Chapter 5 – The Road I'm On

Alive!

MacKenzie was alive.

That's all his mind kept repeating as he sat in the gym working his entire body into a nasty soppy sweat covered mess. He was pushing his muscles until he knew he would feel the burn for days. He was pissed off more than anything and it would be a cold day in hell before he admitted to anyone that he was even hurt to find out MacKenzie had lied to him.

To him!

Of all people.

He loved her like he had no other woman in his life. Even after dating several different women over the course of a year or so, it was still impossible to find anyone that made him feel the way he did when he was with her. No one brought out his dominant side better than her and no one made him want to be a better man than her either.

The funny thing about MacKenzie with his dominant side, he could switch it on or just leave it behind when it came to her. Everything about her screamed to him. She really had been a natural submissive and once she'd submitted to him fully he knew he had her, which was why he knew he didn't have to push his dominant side on her; once she let go he knew she'd never want anyone else and he knew he'd never need anyone else.

That was probably the part that pissed him off the most. Here was this beautiful woman who accepted everything about him and loved him and he could feel her soul intertwining with his and then suddenly she was gone. He felt like he lost his own soul rather than just losing his soul mate. He didn't feel like a whole man and hadn't since she'd been gone; which was probably why any woman he'd tried dating since her couldn't handle him and didn't want to.

The music in the hotel gym changed and Roman switched gears as he moved to the next piece of equipment and began working his thighs and calf muscles.

He really was going to feel the burn in every muscle for the next few days, but he had to get his head wrapped around the fact that, yes MacKenzie was alive and yes, she had been alive all this time. Not only all of that but Roman still needed to break the news to their friends. He was sure all the males wouldn't have much to say and would go off his reaction, but Charisma and Jenaya would be heartbroken.

Charisma and Jimmy had named MacKenzie and himself as her God parents. His and MacKenzie's God Daughter Kenia had grown up the last couple of years seeing pictures of MacKenzie, but wasn't old enough to know about death yet…thank God.

Jenaya and MacKenzie had gotten extremely close and the two thought of each other as sisters, the same with Charisma and MacKenzie. Roman couldn't even imagine what everyone's reaction would be.

Roman was torn between telling everyone she was still alive or just saying screw it and pretend he never figured any of it out. If they never ran into her they would never know and as long as she stayed in Chicago then he'd never have to explain anything to them.

No he was going to have to tell them…and soon.

Deep sea blue eyes looked across the desk as she took a bite of her pesto and roasted chicken sandwich. MacKenzie and Robert were having lunch in his office as they were reading over depositions for one of his cases. "Roman came to see me." She stated softly once she swallowed the bite in her mouth.

Robert's brown eyes snapped up from his meatball sandwich. "You're shitting me right?" He asked and watched as she shook her head negatively. "How did that go?" He inquired.

"Oh you can only imagine." She said with a smirk. "He started off calm and ended something close to one of those charging bulls in Spain; running after anyone wearing red. I can't tell what bothers him more the fact I lied about being dead to protect him or not trusting him enough to protect me."

"MacKenzie honey." Robert addressed with a chuckle. "Roman is a man. Being forced to believe the love of your life is dead; mourning her, trying to figure out how to continue your life without her and wishing you could've been there to protect her only to find out she lied to protect you is a direct shot to the male ego. Every man in this world wants to believe they can protect the woman they love against anything that's thrown at them in life; or at least want to be given a chance to."

MacKenzie shook her head negatively. "I couldn't take that chance with his life. Robert you know me. After everything Jeff has put me and my friends and family through I never thought I would ever find someone I loved so much ever again. And then I met Roman." She swallowed hard as the tears filled her eyes. "And he changed everything. Dean, Roman and his twin cousins they - they taught me how to protect myself. They taught me how to fight for…me! And when it came time to make a decision in the Emergency room. That Marshal was standing there lying to my face telling me, Roman was barely hanging on because Jeff had attacked him. The decision was easy; even when I was being coerced into it. The decision to save his life because he had saved mine; whether he knew what he'd done for me or not. I'm not saying living in Witness Protection was easy, because believe me it was no party. I hated every second of it. I missed everyone so much. I hated lying, but I'd rather be a liar than see my friends and the man I was madly in love with dead because of Jeff Walker."

"And now he's dead and you're…" Robert stated softly.

"Alone." MacKenzie finished his thought. "Alone, but alive. And so is everyone else who was in my life before this whole bullshit debacle started. And I would rather have them alive than be mourning them because I couldn't get Jeff separated from us without disappearing." She blinked and wiped the stray tears that slid down her cheeks. "I would go through dying all over again if it meant saving at least one of them." She licked her dry lips. "I know I've probably lost my friends and I've probably lost Roman and that is a pain I'm going to have to get through, but at least they are all alive. I don't know if I could say that had I not done the witness protection program. I just wasn't willing to take the chance."

She was never willing to take that chance.

Several pairs of eyes were watching as Roman paced back and forth in the hotel room. It was very rare that Roman invited anyone to his room after live events or house shows; with the exception of football on Sundays. He'd called everyone about an hour ago after he'd finished his workout and asked them to come to his room.

Jenaya looked at Dean before she looked over at Jimmy and Jey. "Okay well you're his best friend and you two are his cousins. Why is he pacing like a caged animal?" She asked in a concerned tone from her spot on Dean's lap.

Jimmy and Jey were both sitting on the edge of the couch with their elbows resting on their knees. Jimmy shook his head. "No telling with Roman."

Jey's brown eyes watched his cousin's movements closely. "Something is on his mind and he's gotta get something off his chest." Jey and Roman would spend time together strategizing about in ring movements.

Charisma smiled softly as she gently rubbed Jimmy's forearm. "We just have to wait it out. Roman will talk when he's ready."

"Big cat will spill when he's down for it. We just have to be patient." Dean put in his two cents.

Jenaya gently ran her fingers through Dean's auburn blonde hair. "So we wait…"

"We wait." Dean murmured against Jenaya's ear.

They didn't have to wait long as Roman walked over and stood in front of his friends. His hands perched on his hips. "I know me pacing like a caged animal is not helping but what I have to tell you…Well I not really sure how you all are going to react. Though I'm sure it's going to be something akin to the way I did." He exhaled heavily as he looked at all the eyes staring at him.

Jey frowned. "What do you mean what you have to tell us? Uce whatever you have to tell us couldn't be that bad."

Roman rolled his shoulders before he shook his head negatively. "You guys remember when I said there was a fan out in the crowd in Albuquerque that looked like MacKenzie?" He asked in a clipped tone and watched as they all nodded. "Well it was her. MacKenzie is alive."

Jimmy leaned forward more. "Excuse me? I could've sworn you just said MacKenzie was alive. Now that is friggen impossible; we buried her almost 3 years ago."

Roman shook his head. "No, she faked her death with the help of the US Marshal's and she's been under witness protection since. Jeff Walker somehow survived her shooting him and his body never made it to the morgue."

"Excuse me?" Jenaya asked as she stood from Dean's lap. "Did you just say she faked her death? Why the fuck would she fake her death? Why would she put all of us through that?" Jenaya demanded; now she was pissed. First she was worried but now - now she was pissed off.

Dean made a face. "Jenaya, let the big man finish before she started blowing off." He watched as she huffed out and planted her hands on her hips.

Roman shook his head. "She claimed she did it to protect all of us."

Charisma lifted a dark shaped eyebrow. "And what? You don't believe her?" She asked with a smack of her lips.

Roman looked at the mother of his and MacKenzie's God Daughter. "What am I supposed to think Char? The woman I was in love with faked her death, lied to all of us and went into witness protection, but can't really give me any other answers. And when I say she lied to all of us; that includes you too." Roman so eloquently pointed out.

Charisma shook her head. "I'm sorry but you can stand here and be pissed off and believe she did it maliciously but if she said she did it to protect us, then she did." Charisma stepped forward and stopped in front of Roman. "And if you think any differently then Roman Reigns you are a big fat fool."

"And why is that Charisma? How can you not be pissed off? She put us through hell we all mourned in our own way. Shit I still cry on her birthday and the day of her death." Jenaya stated. "How can you just ignore all of it?"

Charisma crossed her arms over her chest. "I'll tell you how I can ignore it." Her eyes danced between Roman and Jenaya. "Because 2 1/2 years ago I lost a woman from my life who was like a sister to me and as well to you. So we thought she was dead. How can you not be happy to know she's not really dead? You have a sister back. My daughter has her God Mother back." Charisma shook her head. "I'm not trying to be self righteous or anything, but if you had to make a snap decision to fake your death to save your friends and family would you do it? I sure as hell would. MacKenzie had a big heart and putting friends and family first was always her number one priority. She wasn't trying to hurt anyone."

Roman pinched the bridge of his nose. "Get off the soap box Charisma. There is no one in this room who can say for certain what they would do in a split seconds notice."

"Well I'm sorry you feel that way Roman. You know, I understand you are probably hurting. I understand all of you are probably hurting from this. But if she has said she did it to protect us; I'd like to know what she was protecting us from first and foremost. Second, would you rather she tell a lie and still be alive or would you rather her really be dead?" Charisma asked softly.

"Yes it hurts like hell Charisma. I have had this hole in my chest for the last 2 1/2 years and it has NEVER gone away. Every day I woke up after we buried MacKenzie; all I could think about was how the fuck am I supposed to get through the God damn day without her. I loved her so much and I didn't have nearly enough time with her and no I am not afraid to say I'm glad she is really not dead, but at what price? We could've been married by now and just starting a family. I wanted it all with her and she just threw it all away for a lie."

"So she threw it all away for a lie as you say - so you don't think she was doing it for your protection; or my protections? Or any of our protection?" Charisma asked. "Pain and hurt is only temporary in life and it lets you know you are still alive for as long as you feel it. I mean did you even hear her when she was talking to you or were you so mad you couldn't get fully into the conversation? I know you Roman. I've been in your family since I started dating Jimmy and even more now that I'm married into the family. When you get mad there is no changing your mind ever." Charisma pointed out truthfully.

Jimmy stood up as he snapped Charisma by the hip. "Char is right Uce. If your Samoan temper takes over you wouldn't hear anything she had to say. You need to calm yourself and go see her again and this time; tell her to explain everything from the beginning. I bet the second time around you will hear plenty of shit you didn't hear before." He rarely got involved with his cousin's love life, but everyone knew exactly how'd he'd fallen for MacKenzie. Sometimes it helped to go into a meeting with a fresh outlook."

Jenaya spun around and pointed at Dean. "Don't even tell me you think about taking anyone else's side but mine until we get the full damn story!" She threatened.

Dean chuckled as he held his hands up in surrender. "Yea right." He would verbally agree with Jenaya but she already knew Dean was too laid back to really give a shit. He watched as Jenaya started to say something else before he made a face and tossed her over his shoulder caveman style. "Pipe down pipsqueak, let the big man figure it out." Dean looked at Roman. "Stay steady on the road and get answers to all your questions bro."

Roman bumped his fist against Dean as he nodded. "It's the same road I've been on." He said to no one in particular as he tried to figure out how to approach MacKenzie next.