Three more days came and went slowly. Every morning Steve would pick me up to see Bucky and every night I would find comfort and release from the stressful day in Nat and Maria's bed. In the morning upon seeing Steve's face guilt and disgust would come crashing down over me and during the night I felt wrong but oddly addicted. Steve knew Maria had informed him but he didn't say anything to me. She wouldn't have had to though, two days I had ended up smelling so strong of sex I was sure it didn't take a keen sense of smell to catch it. Nat and I had morning sex for the previous two days and neither time had I had the chance to shower before Steve swept me away to see his best friend. Our drives were silent, Steve not being able to handle another rejection and in all honesty, I wasn't going to be able to keep rejecting him.
Bucky smiled at us as we entered the prison and we tried to smile back but it was half-hearted and miserable.
"Uh sorry to interrupt, Mr. Rogers, Fury wants to see you." The female agent said poking her head in.
"Of course, Jayson you don't have to stay in here. I'll be back as quick as possible." Steve responded.
"I'm fine." My heart gave a sharp jerk.
"Puppy, what's going on with you two?" Bucky asked as soon as Steve was out the door and the door shut.
"We're fine." I lied.
"No, you're not. Talk to me, please? I can tell you two are having problems." He said.
"We're not having problems. We're not even together anymore. I broke up with him." I said sitting down.
"Why?" He asked.
"He lied to me. Instead of telling me you were coming to stay with us when you were stable he kept it from me." I explained briefly.
"You wouldn't have freaked out if he told you the truth?" He gave me a skeptical look.
"Of course I would have but I would have also been fine with it. I'd already told him before that, that I didn't hold it against you. It wasn't you that kidnapped and tortured me, it was the Winter Soldier. A brainwashed assassin in your body. I know what Hydra's capable of, I couldn't blame you." My voice was cracking and I hated it.
"Do you love him?" Well, that was unexpected.
I didn't even think about it," Yes."
"Then you should listen carefully. I'm not saying forgive him yet but you should try to work things out. You two are so good for each other and honestly I'm tired of you two looking like death." he advised.
"He wouldn't want me back," I told myself.
"And why the hell not?" He snapped without meaning to. I still flinched.
"I broke up with him. I've been rejecting him. Bucky, I started having sex with these two girls four days after we broke up and he knows it. He'd never want me back." I said hopelessly.
"Yes, he would. If you have to, give it a test run but I''m telling you, you both look like raccoons and it's a bit off-putting." He teased lightly.
Steve reentered the room.
"Can we go?" I sighed. Steve looked between us but nodded holding the door open for me to walk through.
"Bye Steve, bye Puppy," Bucky called sending us off.
"You two talked?" Steve asked as he led me out to the car.
"Yeah, we did," I said biting my lip nervously.
"Come on, we've been here a while and I need to get you back to the girls before they start wondering if I kidnapped you." He tried to joke.
I looked around noticing we had been there a lot longer than normal. " Actually can we go back to your place for a bit?" I asked quietly.
"Uh, yeah of course," Steve said. " I'll text Maria."
He did just that and then drove us home. As we walked into the house I felt familiar and right but somehow foreign and wrong. It smelled wrong and it didn't take long for me to realize that my own scent was missing. I looked around taking in the off-white walls and dark wood floor. It was all the same. Of course, it was but somewhere in my mind, I hadn't expected it to be.
"Jayson, if it's too much then I can take you back." Steve's voice sounded pained and unsure but he released a sigh of relief when I shook my head.
"No, I want to be here and I want to talk." I slowly walked over to the couch, carefully taking a seat but not getting comfortable. Huh. It had reminded me of my first few months here when things were new and tense and I wasn't sure about everything.
"Oh." I heard Steve say, bracing himself for the worst. Regardless he sat across from me and crossed his arms.
"I don't really know what I'm doing but I need you to listen," I said slowly, calculated. "I'm sorry I got so upset and I'm sorry for the things I've said. You honestly thought you were doing what's best for me and I should have appreciated that. I know it's too late to take all of that back or change anything but..." I trailed off trying to think about my next words.
"But?" He urged after a few moments.
"But I miss you. I miss us." I said tears forming in my eyes.
"Then tell me what I need to do to make it right." His voice was thick and I couldn't pinpoint exactly why.
"Before that, I know Maria told you about inviting me to join her and Nat. Did... Did she tell you anything else?" I asked.
"No. she didn't." He looked worried.
"I said yes. And I've been sleeping with her and Nat. I feel like shit but it did help me realize that no one else can compare to you. No one else can replace you." I was quiet. I knew my confession could change everything.
"It's fine. I can't be mad at you trying to get over me." I gaped at him. "Now, tell me what I need to do to have you back. Jay, I'll bring you the moon if you ask me to. I'm not sure how but I'd do it or die trying." He swore.
"Can we just sit here and talk for a bit? Just be two people for a while?" I asked.
"Of course we can." He still looked like he was hurting. My stomach chose that moment to growl and Steve gave a quiet chuckle. "Have you eaten recently?"
"No," I responded looking away from him.
"Jarvis, can you order pizza?" He requested.
"Of course, Sir," Jarvis responded.
"So, if you don't mind me asking - how was your first time with a woman?" Steve asked.
"I didn't hate it." I laughed.
"So you're bisexual?" He questioned.
"Definitely, but I prefer one man over the rest," I told him leaning back against him. He'd moved to sit beside me after requesting Jarvis to order pizza.
"Oh, yeah? What's he like?" Steve asked relaxing some.
"Well, he's really sweet and tall. He's handsome and looks really good with facial hair even though he keeps himself pretty clean-shaved." I eyed his peppered jaw. " Most of the time anyway. He also always tries to do what's right. He's also great in bed."
"Then why are you not there with him instead of here with me?" He asked giving a light smile.
"I'm right where I want to be."
"I'm glad you found your place." He said squeezing my knee.
"What did you do the last eight days?" I asked.
"Go through hell. I missed you." He said sounding like he maybe thought I wasn't actually sitting in his living room.
"I missed you too. I'm sorry, I know that you were just trying to protect me. I was being stupid." I apologized.
"Don't. I shouldn't have kept something that important from you especially since it involved Bucky. I know you can handle bad news, and I know you handle it better the earlier you're told. I also know that you don't need as much protection as I like to give you. I love you and I swear I'll never make that mistake again." He promised.
"Even if you do, I'll be more understanding," I said.
"Sir, the pizza is here," Jarvis said breaking most of the lasting tension.
"Thanks, Jarvis." Steve stood up and walked to the front door.
I watched him silently. The way he interacted with the kid at the door was sweet. The way he kept his voice lowered and the smile that broke his face was charming. He came back over and sat the box in front of us sitting back down where he was. I smiled and opened the pizza box grabbing both of us a slice.
"Have the girls been treating you good?" He took a bite chewing his food slowly.
"Yeah, they have," I told him.
"Jay, I'm not mad that you had sex with them. It's your right. Until you say we're together I don't expect you to not have sex with other people. I know it's awkward but I don't expect you to stay loyal to me if we're not together." He said.
"You're right it's awkward. I don't think I want to continue whatever relationship I have with them. I want to give us a try and I'm serious about it." I said picking at my food.
"Can I take you out tomorrow?" He asked.
"Take me out?" I repeated.
"On a date. Maybe have dinner and then go for a walk?" He gave me a hopeful smile.
"Yeah, that sounds good." I smiled back.
We ate and talked until late in the evening, then Steve took me back to Maria and Nat. Both women were having coffee at the table.
"How'd it go, Honey?" Maria asked.
"It went well. I have a date tomorrow." I said smiling to myself.
"Good, I'm happy for you guys," Nat said grinning.
"I take it you won't be joining us tonight?" Maria questioned giving me a knowing smirk.
"No, sorry. I just don't want to risk anything right now." I said almost worried that they'd be offended.
"Don't be sorry Baby. We completely understand, but if you do change your mind just know you have a place in our bed anytime." Nat said.
"Thanks... For everything." I couldn't help but smile.