The Decision

"I'm an idiot." Punk sighed, lying on the couch later on in the night as Bob walked over, sitting down a drink and a sandwich for him. Without AJ and Punk really realising, he had been like a father figure to them. A good father.

"I can't disagree with you." Bob nodded, sitting down across from him as Punk nodded, "She'll come around just… give her a bit of space." He said.

"I don't think she will. She's right. I don't think I'm ready to be a dad. I… I've been so focused on working, trying my best to get money that I… I've not actually realised there's gonna be a baby here in a couple of months." He sighed as Bob nodded.

"It's a big thing." Bob said, "And you gotta be ready for it. There's no test runs. When that baby is here, that's you." He said as Punk sighed, "Look, there's obviously a reason why you both decided to keep it. And that's a private matter I'm sure but… I think if you can come this far, if you can accept the fact it's happening… then you're doing pretty good-"

"I don't think I have accepted it." Punk said, "AJ has, she… she's the pregnant one. She sees it every day, she's reminded of it when it kicks but… I don't think I've really thought about this."

"Maybe you're just tired and upset with yourself." Bob said. He felt like he was hearing alarming doubt coming from Punk, "And if what you're thinking is to run away and leave that girl, I'll come after you." Bob threatened.

"What? No." Punk said, "No, I'd never leave her. I love her." He shook his head as Bob nodded, "I just… I'm scared that we can't do this. I feel like we can't." He said, "But we're really trying." Punk shook his head.

"I know you are, kid." Bob said, "Hey, I think you're both doing great. Up until now, you guys have been fine. Happy, I'd say." He said as Punk nodded, "You both looked excited but… if what you're both feeling is doubt and pressure, it needs to be addressed. The sooner the better."

"We don't have the choice now. We gotta… we gotta be there for this kid." Punk said as Bob looked across at him, "I shouldn't have trusted Ricky." He shook his head.

"Why did you? You know your dad is trouble, why would you think it was sincere?" Bob asked.

"I don't know, I was blinded with how desperate I felt. And it's only gonna get worse, isn't it? I mean, kids aren't cheap. And if April wants to go to college that means she'll be working part-time." He said as Bob nodded slowly.

"You want me to be honest with you?" Bob asked him as Punk nodded, "I think you both need to have a serious, serious conversation about this. Take a look at both your situations. Figure out where this is gonna head. Ok?" Bob said as Punk nodded, "Now, here's the thing. I'll let you both stay here forever if I have to. I wouldn't ever put you out with a baby. I wouldn't put you out on your own. And here's the thing, I wouldn't mind taking care of the baby if you both had things on. If April was in college, and you were working. That's no problem with me. I'll love the little thing." He promised as Punk smiled, "But what I refuse to do is let you both lose sight of what you have, I won't let you forget that this baby is your responsibility, it's not mine. If I'm there too much, I have fear that you'll both forget that your it's parents. I don't want that." He said.

"Bob, you've been too good to us, really." Punk nodded, "But we can't put all of this on you. We can't live here forever with a kid. I wouldn't do that to you."

"No, but I'm telling you that's ok. As long as I don't become the one who looks after it all the time." Bob said as Punk sighed, "Regardless of all of that, I think you need to talk to April about this, about how you feel." He said as Punk nodded, "Phil, if you're not ready to take care of a baby, there's nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't feel bad."

"I do feel bad. I feel like this is all my fault." Punk admitted honestly.

"No, it's not. You're intentions were good, but April is right, you can't risk yourself like that. She's only worried because she doesn't to be left alone with a baby." Bob said, "And she's probably frightened as it is."

"I love her. I don't want to let her down." Punk said.

"Then tell her the truth." Bob nodded as Punk sighed.

Punk sat out in the living room talking to Bob for a little while longer until AJ came out and asked if she could talk to him in their room. He'd realise that the mistake he made, driving the car full of drugs to its destination and getting arrested, had actually made him realise how he really felt about all of this. And what he felt, was incapable.

"Can we… not yell at one another?" Punk asked, "I… I really don't wanna fight with you." Punk admitted as AJ nodded, sitting down on the bed as he sat down beside her.

"You know what you did was wrong, right?" AJ nodded.

"Of course." Punk said, "I'm sorry. Honestly." He nodded, "I thought that it was for the best, to get us some cash for the baby." He said, "My head wasn't in the right place."

"Where is your head?" AJ asked him.

"Not here." Punk admitted truthfully as AJ nodded.

"Mine either." AJ agreed, "I think we've spent so long talking about… how we can make this work that we've forgot about what it's actually going to take, to make this work. And it's a lot." AJ said, "Maybe if… if we were older, with jobs and a place to stay, this would be amazing." AJ nodded, "I don't doubt that." She assured him, "But the reality is, our life isn't there yet. We're kids, having a kid." She said, "And this baby is here in two months. We have… practically nothing for it." She shook her head, "And that just makes me feel like a failure already."

"You're not a failure." Punk sighed.

"I feel like it." AJ said, "And I'm jealous. I'm jealous of my friends who are still at school and still living with their families and… applying for college and making all these amazing wonderful plans… and I can't do that because I have to think about my baby." She nodded, "And I know that must sound like the most selfish thing in the world but-"

"It's not selfish. We've barely got to live our life yet and we're having to prepare for this." Punk nodded, "I don't think we've actually realised how hard this is gonna be."

"I really don't want to say this." AJ said, drying her tears as Punk placed his hand on her thigh, "But I don't think I can be what this baby needs me to be. Not now." She shook her head as Punk nodded.

"It's ok." Punk nodded, "I… I feel the same." He said.

For some reason, admitting this really made them both feel guilty. Like they weren't allowed to live their own life because of this, but they figured the responsible thing to do was figure out if they could actually handle a baby at such a young and difficult age.

They were both thinking the same thing. They could see it in one another's eyes and faces. They really weren't ready for this. Emotionally and physically.

They sat in silence for a little while as AJ wiped her tears, holding his hand as he watched her. He knew she'd always had doubts. She'd had highs and lows of course, but he knew she'd always been doubtful, and he had just been hiding the fact he was the entire time.

"So…" Punk took a deep breath, holding her hands in his.

"There's a lot of parents out there who… who would love a baby but can't." AJ nodded to him, "Maybe…" She swallowed the lump in her throat, "Maybe the best thing for all of us, the baby included, is… is that it has parents who… who are really ready." She nodded, wiping her tears. It was sad to say it but she felt like it was the responsible thing to do.

"Yeah." Punk agreed, "I think it's for the best. Not just for us but… for the baby. That's the most important thing. It can have parents who are older and who know what they're doing, who are ready and who have been ready." He said as she nodded, "Because we're not." He said as she nodded, leaning her head on his shoulder and holding his hand as she cried quietly. She knew this was going to be the most difficult thing she would ever do in all her life.

"It's important that you both are sure about this." AJ's social worker, Naomi nodded, "We see a lot of young parents who… they make this decision and they change their mind right before they have the baby. It's a natural thing, I guess but… I think it's important that you make a final decision." She said, sitting on the couch as AJ and Punk sat across.

"This is our decision." AJ nodded, "It's best for the baby and it's best for us." AJ said as Naomi nodded.

"It's a brave thing to do and responsible if… if you're not ready. There are so many parents out there who are waiting to adopt and take in a child. You shouldn't feel bad or guilty about it." Naomi assured her as AJ nodded.

"How does it work?" AJ asked, "I mean I'm… I'm a month out of giving birth and we don't really know what's gonna happen." AJ said. She'd called for an appointment so they could understand what was going on and what would happen. It had been a difficult time but she really felt that it was the first time her and Punk were truly on the same page. They weren't ready for this at all.

"Well it's your decision. You can have a couple of hours with the baby when it's born or if you prefer not to see it, we can come into the hospital and take it right away." Naomi nodded.

"Oh, I'm not giving birth in the hospital. I'm giving birth here." AJ nodded, "I uh… I made the decision a while ago with my doctor." AJ said as Naomi nodded.

"Well we can work both ways. It's your decision." Naomi said.

"I… I want to see it." She turned to Punk who nodded, "Do you?"

"Yeah." Punk nodded.

"We can give you a couple of hours with the baby and if you're ready, we can come around and take it." Naomi nodded.

"Can you stop saying… take it." AJ asked, "Please." She shook her head, "You're not taking the baby you're… you're caring for it and helping it find a home." She said as Naomi nodded.

"Of course." Naomi said.

"Can we meet the parents?" Punk asked her.

"Well we work with the foster system." Naomi said, "We do it through there-"

"No, I thought… I thought it would be adopted." AJ shook her head, "I don't… no, I don't want foster care." AJ made clear.

"No no no… it's not like that. The baby will be adopted through the foster system. That's all." Naomi assured her, "You're scheduled for an appointment at our residence next week, I see." She looked at the schedule, "That will give you a chance to see where the baby will be until it's new parents come and collect it." She said as AJ looked at her.

All of the phrases and words she was saying was making AJ angry. It really felt like they were just dumping their child off somewhere and moving on, and that wasn't the case at all. They loved their baby, that wasn't the problem in all of this. The problem was neither of them were truly ready for it.

"I'd like to name it." AJ said, "And I'd like for that to be the name. I don't want anyone else renaming."

"We can sort that out." Naomi assured her, "You'll have support through this, don't worry. Many people feel guilty or bad for giving their children up but when it's for the right reasons, it's the bravest thing you'll ever do." She said.