Chapter 10
"I just don't know if I'm ready" I complained to Emily as we boarded the bus. It was the third week of October. Swim season had officially begun and we were on our way to the first meet of the season.
Emily glared at me. "oh would you stop it, you're going to do fine and we all know it" Emily guided us to a seat in the middle of the bus, pushing me to sit at the window seat. I rolled my eyes and sat down where she wanted me to. It was a long bus ride to Scranton, not that I minded if I was spending time with Emily.
I was pretty nervous for my first official meet as a Shark, and lucky for me I was playing a pretty big part in today's competition. I was anchoring a couple relays and starting in the ones that Emily was anchoring. The coach had split it pretty evenly between us, which was nice because it didn't put any strains on our relationship. I also was competing in most of the individual races, along with Emily and a few others, so our day was pretty busy.
The bus was on its way shortly and I felt my nerves begin to rise again. I put my music in my ears and tried to focus on my breathing. It always helped calm me before my meets and had turned into sort of a meditation thing for me. Emily glared at me again and ripped the ear buds away from me. "Are you seriously going to listen to music the entire time? I'm not sitting with you if that's how this is going to go" She complained.
I rolled my eyes at her, "I never said you had to sit with me" I mumbled crankily. It was early and I was stressed.
Emily glared and turned away from me, starting a conversation with Jess who was sitting behind us. I shrugged my shoulders and put my music back in before closing my eyes. At some point I must have fallen asleep because I woke up with my face plastered to the window and Emily and a few other girls snapping pictures of me and laughing.
"Oh C'mon guys!" I groaned. They laughed hysterically as I tried to snatch their phones away from them but it was pointless. I turned to Emily accusingly and she shrugged her shoulders at me.
"That's what you get for being grumpy with me" She smirked and I pushed her lightly in the shoulder. She responded with a shove back. I decided to use her weakness against her and began tickling her sides, causing her to giggle and try and escape. The other girls around us were laughing at our fight, even Coach Fulton had cracked a smile at us. Of course the only two people that weren't smiling were Megan and Chelsea, but they were pretty easy to ignore these days.
I gave up tickling her after a few minutes, satisfied that I had annoyed her, and everyone began losing interest, moving back to their seats and talking amongst themselves, leaving me and Emily to ourselves. I went to put my music back in but Emily pulled my ear buds away again before leaning into my ear, "Don't you dare" She whispered. Her breath against my ear sent chills down my spine and I gulped involuntarily.
"or what?" I asked, smirking cockily.
Emily pretended to think for a moment before looking me devilishly in the eye. She was definitely up to something. "Try me and you'll see" she threatened. I challenged her by putting my earphones in one at a time while looking her in the eyes before turning towards the window and shutting my eyes again. I was expecting her to steal my iPod or something but what she did next was a complete shock. She curled up into my side and placed her hand on my inner thigh just above my knee. I looked at her and smiled before closing my eyes again, I assumed she had just given up and wanted some rest. Of course, this was Emily and she had other plans that involved torturing her girlfriend as much as possible.
It started slowly, with her just rubbing her hand over my knee a few times. Then she began trailing higher, ever so slowly, trying to test me but I wasn't giving in. How far could she push me on a bus full of our teammates? Her hand trailed higher and higher until she reached my groin. She began subtly rubbing circles over my upper inner thigh and I let out and uncontrollable moan. Her other hand had found its way to my waist where she began toying with the hem of my shirt. I couldn't let this keep going or the whole team would hear me.
I reached up and pulled out my earphones, "Em, what are you doing?" I whispered.
She looked up at me innocently "I don't know what you're talking about" She whispered back, continuing with her hands. She had gotten brave and ran her hand under my shirt, caressing along my abs, causing the muscles to contract under her touch. I could feel the warmth tingle through my entire body. Emily was driving me completely wild.
Apparently her touch was having a similar effect on herself because she let out gasp of her own when my muscles moved beneath her fingers. She looked up at me teasingly and smiled, "you're abs are such a turn on, Paige" she whispered. That was it, I couldn't take anymore. I leaned in to kiss her roughly but she pushed me away, removing her hands from my thigh and under my shirt.
"God, Paige. Have some class, we're on a bus full of our teammates for crying out loud" Emily scolded. She was such a tease sometimes. This week, it had been particularly harder for us to keep our hands off each other. There had been so much built up sexual tension lately and it resulted in a lot of bickering between us.
"How can someone so cute be so awful?" I asked, defeated.
Ten minutes before the start of our first meet. I knew deep down I didn't have much to worry about but I couldn't help myself from fidgeting nervously. I focused on the calm water. Even in a stadium full of cheers and screams, the water remained still, waiting for us. Suddenly the confidence I was used to having when it came to my swimming abilities came back. I could do this, I was conditioned to do this, and we were going to win today. Rosewood Sharks were seeded to win first. Coach Fulton got us in a circle and gave a quick pep talk about doing our best and setting the bar for the rest of the season. I found her coaching the perfect mix between motivating us to be our best, high expectations, but also making sure we knew how to have fun. I was anchoring the first relay medley and Emily was starting. We put on our caps and goggles and Emily made her way to the starting blocks. I took her hand and gave it a squeeze.
"Show them how it's done, Em" I whispered in her ear. I stepped away from her, letting her focus and allowing myself to get my head in the game. Everything went quiet as each team lined up on the blocks. The whistle blew and Emily was off, having a great start and gliding gracefully through the water without trouble. She was in second but gaining on the person in first. The girl in the lane next to her was a few strokes behind but I could tell Emily wasn't going to have trouble getting a lead on her. Her approach to her turn was a little flawed but she corrected it with a powerful kick, closing in on the girl in first. She quickly overtook her, putting us a few strokes ahead as she hit the wall. Jess wasting no time in jumping over her, determined to maintain our lead. Coach Fulton gave her a pat on the back and I gave her a loving smile, she had given us a great start. I heard the rest of the team give her cheers and approval as I went back to focusing on the race. Jess had not gained any more strokes on the team in second but we hadn't lost any of our lead either. She hit the wall and Megan dove in. I took a deep breath and approached the blocks. Emily came and stood next to me while watching the competition. The third girl for the team in second was powerful. She gained on Megan rather quickly and overpowered her in the turn. Coach Fulton had warned us about her.
I focused hard on what I would have to do in order to gain a lead again. My turns were always the strongest attribute of my swimming, where it was most athletes' weak point. I got on the starting blocks, deciding I would reserve a burst of energy for my turn, giving it my all in the last half of my leg.. This was a technique I had perfected, although coaches did not encourage me to use it because it was a risk. If I screwed up the turn, it could mean losing the race, but if it worked, I would overtake my opponent. It was a tough technique to execute but I was confident I could do it.
Megan hit the wall, and I dove in simultaneously. I focused on my stokes, keeping my rhythm but not working to my fullest. I was maintaining our position in second but had yet to close the distance on the girl in front of me. one, two, three, breath. One, two, three, breath.I was approaching the wall. This was it, my opportunity to take the lead. I closed in on myself, putting my feet to the wall and executing a perfect turn. I pushed off the wall with all of my force before bursting in hard, long, powerful strokes. I had already gained on the girl just from my turn, and now with my harder strokes, I was at pace with her, quickly taking the lead. This didn't slow me down though. I continued building my speed and building my speed until I hit the wall. I heard cheers and applause erupt from my teammates. Emily took my hands and pulled me from the water before pulling me into a tight embrace. The rest of the team joined in, making a group hug with me and Emily squished in the middle.
Emily spoke into my ear, "Paige that was amazing! You put a good five strokes between you and that girl. I think you just beat your personal best!" I tried to pull away from her to even out my breathing and respond but everyone was pushing us into and Emily and Paige sandwich.
"I. can't. breath. Guys." I panted as everyone except for Emily let go and pulled away. Emily placed a quick kiss to my cheek before pulling away and throwing me my warm up track suit.
Coach Fulton approached me with a smile. "Great job out there ladies. Paige, that was impressive! as a team, we've set new PB for a first competition for the Medley. Be proud ladies, this is exactly the type of start we want." She smiled at me and everyone gave the four of us a pat on the back in congratulations.
Emily slapped my butt playfully whilst winking at me. "Told you, superstar" I rolled my eyes at her gesture and I took her hand and we went and sat on the team bleachers together, waiting for our next race to come.
The rest of the meet went much the same way. We had won overall, setting a few new records and setting the bar for the season, as the Coach put it. The bus ride home was quiet, everyone was exhausted and sleeping off the tiring meet. Emily was snuggled into my side, sleeping on my shoulder while I ran my hands through her slightly damp hair.
It was so strange, going from never being attracted to anyone to being this in love with someone. Not just someone, Emily. It scared me how deep I was in it with her, but it was a good kind of scared and I wouldn't trade the feeling for anything else in the world. I felt so comfortable with her and she just let me be myself, and accepted me for who I am. She was such a compassionate person, she had a place in her heart for everyone and was unconditionally understanding of me, even when I did stupid things like break mirrors and turn my apartment into a disaster. She was a fun, happy person who I could tease and be my dorky self around. We got cranky with each other, but mostly in the name of how much we cared for one another. I loved how sassy she could be, her aggressive side and her sweet, loving self. Thinking about everything Emily made me fall for her that much more. I don't know what I did to deserve her but I would never stop showing her how much I appreciate her.
I leaned down and placed a kiss in her hair and she yawned adorably into my shoulder before looking up to me with sleepy eyes. She smiled a cute, cheeky grin, "You look like you're thinking hard. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" Emily asked curiously.
I smiled back at her, "Just you" I responded honestly. She smiled widely at me, blushing cutely.
"Well I must be pretty great if you're smiling that widely" Emily joked.
"You have no idea" I poked her nose and she squealed at me before snuggling back onto me and draping her hands across my stomach.
We arrived back at the school around 10:00pm and Emily was still sleeping soundly on my side. I nudged her gently, trying to wake her up. She looked positively exhausted so I pulled her up gently, wrapping my arms around her waist and guiding her off the bus.
She looked at me as if to say thank you before pulling away from me, turning towards her vehicle. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back to me, "Em, let me drive you're not driving this tired" I wouldn't put her in danger like that. She rubbed her eyes and shook her head at me.
"I'm fine, Paige. I'm not going to make you drive out of the way just to drop me off." I held her arm tighter and began towing her towards my car.
"It wasn't an offer, Emily, I'm taking you home" She stopped and looked me in the eyes lovingly before taking my hand and walking with me towards my car.
"Who's the worried one now?" She mumbled. I chucked at her half hearted sass and opened the passenger door for her. I went around and got in the driver's side and she was beginning to look a little more alert as I started the car and put the heater on. "Paige?" Emily asked, looking at me innocently.
"What's on your mind, Em?"
"What if I just…stayed with you tonight?" She looked at me nervously and I grinned at her. "I'll text my mom and let her know I was too tired to drive, she'll understand" Emily reasoned. Her mom probably wouldn't be thrilled with it being a school night and us being alone but if she was really concerned I figured she would just come and pick Emily up from the apartment.
"I would love that" I answered simply. As we drove back towards the apartment Emily fell asleep and I chuckled to myself. I was glad I didn't let her drive tonight, I wouldn't have been able to function without knowing she got home ok. When we arrived at the apartment I opened the passenger door for her and took her into my arms, she was only half awake but I managed to guide inside and get her into a pair of pajamas before tucking her in. I took her phone to make sure she texted her mom, seeing that her mom had sent a reply,
Okay. Make sure you rest up and thank Paige for looking out for you- mom 3
I chuckled at the subtle warning that Emily should 'rest up'. Maybe Pam hadn't intended it that way but I still couldn't help but think she was assuming me and Emily would be doing more than sleeping. I smiled at the thought that Pam liked me enough that she would let Emily stay with me despite her assumptions.
I climbed into my bed next to Emily, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze before drifting off, exhausted after the stress and physical demand of my first meet.
I woke up early the next morning with no Emily in sight so I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the kitchen where she had poured up a couple bowls of cereal. I smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek before taking my bowl and passing her a spoon. Mornings like this felt pretty great.
"What's got you up this early?" I asked with genuine curiosity. It was just past 6:00 and Emily seemed so exhausted last night I figured she would be cranky this morning. It was a delightful surprise to see that she was overly cheery.
"Got a good rest I suppose. Hey, you know what's coming up next month?" I shook my head and she continued. "That Formal you asked me to! They finally finished the renovations on the gym floor so it's finally happening." She smiled and pointed to the calendar on my table. Exactly one month away she had marked the date for me.
I smiled thoughtfully, "Wow I almost forgot about that dance. I guess I should get some nice clothes for that or something" I joked.
Emily rolled her eyes at me. "Well it's not called a formal for no reason" Emily shot back.
"I'll have to make a trip up to Philly sometime and find a dress that makes me worthy to be your date then, Ms. Fields" Kelly was a whiz when it came to helping me find clothes so I figured next weekend she could help me out. I wanted to have a special night with Emily, seeing as we were both going to be busy between now and then with school and weekly swim meets.
Emily made a face at me, "Stop being so sweet. Seriously though I can't wait to dance with you all night long."
I groaned at the thought of my un-rhythmic, awful two left feet moving along with a graceful Emily Fields. "You can dance, I'm going to hang out by the punch bowl that will hopefully have more that punch"
Emily rolled her eyes again, "we'll see about that" She challenged. It seemed like she was finally figuring out that I couldn't really resist much when she asked me. I would no doubt be dancing next to Emily the entire night much to my own embarrassment.
"You know what? I don't even know what kind of music you like" With that she flitted over the stereo on the counter and turned it on. "What CD do you have in here anyways?" She fiddled with the volume and my favorite artist began to sing.
"It's PINK. Her newer CD" I explained. I had been playing the CD on repeat throughout the apartment for the last couple of weeks.
Emily smiled, "I could have figured she'd be one of your favorites. You're very 'pop rock' Paige." She said the last part teasingly and I stuck my tongue out at her.
"Hey! No knocking PINK or we're not going to work out" I joked. "She's amazing and you know it. I defended.
Emily laughed at my sudden outburst, "I was kidding, Paige. I think she's amazing I just like seeing you get all defensive."
"Her lyrics are so raw, there's nothing fluffy or fake in her songs. Anyone can relate to at least one of her songs" I explained.
"'At the same time I wanna hug you, I wanna wrap my hands around your neck'?" Emily suggested. "I can definitely relate to that" She pointed at me and I went to swat her shoulder but she ducked out of the way.
"You're gonna regret that Fields!" We spent the rest of the morning chasing each other around the apartment, singing along with the CD.
It was a Saturday afternoon and I had still heard nothing from Emily. We had made plans to go for a 'fun' swim at Spencer's today but she hadn't replied to any of her text messages. I tried calling her cell but there was still no answer. I gave up and tried to call the house, wondering if she lost her cell phone or something.
"Hello!" It was the sound of a very frantic Pam on the other line.
"Hi, Pam its Paige"
"Oh" Pam sounded very disappointed and I wondered what was bothering her so much. I hoped I hadn't upset her the last time I was over or something.
"Is Emily home? She was supposed to meet me today but I haven't heard from her" I explained.
The line was silent for a moment and I wondered if she hung up. Finally I heard her voice again, "Emily won't be coming out today, Paige. Sorry." She sounded exhausted and I wondered what was going on.
"Is everything alright, Pam? Is she sick or something?" I asked worriedly. Maybe Pam was sick too.
Pam sighed, sounding slightly annoyed and I felt weak all the sudden. "Look I really can't talk right now, Paige. Emily will call you when she's ready but you can't call here today" with that, Pam hung up and I was left extremely confused.
I guess Emily wouldn't be joining me today so I headed to Spencer's to enjoy the heated pool with the rest of the girls. Maybe they could give me some insight as to what was wrong, after all they still knew the Fields much better than I did. I was only hoping I hadn't done anything personally.
"Where's Emily?" Spencer asked when I walked around to meet with her and the other girls in the backyard. It was a cool November day but Spencer had promised that her pool was heated so me and Emily had been more than eager to go for a swim. Well now it was just me.
"Couldn't make it suddenly" I explained.
Spencer looked at me questioningly. "Huh. Well hopefully she'll show up later but for now, let's dive in!" Spencer did a huge cannon ball in front of me, effectively soaking my clothing.
"You're dead Hastings" I striped down to my bathing suit and cannon balled right next to her. We had a splash fight until Hanna forbid us from splashing when she was in the pool. We swam around for a couple of hours, enjoying the warm water. I was having a blast with the girls but it didn't feel complete without Emily here. We got out of the pool and were lounging in the gazebo, Hanna teasing Spencer about some boy she was interested in. All I took from it was that his name was Toby and he was a 'fine piece' according to Hanna's standards. I focused in on the conversation after that, genuinely interested in Spencer's new interest.
"I don't just like him for his looks, Han. He's really sweet and he's such a good guy, like a really good person." Spencer spoke almost condescendingly towards Hanna.
Hanna scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Oh I know that! Emily said that about him when they were… well he's the one that convinced Emily it was ok if she liked Maya. Obviously he's a good guy. Talk to Emily, she's still close with him, maybe she can hook you up!"
I smiled. This kid seemed really great if he was that influential on Emily's life. In my mind, Spencer deserved a guy like that, she needed somebody sweet and relaxed to counterbalance her own self.
Spencer rolled her eyes at Hanna's suggestion, "Speaking of Emily, why couldn't she come today, Paige?"
"I was actually hoping one of you knew" I replied. "She didn't show and her mom said she wouldn't be coming today, that's all." They all looked up at me questioningly before looking at each other.
"I'll go check the news" Aria murmured before walking back to Spencer's house.
That confused me even more. What would the news have to do with anything? "Does someone mind cluing me in?" I asked, frustrated.
Spencer sighed and gestured for me to sit down. "Did you try calling the house?" She asked pressingly.
"Yeah. And Pam sounded very upset with me. Almost annoyed. Then she just told me not to call again and hung up." Spencer sighed again and looked at me like I should be getting something.
Hanna finally spoke up. "Yep. It's pretty typical" I shot her a questioning look. Pretty typical? Was Mrs. Fields angry with me?
"What did I do to make her so mad?" I asked aloud.
Aria came back with a laptop, looking gravely at Spencer and Hanna. Why was I still not being clued in? I was getting quite impatient and to be honest quite worried. She nodded slightly at Hanna and Spencer groaned.
"All the signs are there" Spencer looked at me finally, "Don't worry Paige, Pam isn't personally upset with you. She's just… well Aria give her the laptop"
Aria handed me the laptop and I began reading a CNN story explaining a US military base in Afghanistan was currently on a lockdown after receiving threat of a missile attack. It finally clicked. Emily and Pam were assuming that Mr. Fields was a part of this.
"It all makes sense." Spencer continued. "Emily's been pretty glum and irritable the last couple of weeks. That usually happens when she hasn't heard from her dad in a while. And now this…" she trailed off.
"Emily said she never checks the news." It was a dumb thing to say but the only thing I could think of. This was all beyond my comprehension. Emily's dad could really be in trouble.
"Well when its been a few weeks without any word from him…" Aria trailed off. "This happened once before and Paige it's not pretty. You may want to avoid the Fields house for now." She warned.
Her warning was a shock to me, "Why the hell would I do that? Emily needs us now more than ever" I wouldn't avoid the Fields house. That was the only destination I had in mind right now. I stood up, intent on sprinting to my car when Spencer grabbed my arm, pulling me back. I glared at her, forcing myself to cool down and listen for just a second. No need to upset Emily's friends.
Spencer shook her head, "Paige, Emily is not going to just let you hold her. We tried that last time and she said some hurtful things. Of course she didn't mean it but she's just going to lash out at you and you might just make things worse if you get angry. I made that mistake" Spencer looked at me sadly.
"I can take it" I explained surly. If Emily needed to yell I would let her. I tried to pull away but Spencer just gripped me harder.
"If warning you about Emily isn't enough then I should probably tell you about Mrs. Fields." Spencer continued. I saw Hanna and Aria tense out of the corner of my eye. "You've had the fortune of never seeing her angry or upset before, Paige. I can't even begin to describe… just how bad it is"
Hanna scoffed and looked at me, "That's an understatement. Last time she kicked us out and told us we had no right to ever show up again. Called us undeserving and useless kids and threatened to call the police if we stepped foot on her property. It made no sense but she was exhausted and vulnerable."
I nodded. "thank you for the warning. But there is no way in hell I'm letting Emily and Pam go through this alone." I brushed Spencer's arm off my shoulder and ran to my car. I stopped at my apartment first to grab an overnight bag along with some Disney movies I knew Emily would like. I picked up some takeout from The Brew and sped over the Fields' residence. I didn't know what I would say to Pam but I decided I would be strong and not let whatever she said tonight get to me. This was about her and Emily and they were going through something unimaginable.
I left my bag in the car for now, but took the takeout with me and hesitantly knocked on the door. There was no answer at first so I rang the doorbell. Finally, as I was about to try and open the door myself, Pam opened the door. She looked worse than awful. It looked as though she hadn't slept in days and her eyes were red and puffy like she had been crying. Her eyes were wild looking which was shocking. Pam had always seemed to put together and emotionally in check. Seeing her so broken was heartbreaking.
"Emily isn't up to having visitors" Pam said coldly. I took a deep breath and held out the take out for her. She looked at it before glaring at me.
"I know. I know what's going on and I just want to help in any way I possibly can" I looked at her pleadingly, hoping she would understand.
She stared daggers at me, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. "You don'tknow!" She sneered. "You have no idea what's going on and you can't help us. Leave Paige." She went to close the door but I put my hand up, stopping it. She was about to start yelling but I cut her off.
"You're right. I don't know. But I do know you and Emily would neverlet me push you away so I will do the same for you" I said sincerely. I hoped the words would make her see I just wanted them to be okay. By the angry look on her face it obviously didn't work.
"This is more than some bully at school or a father who has no love for his child Paige." That stung. My chest ached at the more than true words. I almost let my emotions get to me. The anger that the truth brought. I clenched my fists and forced the tears not to fall. I had to remain strong for them. Pam would apologize, but that didn't mean what she said wasn't true. No. not now. I could think about that later but for now…
"You're right again. But Mrs. Fields, when I need you, you're here for me. I will alwaystry my best to do the same, even if my efforts and my presence doesn't have nearly the same effect. You're like family to me, and you can't just push me away. I'm here for you."
She looked at me a little bit softer. "You can't change anything"
"I know. But I can hold you and Emily up until…until you hear from him" She looked at me defeated and her tears began to spill over. She opened the door and I pulled her in for a hug. She cried softly on my shoulder and I didn't say a word.
"Paige, I'm sorry about what—"
"Don't worry about it. Now's not the time" I reassured her. I knew she didn't mean what she said, it wasn't important right now. She pulled away from me, taking the food and walking to the kitchen. I followed her in. "You really should eat something" I suggested. I knew that her and Emily probably hadn't eaten since they got the news and they were probably starving.
"I'm fine" Pam tried to assure me. I didn't really buy it but I wouldn't push her anymore."Emily's up in her room. You've already done enough for me, Paige. Emily needs somebody who isn't a complete mess right now. I can't be there for her right now but you can." Pam began tearing up again and as if her moment of vulnerability with me was over, she stormed off to the living room. I heard the news channel playing softly in the background and my heart ached for what Pam Fields was experiencing.
I bound the stairs quickly, pausing to knock slightly on Emily's door. I tried to open it but it was locked. "Em? Babe it's me" I called softly. "do you want to let me in?"
There was nothing but silence. I thought she might be sleeping but I heard a few soft sobs. I sighed and tried the door again. It was still locked. "I'm going to be right out here until you're ready Emily. We're in this together okay?"
"I just want to be left alone" A broken voice called from the other side of the door. I knew exactly how she felt. Sometimes you felt so alone on the inside you couldn't help but feel like that's how it had to be.
"Okay. But I love you. So I'm not going anywhere." Come on Emily, open the door I begged silently.
"I just can't"she broke down in sobs and I tried the door again and again. I needed her to open the door. She wasn't allowed to break down like this without me to wipe the tears from her eyes.
Emily's POV
4 weeks. 4 weeks without a phone call. Not knowing got the best of my mother and I last night and we checked the news. High alert. Possible Inbound Missiles. Lockdown.The words repeated in my head over and over. Along with those words was the image of my father. I sobbed quietly in my bed. My mother was probably downstairs doing the same thing.
I heard the door bell ring but I just didn't care enough to go down and see who it was. Instead, I refreshed the internet page, waiting for further coverage of the events overseas. Still nothing. I flopped back on my bed, burying my head in the pillow. Waiting was torture. Me and my mother were passed the idea of comforting each other with 'he's fine' or 'that's probably not even his location'. It had been 4 weeks. Something was wrong.
I registered a soft knock at my door. Someone tried to open it but I had locked it shut. I was not in any position to have company right now.
"Em? Babe it's me" A soft voice called. "Do you want to let me in?" Paige. How did she manage to get passed my mom? I shuddered as I remembered what she said to the girls the last time this happened. It was messy and I could only imagine what she had said to Paige to try and get her to leave. Obviously, Paige hadn't given up because here she was. She probably had no clue what was going on but I really didn't care. Paige should just go home, I want to be alone. Better yet, I want my dad to be here, safe and alive to hold me.
"I'm going to be right out here until you're ready Emily. We're in this together okay?" she called softly. What did she mean by that? Did my mom tell her what happened? I couldn't imagine that.
"I just want to be left alone" my voice cracked and I stuffed my face against the pillow to soften my cries.
"Okay. But I love you. So I'm not going anywhere." Of course Paige wouldn't go anywhere. Paige wasn't exactly what I needed right now though. My father was the one thing I needed. I couldn't think of anyone but him right now, or else I was being selfish.
"I just can't" I sobbed deeply. I heard her try to open the door again and again. Why was she not getting it? I needed to be alone to my thoughts! "GO AWAY!" I screamed through my tears. I heard Paige hesitate for a second on the door knob and then complete silence. She must have finally heard my pleas and left. There were many reasons for me to push her away in this moment. For one, I didn't want my mom to have to see that I still had my loved one here to hold me up. I also couldn't handle Paige asking if I was ok, or seeing the look on her face when she realised how messed up I was. That look of complete love and care on her face would have been too much for me to handle. It had been about 20 minutes since my freak out at Paige and I continued to lay on my bed, refreshing the news every few minutes.
"You know my grandfather passed away when I was 12" Paige spoke as a matter of factly through the door. So she hadn't left. "He had this outrageous sense of humor. Well last spring my mom was cleaning out the basement and she found this old home video. My dad had bought her a camcorder for Christmas one year and everyone was passing it around and being silly.. and by the time it had got to my grandpa Allen, he just mooned the camera" Paige began laughing and I laughed along with her. "We're talking seventy year old man butt, full frame! And there was a tattoo." I continued laughing at the hilarity of the story. "It was a tulip"
"Oh my god Paige!" I choked out between my laughter.
"His laughter, it's like he's in the room when I watch that video. It's the best memory I have of him." She chuckled lightly as she finished her story, obviously lost in her memories.
Paige always knew exactly what I needed. She could have left when I yelled at her and I wouldn't have been upset. But instead she held her ground and gave me a laugh that I so desperately needed. I pulled myself up from the bed and unlocked the door. I pulled it open to see her sitting against the wall, smiling softly at me. She stood up quickly and I ushered her into my room before closing door and locking it again. It was my way of closing us off from the world. I eyed her overnight bag, raising my eyebrows at her in question.
"I'm not leaving unless you physically throw me out Emily." Paige explained. She was going to stay with me until I heard the news one way or another. We sat on the bed, facing each other and I smiled sadly at her. She furrowed her brow for a moment before reaching into a plastic bag and pulling out a couple of wrapped take out sandwiches and handed one to me.
"I'm not—"
"Hungry? I know. But I'll feel better if you eat. I got a little something for your mom too but she…didn't have much of an appetite either" Paige gently took the bag from my hands before unwrapping a grilled Panini and handing it to me. I took a bite and she seemingly relaxed.
We ate in silence and I realised what an appetite I had built up as a result of not eating in almost 24 hours. I thought about how upset my father would be at my mother and I neglecting to eat because of our worry for him. Tears silently fell down my cheeks and before I could register them Paige was wiping them away one by one with her thumbs. She didn't try and tell me it was going to be alright, nor did she ask me to stop. She just continued looking straight into my eyes while wiping away my falling tears.
"What if he doesn't come home?" I sobbed. I had never spoke my mind like this to anyone before. I wouldn't dare ask the question to my mom and my friends would only feel sorry for me. I didn't expect and answer from Paige but if anyone could find the words to help me, it would have been her.
Paige pulled me into a tight embrace, holding my head in her hand whilst still wiping my tears away with her other. She skootched us back on the bed so we were in a lying down, still wrapped tightly around each other.
"Then I'll be here for you every step of the way" Paige answered simply. "But we're not going to talk about 'what ifs' right now, hun. We're just going to wait here together until we find out more."
I sighed, "Waiting's the worst part. It's like drowning Paige. I'm underwater and I can see the surface but I just can't reach it. I can see where he is and what's happening over there but there's nothing I can do to protect him".
"I know Emily. I see it in your eyes how much you're hurting. I wish you weren't. I think you and you're mom are already giving him the best protection." I looked up at her questioningly.
Paige smiled sadly at me, "Let me explain. I might not know your dad but he must be brave. And if he's as loving and caring as you and your mom you two are probably the only thing on his mind right now. He'll pull through Emily. I know if I had you two to come home to I wouldn't give up."
Even through the darkness and worry in my mind I had to smile. in my darkest hours she could reach me, give me butterflies and make me feel ok. Even if that happiness at her words only lasted a second it was enough to make me fall even harder for her. Even if my dad was in complete danger and didn't make it, I firmly believed that Paige would pull me out of whatever state of mind I would go into. It was unimaginable at the moment but having Paige would mean that I would eventually be alright again.
I couldn't find the words, so I hoped Paige could see the emotion and love in my eyes. "Thank you" I choked out.
"Why don't you get some rest? I'll stay awake and refresh that page every 5 minutes if you want and if anything new happens, I'll wake you up. You need rest more than anything right now though Emily." She was right. I was completely beat, both physically and emotionally. I nodded lightly at her, feeling the exhaustion creeping through me. Paige always managed to bring me back to reality. My body was functioning normally again in her presence and for the first time in 24 hours, I felt human again.
She put her arms protectively around me, in a way that made me feel like a child again. I felt safe from all of the awful things happening in the world. "Tell me another story" I asked as I let my eyes shut.
Paige chuckled "I told you my best one already. Give me a minute to think of something."
"Anything is good." I whispered.
"hmmm. Alright. When I was little I had always wanted a pet. My parents have an aversion to any sort of animal in the house so it was out of the question. But of course me being a smart 6 year old I figured I could catch a wild animal and keep it outside of the house. My brilliance started at a young age. Anyways, I didn't want a bird because it would easily fly away and living in the city makes it pretty hard to find a turtle or a frog. So I settled on trying to catch chipmunks"
"Chipmunks?" I asked skeptically.
"Hey! I was young and they were cute!" I could picture a cute little Paige running around her yard chasing chipmunks up trees.
"And how that plan work for you?" I asked
"It was trial and error. First I tried just staying really still and holding peanuts in my hand but I was to fidgety and didn't have the patience for that. I was six. Then came the idea to put peanuts in a box but that failed to. I'm stubborn though so I developed an elaborate, strategical plan to capture my pet"
"At the age of six?" I asked again.
"I told you my brilliance started at a young age. Here's what I did. I grabbed an old fishing pole from our garage. I took the hooks off the line and tied a peanut to the line instead. And it worked. I cast the line out in the front yard and the chipmunks would go for the peanut and I would reel it in and they would chase after it. They would get up real close to me."
I laughed lightly at Paige's creative plan "so you caught them then?"
"No. I could have easily caught a bunch of them but my game was too fun. I thought I was 'training' the chipmunks but everyone else saw it as hilarious. The whole neighborhood ended up in our front yard watching me and giving me praise for my set up. Being a kid I loved the attention I was getting. My parents thought I was ridiculous but even they were laughing at me. My mom even bought me a hedgehog after that."
"So that's how you got your first pet?" I asked.
"Yup. I told you… I was smart. I used my cuteness to my advantage and got what I wanted"
"You still do that" I joked. Of course, who could resist a cute six year old fishing for chipmunks? I would have gave Paige the stars and the moon.
"Yeah well my Hedgehog was pretty boss. I would always…." Paige continued talking about her first pet and I focused on the soft vibrations of her voice, drifting off into that much needed sleep. I slept dreamlessly for which I was thankful. Paige's arms around me kept me safe from the terrors inside my mind.
"Emily! Emily wake up!" I felt Paige nudging my shoulder and poking at me. I was disoriented momentarily as I took in my surrounding and remembered why Paige was here and what I was waiting for.
"Wh—what's going on?" I asked, dazed.
"You'll never guess who I'm on the phone with" I heard my mom's voice and I looked up to see her standing at the doorway, with a huge grin on her face.
"DAD?" I broke into a similar grin that my mom was wearing, scrambling to get out of bed and talk to him, and tell him that I loved him more than anything. I snatched the precious phone out of my mom's hands.
"Dad are you really there? I love you so much. Are you ok!?" I tried to control my voice. I wouldn't really believe he was safe until I heard him speak.
"Emmy yes I'm here. It's good to hear your voice again. I'm sorry it's been so long.. your mother told me you two saw the news" He spoke with relief and exhaustion. It must have been a stressful week for him but he sounded healthy.
"I'm so glad you're alright dad. Please tell me you're alright" began crying with joy that he was really alive.
"I'm perfectly fine aside from not having slept in 72 hours. I wanted to call you first before I rested though. I needed to hear your voices again, it helps me through this madness." It was like he was repeating what Paige had told me last night.
"What happened dad? Tell me everything you can" I pleaded. I needed to know just why he couldn't contact us and why hisbase had to be the one that was apparently a target.
"Emily. It was pretty tense for a while, an incident happened and there were threats of retaliation. Our base received threats of inbound missiles and there was some ground fighting. I wasn't involved in that so don't worry. We went into lockdown procedure in order to make sure everyone was doing the jobs they were assigned. It was nothing major, just people who weren't needed were to stay in their bunks and we kept high surveillance."
"So the threat is over? It was a lie?" I asked. I doubted he would be speaking to me if there was still a problem so I felt a little relieved.
"I can't say too much but I can tell you that we've had a break through. And…" My dads voice sounded a little more cheery.
"And what, dad?" I asked curiously.
"My rotation has been cut back. 2 more weeks here and then I'm going to Ramstein Airbase in Germany for a couple months. Then I'm coming home." He's coming home. And in two weeks he'll be out of danger. I couldn't ask for better news from my father.
"Dad that's amazing! You're coming home soon. I can't believe it" I looked and saw Paige smiling widely for me. I saw my mom's glowing face and realised she knew it too. We were going to be complete again.
"Soon, baby. I'll be home in January and I think with some convincing, you guys can come and visit for Christmas."
"That sounds perfect dad. I can't wait to see you again, I miss you so much" I was looking forward to December more than anything now.
"I miss you too. And I love you but I need to go soon, the phones are pretty busy right now and the other soldiers need their turn to or I'm going to hear it. Can you put your mom back on the phone?"
"Love you to dad, promise you'll call again when you're rested so we can talk some more please"
"I promise, bye Emmy" I gave the phone back to my mom and she left my room, I overheard her making potential plans to visit during Christmas.
Paige stood in front of me giving me a happy smile. I ran into her arms and she hugged me back tightly. There wasn't any need for words. She was happy everything was ok and I was thanking her for being there for me last night.
Paige broke the silence, speaking softly, "I should go soon, let you be with your mother" She began to pull away but I held her by the waist at arm's length.
"No. You're staying here. You didn't just help me through last night only to leave when I'm whole again"
Paige looked at me curiously and then smiled. "Well alright then, let's go make some breakfast then. Does your mom like French Toast?"
I laughed, "Who doesn't like French Toast?"
We went downstairs and began cooking an abundant amount of French Toast while singing along with the radio and I was dancing like an idiot through the kitchen. Paige was laughing at my ridiculous behavior but I was so filled with joy after being so depressed I couldn't contain myself.
My mom came in and joined us for breakfast, thanking us for making so much good food.
"It's settled, Emily. We're going to Germany for the holidays. You're dad really didn't have to work to hard to convince me on that one" My mom looked more relieved than me. I was a mess when my dad was in situations like this but my mom was completely gone. I was still wondering how Paige had exactly gotten passed her yesterday afternoon.
"Paige" My mom took Paige's hand and looked at her earnestly for a moment. "I'm sorry for the things I said—"
"No, no." Paige interrupted. She placed her other hand over my moms. "You don't need to say anything. I know you didn't mean to say it"
My mom smiled at her, "Thanks for understanding, Paige. What I said, well it wasn't true. Even if you think it is, it's not" oh god.What exactly had my mom said to her?
"It's okay, Pam. Really I don't need an explanation considering the circumstances" Paige smiled reassuringly at her and my mom breathed a sigh of relief.
I had to know exactly what happened. "Mom what did you say to her?"
"It was nothing, Em. It's not important now" Paige looked at me and I could tell she wanted me to drop it. I looked away from her before she convinced me to let it go.
"Mom?" I asked expectantly.
"I don't want to have to repeat it, Emily." My mom looked embarrassed.
I looked to Paige, hoping she would tell me. "Hey, don't get me into this, I'm not saying anything" Paige raised her hands in defense.
My mom sighed and looked at me sadly. "I told her that her problems didn't matter" she looked down in embarrassment. My mom woulnd't be acting this way if that's all she said.
"What were the exact words mom?" I asked, annoyed.
"I said our problem was bigger than a bully or a father who didn't—" my mom sighed "love his child"
I couldn't believe my mom could be so cold. I knew she hadn't meant it but Paige had actually believed that. For someone to say it out loud to her.. and for that person to be my own mother. She was lucky she wasmy mother at the moment.
"Emily I can see the wheels turning in your head would you please just let this one go?" Paige looked at me frantically. "For me?"
My mom looked at me, still clearly embarrassed. "You can yell at me later and I already feel terrible but for now can we pleasejust have a nice family breakfast?" My mom was right. I would be completely pissed with her later but I could put it behind me for now and enjoy the day knowing that my father was alive and well.
We spent the rest of the morning and afternoon, just the three of us chit chatting and enjoying the mutual good mood. We went out for dinner at the Applerose Grill and I told my mom to pick me up at Paige's, I wanted a moment alone with her so I decided to walk home with her.
We walked down the quiet Sunday evening streets hand in hand, neither of us in a hurry to get to Paige's and say goodbye for the night. "What you did for me last night, Paige, I couldn't ask for more from you."
"You've done the same thing for me, Em. It was the least I could do."
"There has to be something I can do for you as a thank you. Anything Paige." I wanted to do something to show her how much I appreciated her company last night.
Paige looked at me and laughed. "You're going to regret saying that. All I want from you is to not give your mom any grief about what she said to me. I'm not upset by it, and she didn't mean to say it so its over" Of course Paige would ask for something completely selfless. I should have known better and just bought her concert tickets as a thank you or something.
"Fine. But can we talk about that for a minute?" I wanted to explain to her that it wasn't true.
"If we haveto" Paige groaned.
We arrived at The Brew so I stopped and laced both of our hands together, forcing her to look at me. "What pisses me off about what she said is that you think that's true. That you have a reason to think that it's true. I don't know your father but I think that anybody who gets to know you can't help but love you so it can'tbe true. You're impossible not to love" Paige leaned in and kissed me deeply. She didn't say I was right, and I wouldn't forget that but as long as she heard what I said I could let it go for now.
Paige pulled away, leaning in and giving me a quick chaste kiss. "Emily Fields, you're a really good kisser" I burst out laughing and swatted her in the side.
"You're such a romantic" I half joked. "But thank you, it helps that you're so kissable."
"Yeah I get that a lot" Paige joked.
"You're not as funny as you think you are. But ill pretend to laugh because I love you" In truth she was hilarious but I wasn't giving her the satisfaction of telling her that.
Paige stuck her tongue out at me like a 5 year old. I laughed at her childish remark, "And you call me sassy, look at yourself."
"What can I say you're rubbing off on me. But I'm completely ok with that. Here comes your mom" Paige pointed at my mom waving through the car window. I didn't want to leave Paige but asking to spend the night to 'thank' Paige for last night wouldn't have gone over well with my mom.
"Goodnight Paige, thanks again for last night. It really means the world that you're here for me" I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her firmly against me.
"Love you, Em. Can't wait to meet your dad in a couple of months" I smiled at the reminder of my father's soon return to Rosewood. I gave Paige a quick kiss before watching her turn down the alley to get to her apartment.
Paige would be meeting my dad soon. They were alike in so many ways it made me and my mom laugh. I was pretty sure that's why my mom liked Paige so much, she reminded us of my dad in so many ways. I guess it's sort of true that daughter's fall in love with their fathers. I laughed at how weird that situation sounded; especially considering my love was a girl. I was sure my dad would get a kick out of that realization.