You should never be alone
Chapter 3
Smokescreen had managed to sneak out of the base early that morning as he wasn't needed and had already done his patrol. He had not spoken of his encounter with the decepticon and the human femme knowing he'd only be scolded for his actions but there was no hiding something from Optimus Prime so figured that it would be better to find Isabella and talk to her about what she saw before bringing her in. He found it quite easy to look her up using the internet as he drove into Jasper Nevada. It took a few minutes but he was able to locate her address so he knew where to go looking for her though he did feel bad for leaving her so hastily the previous night. She did have some kind of panic attack that required him to try and calm her down before she would undoubtedly pass out.
As he pulled up outside her small house just outside the centre of the town he couldn't help but wonder about her disorder that Jack Darby told him about. Was that what he saw last night?
Smokescreen was about to activate his holoform when he noticed that it was quite early in the morning still and it would be rather inconsiderate if him to interfere with her daily morning activities. Having been told look into human customs by Ratchet so that he was more knowledgeable of the humans he had that mostly took a while to fully awaken from their recharge and that they would consume a certain type of fuel to get more energy in the morning so they became more awake which seemed sort of strange to him but then again it was a different planet so things were going to be different and he happily accepted that. The rookie was mostly disappointed that he could not explore the planet as much as he wanted to because he was under tight orders from Optimus and had to protect it from the decepticons.
He waited a bit more taking note of the neighbourhood she lived in. It was small and quiet, there were only a few houses around and a park just down the street so there was plenty of space for people to walk. Just as his attention went back to her house he took particular notice that her curtains were open already unlike everyone else's. Activating his holoform beside his alt form he frowned and walked up to the door ringing the doorbell in the hopes that she was in. Although he wasn't exactly sure how he was going to explain any of it to her seeing as she definitely wouldn't recognise him as his holoform. Instead of a 25ft mech there would be a 5ft7 24 year-old with bright sky blue optics and light blonde hair with small red highlights that framed the top of his head. His hair was fairly long as it stretched down to the bottom of his ears. He wore a white shirt where the sleeves turned to blue once it stretched to just below his shoulders, Deep blue jeans covered his legs that stretched down to white and blue sneakers.
The rookie waited patiently, knocking on the door a couple of times he finally got the message that she wasn't home which was odd for a human. Now what was he supposed to do? He couldn't go back to base without her. Smokescreen was trying to be responsible by explaining to her what she saw and then taking her to the base so that Optimus could decide what should be done next.
"I have to find her" he whispered as his holofom dissolved away and his true form roared to life. Immediately he zipped out of the drive and away from the small yellow tinted house. He didn't know Isabella so it wasn't like he knew where to look for her, which meant that he would have to look everywhere that he could.
From where she lived he realised that where he had located her last night was quite far from her home and he had left her all alone last night after being called away. His guilty feeling growing as he realised what he had done. His alt-mode sped up as he was becoming more frantic about finding her. He'd searched the surrounding neighbourhoods and the middle of the town around where he knew Jack worked but there was no sign of her. It wasn't like he could ask someone if they had seen her, it was early in the morning and people hadn't even begun starting to go to work yet. He turned each corner tight, his wheels screeching from the sudden friction that begun to burn into the tires though he could handle it easily. As he turned the next corner he noticed a small figure further down the street disappear behind a battered fence, considering that it was the only person he had really seen since he'd been driving around he took it as the woman he was looking for. Changing course he slowly made his way up to what appeared to be an old abandoned house. The perimeter of the house was boarded up with high fence panels to keep people out thought the gate was open for him to gently drive into so that he could follow after her.
He saw as he drove up to her small form that the house was pretty wrecked; windows were smashed and had black burned marks on them and some of the walls had crumbled down and part of the roof was missing. Smokescreen saw Isabella standing in front of the house with a camera around her neck she lifted it up to her eye so that she could take a photo before she heard the soft rumble of his engine and turned quickly on the spot to face him, a little worry and fear in her eyes.
She didn't say anything only returning her attention back to photographing her the ruined building. She had to stop to take in a deep breath as she was sure that she could slowly feel herself start to panic again. "Come to tell me to keep quiet otherwise you'll squish me?"
"I've er…actually come to explain and apologise" he was nervous as he spoke to her. "I'm sorry you got involved yesterday, I shouldn't have been there. I was there becau-"
"Wait! That's your apology" she turned frantically to face him at this point Smokescreen inspected the area before seeing it fit to transform. His body shifted and moved with grace as he went from an Indy 500 to a giant robot. When he stood to his full height and looked down upon her he could see that she frightened and it was getting worse as time passed. Calmly he kneeled down so that he was close to but held his servos up to signify that he wasn't going to hurt her. The red head seemed more hurt that he was apologising rather than that he got her involved. "It means nothing to me"
"Then let me explain. My name is Smokescreen, I'm an autobot from the planet Cybertron. We're here to protect Earth and its population from the decepticons" he was being very mature as he handled the situation. He saw the confusion written all over her face and couldn't help but give her one of his kind smiles. "Decepticons are like us but they only seek to destroy and rule over everything. What you saw last night was a couple of vehicons that were targeting me because I was out in the open. I was actually just patrolling when I found you"
"Found me? More like eavesdropping. You were listening to me sing and then decided to drift around on the street in front of me" she didn't seem too pleased with his excuse.
His spark filled with guilt. His face down looking as though he had just been told to go to his room. "I can understand why your angr-"
"Angry!" she snapped at him. Realising that he emotions were helping her she took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. She listened to the sound of nearby people getting ready for the day and the morning birds tweeting in a nearby tree. The early breeze brushing through her fiery red hair. "I'm not angry that I was somehow caught up in a death match"
"You're not?" now the white mech was confused. His helm turning to the side as he tried to figure out what else she could be upset over.
Sighing she opened her eyes again to stare into his blue ones. She saw nothing but kindness in them, the urge the help and protect. It was something that drew her in further for somehow there was so much emotion within them. "You were with Jack, he must have told you who I am. What I am"
"Just that your name is Isabella and that you have a disorder" she guessed right.
"I have an increased panic attack disorder" She seemed to look ashamed of herself, her eyes filling with water "I am a broke person. My life is one whole scare to me, I have panic attacks frequently unless I take daily medication and attend therapy otherwise I have them when something really scary or surprising things happens to me. I have to carry my medication around with me if my condition gets really dangerous and guess what; I had to take one yesterday after you left!"
It then hit him. "You're angry because I left you" he admitted
She looked to the ground as if she was acting childish "You don't know me Smokescreeen" Isabella went back to photographing the house and began to ignore him.
He could see that she was hurt and understood that perhaps what he did was wrong. She had suffered a panic attack and as soon as he had calmed her down he had immediately left her when she was vulnerable which he knew now looking back on it that he shouldn't have done. Anything could have happened to her. Even though he made a mistake again he was going to rectify it. Somehow.
"Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here
That I don't understand
Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart
They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them
No, I don't need them
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable
Her singing caught his audio receptors again. It drawing him in every time he heard it.
Oh, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet
Love of my life
Oh, I need this"
He couldn't help but sit quietly and listen to her. Her song sounded lonely. As if it were normal for her to spend her like this; in isolation.
"I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable
Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?
Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
No, I don't need them
I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this
I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
The angel sweet
Love of my life
Oh, I need this
Well, is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving
You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch your death
Oh, I mean it
Oh, I need this"
Smokescreen contemplated leaving at that moment but that would be wrong and he was going to make sure that he didn't mess up again. It would be irresponsible of him to up and leave her again. "Then let me" he was quiet as he spoke but Isabella still heard him. She peered over her shoulder to see his curious gaze staring straight at her. "Let me know you Isabella. I would like to get to know you"
She was actually surprised that he was asking her this. What possibly could he get from becoming friends with her? He got nothing but silence form her as if she was stunned that he would suggest such as thing. The rookie had noticed how the red head had described herself as broken though there wasn't much difference between her and any other human on the planet.
"Call me Bella" she turned to him a smile on her lips. However, before she could say anything else her phone in her pocket began to ring but instead of digging it out and answering she just ignored it.
Smokescreens helm twisting slightly in confusion "Are you not going to answer that?" he point to the pocket to which the noise seemed to be coming from.
"It'll only be my parents wanting to make plans for a party for my birthday tomorrow, not that I want one"
"I thought humans liked their birthdays?" he questioned her actions after researching that humans looked forward to their celebrations of their birthdays.
"I do but my parents take it too far sometimes and it usually ends in an argument because they think I should be in relationship by now but I'm not. Believe me if I had a boyfriend it would just be me and him"
He didn't have anything to say to her then. He was actually quite touched at how she would prefer to spend her creation day, the fact that she preferred to be alone with the one she loved instead of her creators. He was quite happy that he had managed to apologise and explain what had happened last night and now she had allowed him to be around her and get to know her though he wasn't sure if it was a good idea considering the decepticons targeted her the previous night. Though he was planning on bringing her to the base but he didn't know quite how to tell her without upsetting her again and considering he knew a bit more about her disorder he wanted to be careful so that he didn't cause for her to have another panic attack.
"So…How come you're not in relationship?" Bella rolled her eyes, the same question being put to her every year.
She turned to him putting her camera away in her backpack. "No one want's to be with a disease like me and if they did it would be a huge responsibility, like looking after a child"
"You're not a disease Bella"
The red head laughed "I have a disorder that means that at any time I could freak out for no logical reason. I have to take daily medication and attend therapy every week so that the only times I will panic is when something frightening happens. There have been times when I don't want to take my medication and if that happens someone has to be there for me to make sure that I do. You really think anyone would love me?"
His voice was caught in his throat as he wanted to reply but didn't want to sound foolish in front of her. Thinking a moment he knew what to do. His body shifted down to his alt mode and the driver's door swung open. Isabella was lost for words when out came a young man. She noted that he was slightly taller than her and had bright blue eyes with pale blond hair with small red highlights. He approached her slowly and chuckled at her stunned face and her mouth that hung open. Smokescreen lifted her chin up to close her mouth before reaching out for her hands, taking them gently in his he felt the softness of her skin under his. "I think anyone would stupid to not want to be with you"
At his words she blushed, the redness filling her cheeks. Taking her hands back she reached out to explore him. Her fingers tangling in his hair and then running down his cheeks. "How?"
"It's called a holoform – a piece of technology that allows cybertronians to create a small versions of ourselves. Every part of me is real" he pulled her hands to his chest where she felt a small beat inside. "It's rare now. Since the war started everyone deleted their holoforms seeing no purpose to it but I kept mine hoping to go to an organic planet one day"
"And you did" she whispered locking her emerald eyes with his sky blue ones. She was sure that her heart skipped a beat as she stared at him. "Smokescreen, why were you there last night and outside the crafts shop with Jack?"
He coughed in his throat at the question, breaking the gaze. "I'm actually new on this planet. Jack was teaching me traffic laws and we just happened to stop there and last night I was just trying to relax after I messed up on a mission, I was frustrated with myself" he then rubbed the back of his head knowing that time was getting on and there was no point in trying to avoid the inevitable. "The others don't know about my holoform so I'd be grateful if you didn't say anything"
She stepped back from him. "I have to meet the other autobots?"
"Sorry but rules are rules and Optimus doesn't know about our encounter yesterday. I preferred being responsible and telling you first before following protocol and going back to await Primes orders" she understood perfectly well that he needed to take her with him so that they could protect her but she wasn't quite sure she could handle meeting them all in one day and was pretty sure that no amount of medication would help her this time. It wasn't exactly written on the back of her prescription should something like this happen.
"I…I completely understand but the thought of doing that right now is putting me on edge a little" Smokescreens face suddenly turned worried that he may be putting pressure on her "Remember with me things have got to go slow. Can I go tomorrow? It's already been a hell of day and it's only the beginning of the day"
He nodded in agreement knowing that things had to be done delicately around her and he was patient, willing to wait. Even Optimus couldn't argue against that.
"Then perhaps I can escort you home?" he moved to the passenger door opening it to her to invite her in. Taking a small glance back to the abandoned house she realised she was still stood in front of she gave him a warm smile and took his offer. Slowly sitting down inside. The door closing behind her and Smokescreens holoform dissolving away. At once the Indy 500 sprung to life, the seatbelt wrapping around her before they slowly made their way out to the road. They had to be quick as time had passed and now there were plenty of people about. Though it didn't stop the rookie from showing off as he accelerated down the street but stopped when he came to an intersection.
He made sure to follow by all the traffic laws that he had learned from Jack as he drove her home. It was as they were cruising together that it finally hit her that she was riding inside of an alien from another planet. "So what's your planet like?"
"Its dead right now, the war killed it" his voice was saddened at the thought of his ravished home.
She immediately felt guilty for reminding him of it "I'm sorry Smokescreen"
"It's okay. I wasn't around when Cybertron went dark so I feel lucky to only have memories of Cybertron when it was habitable, but when it was alive it was amazing. Cybertrons sun sparkled in the sky and shined off of all the surfaces that it warmed your spark to know that it was there. Then at night the stars danced in the sky with our two moons, it didn't matter whether it was night or day you were kept warm knowing that you were being watched over by the sun and moons" as Isabella listened she shifted in her seat, the feeling of warmth over coming her as she loved to hear of this other world.
"It sounds so beautiful" her heart bet fastened
"It was but it's all gone now"
"Is there no way to bring it back?" that was when Smokescreen remembered the Omega keys that the autobots had discovered recently that can revive the planet. As they pulled up to Bella's house he informed her of the keys and the potential to bring their home back but then he had to mention the down side to where the decepticons also know of the keys abilities. If the cons revived Cybertron then the planet would be lost and Earth would surely fall.
His alt form parked into her drive as he activated his holoform that quickly fizzled outside her door. He smiled as he opened the door for her and helped her out. "Thank you Smokescreen" she returned his friendly gesture but saw that he seemed disappointed to leave already. "I want to show you something" she unlocked her door and pulled him in, shutting it behind him. The rookie couldn't believe his eyes when he regained his footing as he saw that he home was filled with her artwork. The walls were covered in framed drawings or hung up canvases that she had painted while other canvases that she had no room for on the walls were leant against each other on the floor, though there was plenty of room to move. "Sorry about the mess but I can never put myself to get rid of these"
She set her bag down along with her jacket before moving into the lounge. The blonde followed right after her and was stunned to see even more paintings. However in this room there were more photos hung up instead of art. His eyes set firmly on one particularly of a large lake with a city in the background, the sky was lit with all kinds of warm colours. "It looks just like the great lake of Iacon on Cybertron" She soon joined him at the piece that was set on top of some others. "I painted that last week, took me forever to get the water the right way" she noted the way that he was staring at it, his yearn to be home and see it himself. "You have can have it if you want"
His eyes locked with hers at what she was suggesting. She offered to him to take her painting that reminded him so much of his home. "But it's your work"
"And it can be my work that I gave to you" she laughed as she moved away, standing up straight he followed to where she now stood with a canvas and pencil. "Smoke, can I paint you?" His face was that of a child as she called him by his nickname and shyly asked if she use him as a model for one of her pieces. His cheeks flushed red. "It's just that your…holoform has the most remarkable features" her hand moved up to cup his cheek but just as she realised what she was doing and was going to retract her arm she felt his face nuzzle into her warm touch which made her blush.
"Sure, where do you want me?" he looked around and noticed a single chair by the fireplace. He sat down and made himself comfortable. Bella moved over to him and grasped his arms moving them so that crossed over his knees as he was sat. "So you really think I'm model material" he smirked at her which earned him a playful punch on his shoulder. The red head then moved over to her canvas that was already set up on a canvas in the middle of the room, her fingers quickly found her pencils and she immediately set to drawing his form.
"Just stay looking at me and don't let any of this go to your head, I've never really painted a portrait of someone before"
"But there are people in some of your other pieces" he pointed to one in particular which made her glare at him for moving.
"It's not the same though. Those people are part of the landscape while this is solely focussed on you"
"Well, I'm honoured"
The rookie watched her as she kept looking from her sketch to him. Her eyes mainly focussing on him. He couldn't help but lose himself in her. Her emerald eyes were so focused that there would be nothing that would draw them away and her fiery red hair waved down to her shoulders. "So how come you paint so much?"
Isabella sighed at the question, it was often asked by those that visited her thought that didn't happen as often. "It was a hobby that I got into when I was young, it helped distract me from disorder and allowed me to see the beauty in everyday" she could see that he sort of understood her so she knew that she had to elaborate further "Drawing, painting and photographing showed me that there is so much natural beauty in the world and we all rush about day and night ignoring it"
"You have a huge appreciation for the environment, Bella"
She smiled as he complimented. Smokescreen was glad that he was sitting because he knew that his knees would have buckled at her sweet smile. "I told myself when I moved away from my parents that when the chance came to leave and travel I would take it"
"Really? How close are you?" he was intrigued by her ambition to leave.
"I could probably afford it but I just don't have the guts to go by myself. Not with how I am"
He frowned at how she talked about herself again but his face then returned back to normal as he realised that he needed to keep a straight face. "What's the worst that could happen?"
She was actually quite surprised that he had asked that. Was he not listening earlier? "I get depression from taking meds all the time, I then come off my meds and make everything worse" she put the situation right in front of him. "It's happened before. That's why my mum visits me at least twice a month to check up on me"
Smokescreen quickly piped up at her words "Twice a month! Creators should be with their sparklings more than that"
"I wouldn't worry about it Smoke, it's how my parents are. I'm a burden on them and this is just them being as ignorant as possible without actually cutting me off" her eyes were saddened by the thought of her parents not being as supportive as she would have liked. Smokescreen could feel for her and wished that he could put some sense into her creators.
At that moment a beeping sound came from next to Isabella. Both of their eyes adverted to the alert from her mobile that was vibrating on the sofa. She turned it off and moved out of the room quickly leaving Smokescreen in confusion. She soon returned with a glass of water and a small box in her hand. Her hand dug into the box and pulled out two small blue capsules that she immediately placed onto her tongue and then took a few sips of water. Noticing the holoforms bewildered face she couldn't help but giggle while she swallowed. "My medication; I set an alarm so that I take it at the same time every day and don't forget" he nodded in understanding. "So why were you frustrated yesterday?"
"Huh"
"You mentioned earlier that you were driving around yesterday because you were frustrated"
He was actually memorised that she remembered that small detail and was more interested in why he felt such a way. She was so empathetic even towards him. He was sure that no one not even his fellow bots would be interested in his feelings especially since he had arrived on Earth. He hadn't exactly made the best starts but neither was it the worst. As she continued to sketch on to the canvas in front of her he opened his mouth finally letting out everything that he had kept to himself.