A/N: It's that time of year again!
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Re: Gifting This Reincarnation VRMMORPG In Another World With Love Stories
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Disclaimer: This is a parody. The fandom love is real, however.
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Learning Love Stories With Manga!
"Che, that cheapskate asked me for chocolate this year again," Mordred, the Saber Knight of Treachery, groused, sighing at the thought of the half-finished chocolate bar that had been swindled from them again. "Honestly, why can't that damned Master of ours buy her own chocolate?"
They passed by Ereshkigal, who was muttering to herself, clearly working up the nerve to do something, and glancing down the hallway towards the cafeteria Mordred had just left. Mordred shook their head, wondering how that crazy red-headed Master of their's managed to make newbies so ga-ga for her. It must have been something in the udon, there was no other reasonable explanation for it.
As they made their way to their room, Mordred was surprised to see a familiar white-clad form, and frantically wiped their mouth in case it still had chocolate around it. At the sound of their approach, Saber Lily glanced up and smiled a beatific, innocent smile.
"Oh, Mordred," she said, and Mordred's heart instantly lightened, mostly because Saber Lily got their name right and didn't call them something silly like Mo-san or Moe-chan. "I was hoping you would return soon."
"Huh? Why?" Mordred asked.
With a smile, Saber Lily held up a box. Well, to be more accurate, it was one of the thermal-sealed lunchboxes the cafeteria used when sending food to the labs, for when people were too busy to leave but still needed food. "Here. After I finished making my chocolate for Master, I still had a bunch of raw materials left over. I'd eat them myself, but I'm a little sick of chocolate right now, so I thought you might like them."
Saber Lily opened the box and Mordred stared. For a moment, the expression on their face was less like a Knight's (of Treachery or otherwise), and more like Drake, Columbus and Blackbeard finding a huge pile of gold. "I-is that…?"
Irregular globs, a few almost complete heart shapes, many damaged heart chunks and what looked like a part of a brick of chocolate were in a plastic bag in the box.
Saber Lily looked apologetic. "Well, carving chocolate is difficult, so I had many failures. At first I recycled them, but after a while the flavor seemed to suffer a little, so I started making new ones. I-I hope you don't think I'm just trying to foist my failures off on you, but–"
"I'll take it!" Mordred cried, holding the box and still staring at its contents with a piratical expression. They finally looked up, tears in their eyes. "Thank you!"
A month later, Saber Lily stared with some bemusement at the box filled with marshmallow golem body parts. "Well… at least they remembered?"
It was another perfectly ordinary Valentines Day event in Chaldea.
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A Certain Railgun's Valentine
"I hate Valentines," Mikoto sighed. "Stupid fake holiday made by the confection and greeting card industry! Argh, I'm going to put on so much weight this week!"
"Onee-sama, you could just not eat the chocolate," Kuroko said, nursing the bump on her head from trying to feed Mikoto alcohol-laced bon-bons. "I'm sure they don't even contain a tenth of the love mine does!"
Every girl in the room gave her a look. "Shirai-san, what strange gibberish are you spouting?" Uiharu said, unable to fathom the concept of not eating chocolate available to you.
"Still," Saten said, eyeing the comically huge pile of chocolates in the middle of their dorm room. There had been so many the dorm mother had agreed their friends could come in and help them bring it up so it would stop cluttering the entryway. Now the usual quartet, along with Mitsuko and her harem, er, friends, where resting after the ordeal of bringing the unholy amount of chocolates upstairs. "That's… kind of excessive. I mean, they're small chocolates, but wow, that's a lot. How any do you think it is?"
"About nine thousand, nine hundred and sixty-nine," Mikoto said tiredly. "At least."
Everyone paused and stared at her. "That's… an awfully specific number, Misaka-san," Kinuho said. "Why would you come to that conclusion?"
"Because it's always at least nine thousand, nine hundred and sixty-nine," Mikoto said. She sighed. "Well, might as well get started."
She reached for one of the thousands of identical chocolates, unwrapped it, and began to eat.
"Uh, Misaka-san," Uiharu said worriedly after her 23rd one, "What are you doing?"
"Eating all this, what does it look like?" Mikoto said, already looking pained.
"By yourself?-!" Maaya said, looking horrified at the thought of a single girl eating all that chocolate. After all, there were limits. As in, physical stomach limits.
Mikoto sighed again. "Yeah."
Stupid, annoyingly sweet and thoughtful little sisters. Next year, she really ought to discus the concept of a 'group gift' to them. Ugh, the dent in her wallet come White Day! ARGH!
Fortunately, Mikoto was able to finish it all without gaining much weight. Chasing around disrespectful trolls who refused to learn her real name was good exercise, after all.
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Familiar
Chachamaru poured the tea as she always had, its familiar scent filling the air of the familiar cabin. Evangeline, a private look of satisfaction and contentment on her face, deliberately raised it to her lips and took a sip.
Bliss.
No words were exchanged. They were both exactly where they wanted to be.
They sat, enjoying tea as the familiar sounds of Mahora tearing itself apart and the scent of chocolate drifted in from outside.
Also, UQ never happened. Nothing UQ. Ever. Happened. EVER.
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Re:Valentines of Reminisce
Souta blushed as Meteora handed him a small clear plastic container filled with chocolates.
"Happy Valentines Day, Souta-kun," Meteora Österreich, former NPC mage character, current novelist, said with a small smile. "Please take this as a small token of my esteem." She winked– awkwardly.
"…" Souta said, and decided to ignore that last. "Th-thank you, Meteora-san. I'll treasure it."
"I was hoping you'd eat it, since without proper preservatives it's not going to last very long," Meteora said.
"…" Souta repeated. "I'll do that, thank you."
Meteora nodded. "Now that you've agreed to be my boyfriend– "
"Wait, wait, when did I agree to that?" Souta exclaimed, his blushing renewed.
Meteora tilted her head. "When you accepted my chocolate. Isn't that the social convention here in the land of gods? You accept my chocolate, and therefore implicitly agree into entering a romantic relationship with me."
"N-no, you can accept chocolate without it being that. Giri choco is a thing, after all!" Souta said.
"But this is honmei choco," Meteora clarified. "As it is clearly handmade." There was a pause. "Oh, do you object to being my prospective boyfriend, Souta-kun? Do you hate me?"
"N-no!" Souta said frantically. "O-of course I don't hate you Meteora-san!" A beat. "Wait, 'do you hate me'? Where did that cliched line come from?"
"I saw it in an anime while I was doing important and needful research," Meteora said, giving him a thumbs up.
A part of Souta marveled at how well Meteora had adapted to living in this world. She was already passing off watching anime as research!
"To continue Souta-kun," Meteora said. "I suppose it was presumptuous of me to simply assume your implicit acceptance. Therefore I shall ask you officially. Souta-kun, would you please me my boyfriend from this point onward?"
The blush made its third return. Souta looked around frantically, trying to avoid that earnest, sincere, patient gaze. Finally, he said, "S-sure, Meteora. I-I'd be honored." Taking a deep breath, he met her eyes. "Yes, I'll b-be your b-boyfriend."
Meteroa's smile widened. Then she reached down and took off her top, just pulling the sweater over her head to reveal the plain bra she had on. "Excellent, Souta-kun," she said as she began to reach down to undo her skirt. "Then, please begin disrobing as well."
"!-!-!-!-!" Souta said, the chocolates almost falling from his suddenly numb fingers. "W-wait, what?-!"
The skirt fell down around Meteora's feet. Hooking both thumbs on the waist of her tights, Meteora began to shimmy out of those too. "While it is possible to have sex clothed, given the amount of body-to-body contact needed for maximum physical intimacy, to do so with clothes would be uncomfortable."
"M-Meteora!" Souta managed to choke out, averting his gaze as Meteora ditched her tights, with the panties soon following after. "Why are we going straight to sex! I only just said yes!"
Meteora paused in unclipping her bra. "Souta-kun," she said after a moment, "do you remember when we first met, and you asked me to tidy up your room?"
Souta blinked, dimly recalling that memory. "Yes…?" he said.
"I found your Avalken of Reminisce hentai doujin," Meteora said.
Souta had never wanted to die more as he recalled that, yes, he had owned a few of those, involving the main character of the game and… Meteora Österreich… having sex… right away…
"Eh…" he said, wishing the ground would swallow him up. No such luck. "Er, in my defense… it was before everything started?"
There was a soft thump as the bra fell, and Souta was alone in the apartment with a naked woman. "I have no objection against doing a re-enactment of those Creations," Meteora said, just the faintest hint of a blush on her face as she stepped forward and gently took Souta's face in her hands, urging him to face her.
Their eyes met.
Then she deliberately angled his gaze downward.
Souta swallowed.
"Of course," Meteora said, "I do have a request of my own." And here her own blush became slightly more pronounced.
And that's how Souta and his first girlfriend had their first time while Souta was wearing a Selesia Upitiria wig.
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More Learning Love Stories With Manga: Teatime Assortment
Nursery Rhyme stared. She rubbed her eyes, her wooden fingers somehow not gouging out her eyeballs, and looked again. Still there.
"D-don't get the wrong idea," Jack said, looking sideways evasively. "It's not like we like tea parties now or anything! It's merely because we don't want you to bring more chocolate to life and have them make a mess all over the place. Hmph!"
Lancer Jeanne Alter Santa Lily rolled her eyes as she sipped her tea at those words, while Bunyan just smiled widely and munched contentedly on a pizza-sized cookie.
"Um, okay?" Nursery Rhyme said. Despite herself, she smiled as she sat down, looking very happy as she was handed her own tea. "If you say so Jack!"
"Hmph, we knew you'd misunderstand," Jack said, still looking sideways. For an easily-influenced, legendary serial killer, Jack the Ripper had a really cute pout when she was acting more childish than usual. Nonchalantly, the Assassin held out a chocolate bar. "Here! This is best-friend chocolate. That's all it is, okay? Best friend chocolate! It's not like you're mama or anything! Hmph!"
The Santa and the Lumberjack exchanged a look and rolled their eyes again. Nursery Rhyme's smile widened.
And they had tea and best friend chocolate while everyone else managed to summon an Evil Chocolate Holy Grail-thingy.
It was another perfectly ordinary romantic holiday in Chaldea.
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All-Star Stranger Things
Friends Lost. Friends Found. Party United. Next Step.
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Sexy Mothafuckah
"…" Illya said as the pile of chocolates on Kuro's desk kept getting bigger, while the dark-skinned girl merely leaned back casually, a smug look on her face, occasionally thanking the girl giving her chocolate and whispering something unintelligible in their ear that left them blushing.
"…" Miyu agreed much more eloquently since she had experience in "…".
"Aw, are you jealous Illya-chan, Miyu-chan?" Kuro smirked, giving them a wink. "Don't worry, you're still number one with me."
"Jealous? I'm not jealous? Who's jealous? Why would anyone be jealous of you?" Illya snapped back a little too quickly to be believable. She pointed at the pile. "Why the heck do you have so many? Since when did you get so popular?"
Kuro raised an eyebrow, and Illya ignored the murmurs around her of how sexy it was. "Eh? I've always been popular with the girls, Illya-chan. Remember the first day I came here?" Kuro blew several kisses around, and there were squeals from various girls in the room.
A nerve throbbed in Illya's head.
Kuro did not manage to dodge the six-pack of pudding thrown at her face. She fell off her chair as Illya stormed out in a huff.
"Ow," Kuro said, lying down on the floor. A shadow fell over her and she looked up to see Miyu looking down on her with a concerned look. Kuro took a moment to enjoy the view of her panties. "That could have gone better."
Miyu nodded in agreement, let her own six-pack of pudding fall straight down onto Kuro's face, and followed after Illya.
"In hindsight, maybe I should have prioritized better…"
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VLNTNS
"Weiss, be honest," Yang said blandly, watching all the annoying love-dovey couples walking arm in arm, exchanging chocolates, presenting flowers, and being annoyingly not-single. "Is Valentines Day some sort of big scam by the SDC to sell overpriced chocolate, flowers and stuffed Ursa?"
"Why would the SDC have anything to do with it?" Weiss said, sounding equally bland. "We're a Dust company, not a chocolate company or a florist or whatever nightmare fetishist thinks a stuffed Ursa doll is romantic!"
"Let me rephrase then," Yang said. "Is Valentines Day a big scam by a chocolate, floral and/or tasteless doll-related SDC subsidiary to sell overpriced chocolate, flowers and stuffed Ursa?"
Weiss turned to her, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Yang, you know I'd never lie to you," she said with earnest sincerity. Then turned around and walked away.
"Damn, so this IS your fault, Schnee?-!" Yang roared.
Somewhere, Ruby and Neo ate ice-cream sandwich cookies, nursing their forbidden love. Really, Yang and Roman would never approve. Or understand. Ice-cream and cookies needed to be together, damn it!
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Even More Learning Love Stories With Manga: Mama and Papa
It was a perfectly ordinary hallway in Chaldea. Through the windows, snow fell. Of course snow fell. It was always snowing in the Mountains of Madness.
In the hallway, a door slid opened. Helena Blavatsky, Caster, poked her head out warily, quickly glancing in both directions before stepping out, straightening her tube top and pulling down her skirt. She was quickly followed by Altera née Attila, who was awkwardly trying to wipe a fluid from her well-tanned thighs, the sight of which Helena studiously avoided.
For a moment, they made awkward non-eye contact. "This didn't happen," Helena said. "Again."
"What happened?" Altera said, unconsciously straightening her… barbarian rags?… a move that had Helena gritting her teeth and looking intently at the snow out the window. "Nothing happened. If anything had happened, it would have been bad civilization… not that there's anything wrong with that, merely that a civilization that engages only in homosexual, non-procreative sex is doomed to die with or without me."
Helena coughed. "Well, I have to go make sure my boys haven't killed each other while I was gone… " she said awkwardly and walked furtively away.
Altera, looking so obviously guilty Holmes could probably have tracked her through the walls, went as quickly in the opposite direction.
Silence fell on the corridor.
Eventually, the door next to the vacated room opened. Helena Blavatsky, Swimsuit Archer, poked her head out warily, quickly glancing in both directions before stepping out, straightening her bikini top and pulling her coat straight. She was quickly followed by Santa Archer Altera née Attila, who was awkwardly trying to wipe a fluid from her well-tanned thighs, the sight of which Helena studiously avoided…
It was another perfectly ordinary post-event walk of shame in Chaldea.
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- End for 2/14/2018
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A/N: Still no inspiration or productivity. Damn.
Please review, C&C welcome.
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.