So, like I said in the A/N in my latest update of "Someone like me" I'm not going to make any more promises on when I'm going to update. I will publish each chapter as soon as I have finished it, but I have other things to attend to besides writing. Also, this heat wave we're experiencing is not helping … it's way too hot to be inside all the time and I don't type well at all on my tablet - or in the sun.
Having said all that, chapter 45 is finally here! Enjoy.
...
45. Tension
Elliot should be home any minute and she checks on dinner one last time when she hears a knock on the door. Olivia frowns.
"Come on El? You forgot your keys again?" she mutters, wobbling to the door.
Then she adds, a little louder,
"Who's there? No solicitors please!"
She hears another knock and then a hesitant voice, saying her name.
"Olivia?"
She frowns again. That doesn't sound like Elliot. She opens the door a crack without taking off the chain and peers into the hallway. It's not Elliot at all. It's …
"Miguel?"
…
"Hey Olive."
Olivia is stunned for a moment. Not only hadn't she expected Miguel, but it's very strange to see him again, in the flesh. Rationally, she knows she is carrying this man's child but she realizes that she had completely detached her memories of their time together from her current reality. It had been her child, no one else's. Until now.
When she just stands there, staring at him, Miguel smiles shyly and then asks her,
"Are you gonna let us in?"
Only then does she notice a second man in the hallway. It must be Miguel's cousin.
"Uhm, yes … just a second."
She closes the door so she can take the chain off and bites her lip when she opens it again. Both men enter the apartment silently and stop just inside the door. They are clearly a little uncomfortable, especially Miguel.
"You look … different," he remarks after they have looked at each other for a few moments.
"I look like an elephant," Olivia deadpans, making both men chuckle nervously.
"Yeah, well … ehm, this is my cousin Luís."
Olivia nods at the other man, whose skin tone is slightly lighter than Miguel's but who is clearly a relative, and when he extends his hand, she shakes it.
"Nice to meet you."
"Likewise," Luís says.
Olivia forces a small smile and then focuses her gaze on Miguel again. Aside from his nervousness, he looks as handsome as ever. Her nostrils catch a waft of his aftershave, bringing back memories of their week together back in July.
"Miguel …"
"Olive …"
They both chuckle again when they say each others' names simultaneously and then finally reach for each other. Olivia closes her eyes when Miguel hugs her and tries to relax, although her heart rate is spiking. She knew he'd be coming over this month but now that he's here, all her fears about him making the life of her child complicated come back full force. They only hold each other for two seconds and then break apart. Miguel is smiling shyly once more and shakes his head when he looks her over once more.
"You're really having a kid," he muses.
"Yes, I am."
"Wow."
Olivia chuckles again, wondering what she's supposed to say or do next. She feels like a fish out of water. How do you talk to the man who fathered your child but isn't supposed to be in the child's life, or yours? Especially now that he's here so unexpectedly?
"I thought you were going to call before coming over," she finally says.
Miguel looks around her apartment and spots the dinner table for two, with two lit candles and a bottle of bubbles.
"I'm sorry Olive. You're clearly expecting company. We just … we arrived earlier today and after we got settled in our hotel we just took a cab and came over here on a whim. It's not like we know a lot of people in this city so …"
There is an awkward silence once more and then cousin Luís steps up.
"Ma'am, Miguel here has been out of sorts lately. I know he told you about the way he found out that his relationship with his woman is over. So I'm helping him get a grip on his life again and I came up with the idea of visiting the Big Apple. And you," Luís adds, gesturing at her. "To remind him that there are still really decent people in the world. I mean, you didn't have to tell him anything about the baby and he would never have known if you hadn't called."
"I didn't want my child's life to start out with a lie. Even if it might have been a lie of omission," Olivia tells Luís.
"Exactly. You're too honest for that and I just wanted Miguel to remember that there are good, honest women in the world and not everyone will treat him as badly as his ex did."
"I understand that part," Olivia responds, and she feels like she's conducting this conversation partly on autopilot, almost as if she's not really there. She looks at Miguel again and the familiarity of his face helps her relax for the moment. He's been nothing but good to her during their time together. He's not an evil person, and on top of that, he's hurting.
"And it's good to know that Miguel has such a good friend like you to help him get over this woman," she tells Luís and she really means it.
"But this isn't a good time," Miguel adds before she can continue and she can see the understanding shine in his brown eyes. "I'm really sorry for showing up like this Olive. It was selfish of me."
"I knew you were going to come to New York …"
"But I said I'd call first and I didn't."
"Yeah. You did."
"And you have plans tonight. You still with that same guy I talked to on the phone?"
"I am."
The mention of Elliot puts a smile on her face and Miguel smiles too.
"I'm glad. He sounded like a dependable guy to me."
"He is. And he will be home any minute now."
"I think that's our cue," Miguel tells Luís, who grins as well.
"Just … I'll talk to Elliot first, okay? And then we'll set something up."
"Absolutely Olive. Any place you can recommend where we can go grab a beer while we're here?"
"You could try the sports bar next door, or just take a cab to downtown Manhattan."
"Okay. We'll be out of your hair now and I'll call later, alright?"
"Alright. We'll talk soon."
Luís opens the door of the apartment and both men step out into the hallway. Olivia watches them leave and lets out a shuddering breath. She'd managed to keep her cool but now she is starting to feel the stress again about Miguel's sudden presence. She waves when Miguel turns his head to look at her before they turn the corner to descend the stairs and then forces herself to close the door slowly. It could have been a lot worse. She should be glad that Miguel is such a great guy and that he doesn't blame her for having his child. And yet she feels incredibly tense. She tries to take a deep breath but a sudden tightness of her belly makes her stop mid-breath.
"Don't hold your breath," she whispers to herself, remembering the breathing lessons.
She walks back into the apartment and sits down gingerly at the dinner table. Gradually, the Braxton Hicks subsides - if that's what it was - and Olivia leans her elbows on the table, covering her face with her hands. She needs a moment to deal with the built-up tension in her body that Miguel's unexpected visit has caused.
Just then, she hears keys in the door. Elliot's home. She looks up and watches him come in. When he sees her and the nicely set table, he gives her a tired smile but when he registers the distraught look in her eyes, his expression changes to one of concern. He takes off his coat quickly and hangs it on the rack, and then walks up to her.
"What's wrong?" he asks her, sitting down next to her and putting a hand on her back. "The table looks so nice but you seem upset."
Olivia shakes her head but she can't not tell Elliot.
"Miguel just showed up here with his cousin," she blurts out.
"What?" Elliot gasps.
He studies her face for a few moments and then seems to remember something.
"Those two guys who just walked out of the building when I got here?"
"Probably, yes. They only just left."
Elliot frowns and continues to stare at her.
"What was it like to see him again?" he asks and she can hear the tension in his voice.
He must hate that he wasn't there when the men showed up.
"Strange. I mean, I know what he looks like but it suddenly became so … real, you know?"
Elliot nods slowly but she isn't sure he really understands.
"Real how?"
Olivia sighs. She can't really explain it. She rubs her belly lovingly, hoping to feel her son kicking, but he is quiet at the moment.
"Liv?"
She looks at Elliot, who is once again ready to support her, and she suddenly feels sad.
"I'm sorry El," she says, and she feels a lump forming in her throat unexpectedly.
Elliot's eyes widen and it puzzles her.
"About what?" he asks her, and he seems almost afraid to hear her answer.
"It's all about me again and I'm sorry."
She doesn't know why she's on the verge of tears suddenly. Must be those pesky pregnancy hormones acting up again.
Elliot seems relieved at her answer and chuckles softly while rubbing her back lovingly.
"Oh baby, you don't have to apologize to me. I'm here for you, always. You do want that, right?"
Olivia looks at Elliot more attentively, wondering why he's asking her if she wants him to be here for her.
"Of course I do," she says, looking between his eyes questioningly. "But I want to be here for you as well."
"Okay," Elliot says, but she can see he's forcing a smile.
"Why wouldn't I want that?"
He shrugs and drops his hand from her back.
"I don't know. Seems like seeing Miguel again is doing things to you. And he is soccer boy's real father."
Olivia closes her eyes for a second. Is he serious?
"El …"
"It's understandable Liv. I get it," Elliot interrupts, but she holds up a hand, signaling that she's not done.
"No, listen. Miguel is soccer boy's biological father and that's all he will be. He isn't interested in a life with me or this baby."
She isn't one hundred percent sure about the second part of her statement but she is sure about the first part, and Elliot needs to know that.
"But you just said that seeing him made it all real. I can imagine that you would feel a connection to this man."
She is beginning to understand where Elliot is coming from. Does he think she has actual feelings for Miguel? That she's just realizing this because she's seen him again? Because that's not what is causing all this tension. Not at all.
"Yeah. I meant that it's real that my son will have a biological father out there somewhere. Until now, we were living in our own bubble, worrying about Kathy and your kids and soccer boy. Miguel showing up kind of burst that bubble for me."
She takes Elliot's free hand that had been resting on the table and holds it between her hands.
"But maybe that's a good thing. We're going to have to face it anyway. I'm just a little scared … that …"
The tension of the moment suddenly takes her ability to speak away and she swallows hard.
Elliot's eyes soften and he pulls her closer to him.
"Don't be scared Liv. It'll be alright," he says soothingly but his kindness only makes the lump in her throat grow.
She shakes her head and looks at Elliot tearfully.
"Tonight was supposed to be for you, El. I cooked and I wanted us to have a relaxing dinner and then give you a nice shoulder rub and here we are, talking about my messed up life again. You're always helping other people and I just … wanted to do something for you tonight."
Her voice almost breaks and she wonders who this fragile person is, who is so desperate to give Elliot something in return for his unwavering support of just about everyone in his life, that it makes her want to cry. Surely it's not Detective Benson … but when Elliot takes her face in his hands and turns it until she's mere inches away from his face, she focuses on him again.
"Liv baby."
He kisses her very softly on the lips.
"That means so much to me, that you went through all this trouble just for me. We are going to enjoy our evening together, I promise. But it's not a sacrifice for me to wipe away your tears or to talk about your fears. And your life isn't messed up. You're expecting a beautiful son and we're going to be okay. I promise."
Olivia blinks and looks into his bright blue eyes, that show how tired he is but that also radiate an almost fatherly confidence that things will all work out for all of them in the end. She can't fathom how he can continue to be this strong for everyone else.
"How can you be so sure?" she asks him and she finds herself needing his reassurance once more.
Elliot shrugs and gives her his patented half grin that she finds annoying as well as wildly attractive at the same time.
"I just do."
"You have a lot of faith in me. And in us."
"I do."
He kisses her softly again but Olivia pulls back to look into his eyes again.
"Wait … did you just call me baby?"
There's that cocky grin again.
"I did, baby. Actually, I've done it before but I guess I had you too ecstatic to notice it."
Olivia huffs but doesn't pull away. His ego is part of his confident and reassuring self and she needs him to be that now. She'll accept the bragging if that's what it takes, and she can see that Elliot is relaxing at last. She moves in to kiss him again and this time, it's not just a sweet peck on the lips. They kiss as if they haven't seen each other in a week and they don't come up for air until Elliot's stomach literally growls.
"We should eat," Olivia mumbles against his lips and Elliot agrees.
"We should. But we're picking up where we left off later."
"Is that a promise?"
"That's a promise. Baby."
...
To be continued. That's a promise too ;)