A/N: Four years and still going strong!

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DUMB Love Stories

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Now invoking parody as protected speech like the big time does!

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Conquered

As Katsuragi Keima sat alone on the roof of the school, game for once completely ignored in his back, staring blankly at the stars barely visible in the glare of the school festival's concert lighting, he reflected that conquest was a two-way street. The heroines who liked him tended to say in his mind longer. Their shine made him want to shine for them, to be as ideal as they were.

Only the Real would make such a crappy game so full of bugs as to make that a flaw. And it seemed to work both ways too. Why else would he hurt when she did? Yes, such a crappy game. He really should switch to something else.

The game unit continued to lie unheeded as below, at the concert, Chihiro sang.

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Duty

"Shiina-san, may I speak with you?" Chachamaru said.

Sakurako blinked. "Er, sure Chachamaru-chan. Only, can we make it quick? I have a date with Satomi-chan after class."

Chachamaru nodded agreeably. "It is on that subject I wished to speak to you about," Chachamaru said, pulling out some squares from her pocket.

Sakurako blinked. "Are those… cue cards?"

"Yes," Chachamaru said apologetically. "I'm sorry, but I'm not used to doing this. Please bear with me."

"Um, okay…"

Chachamaru made a credible attempt at coughing. "If you hurt her, if you ever cause her any sort of unhappiness, I will hunt you down and kick your ass," she said. Her words were very stilted and she was obviously reading from the card.

For a moment, Sakurako was silent. Then she smiled and nodded. "Okay Chachamaru-chan, I understand."

"Thank you," Chachamaru said, sounding relieved. "I apologize for the threats, but it appears to be traditional."

"I understand," Sakurako said. "You really love your mother, don't you?"

Chachamau blinked at her like she'd just said the sky was blue.

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My Waifu

Between seasons Tsuu and 3, which was being delayed a little because all the actors had other work lined up and the still-evil Hatte Saburo was busy concentrating on the official heroes and making Kamen Rider versus Kamen Rider movies, Hiroko, Kozkoz and Malsheena took the small Akibarangers shrine and carefully put it in a box. They managed to sneak it inside the theater while Malsheena distracted the ushers.

Sitting with the three figures on her lap facing the screen, Hiroyo fulfilled their promise to see the Aoi-tan movie together.

After all, it was a Super Sentai tradition that the fallen get one last parting moment with the girl they love. And Luna would probably enjoy the movie.

Until the third season came and somehow brought them back, it was the best she could do.

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Loving Requests

Illya stared at the large box of pudding on her desk. And the one on top of that. And the one on top of that, and the ones under the desk too. More boxes of pudding were piled on the bed… and around the bed… and most free spots of floor… and there were a dozen more boxes out on the balcony under a tarp. She turned and opened the closet. Piled on top of neatly folded clothes and under neatly hung ones, more boxes of pudding lay.

"Kuro," she said flatly. "Is this your subtle way of asking if you can have a lot of prana?"

Kuro grinned and Illya jerked as her sister gave her a peck on the cheek. "No, it's my unsubtle Valentine's Day chocolate for you," she said brightly. Then she put her hands on either side of Illya's face and gently caressed their lips together. "That's how I ask for prana," she said gently.

Illya twitched, but the pudding cups were gone by White Day.

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A Bit Overdone

Charming and Snow had developed a rather blasé view of magic curses. Turned into stone? True Love's Kiss. Lost your voice? True Love's Kiss. Random sex-change? True Love's Kiss. Get turned into cat? True Love's Kiss. Elongated nose? True Love's Kiss. Cursed hangnail? True Love's Kiss. It had become quite a popular and common cure across the kingdom, and was making a lot of witches, old crones, hags, warlocks, and other wannabes give up in disgust and take up pie-baking or serial murders.

Regina and Emma weren't sure how to feel about Henry being equally curative on both of them.

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An Oath To Keep With A Final Breath

Leo, as far as anyone could recall, was the first person in over three thousand years to marry a goddess. Oh, people had done stuff with goddesses before. The children of Demeter, Athena, Aphrodite, Hecate, Iris, and all the other children of goddess of both sides were more than proof of that. Given how close the birthdays and ages of many were, you had to wonder whether they were going around in multiple bodies, having multiple affairs and carrying multiple children at a time. It was a slightly creepy thought.

It hadn't been an official quest. The moment the war with the giants had finished, he had started work, practically while Jason and Percy had been wrangling promises and renegotiated conditions from the gods. He distinctly remembered building a return circuit while the gods had kept shifting between Greek and Roman, arguing with each other and even themselves. He had to hear about the one-god brawl that had been Ares/Mars second-hand, even though he'd almost gotten stepped on. He had worked ceaselessly, ignoring the uneasy beginnings of both camps coming together as Percy and Jason had shakily gotten them to start getting along.

Leo's rescue of her from Ogygia had been daring, dangerous, dramatic and had cost her another dining table. And a fountain. He had flown in alone of the rebuilt Festus, bigger, better and now with de-icing capability and Archimedes Sphere technology, finding his way through the twisted paths gods had laid with the crystal from her cave and Odysseus' astrolabe. When she'd come running out of her cave to find out what all the noise was about, she had topped dead in her tracks. The only words that had gotten out of her mouth were an incredulous, "You again?-!"

She'd looked absolutely adorable with her mouth hanging open like a goldfish.

Leo had smiled, devil-may care. "I promised, didn't I?"

He'd still been surprised by their second kiss.

All through their flight out, weaving their way through the broken path he and Festus had torn, she had held him tightly, as if afraid he would disappear if she let go. For his part, he'd tied them together as securely as he could devise, and he could devise a lot. He wasn't going to lose her to some random bump or freak wind. She stared at him as if she could believe he was there, asking him over and over again if this was a dream. Even after they landed, even after she introduced her to everyone and she and Percy had a rather awkward reunion, she didn't seem to believe it until she woke up the next morning to still find herself no longer on her island.

And their story began.

They didn't get happily ever after. They'd didn't ride happily into the sunset to the soulful strains of orchestra music, and then roll the credits. There had been the wrath of gods, angry she had been freed even though they themselves had promised it would be so. There had been the wrath of demigods, of sons and daughters rallying to their friend to put their foot down. There had been Leo and Calypso's Auto Shop, with added stew and vegetables. There had been chaos, and strife, and at some point Egyptian wizards and a zombie apocalypse.

They had not gotten happily ever after. They had gotten better. They'd gotten a life.

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All Star Ala Rubra

Exiled Queen. Idiot Hero. Daring Rescue. Boy Wizard.

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Certain Siblings of Railgun

One day, Misaka Imouto 19090 decided, they'd have tea with their little sisters. Nunotaba Shinobu had taken the little ones away to be finished, to finally lose their poisonous nature and not be reliant on their lollipops. That was all right. The Sisters trusted Shinobu almost as much as big sister and Kamijou Touma, and 19090 more than most. She had given 19090 her heart. She had given 8912 her first, the Sisters' first, precious, beautiful view of the sky. She had given them the taste of tea. Milk tea, so strange, unlike the taste Testament had given her. It was held inside her, inside all of them, like 1 posing so childishly, in disregard of basic gun safety. She was dead now, but she was still a part of them too.

One day, she thought even as the information slipped away from her into the wider sea of the Radio Noise network, one day they'd share milk tea with their new sisters Janie and Febri, and their brave, loving onee-sama, and the woman who was the closest thing they had to a mother.

And steal their ultra-rare pink Gekota! Last Order declared.

And thus began one of the many mental civil wars over those who thought this was a good idea and those who felt this was not proper older sister behavior. In the end, they all decided to just mooch off their older sister for it.

After all, it was what a loving little sister did…

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The Old Story

It was, Arsene considered philosophically, the same old story. In the flurry of battle between Phantom Thief and Great Detective, hearts were stolen. It was inevitable when one side set out to take things and the other side sought to take them back. Sometimes, you didn't notice they'd gotten their hands on it until it was gone.

They weren't supposed to do it. Love was a destroyer, it was whispered from one Phantom Thief to another, a poison. There can be no love between thief and detective. They will never accept you for what you are. A free spirit, a refined soul, a connoisseur of taste. Always, you will only be a breaker of their laws. It was always the way between Detectives and Thieves.

And yet, equally whispered, in furtive voices and guilty thoughts, was the story of Holmes and Adler. The greatest detective of all and The Woman, who must surely have been his equal.

And so sometimes, those who meet ill by moonlight under the deceitful clouds would stay their hands, and think of themselves not as they who take and they who stand guard. Sometimes, by merest chance, they see the souls in the eyes of the enemy, and remember that before there are Toys, there are hearts.

Sherlock Sherringford had stolen her heart the same way she did everything else, with energetic and vapid enthusiasm.

Now the dance truly began.

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Better To Rule…

Homura had once heard that if you loved something, set it free.

She had done so, but she herself had remained trapped. She was still within the eternal maze, only now with no purpose, no goal, no shining star to steer by. Nothing to do but count the days until she and Madoka had been reunited.

Homura had once heard that if you loved something, set it free. If it came back, it was yours.

Now she was never going to let go. Not until Madoka set her free… so she could come back too.

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Demoted to Extra

"Hey Yuuno," Arf asked, her tail wagging adorably as her ears quivered. "What do you think Fate-chan and the others are doing right now?"

"Oh, probably more yuri shenanigans," Yuuno said absently.

Arf sighed. "I hope they visit eventually. It's been four years, and I still haven't met this Vivio girl." She pouted. "It's not fair! I'm a cute loli now, why don't I get my own manga?"

Yuuno patted the naked loli next to him on the bed. "I'm sure she's not cute as you."

After all, demoted people need something to do. After years cooped up together, things were bound to happen.

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- To be continued…

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A/N: See you again next year!

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.