To the guest who thinks the kids should always come first … remember they are the kids and don't (shouldn't) decide what happens. Feel free to disagree but it works on my kids! When the relationship falls apart, so do the kids. It's in everyone's best interest when the parents/adults are a united front. I get that this is tricky when the other adult isn't the biological/legal parent but this is they way Elliot gets back in Olivia's good graces so … :)

...

41. Focus

Olivia listens to Elliot's heartbeat underneath her ear. They are half-sitting, half-lying on his bed. His left arm is wrapped around her shoulder, hers is draped across his stomach and her head is resting on his chest. She's still processing everything he's told her, but she feels much calmer now.

Elliot has put it all on the line. He is choosing her. That alone makes her heart beat faster when she thinks about it. It's been an impossibility for so long that she still needs to tell herself that he really is free to choose her now. Free to admit how he's felt about her for a long time. She wonders how long it would have taken them to get together if she hadn't gotten pregnant last summer. Elliot assures her it would have happened eventually. It was always going to happen. He and Kathy had been inching closer to a breaking point for a while now and he had just needed to see his marriage through first. He assures her that his feelings for her aren't something new and they aren't caused by the situation they have found themselves in. She believes him. Of course she believes him because it's been the same for her.

"I'm just sorry you had to wait so long. You didn't deserve that," Elliot had said.

He'd kissed her forehead then, adding,

"And I don't deserve you."

When she'd started protesting he had kissed her sweetly and she had relaxed in his arms. And that's how they are still relaxing now. It's quiet in the apartment. The children are probably sleeping by now. Olivia knows she should go to her own room soon but she doesn't want to leave just yet. She's missed this so much, just to be held by him. She thinks she's missed it more than the sexual intimacy because she had felt cold, exposed, missing something vital. Just sharing a place with Elliot isn't enough anymore. Now that she knows what he feels like, what he smells like and even what his moans sound like, she has come to need all those things. She knows they are embarking on a journey that will have ups and downs, both personally and professionally, but she is starting to believe it's going to be alright now. Because Elliot isn't just choosing her, but he's choosing her son as well. He wants to be a father to him, not because he has to but because he wants to. Because soccer boy is hers. He will love him by default and in retrospect, she should never have doubted him. She can't say she fully understands Elliot's reasoning for wanting her to complete this chapter of her life before he will make love to her, but she's trying to accept it. She knows nothing is going to happen tonight because the kids are here, but it would have been too fast anyway. They both need to start feeling comfortable and secure about each other again first. To not just hope or expect but also experience that things will be different from now on.

Elliot rubs the top of her head with his nose and she smiles without looking up. It's those little gestures that make such a big difference between them. She moves her hand from his waist up to his chest and rubs his pec, knowing she's grazing his nipple through his shirt. Elliot hums and she looks up at him. He leans in to kiss her on the lips and she tries to scoot up to deepen the kiss. Elliot breaks it off then and puts his right hand over her left hand on his chest.

"Don't start something you can't finish," he warns her and she knows it isn't easy for him either.

"Okay," she says quietly. "I should go to my own room anyway."

Elliot purses his lips and nods.

"The kids."

"Right."

"You think you'll be alright tomorrow? I mean, I don't want to punish Dickie but I will if I have to," Elliot tells her.

"I'll be alright," Olivia promises him.

As Elliot walks with her to the door of his bedroom, he asks her,

"So are we okay now?"

"Yeah, we're okay," she tells him. "I mean … I understand now that my child will be loved. I'm not saying I'm okay with not having sex with you."

Elliot pulls her into his arms and she looks up at him, wondering what he'll say now. Elliot just lets out a harsh breath and kisses her forehead.

"Just … I have my reasons, okay? Trust me," he says and Olivia knows that's all she's going to get out of him on the subject for now.

She can't help wondering if part of him isn't a little bit put off by the idea of another man impregnating her but as long as he doesn't keep his hands to himself, she assumes it will only be a temporary thing. They share one last kiss before she heads to her own bedroom for the night. She will need to rest because tomorrow will be a long day with the kids.

...

Elizabeth is such a surprise. Olivia hadn't really gotten to know the youngest Stabler girl yet but she is getting to know her now. She isn't as feisty or loud as her twin brother or even Kathleen, but she does have a way with words. The way she puts her brother in his place from time to time makes her seem far too wise for her 10 years. It looks like the two sisters have gotten through to their brother because Elliot barely has to correct any of the kids all day long. Dickie doesn't give Olivia or his father too much attention but it could have been worse. Much worse. Still, Olivia can't deny that she's relieved when Elliot packs the kids into the car around 4 PM on Sunday afternoon. It's been a day filled with board games, watching TV and a brief visit to the local mall, which Olivia had skipped. Elliot will drive the kids back to Queens and will bring dinner, so Olivia can take a nap until he gets back.

She is very surprised when Elliot wakes her up some time later. She can't believe she slept so deeply on the couch and groans when she tries to get up too fast.

"Whoa whoa, easy," Elliot cautions, grasping her shoulders lightly. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"I meant to clean up," Olivia begins but Elliot shakes his head.

"No, you were going to take a nap and you did. I am going to clean up the kids' room after dinner."

Before she can even take a breath to object, she feels Elliot's index finger on her lips.

"Dinner," he repeats and Olivia smiles, then licks his finger quickly before kissing it.

"Hmmm," Elliot hums, kneeling in front of her. "Now you're giving me ideas."

"What kind of ideas?" Olivia asks innocently.

"Well, the kids aren't here so …"

"I thought we were having dinner."

"We will. In a minute."

Before she can try to think of something else to say, Elliot kisses her passionately. There is an urgency in his kiss that tells her he's missed her too much and it's been too long. They're finally alone again and back together, and Lord knows she's missed him too. Missed this. His touch and the permission to touch him. They moan together during their deep kiss, and Olivia feels Elliot's stomach pressing against her baby bump. It's as if they just can't get close enough and she can't help longing for the time when she'll have her figure back. She'll be all over him then. She kisses him slowly, their tongues finding each other time and time again, until they both need to come up for air.

Elliot drops his forehead against hers and grins at her.

"Now we can have dinner."

They spend a quiet evening together, making up for lost time, and once they are both ready to sleep, Elliot doesn't leave Olivia's bed. Their bodies are still humming contently, having both been satisfied for now. Their activities have lulled soccer boy to sleep but once they relax, Elliot spooning Olivia while rubbing her belly lovingly, the little guy wakes up and makes his presence known.

"Still think he kicks like a girl?" Olivia mumbles, already dozing off.

"Absolutely," Elliot responds. "He's a strong as his mother."

That puts a smile on her face and the last thing she says before falling asleep is,

"You're a smartass, Stabler."

…

They fall into a comfortable groove together. Olivia is accepting that she works less hours for now than Elliot, but they stay in touch during the day and manage to eat together a few times a week. It feels strange for Olivia to sleep alone when Elliot pulls an all-nighter on the job and she can't believe how easily she has gotten used to having him sleep in the same bed with her. She has brief moments of panic sometimes, wondering if she isn't getting too attached, but then she reminds herself that she is allowed to get attached this time. They aren't just sharing an apartment anymore. They are actually living together and all that's missing for now is having full-blown sex with each other. Elliot still won't go all the way with her but they are finding very creative ways to keep eachother happy and satisfied, and Olivia isn't complaining.

She knows it's going to happen eventually and as the weeks pass, she finds herself focusing more on the life growing inside her. Maybe Elliot is right. Maybe she needs to focus on completing her pregnancy first and take it from there with him. Baby's room has been ready for weeks. All her checkups have gone well so far, her low blood pressure is manageable, and there is nothing standing in the way of her delivering a healthy baby boy once he's ready to come out.

She passes on the twin's 11th birthday and the pregnancy now gives her the perfect excuse to say no to things that may give her stress. She isn't quite ready to face Kathy again. The blonde has a way of making her feel guilty although she knows there is nothing to feel guilty about. Not this time. Her feelings for the woman's husband may have been inappropriate at the time, but she'd done nothing about them then. It had been Kathy who had pushed Elliot towards her in the end and that was when they had both finally acted on their feelings. Not before.

Olivia finds herself reasoning with herself, trying to convince herself and she knows she shouldn't have to. She prays Elliot will be able to relax, now that he's back at the family home for the first time since the custody hearing. No matter what is going on between him and his ex-wife, the children are all still their children. When she hears his key in the door around 10 PM, she is surprised that he's back already. It's at least a 45 minute drive from Queens back to 10th Avenue, even at night. She walks up to him as he sheds his coat and puts it on their new coat rack by the door.

"Hey. Back so soon?"

Elliot takes a deep breath before turning to face her and the look on his face is very serious.

"What happened?" Olivia gasps, suddenly very worried.

"Kathy … she …"

Elliot shakes his head and Olivia steps close to him so she can take his hands in hers.

"What? What about her?" Olivia insists.

"She's been taking these pills and … she was completely out of it, Liv. I mean, I know she can freak out but I've never seen her like this. It's even worse than when we had Kathleen."

Olivia didn't know what to say but then Elliot continued.

"I was this close to calling our family doctor, Liv."

"Oh my God," Olivia whispers. "Did she overdose on something?"

"I'm not sure but one of her friends approached me and promised me she'd take care of things. The woman is a neighbor and she's looked out for Kathy before. She said that it might be best if I left, to reduce Kathy's stress levels."

Olivia bit her lip and pulled Elliot close to her. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and leaned heavily on her, burying his face in her hair.

"What about the kids?" she wondered out loud, swaying gently with him. "Was the party ruined?"

"I'm not sure how much of it they noticed. I'm so glad they were busy with their friends from school. I talked to Kathleen and she told me Kathy's been taking these pills for a long time. I had no idea …"

"Does Kathleen know what they are? The pills, I mean?"

Elliot stands upright to face her and she can see the sadness and worry in his features.

"Kathy's told her they are anti-depressants but …"

"If she's self-medicating, it could be anything," Olivia finishes for him.

They both know what it means when someone starts self-medicating to numb their pain. It can lead to addiction and dangerous situations, for the person as well as the people around them.

"Do you think the kids are safe with her?" Olivia has to ask but it doesn't feel right to start thinking of Elliot's family as a possible case for the SVU.

"She's a good mother."

This is what Elliot has always maintained and he's sticking by it.

"But if she's a danger to herself …"

"We don't know that," Elliot interrupts her, and she knows he doesn't want to slip into Detective mode either when it comes to his own family.

"So what are you going to do?"

Elliot sighs.

"The neighbor promised to call me later. She says that it was just the stress of the party and that Kathy is pretty normal most of the time."

Olivia knows it's wise not to say anything else. Anything she will come up with, has no doubt crossed his mind already.

"You want a drink?" she asks him and Elliot pulls her close to him again, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

"Please."

...

A time jump was long overdue here. It won't be long now until the baby comes! But what's up with Kathy and will she be alright? Please review, thank you :)