A lot of details in this chapter but I really wanted to put a ton of baby fluff in this story. I don't usually write about babies so I'm indulging myself this one time :))
I am posting a picture of a kid on Twitter that looks like how little baby Chris looks in my mind, if you're interested ;)

...

48. Perfect

He is perfect.

Olivia can't stop looking at her child. Her son. Christopher Benson. Chris. He's really here and she is in awe of him. He's been checked out thoroughly and they're keeping them both in the hospital for the day for observation, but since his saturation continues to be almost perfect, he doesn't need to be in an incubator. He is lying next to her in her bed. They're now both squeaky clean and the little boy smells deliciously of baby soap. Olivia is on her right side, leaning on her right elbow while her left arm is wrapped protectively around the tiny baby next to her in the big hospital bed. She is actually a mother now.

He is so small but so perfect. Ten little fingers and ten little toes. Two dark eyes that haven't opened much yet, but she's seen them. He has a cute little button nose and long black eyelashes and a sweet little pouty mouth. She's kissed his face a hundred times already and feels like crying from joy from time to time. Her child is perfect. His skin is soft and smooth, and although he doesn't have as much baby fat as he would have had at forty weeks, he looks so healthy. His skin has an almost golden glow and is a little darker than her own. To top it all off, he has a full head of black hair that curls slightly. Just like his father, she can't help thinking.

They will need to tell Miguel that Chris has been born. He was going to meet them today after all. But she doesn't want to ruin this moment. She's in her own world with her baby right now, just staring at him and taking in that he's really here and he's really hers.

It's almost noon and Elliot has left for a quick lunch with the girls before he'll bring them in to see Chris. She savors these precious first moments alone with her son. Until now, there had been people around them the whole time, checking on Chris, checking on her, explaining what she should expect over the next few weeks with regards to bleeding and discomfort, and explaining about breastfeeding and formula. And they've explained that they will want to see little Chris make a wet and dirty diaper before they will be released. She knows she wants her son to get his first feedings from her. It's what's best for him. She isn't sure yet if she'll want to continue breastfeeding him. It seems like a lot of hassle, especially once she'd go back to work.

Her son begins to fuss a little and she wonders what's wrong. The way his little nose scrunches up is really cute but he doesn't look content anymore. She really doesn't know him yet and she glances around to see if there is a nurse nearby. There is one other new mom roomed with her in the room in the maternity ward that holds four beds, but the other woman has been wheeled out in a wheelchair with her daughter for some tests, so Olivia is all alone. Little Chris is beginning to make sounds that seem to indicate he isn't happy and Olivia suddenly feels so insecure. She has no idea what to do. She has some trouble sitting up but manages to pick Chris up and place him on her chest. He makes soft sounds and Olivia doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. It's her son's voice.

"Hey hey little man, what's wrong?" she whispers softly, kissing his forehead.

He feels nice and warm but he's a little squirmy. She's actually relieved when Elliot comes in with the girls a few minutes later. Her eyes meet his and he is by her side immediately.

"You two okay?" he mumbles.

"Yeah. He's just a little restless."

"Maybe he's hungry. He's been out in the world for almost two hours after all."

Olivia closes her eyes and kisses the top of her son's head. Why hadn't she thought about that?

"Oooooh, he sooo cuuuuute," Kathleen coos, staring at little Chris. "And so tiny!"

"I didn't think he'd be so small," Elizabeth admits. "Was I that small too, daddy?"

She looks up at her father, who smiles.

"I think you and your brother were even smaller, Liz. You had to share the room in mom's tummy, remember?"

"Oh yeah. We were even smaller than him?"

Both girls are amazed and stare at the fussy little baby in her arms. Olivia looks up at Elliot, who nods and presses the call button for the nurse. Olivia is relieved when she comes in just then. The nurse is in her forties and breathes experience.

"Oh my, little baby Benson is hungry," she says right away, confirming Elliot's hunch. "Have they explained yet how you should hold him to make him latch on properly?"

"Uhm, no. Not yet," Olivia says demurely. She's not exactly in her element yet.

"Should we leave?" Elliot asks, but she shakes her head.

She doesn't mind the girls at all, and she'd like to have Elliot nearby so he can help her remember how to do this.

"I see your body is already responding to your son," the nurse tells her cheerfully, and Olivia is very surprised to see two wet stains appear in her clean shirt. "I think you should start using nursing pads. Do you have those in your bag?"

"She does actually," Elliot replies for her and for once, she doesn't mind him taking over for her.

Elliot quickly retrieves the pads, and the nurse helps Olivia put one in her bra on the left while they will try to start up the breastfeeding on the right. After some shifting and with the use of a pillow to support her right arm, soon Olivia is offering her breast to her son for the first time. How a baby knows what to do is beyond her, but sure enough, Chris tries to suckle immediately.

"I think they smell it," the nurse whispers in her ear with a grin. "Just push him into yourself a little further so he won't just suck on the end of your nipple. You really don't want that because it will damage your nipple."

The nurse supports Chris's head and pushes him against her breast a little further until his little face is almost buried against her. It's not as uncomfortable as Olivia had expected and she smiles when she feels her son beginning to drink. Her breast is responding to him indeed.

"It's working," she whispers, and she is in awe again.

The nurse replaces her own hand with Olivia's left hand behind her son's head and she cradles him against her body, his little arm tucked away underneath hers, while he drinks his mother's milk for the first time in his life. She completely forgets her surroundings and can't stop smiling. She doesn't even look up at the three Stablers by her bedside until she hears the click of a camera. She looks at Elliot and bites her lip.

"Thank you," she says softly.

She had completely forgotten to have pictures taken but Elliot hasn't. He has already captured some precious moments with the camera and nursing her son for the first time is definitely a precious moment.

The nurse stays in the room to monitor them, and after a while she checks if Chris is still actually drinking.

"He's sleeping," she tells the new mother, although he still seems to be suckling a little. "He shouldn't stay like this in his sleep. It's not good for your breast. Let me show you how to help him let go of you without hurting you."

It's all so new for Olivia but she tries to absorb everything. The nurse assures her she'll get the hang of it in no time, and her son will get stronger quickly too. She will check his diaper and will weigh him to determine how much milk he's gotten in his system. After that, she'll place him against Olivia's chest again so she can burp him. As soon as the nurse takes her son from her arms, she misses him and she can't believe the amount of love she feels for this little human being already.

After rearranging her bra and shirt she glances at Elliot and his daughters. She sees a sheen of tears in Elliot's eyes. He's been watching her and there is pride in his eyes. She knows he's holding back for the girls' sake but if they had been alone, he would have kissed her now. He is being her rock and if she wasn't yearning to hold her son again herself, she'd want Elliot to hold him next. When Chris is placed against her chest again, Elliot pulls up a chair to sit close to both of them, taking Elizabeth on one knee and Kathleen on the other.

The nurse leaves them after suggesting to Olivia that she write down on which side she's nursed Chris, so she will remember to start with the other side next time. She never would have thought of that, she admits, but the nurse tells her with a smile that her body will definitely let her know if she forgets a side. She realizes her left breast already feels a bit heavier than the right one but the first time nursing her son was such a special experience, that she knows now she will definitely wants to nurse him for a while. She pats her son gently on the back but he's sound asleep on her shoulder, now donning a little hat to go with his hospital baby outfit.

"Just look at him," Kathleen whispers. "So sweet."

"He is," Elliot hums and Elizabeth looks up at her father once more.

"I know you didn't make him with Olivia daddy, but will you be a daddy to him anyway?"

Elliot exchanges a quick glance with Olivia, who feels her heart rate pick up a little. The children don't know about the change in their relationship yet, but they are bound to catch on at some point.

"How would you feel about that, Lizzie? Would you still feel like I'm trading you guys in for a new family?" Elliot asks his daughter.

"Those were mom's words!" Kathleen interjects. "We know you wouldn't just abandon us dad."

"You're right. I wouldn't."

"Yeah. If it hadn't been for mom accusing you, you'd still be living with us."

Kathleen's words make both adults pause and Olivia can't help wondering what it would have been like in that alternative reality.

Elliot pulls his daughters a little tighter against him and rubs their upper arms lovingly. Olivia can see that he's searching for the right way to respond to Kathleen's remark. She hugs her son a little closer and finds herself waiting with baited breath for what he's going to say now, because she thinks it's true. He would still be with Kathy and not with her. Which makes her doubt once more if they are really doing the right thing.

Elliot clears his throat and she can tell that he is avoiding looking at her directly when he tells his girls,

"You know that things weren't great between your mom and me. It's been rough for a while."

Both girls nod and Elizabeth looks at Olivia.

"I think we would have ended our marriage eventually. Do you girls understand that?"

Now both girls glance at Olivia and she can't help thinking that they blame her somehow.

"I wish you were still living with us daddy," Elizabeth tells him honestly, and Olivia can see Elliot's heart break for his little girl. Now that she has Chris, she understands even better. She's only just met her little boy two hours ago but she knows already that she'd sacrifice everything for him. And Elliot has four kids to love like that. Her admiration for him grows even more, that he manages to function at all with such a huge responsibility on his shoulders.

Before Elliot can respond to Elizabeth's words, they all hear a chirping sound coming from Olivia's overnight bag. Elliot looks at her and she asks him silently if he would get her phone. He retrieves it quickly and looks at the screen before showing it to her. It's Miguel.

"I should take this," Olivia says, rubbing her cheek against the back of Chris's head.

She has no idea how Miguel is going to react but he deserves to know that his son has been born. The Stablers fall silent when she answers the call.

"Hi."

"Hi Olive. I hope I'm not disturbing you."

"Uhm, well …" Olivia says hesitantly.

She looks at Elliot, who is watching her intently.

"I'm sorry. Should I call back later?" Miguel offers immediately.

"No. No. It's fine. Actually, I have something to tell you."

Better get this over with quickly, she thinks.

"Okay, shoot," Miguel says and Olivia nods although he can't see her.

"I'm at the hospital. Got here early this morning because I went into labor."

Miguel is silent for a few moments and she can imagine his shock.

"Labor? So what now?" he asks.

"I'm holding my son right now. He was born a little after ten this morning."

"No shit!"

Olivia chuckles despite her nerves. If it hadn't been for the Stabler girls, she would have echoed his comment.

"Yeah. He's here already and he got a clean bill of health."

"Can I see him?"

She glances at Elliot again but they both know it's inevitable so she tells Miguel that he can, of course, come to see her baby. She gives him the details of the hospital and her room number and he tells her he and Luís will be right over.

"Okay. See you soon," she says quietly, but her stomach is doing somersaults.

She ends the call and hands the phone back to Elliot, who grazes her fingers with his own when he takes it. She knows it was intentional but she isn't sure how to respond. Kathleen is watching her now and finally asks her,

"Who was that? Are they coming over right now?"

"That was Chris's father," Olivia tells her, not knowing which other label she can give Miguel right now.

"Oh."

Kathleen frowns, mulling over this new information. Then Elizabeth pipes up again and asks her innocently,

"Will he be living with you guys too?"

…

To be continued. Reviews are life.