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38. I'll be fine

Olivia can feel that Elliot is trying to get closer to her again but for now, she feels safer behind the wall she's pulled up around herself and her unborn child. She will need all of her energy to get through the weekend with his kids, and will focus on them, not their father or her own emotions for now. She does miss their closeness and intimacy but the children should always come first, like she is putting her own child first. Elliot will be off duty early today because of the kids and she's told him to get them settled in and not wait for her.

"I want to take them out for hamburgers. I was hoping you'd join us," Elliot tells her but Olivia waves him off.

"I'll be fine. There's enough food in the apartment to last me a whole week. You just have fun with the kids and I'll see all of you when you get back."

And that's the end of the conversation. She's made it very clear to Elliot that she's not coming and it's not up for debate. She can tell that Elliot isn't okay with how things are between them now, but that's all his own doing. He can't blame her for putting her child first. It's what he would do too, after all.

It's almost 6 PM when Olivia gets home and like she had expected, Elliot and the kids are out. She checks their room and sees several overnight bags tossed in a corner next to the bunk bed. She counts at least four bags and she wonders which one of the kids has brought two bags. Must be one of the girls, she thinks with a smile. It looks like Dickie will be sleeping on the air mattress after all. There's a Captain America sleeping bag already rolled out on the mattress. She wonders if the ten-year old is coming around yet. She will probably find out soon enough.

Olivia makes a salad and heats up some soup. After dinner she can't resist two chocolate bars that she finds in a cupboard, after which she's incredibly thirsty. She has just started on her second water bottle when she hears keys in the door. The Stablers are here.

Elliot shushes the kids as they file into the apartment, and the twins both stop the instant they spot Olivia standing next to the couch. Kathleen, who hadn't paid attention, bumps into her brother and Dickie punches her with his elbow. They start to bicker until Elliot raises his voice and orders them to greet Olivia.

Lizzie approaches her father's partner first and smiles hesitantly at Olivia.

"Hello Olivia," she says softly.

Olivia tries for her kindest smile when she greets Elliot's youngest daughter.

"Hello Elizabeth, it's so nice to see you again."

Lizzie bites her lip and nods, and then she spots her framed drawing, that Elliot has put up on the wall above the TV, along with the picture of his three daughters and a separate picture of him and Dickie that he'd found in the small stack of pictures he had of his family.

"Oh wow. I hadn't seen that earlier," she says and her blue eyes sparkle. "Thank you Olivia, for letting my dad have my drawing up there."

"You don't have to thank me for anything, Elizabeth. This is your dad's place as much as mine," Olivia tells her.

"Actually, Olivia is the one who had that framed for me," Elliot tells his daughter proudly and Olivia glances at him.

He is doing his best to make his kids like her. Lizzie passes Olivia to take a closer look at the pictures, and Kathleen steps forward to greet Olivia. They give each other a friendly hug and Kathleen asks how things are going with the baby.

"Everything is going well, Kathleen. I just had another checkup and the baby's right on schedule."

"That's great. I bet you can't wait to meet him or her."

"That's true. Everything's ready but we just have to wait for the baby to be ready, too."

"Can I?" Kathleen asks, eyeing her belly, and Olivia smiles.

"Of course."

She takes the teen's hand and guides it to the place where she had last felt soccer boy kick.

"I think he's sleeping now," she tells Kathleen.

Kathleen moves a little closer to Olivia and whispers to her as if they're sharing a secret,

"Do you think it's a boy?"

Olivia leans down as well and whispers back,

"I think so. But don't tell anyone, okay?"

Kathleen nods happily and when she doesn't feel the baby kick right away, she retracts her hand.

"I'm gonna make my bed and put my makeup in the bathroom," she announces before skipping off.

"Makeup?" Elliot asks, sounding shocked.

"Yeah, she puts that goo on her face and then she thinks she looks older," Dickie comments.

Kathleen just sticks her tongue out at her brother before disappearing into the kids' room.

"That's enough Dickie. Go on, say hi to Olivia," Elliot urges his son.

"Hi," Dickie says, barely glancing at Olivia.

"Dickie!" Elliot scolds, pushing him forward.

Dickie rolls his eyes, heaves a very exaggerated sigh and then says monotonously,

"Hello Olivia. How are you today."

Olivia looks at Elliot and then back at the boy. She isn't going to be treated like this by a child. She doesn't even feel like trying with this one. Then Elliot steps in again, turning his son by his shoulders until he's facing him. He leans forward until his face is close to Dickie's face and tells him sternly,

"Dickie, if you wanna be here, in my and Olivia's home, you are going to have to behave. I won't tolerate this from you!"

"Who says I wanna be here!" the boy fires back.

Elliot squeezes his son's shoulders a little harder and he tries to fight him off.

"Stop that!" Elliot hisses. "You should be grateful Olivia will even let you come over after the things you've said about her."

Lizzie has come back over and looks at her twin brother with wide eyes.

"Come on Dickie. What has she ever done to you?" she asks him.

Dickie finally manages to break free from Elliot and is now in his sister's face.

"What has she ever done to me? Are you serious?" he yells at her. "She stole our dad away! She made mom cry! Our whole family is broken up because she just had to have dad and he couldn't keep it in his pants!"

"That's enough!" Elliot barks loudly, grabbing his son's arm and yanking him towards him. "You are apologizing to Olivia right now!"

"Or else?" Dickie challenges and Elliot is almost seeing red now. "You're gonna send me back home to mom? Good."

Olivia takes a deep breath and tries very hard not to let Dickie's words get to her. He's just a child and he is wrong about her and Elliot. She knows this, but it's still not easy to see the child so upset. His world has been turned upside down, and whoever is responsible, it's not him. Maybe it would be easier for Elliot to reconnect with his son if she wasn't there. Her body is starting to react to the stress and she wonders if she's currently feeling one of those Braxton Hicks things. Her belly feels very hard and she sits on the armrest of the couch for a moment. Elliot is still struggling with his son, who has no intention at all of apologizing to her and Olivia tries to breathe through the discomfort her belly is giving her. When the feeling subsides, she stands up and walks out of the living room to her bedroom without a word. The others probably don't even notice that she's gone and she sits on her bed, biting her lip while listening to the angry voices coming from the living room and then a door slamming shut.

She can't help wondering if this is how things are going to be, and if she will want her son to be subjected to these kinds of arguments. Hopefully, things will be better by then but right now, all she can think is that she wants to leave. Dickie may not want to be here, but she doesn't either.

There is a soft knock on her door and she knows who it is. Elliot has finally noticed that she isn't in the living room anymore.

"Come in," she says and the door opens a few inches.

"Liv? I'm really sorry about Dickie …"

"He's a kid, El. I get it. He's upset about the divorce."

The door opens a little wider and Elliot slips inside, closing the door behind him.

"That's no excuse for his behavior. He still won't apologize to you but I can't send him away because that's exactly what he wants."

Olivia purses her lips and shakes her head. She has come to a decision.

"You can't send him away. He's your son. I'm going to call Alex and ask her if she can put me up for the weekend. It'll be easier for you without me here."

"No no no," Elliot says, quickly moving closer.

He drops to his knees in front of her and takes her hands in his tentatively.

"No Liv. This is your home. I won't have him chase you away."

Olivia knows how stubborn Elliot can be so she decides to cheat a little. It isn't a complete lie, she reasons when she tells him,

"My body isn't coping well with all this stress, El. I have to think about me first now, and my baby. You just bond with your kids this first time. I'll be fine."

"What do you mean, your body isn't coping well with the stress?"

He is immediately worried and she feels a lump forming in her throat. Even if she's keeping him at arm's length now, he's still her best friend and his concern for her is always heartwarming. But he needs to spend time with his children and she won't get in the way of that.

"I just feel on edge," she says, not wanting to tell him about the Braxton Hicks. "I'm calling Alex."

She pulls her hands out of his and grabs her phone off the nightstand.

"Liv," Elliot protests but even he knows it's no use once she's made up her mind.

She quickly finds Cabot in her contacts and hits the call button before looking at Elliot again. His hands are resting lightly on her thighs and she tries to ignore the tingling of her skin underneath his touch.

Alex picks up after the third ring.

"Hey, it's me, Olivia. Listen, are you busy this weekend?"

"Ehm, no, I'm not. Did you want to meet up?" Alex asks.

"Well … I was wondering if I could stay with you for a few days. Until Sunday night."

"What happened Liv?" Alex asked, immediately concerned. "Are you and Elliot fighting?"

"I'll fill you in when I get there, alright?"

"Yes. Absolutely. You're always welcome here."

"Thanks Alex."

She ends the call and looks at Elliot, who is still on his knees in front of her.

"Don't do this Liv," he pleads but she shakes her head.

"I'm doing this for myself El. Just … let me up and I'll pack a bag. You just make sure your kids have a good time."

Ten minutes later, she has her bag packed and is putting her coat on. The twins are in their room and Kathleen is in the bathroom arranging her things. Elliot stands close to her and asks her softly,

"Why didn't you tell me about your checkup with Dr. Simmons, Liv?"

He seems hurt and Olivia can't look at him. She shouldn't have mentioned her checkup to Kathleen. She busies herself arranging her scarf.

"Please don't shut me out, Liv. I never meant to ..."

Just then, Kathleen comes out of the bathroom and her mouth drops open when she sees that Olivia is getting ready to leave.

"Where are you going?" she asks her.

"I'm going to give all of you some space to spend time with your dad," Olivia tells the fourteen-year old honestly.

"What?" Kathleen exclaims, and then she runs over to the kids' room. "I'm gonna kill that little prick!"

"Kathleen!"

Elliot runs after his daughter to prevent another escalation with Dickie and Olivia takes the opportunity to slip out of the apartment quietly. Once the door closes behind her, she takes a deep breath and breathes out slowly. Part of her hates to leave like this but a bigger part of her has decided that she is allowed to be selfish this time. She doesn't want to cause additional problems for Elliot with his son, but above all, she can't cope with Dickie right now. Must be the pregnancy. It's messing with her ability to disconnect her own feelings from the situation. Even Elliot's question about her checkup has her almost in tears and she swallows a sob when she walks away to spend the weekend at Alex's instead of home with Elliot.

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