54. Visitors

Olivia can't stop smiling. Her boss and closest coworkers have collectively fallen in love with baby Chris. He's gotten three instant uncles in one go. They've all brought gifts and Olivia is touched by their attentiveness. Cragen is currently holding Chris and cooing at him almost like a proud grandpa. Chris doesn't really respond to him yet, being just a day old, but the Captain is convinced that he'll be able to get the newborn to smile. It would be a true miracle but the older man tells her he still believes in miracles.

"Just look at this baby," he says by way of explanation, and they all agree.

Elliot makes sure everyone has something to drink and when it's Fin's turn to hold Chris, Cragen sits up and clears his throat, and Olivia has an idea what's coming. She is tucked away comfortably in a pile of pillows in the corner of the couch, but she feels herself tense up a little when she sees Cragen look at Elliot and back at her.

"So," he begins and she can tell Elliot is catching on as well. "How are things between you two now that the baby is here?"

Olivia makes an effort not to look at Elliot because she really has no idea how things are between them now. Then Elliot responds.

"It's a bit hectic right now, sir. We haven't really had a chance to adapt. I can't speak for Liv but I think we need to feel grounded again before we can say how it's going."

Cragen nods, staring at both of them intently.

"Do you think you'll be able to work together again when Olivia comes back?"

Now she does glance at Elliot, who looks at her as well. They're not sure what to do with the question. Olivia decided to tackle this one.

"Well, work hasn't really been on my mind lately but once I get back on my feet, I really don't see why not? Why do you ask?"

Cragen's dark eyes move from her to Elliot and back a few times before he speaks again.

"I know this baby isn't Elliot's, Olivia, but I'm not blind. You two have gotten even closer than before lately and you're sharing an apartment. It's not that hard to put one and one together. Now, before you blow up at me again," he adds quickly, looking Elliot dead in the eye, "I'm not accusing you of anything and I'm not judging you. I just … need to know what to prepare for."

It's on the tip of her tongue to tell him, 'once you find out, let me know', but she swallows the words just in time. She is surprised when she hears Elliot voice almost the same thought when he tells their boss,

"I think things need to settle down here first before we can answer that question."

The reply is neutral enough but she knows he means they will have to have a serious talk first. Elliot has told her he isn't going back to Kathy but she still has her doubts. He has always gone back. On top of that, she feels like he's really having a problem with Miguel suddenly. What was he even on about earlier? Does he really think she'd want to pursue a relationship with Miguel if he would want that, simply because he's the biological father of her child? Aside from the fact that Miguel isn't interested in being a father, he's not interested in being with her either. He's a decent man but they're not in love. Hasn't she made it clear enough to Elliot how she feels about him?

She starts to wonder about that and doesn't pay much attention to the talking around her anymore, until Elliot nudges her gently.

"Liv?"

"What?" she asks, frowning. What did she miss?

"Cap just said he's going to check back with you about going back to work in about four weeks. That okay with you?"

"Oh yes. Sure. I … I hope I'll have gotten some sleep by then."

She scans the room for her baby and sees that Munch is now walking around the room, rocking little Chris to sleep. His eyes are drooping and Munch is actually singing something to him very softly.

"Gotta wonder why he never had any kids of his own," Fin muses, looking at his partner. He looks like a natural.

"At least you'll never have a problem finding a sitter," Cragen chuckles. "We're all just gonna wait in line."

Olivia smiles, suddenly a little overwhelmed by emotion. She knows having cops as babysitters isn't exactly practical but she appreciates the sentiment so much that she feels like crying a little. This really is her family and she needs them. She glances at Elliot, who gives her a weak smile and then starts clearing the coffee table. What is he thinking? She should have paid more attention to the conversation with Cragen. They really need to talk but she's getting tired. She's been up for several hours and no matter how badly she wants to be strong again, for now her body is telling her she needs to rest. She's been told that in a way, giving birth can be compared to having major surgery. She can't expect to be up and about just a day later.

When the guys leave to go back to work, she manages to get up from the couch. She hugs all of them and tells them she hopes they'll be back soon. It was great to see them again and to know that while her life has changed forever in many ways, some things will stay the same. Her unit will still be there when she's ready to return.

For now, Elliot makes sure that she takes a nap before Chris needs her again and she doesn't protest. She freshens up first so she won't have a repeat of earlier, and when she enters her bedroom, she finds Elliot just finishing changing her bedding.

"Thanks," she says quietly.

"Not a problem," he mumbles. "Just hop in."

"I won't be hopping for a while," she jokes and Elliot just grins at her.

He watches as she gets comfortable in bed and checks on Chris, who is back in his crib, before leaving the room quietly. The silence between them is thick. They know they have a lot to talk about but Olivia is too tired now to process anything. Sleep comes to her very easily and as she dozes off, she wonders if she'll ever feel rested again.

…

It's time for lunch and after feeding and changing her son, Olivia walks over to the dinner table. She sits down gingerly, grateful that Elliot has placed a cushion on her seat. There's food on the table already, and when Elliot joins her, she thinks that maybe they can talk at last. But then he tells her,

"Alex Cabot called while you were sleeping. She wants to come over. That okay with you?"

"Yes," she says instantly. She's looking forward to seeing her friend again and to show off her baby.

"I thought so. I told her she could drop by after lunch. She'll be here shortly."

"Oh."

"If that's too soon, I'll call her back Liv. No problem."

"No. No, it's fine, really."

"Maureen called again too."

Elliot smiles faintly and she knows how badly his oldest daughter wants to see the baby. She nods and forces a smile. Their talk will have to wait, again.

"It's fine, El. I understand that everyone wants to meet him."

His faint smile widens a bit.

"Well, what's not to love."

Her own smile widens now too and the tension she had felt between them, abates a little. Thinking of her beautiful baby boy will do that to her.

"Can you believe that he was inside me the whole time?"

"It's amazing, isn't it? A real miracle from God."

Olivia tilts her head and watches her partner but he keeps his eyes on his food for now, chewing slowly. Somehow it reassures her that Elliot sees her child as a miracle from God. She doesn't really know how that works in his church, but she also knows that he doesn't follow the church blindly. His church may say that having a child out of wedlock is a sin, but he can still see the miracle of the new life in her child. And his Maureen was conceived out of wedlock as well after all, and he couldn't love her more. He's told her before that each person is of great value to God, no matter how they came into the world. She used to apply those words to herself but they now apply to her son as well.

"Yes, he is," she agrees quietly.

They finish their meal in silence and Elliot checks the time when he stands up and picks up their plates. Olivia knows she should prepare for Alex's visit and decides to check herself in the mirror. She hasn't really given her appearance a second thought yet today but for some reason, Alex coming over makes her wonder what she looks like.

It's a little shocking to see the dark rings around her eyes. She knew she'd probably look tired but it's worse than she thought. She decides to put some moisturizer on her face. No makeup, but the cream will be good for her skin. She tries to comb her hair but her half-long locks aren't really cooperating. There's so much of it, too. When she finally emerges from the bathroom, Elliot has cleaned up and is making coffee.

"You want some tea?" he asks her.

She'd love a cup of coffee but doesn't want to risk it yet, since she's breastfeeding Chris, and so she accepts the offer of tea instead. She lingers a bit behind Elliot, but when he doesn't say anything else, she decides to check on Chris and start collecting some laundry, including the bedding Elliot had left in the corner of her room. It will give her something to do until Alex and Maureen get there.

Elliot shows up within a minute.

"What do you think you're doing?" he says, softly for Chris's sake but very urgently.

"Picking up laundry," she says rather superfluously.

"You're not supposed to be doing any bending over yet," Elliot huffs. "I can do that."

Olivia sighs. She knows he's probably right but she was actually trying to get away from him for a few minutes. The longer they don't talk, the less comfortable she feels around him and right now she wishes that their company would get there already so they'd have some distraction. She'll probably be dead tired again by the time they leave and she just wants to get this day over with.

"Just rest for a few minutes," Elliot urges, taking the bedding out of her hands. "I'll bring you your tea and I'll call you when they're here."

She sighs again. She hates not being able to do things but he's right of course. She's still sort of a patient, even if she's not a very patient one.

Elliot leaves to get the hamper and collect the rest of their laundry and comes back with her tea before leaving her alone. After sipping some of her tea, Olivia gives in and lays down on the bed for a few minutes. Just when she starts to relax, she hears the doorbell. She squeezes her eyes shut, trusting that Elliot will get the door, and enjoys her last moments on the comfortable mattress before she will have to get up again. Her body is still sore and bloated and she can't imagine ever getting her figure back or be fit again. She rolls to the side of the bed and pushes herself up sideways, like she had learned to do in the final stages of her pregnancy. She stands up and instantly steps closer to her sleeping son. He is still a miracle to her. A miracle of God indeed. He's so beautiful and so complete and she feels an all-encompassing responsibility for this brand-new life that she has been entrusted with. She worries if she'll be able to take care of him alone, and her thoughts drift back to Elliot. She hears him let their guests in, it sounds like Alex and Maureen are coming in together. He's still here but she doesn't know what to make of him. He has barely touched her since they got back from the hospital, except in the bathroom. But that doesn't count. He'd basically behaved like a nurse. And he'd been talking about Miguel. She doesn't get that part at all.

She watches her son sleep for a few more moments and realizes how much he looks like his daddy. The tanned skin, the dark, slightly curly hair. Even his long, elegant little fingers. It's unmistakable. He's going to be one handsome boy when he grows up. She leans over him and kisses his cheek. She inhales his smell, that is part baby soap, part mother's milk and part something she can only describe as Chris.

A soft knock on her door tells her that Elliot is hoping she'll join them, and she moves to the door quickly. She opens it a crack and whispers to Elliot,

"I'll be right out."

She adjusts her clothes, checking that her socks are still on straight and then opens the door completely to meet her visitors.

…

A/N: I'm so sorry that this isn't much … writing for this one is going very slowly at the moment. Reviews are appreciated anyway!