Chapter 4 – It Ain't Easy

MacKenzie had been moved into her new apartment in Chicago for the last two months. It still felt foreign to her that she didn't have to be in that town in the desert anymore with that; not crappy tutoring job per say, because at least it was a job. Her old Law Firm in Stamford had branched out and she was back working for her old boss Robert. She didn't feel quite at home yet, but she was definitely getting there.

She had finally got her hair re-dyed back to its original color. Some of the bounce in her curls was gone; the lady at the hair salon said it was probably from being dyed and straightened so much. She was really hoping it would come back after it had been left alone after some time.

Deep sea blue eyes stared at the paint samples. It had taken a couple of weekends off but she was finally happy with the furnishings in her new apartment; now if she could just get the damn coloring on the paint going her way it would be perfect. She'd gone with a coca-cola theme in her kitchen everything was white and red. Her living room was nice warm earthy tones. Her bathrooms were beach themed. Now if she could just get her bedroom done and the spare room she'd be golden.

It had been 8 weeks since she was actually freed from her Witness Protection hell. The first week had been spent in Sacramento getting re-acquainted with her sister, brother-in-law and her nieces and nephew; only to find out her sister was pregnant with baby #4. Alice never could hide when she was pregnant between the crazy magical glow and her cravings for Chinese and Indian food it always gave away her secrets.

It was strange being back in the land of the living. The last two and a half years didn't feel like she was living at all. She had her normal paralegal job back working with Robert again; lord how she had missed working with that man. No one really understood her the way he did. He had recruited her right out of college and never looked back or seconds guessed his decision.

MacKenzie was enjoying yet another weekend off as she munched on pizza and diet coke. She just couldn't make up her mind as to what colors she really wanted in her bedroom. A knock on her front door pulled her from her paint sample dilemma. She tossed her piece of pizza back onto her plate as she took a sip of diet coke to rinse her mouth before she walked over and opened the door.

Deep sea blue eyes widened as she came face to face with Roman. He no longer had his grey contacts and his chocolate brown orbs were absolutely beautiful. She'd seen him a few times without his contacts when they were dating, but normally he always had his contacts in. Apparently he was going for a more natural look now. He was still gorgeous as ever from head to toe.

"Roman..."

She really hadn't been expecting to see him. She blinked a couple of times as her mouth opened and closed on its own accord. "Did you want to come in?" She chewed her bottom lip as she moved aside when he nodded as an answer to her question. She watched as his hulking frame moved gracefully through the door and into the living room.

Roman had to admit she looked cute as hell with jean overalls and a white t-shirt on; both were splattered with different colors of paint. Her hair was back to its original color up in a messy bun and the green contacts were gone...Thank God! The green contacts just did not match her at all; even with the fake blonde hair.

MacKenzie blinked once again before she closed the door behind him and watched as he walked over to the couch. "Have some pizza or would you like a beer or something to drink." She knew what he liked and would offer anything to get the tension in the air to ease, but she already knew that was going to happen. She already knew Roman had come to yell; he came to let her know that lying about her death to him had completely ruined everything between them. And honestly she couldn't blame him.

"No I don't think drinking and eating is on the agenda today." Roman's deep voice rumbled. He watched as she nodded.

"Have a seat please." She offered as she watched him pull at his jean covered thigh before sitting. She walked over and sat on the opposite end of the couch; making sure she put plenty of space between them. This was not going to be a fun visit. "It's um - It's good to see you looking so healthy." She stated softly.

Roman snorted. "Yes well - it's good to see you looking so alive."

Ouch - that hurt; truthful but it didn't hurt any less.

"I guess I deserved that." Kenzie stated softly.

"And so much more MacKenzie. You deserve so much more than just that small smart assed come back." Roman stated honestly. "Two and a half years Kenzie. Two and a half years I thought your body was rotting in a cemetery in Sacramento. Your brother-in-law and your sister both knew you were alive and well living in some crappy desert town in New Mexico. They both looked at me like they couldn't pity me enough when I went for visits." Roman ground out.

"I never meant for any of this to happen Roman. You have to believe me." MacKenzie said sincerely. "After everything that Jeff put me and then you and our friends through I didn't know what else I could do. Then the US Marshal's came into the ER before I went into surgery and told me Jeff's body went missing and that he was more than likely still alive and gunning for me and everyone associated with me. I didn't have any options."

"Options? You wanted more options than not pretending you died. Sure keep living, marry me and let me be in charge of protecting you. Or keep living, move in with me and keep living our lives. Do you have any idea what it was like burying the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? I don't even know what to tell our friends; they have NO idea you're still alive. When I saw you at the house show I started spouting crazy shit and they started thinking I lost my fuckin mind. Not only am I crazy but now they think I'm seeing the ghost of my dead girlfriend." Roman growled.

"You weren't supposed to see me. I didn't bank on you fighting out in the crowd during your match." MacKenzie stated as she stood from the couch and walked over to the big window next to her TV. "And what kind of life could we have possibly had always having to look over our shoulders just waiting for Jeff to come out of hiding and attack. Hell he basically booby trapped your entire house and watched every move we made. He was 10 steps ahead of us and we didn't even know about any of the steps until the day he black mailed me into going back to Stamford, Connecticut. He monitored everything with our cell phones; he knew who we were calling, texting, e-mailing. He knew everything. He even had some guy with a sniper rifle outside of your house in case I didn't show up or if I tried telling you what was really going on."

"So why not ask me to go into witness protection with you?" Roman asked. "I would've given up everything to keep you safe. This whole career didn't really mean anything without you around. After everything we went through; you just threw it all away."

"Let's be real Roman. You are a highly public figure working for one of the biggest companies in the United States. You are known all over the world. How the hell does witness protection hide a 6'3" 265 lbs Samoan wrestler? You wanted to what; shave your head and grow a full beard and hide your tribal tattoos...maybe stay out in the sun too long so your skin is a nice golden brown or get it bleached so you can look like that big Irish meathead on the roster?" She sighed heavily. "That's not you Roman. You don't hide from anything or anyone. You can stand here and say you wanted to go into hiding with me but it's not you and it never would have been. You would've been just as miserable as I was and I wasn't going to put that kind of blame on myself."

"At least I would've been miserable with you and not completely miserable without you. Not depressed and trying to figure out how to keep my life on track without you in it. The first six months I spent most of my time on my days off flying to and from Sacramento because that's where I thought you were. I couldn't go not even a week without going to your grave." Roman confessed verbally. "So how long were you having the time of your life in New Mexico?" Roman asked in a snide tone.

Kenzie turned to face Roman who was now standing in the middle of her living room. "Well if you are under the impression that I was having some kind of party in New Mexico; let me re-assure you I was not." Kenzie sighed heavily. She knew this was going to be hard, but didn't think it would be this hard. "I was there the whole time. I worked at the University in the law library as a tutor. It wasn't exactly my ideal job, but it was better than getting a job at McDonald's and making 'you want fries with that' my life motto."

"Yea I can see how terrible it would've been to just not pretend you were dead. You seemed to have had the time of your life alone in some ratty desert state. Why couldn't you just trust me to protect you?" Roman asked in a sullen tone.

She could see his eyebrows had dropped practically to the bridge of his nose which meant he was getting pissed off fast. The longer they stood there making snarky comments back and forth the more pissed off he would get. She also know the more she stood there not getting upset by the fact that he was pissed would piss him off even more.

"Look, it wasn't that I didn't trust you. Trust between us was never an issue." MacKenzie pointed out. "You might not believe it, but I did it to protect you."

Roman snorted again. "You were protecting me? What the hell could I possibly need to be protected from?" Okay he said that with too much of a cocky tone. "And how could you possibly protect me?" Yup cocky tone still present.

MacKenzie could tell Roman's dominant side was surfacing. His voice had deepened and his snarky tone was turning cocky. He was just as stubborn as she was; probably more because of his dominant side. "You know sometimes even superman has to be protected from the things he can't see. And eventually you won't be mad at the way I deceived you and our friends." She sighed softly as she walked over and started cleaning up the pizza; suddenly she didn't have much of an appetite. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and wounded your pride, but don't think that I enjoyed being away from you. I hated every single second I couldn't be by your side. I might have been in some shitty little desert town; anywhere from 10 miles to thousands of miles from you, but you were always on my mind. And you can believe that or not."

"You want me to seriously stand here and take at face value that you did all this bullshit deceiving just to protect me?" Roman grumbled. "I find that very hard to believe."

"I was protecting you, I was protecting our friends; I was protecting your family. After all the stuff I personally told you about Jeff Walker's reach in the states, you still don't believe me? He has more money than God and yet suddenly I'm the liar? This is a man who disappeared WITHOUT the US Marshal's help; without witness protection. Hell his body never even made it to the coroner's office in Stamford, but I'm still the liar." MacKenzie shook her head as she pushed the pizza box into the fridge before throwing away her empty Diet Coke can.

"What do you want me to say MacKenzie? You lied to me for the last two and a half years. I thought you were dead. I mourned the loss of your life and so did our friends. Now suddenly you pop up and everything is just supposed to be groovy between us?" Roman shook his head negatively. "Unfortunately that's not the way it works in the real world. These last few months I've been sitting at home trying to think of everything I wanted to say to you if I ever got the chance to speak to you again then I started thinking back to after your funeral and what I would've said then and believe me it's two completely different conversations."

"So tell me what it is you want from me? Would you rather I fake my death again and disappear and you not know where I was for good? I mean I can do that if you want. The law firm has been throwing around the idea to open an office in Europe. I mean at least there you run less of a chance running into me than here in the states. If you never want to see me again it's simple Roman it really is; walk out the door." MacKenzie frowned. "I'm not telling you to leave, because you have no idea how happy I was to see you standing on the other side of my apartment door when you got here, but if you really want nothing more to do with me, that you are that mad and that bitter about what I chose to do to keep you, our friends, and your family safe then it's on you to leave and never come back, because I'll be damned if I let you scare me out of my own apartment. It took me months and months to stop being afraid of my own shadow because of the hell Jeff Walker put me through. I refuse to EVER let another man do that to me again."

Roman walked over to the front door before he turned back and looked at the love of his life. Was he really willing to just walk away from her after her missing from his life for two and a half years? The answer was yes. He was really pissed for being lied to for so long about her death. He wanted to believe he was just as easy as telling the truth; even though none of it was ever that easy, especially where Jeff Walker was concerned. "I'm pissed as hell but more than anything MacKenzie; I'm heartbroken. And that is something I have never been."

"Yes well it wasn't easy breaking your heart."

Those were the last words Roman heard before he walked out of MacKenzie's apartment.