25. Pressure
Olivia continues to feel lightheaded as they prepare for their move to 10th Avenue in the new year, and during her next scheduled appointment with Dr. Simmons on January 5, she learns that she has low blood pressure.
"Is that normal?" she asks the Doctor.
"It's not unusual," Dr. Simmons tells her. "Both low and high blood pressure are common during pregnancies, but high blood pressure can actually be dangerous. Low blood pressure isn't dangerous in itself. I noticed a slight drop during your last two checkups and it's gone further down since, but as long as you don't start fainting, it's not something to be worried about. You will just have to take things a little slower until it comes back up. This may be somewhere during your third trimester, or right after you give birth."
"It won't affect the baby?" Olivia asks.
"Not at all. You just have to make sure you don't overdo things so you don't fall and hurt yourself, and make sure you eat enough. But your little boy is perfectly safe right where he is."
"Will she need to cut back on working?" Elliot inquires, giving Olivia a look that seems to say, don't fight me.
"I'm already at my desk more than I want," Olivia complains, and Dr. Simmons looks at both of them thoughtfully before answering.
"Like I said, Olivia. You don't want to faint or fall because of dizziness. I would recommend no more driving, and if at all possible, mostly office work for now."
Olivia blows out a breath, feeling frustrated. She already feels kind of useless some days, when everyone is out in the field and she's stuck at her desk. When the highlight of her day is going over to the lab to get some results, it doesn't exactly feel like she's fighting for survivors of abuse.
"I guess we'll have to tell our Captain," Elliot says, and Olivia knows there will be no way around an even lighter schedule now. Elliot will be hovering around her constantly, making sure she doesn't overexert herself.
"We're actually in the process of getting our new place ready at the moment," Olivia tells her Doctor. "I can still do something, right?"
"No climbing on ladders or chairs, no painting and no moving furniture," Dr. Simmons says sternly. "But I trust that you will make sure she doesn't do any of those things, Elliot."
"Of course," Elliot says, and he avoids looking at Olivia, knowing how much she hates being restricted in any way.
"I was going to clean the new kitchen today after work," Olivia says.
Surely that won't be too much?
"Just make sure you don't overdo it, and after leaning over, don't come up too quickly," the Doctor instructs.
"Or just let me do it," Elliot adds and Olivia glares at him, although he is still avoiding looking at her. Smart man.
"We plan to move on the 10th and we still have a lot to pack. And we have several deliveries coming," Olivia mutters.
"I can't tell you how much you can do in one day, Olivia, but maybe you can go a little slower and move a week later?"
Olivia sighs again and climbs off the examining table, swatting Elliot's hand away when he offers to help her down. She doesn't want to wait another week. She feels the timing of their move is just right, a much needed distraction and something to look forward to right after the custody hearing.
When Elliot brings up the subject of postponing their move that night, she brushes him off, telling him she's tired and wants to go to bed early. At least she's got a good excuse now to get out of conversations she doesn't want to have.
"You need any help?" Elliot asks her, walking behind her towards her bedroom.
"I am perfectly capable of getting into bed myself, Elliot," she says, and the sharp edge to her voice makes him take a step back.
"Alright, just …"
"Just what?"
"Don't take this the wrong way Liv, but … could you not lock the door of the bathroom if you're going to take a shower?"
Olivia needs a moment to make sense of several thoughts that pop up in her mind, including a very appealing image of Elliot actually helping her take a shower. But that's not what he means, she tells herself. He just wants to be able to get in if she should faint. When she looks up at him, she can tell that he's been having the same thoughts she's having, and she bites the inside of her cheek to keep a stern look on her face.
"Fine."
She can see relief in Elliot's eyes and she turns around quickly before he sees her face flush. She doesn't want to snap at him. She's just not used to being fussed over and it makes her defensive. But on the other hand, it feels so great not to have to do everything alone. She can't really reconcile these two different reactions she's having to Elliot and walks into her bedroom, closing the door behind her before he can see her confusion.
When she is in the shower and is moving her soapy sponge over her skin after washing her hair, those thoughts of Elliot helping her come back full force. She moans softly, closing her eyes, while she washes her breasts slowly, sensually. She moves the sponge down her body, over her baby bump and lower still, and takes a few deep breaths to keep herself from moaning again. She's so incredibly sensitive these days, but she hasn't dared to do anything about it for fear that Elliot might hear her. The bathroom in the new apartment is about as far away as possible from the two large bedrooms and she can't believe she's actually thought of that while they were looking at the place, thinking that Elliot won't be able to hear her in there from his room.
But now, the door isn't locked and when she feels herself getting a little lightheaded in the steamy bathroom, she tries to take a few deep breaths while leaning her palms and forehead against the cold tiles of the bathroom. Wouldn't it be ironic if she actually fainted now?
Olivia quickly turns the water a little colder and finishes showering so she can slip into her robe. The soft fabric brushes against her body and her breath hitches again. She's not just a little flushed from taking a shower. She's horny.
She groans and sits down on her bed, still mostly wet from her shower but wrapped in her robe. Her body is starting to cool off and she shivers, and takes another breath. She should get a towel and get dried off and into her nightgown.
"Everything alright in there?" she hears Elliot call from behind her bedroom door, and she can't help wondering how much he's heard. Did he hear her moan? Did he think she was in distress?
"I'm fine El!" she shouts back. "Just drying off."
Elliot is silent after that and she wonders if he's still standing behind the door, listening. She pushes herself up from the bed to get a towel, hoping that she's making the right sounds so Elliot won't think he needs to come in. She manages to towel herself off somewhat and squeeze herself into her panties and nightgown, although it's not easy to pull the gown over her damp skin. On top of that, her breasts are still so sensitive that she feels like they could explode any second. She squeezes them hard and sighs when it does nothing to alleviate the tension in her body. When she starts to feel dizzy again, she quickly gets into bed.
"I'm in bed now Elliot, so I can't fall over!" she calls out at her door.
"Alright. Goodnight Liv. See you in the morning."
"Goodnight El."
She closes her eyes and sighs, cradling her belly as always, despite the urge she feels to put her hands elsewhere. But she can't. Not with Elliot in the next room.
Four more days. Just four more days.
…
Maureen dropped by the night before for moral support but Olivia thinks Elliot has barely slept a wink. It's January 9 at last and Cragen has given both of them the day off for the hearing. Casey has talked with both of them at length over the past few days, and she knows how to approach the case. Elliot will just have to trust her now.
Olivia really wants to be in the courtroom but she's still hesitant. She doesn't want to upset Kathy even more, or give her lawyer additional ammunition by being present to support Elliot. Casey has left it up to her and she's still in the hallway.
"Just come inside Liv. I want you there," Elliot tells her softly. "They're about to start."
"I'll just stay in the back," she says softly.
"As long as you sit down. You're not supposed to stand for longer periods of time."
She knows this and she nods curtly. They are both tense and are making an effort not to take it out on each other. Elliot enters before her and makes his way to the front of the room to sit down next to Casey. He nods at Kathy, who simply stares at him and then turns around to scan the room. The blonde squints when she spots Olivia in the back and then whispers something to her lawyer. Olivia is already regretting coming into the room but the judge announces that the court is now in session, and she tries to relax.
…
The questions just keep coming, for both parties.
"Can you describe your relationship with your wife to me, and how it's developed over the years?"
"Has your husband changed over the years, and if so, in what way?"
"How would you describe yourself as a father?"
"Do you feel your husband is a bad father?"
"What made you decide to file for a divorce now?"
It's Kathy who finally mentions Olivia for the first time, and judge Linden asks Elliot,
"Can you describe your relationship with your partner?"
Olivia looks down at her lap while listening to Elliot speak. She can't see his face, since parties in family court don't have to sit on the stand like in criminal court. So far, Elliot has tried to explain as calmly as possible how hard it was for him to deal with Kathy's constant insecurities about his love for her, describing it as an uphill battle that he had wanted to win nonetheless, because he truly loved her. He has described her as a good, loving mother and has assured everyone in the room that he isn't trying to take the children away from Kathy. He just doesn't want to lose them either.
Meanwhile, Kathy has described him as a man who was home less and less and who didn't seem to care much about his family anymore as the years went on.
Olivia can't really determine what the judge is thinking, and she feels a little uneasy now that she has become the subject of the hearing. Kathy has just told the judge that her relationship with Elliot changed significantly after he partnered up with her.
"I have worked with my partner for over five years now and we have become good friends. She's a solid partner who knows what she's doing. We have each other's backs, which may mean the difference between life and death on the job, and that creates a special bond of trust between people."
"And did that bond ever get romantic?"
"No your honor. It did not."
"Can you prove that?" Kathy's lawyer interjects.
The judge frowns but seems to allow the question for now.
"I shouldn't have to, Counselor. I gave Kathy my word back in 1984 that I would be faithful to her, and I have been. My word still stands."
"So you're saying you never even kissed your partner?"
Olivia knows Casey rehearsed this question with Elliot, and even with her, in case she'd be called to testify. Elliot gives the lawyer and the judge the answer they had rehearsed.
"In the five years we've worked together I kissed her once, and this was while we were pretending to be a couple."
"The Detectives often have short undercover jobs, and sometimes they have to play a couple," Casey explains, also as rehearsed.
She doesn't specify whether the kiss had indeed been on the job during such an undercover operation, having decided that they can take that risk. They won't ask whether the kiss had been to make a real estate agent believe they were a couple, so Casey had told them. And she's right.
"One kiss in five years, and that was while you were posing as a couple?" the judge asks, just to make sure she's understood correctly.
"Yes your honor."
"Tell me Detective, why do you think that Mrs. Stabler thinks that you are the father of your partner's child?"
Elliot clears his throat. They've gone over this too but he seems to be going off script a little.
"Your honor, you've heard my wife tell you that things changed after Detective Benson became my partner. This is true."
Olivia can hear Kathy's gasp all the way in the back of the room. Casey shifts uneasily in her chair.
"Something did change. I thought that after we got the twins, Kathy had finally realized that I wasn't going anywhere. That I really wanted to be with her and our four wonderful children. But when she saw Detective Benson for the first time, it was like she went straight back to that place she was in after Kathleen was born."
"The post partum depression," the judge Linden said, and Elliot nodded.
"Yes. Now I know that Detective Benson is a beautiful woman but I wasn't prepared for all of Kathy's insecurities to come back full force like that because of her. So yes, things changed, but it wasn't me who changed. Not at first."
"But you did change?" the judge asked.
"Yes your honor. I guess I did stay away more over time because it was just so hard to deal with all the innuendo Kathy was dishing out about me and my partner. I'm not going to deny that. She never said anything directly until recently, but I knew it was there and I was getting so tired. But it wasn't because I was unfaithful to her or didn't want to be home with my family. It was just draining me and it didn't exactly make me the easiest person to work with either. Detective Benson can attest to that."
Olivia can't suppress a small smile at his comment. Judge Linden simply nods and looks down at the papers in front of her.
"And now your partner is pregnant."
"Yes."
"Do you know who the father of her child is?"
"I do, your honor. It's a man she met last July on vacation."
Kathy hisses something to her lawyer and Olivia looks at the two women whispering to each other. She has a mind to stand up and walk over to them and show them the picture of her and Miguel on her phone. But she doesn't.
"So if she is pregnant with another man's child, why are you sharing an apartment together as of this month?"
"This man knows about the child but he has no intention of being in its life, or in Olivia's. She is going to raise the child alone but she needed a bigger place to stay because of the baby. As for me, I'm still paying for the family home and I expect I'll be paying alimony as well as child support soon after these proceedings. And I want to, don't get me wrong. I have never walked away from my responsibilities and I don't plan on doing that now. But since both Detective Benson and I needed a bigger place to stay, but we can't really afford it, we decided to find one we can afford together."
"And you didn't think this would look strange to the outside world?"
Elliot sighs but then sits up straight. Olivia instinctively sits up straight as well and then she hears him say,
"With all due respect, your honor. We don't really care what it looks like to the outside world. We know what we are to each other and that's all that matters."
…
A/N: I'm sorry to cut it off here, but the hearing is getting rather long so I decided to get this part out to you now instead of making you all wait even longer. Please review!