I'm glad some of you are liking the mother-baby bonding scenes. Like I said before in this story with regards to the pregnancy, I have put some of my own experience into it. This also goes for the baby stuff :) Getting to know your own child is such an adventure.
Now, some of you who have been keeping track of this story may have been waiting for this next part ... I know it's been a long time but I was always planning to have Elliot explain himself a lot better to Olivia. And this seems to be as good a time as any. Enjoy?

...

59. Explanation

Elliot's own frustration is showing and he's raised his voice. Olivia wonders if the former spouses are going to start arguing. She doesn't want her son to wake up but Kathy gets louder now too.

"Go on, Elliot. Let it all out. Maybe now is the time, since we're all here. Right or wrong, why was it so horrible to implicate Liv? Is she going to be the one to fill the void after all? Since you just said … how did you call it? You fell out of love with me, and that created room for someone else?"

Olivia swallows hard. What will Elliot say now? He stands up and looks down at his ex-wife menacingly before he tells her in no uncertain terms,

"As a matter of fact, yes."

...

"What?" both women gasp simultaneously.

They stare up at Elliot, who is still looking down at Kathy. Olivia can't help wondering if he's not only looking down at her literally but also figuratively now. She can't see his face but she can see Kathy's reaction to it very clearly. The woman is shocked.

But who wouldn't be, after what Elliot has just said? Has he just admitted to Kathy that he wants to be with his partner? It feels like the temperature in the room has just dropped a few degrees and Olivia shivers.

"You heard me," Elliot says, lowering his voice. Then he glances at Olivia over his shoulder and turns to face her.

"It's true," he tells both of them, sitting back down next to Olivia.

He's sitting so close to her now that the side of his knee bumps into hers and Olivia feels her heartbeat speeding up. Both women are silent, attempting to process Elliot's words and interpret them. What is true? What has he just told both of them?

"It's like I said," Elliot continues. "For years, there was absolutely no room for another woman in my life. Not in that way, anyway. I never stopped trying to convince you, Kathy, that I wanted you and only you. But you kept pushing me away until finally, I found myself start to give up."

Olivia wants to reach out and touch Elliot to comfort him, because the defeat is written all over his face and it is so not like him to give up. Ever. Meanwhile, his ex-wife is sipping her tea and Olivia wonders if she's even listening to Elliot.

"I guess what happened when I started to give up, was a very natural process. Olivia was already my friend and someone I could talk to about the job. And over time, I found myself wanting to be with her more than I wanted to be with you."

Kathy is staring at her ex-husband blankly now and Olivia wonders if she's processing anything anymore.

"I did want to go home, always. For the kids," Elliot adds and Olivia can feel the lump forming in his throat herself. "But over time, I didn't feel at home anymore with you."

Olivia is trembling. She doesn't remember now what she had expected to happen today, but it sure wasn't this. Elliot is pouring his heart out in front of both his ex-wife and his new love. Because that's what he's saying, isn't it? That she's his new love?

"And you felt at home with her?"

It looks like Elliot's defeat is contagious because Kathy's shoulders sag and she bows her head.

"I did. And I do," Elliot confirms.

He reaches for Olivia's hand and holds it, resting their joined hands on his thigh.

"I was right all along," Kathy whispers. "I can't believe I was right all along."

"Have you been listening to anything I've said?" Elliot asks her, and Olivia can feel the tension rising again in his body.

"You pushed me away, Kathy! Your constant distrust pushed me away. Things would be very different if you hadn't done that. I didn't want to be pushed away. That's on you and I refuse to apologize for finally giving up on you. I did everything I could. Everything! It was just never enough."

Olivia squeezes his hand and he squeezes it back lightly without looking at her. His eyes are fixed on Kathy, who is now staring at both of them again.

"But if you had never met Olivia …" Kathy starts but Elliot cuts her off immediately.

"You would still have lost me! Maybe it would have taken longer because your paranoia kicked into overdrive once you met my new partner, but you would still have broken my will to try any longer eventually. I just can't … I can't do it anymore."

Elliot is squeezing Olivia's hand very hard now and she gently extracts it from his grip, so she can move it to his back. She caresses his back gently, hoping to calm him down a little. She knows that all of his frustration with Kathy is bubbling just beneath the surface and she hopes Kathy knows this too. A few more unwise words, and he's going to explode. Elliot hangs his head and shakes it, trying to focus on the here and now again.

Unfortunately, Kathy is less perceptive of his mood than Olivia and more focused on her own hurt feelings.

"So I failed you as a wife," she mutters. "And now you think you're better off with a woman who let herself get knocked up by a stranger on vacation."

At those words, the two Detectives rise to their feet simultaneously, as one. From the look on Kathy's face, she instantly realizes her mistake.

"I'm sorry," she says quickly, jumping up as well. "I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you shouldn't have," Olivia agrees. "I will not be insulted in my own home, and most certainly not by you after everything you've done."

"Exactly," Elliot growls. "I think it's time for you to leave and think very long and hard about what you just said. Because that same fact that Olivia got pregnant on vacation, should prove to you that there was absolutely nothing going on between her and me! We were close as partners but that was it! And when you chose to insult both her and me by accusing us of sleeping together, it was you who gave our marriage the final blow. Not me! And most definitely not Olivia."

Elliot takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down while Kathy takes a few steps back until she is standing behind the chair she had been sitting on. She holds on to the backrest as if she's afraid she is going to fall over. Or maybe she's using the chair as a shield between her and the two Detectives.

Olivia reaches for Elliot's hand and he looks at her then. His eyes soften when he looks into hers and Olivia gives him a small, comforting smile. She has always taken such good care not to touch Elliot in public but if this talk with Kathy has accomplished anything, it is that she's no longer afraid to show her affection for Elliot. Elliot seems to register that and she sees the storm in his blue eyes calm down. His face relaxes and then the rest of his body follows. Only then does he look at his ex-wife again.

Kathy is nodding, her eyes moving from one Detective to the other a few times until they settle on Elliot.

"You love her."

It's not a question. It's a statement.

"I do."

Elliot speaks without hesitation and Olivia feels like a warm blanket is being draped around her, chasing away the chill she had felt earlier.

"Are you going to marry her?"

There is only a very small hitch before Elliot answers the question.

"I am. If she'll have me."

Olivia feels like someone has just knocked the wind out of her. She lets go of Elliot's hand and sits down hard on the couch. She doesn't register the rest of the conversation between Kathy and Elliot at all. She hears Kathy raise her voice one last time before the woman goes all but silent and Elliot ushers her out of the apartment.

Meanwhile, Olivia's mind is spinning. Elliot has just told his ex-wife that he loves her. Her. And that he wants to marry her! And here she was right after Chris's birth, thinking - no, knowing he would leave her. She can't remember now why she ever thought that. Can hormones really mess a person up that much? Is that what happened to Kathy after she had Kathleen? Only the blonde was never able to shake it off again whereas Olivia … allows a sense of joy to gradually fill her senses. Her son is already helping her so much in finally finding her rightful place in the world and now her best friend, the man she has loved for years but who could never be hers, wants to marry her. And he has told his ex-wife, who is the one person who always managed to make her feel guilty for loving Elliot, even if she never did anything to encourage him or try to get him for herself.

Her entire world has just shifted and for the first time in her life, she welcomes the change with open arms. Until now, she hadn't been sure of what her future would look like with Chris and Elliot under one roof but it's as if all the pieces of her life are finally falling into place.

This is right.

How right Elliot was when he said those words. This is right. She feels it with every fiber of her being.

A tiny cry from the bedroom catches her attention and automatically she stands up to go and get her son. When she returns with Chris in her arms and sits back down on the couch, Elliot comes back into the apartment. He must have gone outside with Kathy, she hadn't noticed. Chris isn't crying yet, just making it clear to them that he's done sleeping and Elliot walks up to them. Olivia is still reeling a bit from their conversation with Kathy and especially from how it ended, and looks up at Elliot with wide eyes.

Elliot stops in front of her and then sits down on his knees. He looks at Chris and smiles. He caresses Chris's soft hair gently before lifting his eyes to the baby's mother's eyes. The love in his eyes is mesmerizing and Olivia just stares at him until a hiccup coming from her son breaks the spell between them. They both look at the three-week old baby and then back up at each other. Elliot places his palms against the outsides of Olivia's thighs and she suddenly feels her chest constrict a little. Is he going to …

"Olivia," Elliot says quietly and she forces herself to keep breathing.

"Yes."

"I want to explain something to you."

"Okay."

"Remember a few months ago when I told you I wouldn't make love to you while you were pregnant?"

She nods. How could she forget?

"You took that to mean that I was somehow rejecting your child because he's not mine."

"Yes," Olivia whispers. It had been so painful.

"I didn't know what to tell you at the time because …"

Elliot blows out a breath and shakes his head, and Olivia realizes that he's nervous as hell. But he takes another deep breath and continues. Or rather, he starts over.

"I know I can get pretty possessive of the people I love. And that includes you. But … there was no way for any of us to know what would happen once you had your baby. I mean, with regards to Miguel."

Olivia frowns. With regards to Miguel?

"I just … didn't want you to rush into sleeping with me … yeah yeah, I know. Can't really call it rushing in in our case but hear me out, okay?"

Olivia grins and nods. She had huffed rather loudly when he'd said the words 'rush into' but she'll hear him out.

"So I didn't want us to take that step before you as well as Miguel were absolutely sure you didn't want to build something together after all, for Chris's sake."

Something suddenly clicks in Olivia's brain.

"Because that's what you would have wanted to try if you had knocked someone up," she says.

In fact, that's exactly what he did back then with Kathy.

"Exactly," Elliot confirms. "And I could tell that Miguel is a decent guy. I couldn't rule it out."

"So you didn't want to sleep with me because you didn't want me to regret it?"

"Right," Elliot nods. "And I didn't want you to feel like you had made a commitment to me yet, so you could make a real choice when the time came."

Elliot looks down at the baby in Olivia's lap and she looks at him too.

"And now he's here and Miguel isn't," Olivia says quietly.

Things are starting to make sense again.

"Yeah."

Elliot leans forward and drops a kiss to Chris's head.

"I know what I want, Olivia. I didn't want to move too fast but I do want you. All of you. And I want to be in this little fella's life. That's another reason I wanted to wait until after he arrived before doing this."

Elliot sits up a little straighter and starts to fumble a bit, trying to get something out of his jeans pocket. Olivia bites her lip. Is this really happening? Once Elliot has apparently found what he was looking for, holding it in a closed fist, he looks up at her again, smiling nervously.

"I meant what I said to Kathy," he tells her. "And I wanted her to know that once and for all. And I wanted Chris to be here for this too."

Elliot opens his fist and Olivia starts blinking furiously when she sees the ring in his hand.

"I want to do everything right this time, Liv," Elliot says, his voice trembling a little. "And that's why I'm asking both of you … Olivia will you marry me and Chris, will you let me be your daddy?"

...

:D :D

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