crapshak50: "Honestly I think the dark and depressive theme of the chapter was very appropriate for Mai as her association with knives and sharp objects extend over more than just her boredom" Thank you. Though I've always headcanoned Mai as goth but I think that the emo stereotype could work too. Especially being as she's the knife chick in the show. "You even nailed her desperation after her accident which reflects her defeat in the series as well." Thank you, I tried to draw a little parallel.

gemsofformenos: Thanks, hopefully you'll feel fully better soon. "I'm happy, that I have chosen you and your fanfiction to take these first steps in this sub-gerne with me." Thank you so much! This is really flattering to hear. I'm glad you decided to read my fic as well. Thanks again, I feel like every time I work with these characters I get a better handle on it. "I'm enjoying leaving my comfort zone as a reader as well." It is always fun to read new things. "So the ladder was a bad timing twice, cause she had missed a chance when she might had taken a step to get some help." Oh yeah, the ladder affected two people. Things could have went differently for both Mai and Azula had the accident not happened. Mai is in a bit of a cycle; she hurts herself because she feels like a disappointment but hurting herself makes her feel that way. It's definitely one of those instances where she could use some love and support.

ML8991: Thanks. :D That's good to hear. I'm working with some pretty heavy themes and I'm trying to do so tactfully. This fic is going to take some research because I'd like to portray the mental illnesses and other struggles as accurately as possible. I do have a plan for the plot and the end, right now the beginning few chapters are going to be 'introductory' so to speak.

Azula wasn't the only one reluctant to go back to school. Once again, she had more balls than he. At least she went to school. The idea of going back to high school knowing that the rest of his graduating class was headed off to their first days of college was enough to keep him at home. Azula was right, he was the family embarrassment. Even now, with her having injured herself out of glory, he was still the family embarrassment. At least she hadn't failed herself out of school. He'd be lucky to get a GED.

These days even she pitied him. It bled through in her sudden drop in teasing. She wasn't kind nor pleasant per-say, but she had no mockery for him anymore. He thinks that he hates her pity more than her jests. His door was closed and locked. He didn't expect to hear one, but there was a light knock on his door. He wouldn't get up from his bed, not for anything.

"Zuzu?"

He looked at his clock; 6:15. He ignored her, trying to focus on the feeling of his pillow beneath his head.

"Zuzu, I know that you're awake." She announced. "You haven't forgotten that today is the first day of school, have you?" For him days tended to blend into nights, he wasn't surprised that she would phrase it like that. He was, however, surprised that she phrased it in any way at all.

He allowed himself to wonder if and snicker at the notion that she might want him to come to school to offer her some classic big brother protection.

"Fine, if you want retake your senior year a third time, that's on you." He could hear the disappointment in her voice and it struck him that he was supposed to be the example. She was supposed to look up to him and here he was planning on skipping school to stick a needle in his arm. Finally, he heard footsteps, she probably didn't have time to convince him to tag along with her to school.

Just as brief as his last speculation, he wondered he should come along with her. Even if she was looking out for his future as opposed to seeking a bodyguard, maybe he should go with and make sure she was okay. He was looking for an excuse to pop Chan anyways.

It was probably too late now, she liked to be early, so she was probably gone. It was just as well, he didn't want her to be around for this. God forbid she find his stash and take up his favorite coping mechanism.

He crawled under his bed and lifted the middle-most floorboard and felt for his needles. They were filled with a tar-like substance. The kind of stuff that looked like it wasn't meant to enter human veins. But that's where it was about to go. Along with it he grabs a belt, his father's. There was something satisfying about using something used to keep him in check to rebel against the man. He tightened it around his bicep and pulled it taut. Holding it in place with is mouth, he readied the needle.

He hated waiting for it to kick in, but when it did, he was sublime.

He wished that he could produce that kind of euphoria himself, without the heroine.

.oOo.

He was still coming down from his high late in the afternoon. A sense of disoriented calm still lingered about him. He sulked down to the kitchen feeling absolutely lethetic. He had only a vague sense that it was going to come to an end soon, he was already feeling the down coming on. The sense of warmth and security was beginning to fade.

He poured himself a bowl of cereal that he wasn't really hungry for at the moment. The moment his ass met the chair he was jolted right out of it once more.

"So this is why you stayed home from school."

She wasn't even particularly loud. No, her voice was as soft and lulling as ever, it was just that he hadn't expected to hear it. "Wh-what are you doing here?" He sputtered. He hoped that his speech wasn't slurred and that his eyes weren't as droopy as they felt. "You're supposed to be at school."

"So are you." She accused defiantly.

No, no, no… his mind was racing because now he knew that he was setting a truly horrible example.

"At least I didn't stay home to get high." There's a somber undertone to her comeback. Maybe even a bit of concern.

She wasn't supposed to see him like that. But there she was, with her own bowl of cereal—she had hardly touched it, rather she seemed to be vacantly staring at it, he can't imagine that he helped her work up her appetite.

"Why?" He heard her ask softly.

He knew exactly what she meant by the question but he answered a different one, "because I'm not going to pass anyways so why would I go to school?" He almost wanted to ask her since when she cared. It didn't affect her in the slightest, so she had no reason to.

"That's not what I meant." She replied. "Where do you even get them?"

He stomach lurches, the question sounded as nonchalant as any other. But the sense of dread creeps in anyways. "It doesn't matter." He hoped that she was asking so that she could cut off his source instead of find one for herself. It must have shown on his face because she sighs as deeply as her abused ribs would allow, "relax, I don't want your stupid drugs, I've already ruined myself enough without the help…"

He wanted to say something. He didn't know if that something was reassuring or a well-deserved insult or two. Her entire accident had left him torn between wanting to be reassuring and helpful and wanting to be as awful to her as she had always been to him. So he didn't say anything. Her concern was touch but he had a feeling it was only there because she was at a low point herself.

To his relief she finally left the table, the force she used to push her chair in startled him some and he knew that she was in a terrible mood. A mood he made worse by coming to a late breakfast deep into his high. He noticed that she had taken her backpack, apparently, she was going to school after all. He heard the door slam. Fleetingly he thought that she was going to hurt herself if she kept slamming things around. He had never seen her in this sort of mood before. Or maybe he was so deep in his heroine that he simply hadn't been paying attention.

He looked at his phone. He had promised that he would never call Mai when he was on drugs, but God, he needed to hear her voice. Knowing very well that she could either make or break him, he dialed her number.

With every ring he grew angrier. She was ignoring him again. She always fucking ignored him when he needed her the most. He hated her just as well as he loved her. How could she just ignore him like that? It occurred to him later than it should have, that she was in school where he was supposed to be. He feels stupid despite not having acted on his sudden rage at all.

But he needed Mai so terribly. So, he tried her number again. That time she picked up. He hadn't even left her a single moment to prepare herself. "I'm going to need you to come over tonight."

"Zuko, I have to watch Tom-Tom, you know that."

He actually did not, that or she had told him and he had forgotten. He had very little interest in Tom-Tom, in kids in general. But he wanted Mai, he had to see her. "You can bring him over."

"Can I?" She paused. "Your room is the last thing I want him to see."

"I'll…" He paused as well, it was still hard, even after a year or so, to outright mention his needles. "I'll clean up a bit."

"Zuko, I promised Tom-Tom I would take him to a friend's house."

He couldn't believe her. Couldn't she see that he needed the company. If she didn't come over he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't shoot up again. No, he could almost guarantee that he would. "I'm your boyfriend! You can't make time for me? I really need you right now and you're just going to leave me by myself. Mai I need you. If you don't come over—" He was much louder than he wanted to be, much more explosive.

She cut him off, hiking that anger up to an even higher level. "You know what, Zuko? No, I have my own things to deal with…" She stopped talking again. "How about this? How about instead of…" And once more. "Hold on."

This allowed him time to bask in his anger. So she was going to just leave him to his downfall again? She was going to leave him alone? But of course she was, it was all about Mai. Everything was always about Mai and Mai's problem.

Her voice suddenly returned. "The answer is no Zuko, do what you want in your alone time." She was quiet again. "If you want to do drugs then do them, I can't deal with that right now." He heard the phone click and he knew that they were already off again.

He unleashes an angry cry and slams the phone on the table, the screen was cracked. He had just gotten her back. He slammed the phone on the table again, once than twice, and then many times rapidly until the phone was no longer useable.

He racked his fingers through his hairline.

Had he really chosen drugs over Mai?