really? That's interesting. What do they say?"She asked.
"Promise me you won't laugh." I groaned.
"I swear, no laughing." She promised
"They just kept repeating 'Good boy',"I said quietly.
"Are you serious? Even if you're not attracted to anyone then you are definitely attracted to dominance." She concluded.
"Dominance?" I questioned.
She took my arm and led me to the library, pushing me down in front of the computer and starting a search on the web until she found what she was looking for.
"Read this and talk to me tomorrow." She winked.
I started reading and didn't stop until Jarvis informed me that game night was starting in half an hour.