31. Kiss
The job keeps them busy with long days and short nights, and they hardly have any time to talk for two weeks. There are still a few moving boxes around the apartment but Olivia doesn't have the energy to unpack them. She works from behind her desk but the long hours are still draining her, and Elliot is out in the field more than he's at his desk. Right now, she's just happy that all her clothes are unpacked and in the closet. The hamper in the bathroom is actually starting to fill up nicely, and when she comes home on Friday night, she decides to go down to the laundry room for the first time since their move. Elliot isn't home yet but she thinks he won't mind her washing his shirts.
After taking a shower and eating a sandwich, Olivia takes the elevator down to the laundry room and looks around. There is only one other person there, a woman who is about her age. They greet each other and Olivia puts her laundry in the machine next to the one the other woman is using.
"You and your husband just moved in two weeks ago, am I right?" the woman asks her suddenly in a light Yiddish accent, and Olivia whips around to face her.
"Uh … yes, we did," she answers quickly, not feeling the need to correct the woman.
What else are people expected to think? They're a man and a woman with a baby on the way.
"Welcome to the building," the woman says cheerfully. "I'm Sarah and my husband is Joshua."
Sarah extends her hand and Olivia shakes it.
"I'm Olivia. Nice to meet you."
"We have three kids. Our oldest boy is nine and we have twins, a boy and a girl. They're six. Is this your first?" Sarah chatters, gesturing at Olivia's belly.
"Ah … yes," Olivia says, but since Elliot's kids are going to be coming over next weekend, she can't just leave it at that, so she adds,
"It's my first one. My husband has children from his first marriage."
It's the same thing Elliot had said to the real estate agent but it feels strange to call him her husband. She managed to say it without hesitation and she can only hope Sarah doesn't pick up on her discomfort. The woman seems a little thrown off.
"Oh. I see. Did his first wife die?" she asks sympathetically, and Olivia thinks that this woman may possibly disapprove of divorce.
She bites her lip and looks down at the last pieces of clothing she wants to put in the machine.
"I'm sorry Olivia. Just listen to me, prying like that!" Sarah pipes up again. "Forget I even asked, it's really none of my business."
Olivia smiles and finally taps into her acting skills again.
"It's alright, Sarah. But I don't feel comfortable telling Elliot's story. It's his story to tell, not mine."
"Yes. Yes, of course it is," Sarah agrees. "Are you and Elliot, is it? Are you both liking the building and the neighborhood so far?"
Sarah loves to chat, that much is obvious, and Olivia is relieved when the woman's laundry is done about fifteen minutes of superficial chatter later, while hers still has a while to go. She breathes a sigh of relief when Sarah goes back to her apartment on the top floor. She's glad that Sarah, Joshua and their children don't live on their floor. They've already met the super, who lives across the hall, and he and his wife are an older couple. Their children have already left the nest. She doesn't know who live in the other two apartments on their floor. They've been too busy to notice anyone else.
Since the laundry room is just for tenants, Olivia decides to leave while the washer does its job, and just when she walks towards the stairs, Elliot comes into the building through the main entrace.
"Hey stranger," she says jokingly but then she sees the exhaustion in his face. "How did it go?"
She knows that Elliot and Fin had been chasing a guy who they think had abducted and abused two children and was now suspected of having kidnapped a third one.
Elliot shakes his head and looks down at the floor.
"We were too late," he says and he radiates defeat.
Olivia steps close to him and wraps her arms around him right there, at the bottom of the stairs in the lobby.
"I'm so sorry El."
She feels him soften a bit and when he wraps his arms around her waist, he leans into her, clearly needing some support.
"He killed her," Elliot whispers, and Olivia wants to cry. It never gets any easier. "We got him, but that little girl is gone."
They don't speak. There is nothing to say right now that would help in any way. They just hold on to each other, swaying a little, until Elliot feels he's able to breathe a bit better.
"Oh, so sweet," they hear a voice say cheerfully, and Olivia knows who it is before she turns around and away from Elliot.
Sarah rushes towards them and extends her hand.
"You must be Elliot. I already met your lovely wife earlier. I'm Sarah and I'd like to welcome you to the building."
Olivia knows it isn't easy for Elliot to switch from the devastating case to the happy neighbor and she wraps her hand around his left wrist for support while Elliot shakes Sarah's hand dutifully.
"I was just running to the store for some last minute groceries. If you need anything, I'd be happy to pick something up for you two," Sarah offers.
"Oh, that won't be necessary, but thank you so much for offering," Olivia responds sweetly.
"Anytime, dear. Once the baby's here and you need help, just gimme a call."
Sarah dashes off and Olivia doesn't think she's noticed Elliot's sombre mood at all. But she has and she pulls Elliot along, up the stairs and they walk in silence until they're inside their apartment.
Elliot lets out a sigh and leans his back against the door. Olivia stands in front of him.
"Who was that?" Elliot asks.
Olivia gives him a half smile.
"A neighbor from upstairs. I ran into her in the laundry room earlier. For the record, she assumed I'm your wife and I let her think that."
That finally brings a small smile to Elliot's lips as well.
"You let her think that," he repeats.
Olivia shrugs.
"She just assumed and she asked about the baby. I told her you have kids from your first marriage."
Elliot raises one eyebrow.
"You said the exact same thing to Murray!" Olivia huffs, suddenly feeling the need to defend herself. "And they're coming over next weekend so I thought I'd just tell her, before people start talking."
"It's fine Liv," Elliot says, pushing himself off of the door. "I'm just glad to be home at last."
"Did you eat yet?"
He shakes his head.
"You?"
"Just a sandwich around six."
"You're eating for two Liv. You have to eat more than that."
"I know. Why don't I order something while you take a shower?"
"Sounds like a plan."
45 minutes later Olivia has ordered in, has retrieved their laundry from the laundry room, and now they're sitting on the couch with their plates of Thai food in their laps. Elliot is still quiet and Olivia understands. They eat in comfortable silence, listening to some music coming from Olivia's music installation, that they have finally managed to install. After they finish their meal, Elliot drops his head back on the backrest of the couch and turns it to look at Olivia.
"Thank you," he says once she looks at him.
"For what? I didn't do anything," she says, wondering why he would thank her.
"For understanding."
She tilts her head and smiles faintly.
"Of course I understand."
"Kathy always wanted me to talk to her when all I needed was some time to come to terms with what I'd seen and heard that day."
She isn't sure what to say to that. She can't blame a woman for wanting her husband to open up. But their line of work is difficult to talk about with outsiders.
"I feel like I only have to look at you, and you get it."
She nods. It's the same for her. It's always been that way between them.
"I do, El. I get it. I can't talk about what we see either. And if I do need to talk about it … it would be with you. Nobody else. Other people wouldn't understand anyway."
"Exactly."
He's still looking at her and Olivia feels herself getting a little warm under his scrutinizing gaze. She sits up to start cleaning up but Elliot stops her with his words when he tells her,
"This is right, Liv. I know it is, and I know you can feel it too."
She doesn't look at him, keeping her eyes on the takeout cartons she intends to pick up and throw out. After a few seconds, she stands up after all and cleans up without saying anything. What can she say?
She walks to the kitchen and opens the door to the terrace to throw the cartons into the trash can they have put outside. She closes the door and then jumps a little when Elliot suddenly appears behind her in the kitchen.
"You want a drink or are you turning in straight away?" he asks her.
After his previous remark, she had wanted to create some distance between them, but Elliot seems intent on closing that distance again.
"Uh. I'm turning in straight away," she says quickly. That should make him back off, she thinks.
"Alright. I guess you're tired too. It's been a hell of a week. Two weeks."
"Yeah."
She washes her hands in the kitchen and turns around to face Elliot.
"At least we can sleep in tomorrow morning."
He nods.
"Cap gave me the day off too. I'm not on call because …"
Elliot makes a gesture with his hand and Olivia knows he's referring to the outcome of the case they closed today. Cases with children always hit them hard.
"So you're going to bed as well?" she asks him.
"Yeah. But you can brush your teeth first."
He smiles at her and she has to look away. He has been able to relax after coming home and now he seems to be focusing on her again. Just when she thought they were finding their groove at the new place as just roommates …
She steps around him and heads for the bathroom to brush her teeth and clean her face. When she comes back out, Elliot's waiting for her next to the doors to their bedrooms. She walks up to him, feeling a little apprehensive.
"Your turn," she says noncommittally.
Elliot smiles at her but doesn't move. She tries to slip past him into her room, but stops when Elliot asks her,
"How is tater boy doing Liv? We haven't talked about him for at least a week."
She thinks it's sweet of him to ask and she smiles up at him.
"He's doing great. When I'm busy, he's asleep and when I relax, he wakes up."
"So he's awake now?"
"I think so. I felt him a few minutes ago."
Elliot looks down at her belly between them and then says softly,
"Goodnight, little man. I can't wait to meet you."
"Thirteen more weeks El, if all goes according to plan."
"I know. Still, I'm already looking forward to seeing him. Aren't you?"
"Of course I am. But it's pretty great to carry him around, too."
"I can imagine."
"Can you?" Olivia asks playfully. "So you'll carry him the last few weeks, when I start complaining?"
"If I could, I'd do that for you Liv," Elliot responds, and he's suddenly more serious than she had expected.
He reaches for her shoulders and she looks up at him, wondering about his mood.
"So, you're my wife, right?" he asks her and the question surprises her.
"Huh?"
What is he up to now?
"So do I get a goodnight kiss?"
"El!"
She swats his chest but Elliot reacts quickly and wraps his fingers around her wrist before she can retract her hand.
"I did have a rough day," he tells her, but she can see he's joking, shamelessly trying to manipulate her.
He is holding her wrist loosely so she can pull her hand away at any time, but she doesn't. Instead, she moves closer to him until she sees a muscle in his cheek twitch nervously.
"If you've had a rough day, maybe you shouldn't be baiting the hormonal mess you're living with," she says huskily.
Her heart is beating faster now but she knows it's safe to play this game with Elliot. He won't hurt her.
"Maybe it's the best medicine for a rough day," Elliot says near her ear and her heart skips a beat.
After the day he's had an her general state of frustration, she's pretty sure they would have mind-blowing sex but she can't start thinking that way. All he's asking for is a kiss after all. They're not rushing into anything. The situation is too delicate for that and their friendship worth too much for her. She can tell that he's eager to hear her comeback and she makes sure her breath hits his ear before telling him,
"In your dreams, Stabler."
He groans and the sound does something to her body. She may have some steamy dreams herself if they keep this up too long.
"Sometimes dreams come true, Benson," Elliot says, and his low voice makes her shiver.
"Sometimes," she manages to say slowly and she holds her breath while she waits for Elliot's next move. They are so close to each other that she can't see his eyes, but she can read his body even without seeing his face. She feels his hand, the one that isn't holding her wrist, move to her waist. When he tilts his head, she meets him halfway automatically, and before she can say anything, Elliot brushes his lips over hers. She exhales and when her lips part, Elliot kisses her very softly. Too softly, she finds herself thinking, because it's over before she realizes it.
"Goodnight Liv," Elliot whispers against her lips. "Goodnight tater boy," he adds, looking down between them again.
He releases her suddenly and disappears into his bedroom before Olivia has had a chance to respond. She shivers again and reaches for the handle of her bedroom door blindly, missing it twice before she finds it. She slips into her bedroom and closes the door behind her. She tries to take a deep breath but her chest feels constricted. It's as if all her nerve ends are still focused on Elliot and his touch.
...