A/N: Whoa what Author's Note on top? Is it April Fool's already? Nah. Just wanted to warn you all for the heavy angst ahead. Don't like, don't read. Please do review! Hope you enjoy this more intense than usual part~
CHAPTER 19
Beyond simply smirked as L charged towards him at insane speed.
"Come any closer," the imposter began to cackle, "and I'll slit your lover's neck to the size of strawberries!"
Light gulped and glanced downwards to the weapon.
He was too damn strong.
Light attempted many times to be released but he just would not budge. Beyond must have been training for quite some time now. He looks skinny like L. However, just like the panda looking detective, is extremely strong. If L's a freak, then B's an extreme freak. If L's strong, then B's extremely strong. It is almost as if they are children competing to become the favoured child.
Abruptly, L stopped a foot away from the two, eyes locking with Beyond's.
"There are . . . many types of monsters in this world: Monsters who will not show themselves and who cause trouble; monsters who abduct children; monsters who devour dreams; monsters who suck blood, and . . . monsters who always tell lies. Lying monsters are a real nuisance. They are much more cunning than other monsters. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart. They eat even though they've never experienced hunger. They study even though they have no interest in academics. They seek friendship even though they do not know how to love. If I were to encounter such a monster, I would likely be eaten by it. Because in truth . . . I am that monster."
Beyond dared to laugh even harder at his speech and arched an eyebrow.
"Even if you are a monster," he grinned and licked Light's blood off the hilt. "I am even more of a monster. The only way you can beat me is to become one yourself. But, is that what so-called 'justice' says to do? Nope!~ The systems here would rather have 9 murderers loose then see 1 innocent person be convicted. People here have no grasp on a sense of justice, do they? Bunch of bigoted idiots really."
He laughed and tightened his hold on the squirming college student.
L's jaw visibly tightened.
His back straightened by a few impressive degrees.
"It's not a sense of justice. Justice can be perceived as many different things. Figuring out difficult cases is my hobby. If you measured good and evil deeds by current laws, I would be responsible for many crimes. The same way you all like to solve mysteries and riddles, or clear video games more quickly. For me too, it's simply prolonging something I enjoy doing. That's why I only take on cases that pique my interest. It's not justice at all. And if it means being able to clear a case, I don't play fair. I'm a dishonest, cheating human being who hates losing."
Beyond's maniac laughter filled the room.
"It is such a pity, given that you are about to lose," his eyes were drowning in malice.
"R-Ryuzaki, please, just go," Light softly spoke, eyes downcast, voice ragged. ". . . As Kira, I. . . I deserve this! Shit, I've killed countless of people. I. . . I should just die already and atone for all my sins. This is fitting isn't it? 'Justice'. Something I used to look up to. . . . Something that I was naturally striven for. And now I'm receiving the punishment for breaking the laws of justice in this world as a human. A criminal. There are times when I wish I didn't pick up that damn notebook. Perhaps things would still be the same. You know, I never pondered about this before. Is a perfect Utopia what we truly need? Or are we better left off with a balance between good and evil? We all know works of literature would be nothing without a threat. Maybe that's what makes living worth it. You hear that? I am the one who lost."
Beyond scoffed and L remained eerily silent.
Light continued, eyes becoming increasingly misty.
"Before I thought that under normal circumstances, humans should have continued to evolve as the greatest creatures upon this earth, but we were actually regressing. A rotten world. Politics, law, education. . . Was there anybody around who could correct this world? But someone had to do it, correct? And then, I realized. This was how this world was supposed to be. If the police catch Kira, I am deemed evil. If Kira wins and rules the world, then he becomes justice. How can I do that when I lack the correct sense of justice? No one is fit enough to dictate justice and its entirety. Back then, I-I just could not accept that fact. I admit it, I am childish. And I've met my downfall. Just give me the punishment I fucking deserve, dammit!"
At that moment, Light felt like the entire world was lifted off his shoulders.
Is this the freedom that American fools go on about?
Without realizing it, Light's eyes were squeezed shut.
He was going to die.
Death.
Stop living.
Cease to exist.
By the hands of someone who looked like the person he loves yet is supposed to hate. It was all too much. Normally people would cry before they knew death was approaching, emotions overloading. Light, on the other hand, was not normal. All he could feel was numbness. His nearly open, bleeding, arteries located in his frontal neck did not disturb him one bit. This was the complete opposite of Light's normal behaviour: cool, calm, and collected. His shaky breathing was laboured with sharp intakes of oxygen from the initial shock. Cold.
The walls were broken.
This was who Light Yagami truly was.
A selfish, rotten, human being aspiring to be something virtually impossible.
Everything that he believed justice was. . . just taken away right in front of his eyes.
Light's eyes were still dry. He felt so hollow inside. Purposeless. He worked so hard to only lose in the end. Light wanted to feel something. Anger. Frustration. Despair. Misery. Relief. Anything. He has become so blinded to become the 'god of the new world' that losing his own humanity was a minority. Light used to want to live like a god. Now, he is going to die a mortal.
In the past, Light always acted like nothing bothered him. He was supposedly the perfect student in his class. Inside, he was dying. He was struggling yet could not afford to show it to anyone. Family nor 'friends' nor girlfriends. Light did not want to be Mr. Perfect anymore back then. He hated his intellect sometimes. In elementary, Light was bullied for being too smart and constantly stealing the questions the teacher asked. It was not like Light could help it. When he learned something, it just stuck. Similar to photographic memory, in a way. He wanted things to change. But, Light knew that change was not taken lightly.
And then the Death Note appeared.
He may has changed after that. Memories don't. They stay. No matter how much he wishes he could just forget. Honestly, Light hid most of his feelings. When he was upset, he would rather not let anyone know. Knowing can be leverage or blackmail on him. Fake it until you make it. Light believed depression was not a sign of weakness. It simply means that one has been strong for longer than required.
Light assumed that criminals were the only evil ones.
Incorrect.
He creates his own monsters. He is the most evil to himself. Constantly, questioning himself. L was not his enemy. Light was truly his own worst enemy.
. . .
Silence was the most powerful scream.
He felt like crying. He wanted to. But. . . nothing came out.
Only pain.
Is this how much of an inhumane beast he has become?
"Beyond, if you kill him," L fiercely stated. "I won't kill you. However, I will drive you to the edges of insanity where you will wish I did. You shall walk straight into A's direction."
Vehemently, Beyond spat out, "Good! I'll have fun killing him in front of you then!"
Then, L took out a small vial filled with a water-looking substance.
"This here," he swirled it around, holding it precariously between his thumb and index finger, "is the most potent poison in the world. It has been declared illegal in every country here."
His twin laughed like Ryuk.
"Are you threatening me? And how exactly are you going to shove that down my mouth? The element of surprise isn't exactly on your side."
Eyes void of any emotion, L slowly pointed to himself with his free hand.
Brown orbs widened in shock.
"Light-kun, I'll see you on the other side. Let us explore the world of nothingness together."