gemsofformenos: That's good to hear. :P It really is nice to know about such an aspect though. Writing is just such a powerful thing. It's a huge tool to help enlighten people of issues or to get your opinion heard. I think that, that is part of why writing and art in general are such valuable things. I'm wanting to say that the themes of this fic do make it very easy to highlight and shed light on certain topics. There are more gray areas with things like bullying and drug abuse than people want to admit. "So in this way, your work always had and always will give me something that make me reflecting my own point of view. At least they hold up the opportunity to do so." Thank you so much, this is actually really wonderful to hear. "Now Chan is in the line of fire and Ron-Jians suicide had hit him hard." No one is safe. No one. :D " It seems to me, that this suicide will have a long term affect for many of the characters during your story." It is a very profound event, yes. "I can understand Chans pain, but I cannot accept the way he's dealing with it." That's the idea. It's one of those things where I kind of hope the reader feels bad for or at least understands him a bit more, but don't agree with/justify. "I'm curious how Azula will react after this incident." That will be partially revealed in this chapter.

"By the way about the "ranking" of the characters, almost the same here, but Mai has to share place with Iroh." Iroh's pretty great too. He has his flaws for sure, but he's a cool character. Who will have a role in this story later on. :P

"You're very lucky." The nurse noted.

Azula hated to admit it, but she agreed. She was almost certain that Chan had broken her ribs again, or at the very least extended the recovery time. She would have deserved it, stepping into something that didn't involve her in the slightest. She wasn't even sure of her reasoning; she thought that there was a small part of her that still cared for Chan. He had been her boyfriend for the longest time. Perhaps she had aimed to keep him from doing something that would get him arrested. In which case she failed spectacularly.

It could have also been that she wanted a friend, at least one. Saving Teo seemed like a way to make one.

The reasoning didn't matter in retrospect. What did matter, was that her sides were throbbing and she had made herself look like an idiot again. She could have at least tried to fight back. But then, what time did she have to react. Even if she had the time she couldn't see her condition allowing her a fight anyhow. But she should have tried.

She could always ask her father to peruse another lawsuit, she seemed to be on a roll with those. She knew that had only tugged at her own wounds when it came crashing back to her that her father wanted little to do with her until she lost some weight. She set her head back against the pillow and stared at the ceiling, deciding once and for all that helping Teo was just another mistake in her long line of them.

.oOo.

She spent most of her time in her bedroom these days, a stark contrast to how she used to bide it. Just last year she was hardly home. She would be almost anywhere but; at practice, the mall, a party, any one of her teammate's houses. The only time she really used her bedroom was when she took the time to study—something she hadn't the need for. It would seem that she was making up for all of the time she hadn't been in her room.

Her phone was terribly quiet, giving her mind ample time to tear itself apart.

She stared at a folder full of unfilled worksheets. Powering through those, was becoming harder. She has come to think that there wasn't a point. Ozai was angry as it were. She shoved the school work to the side and laid down.

"You missed how many days!?" She heard from across the hall.

And so it began.

.oOo.

Lately Zuko had been joining her for breakfast. That made things much harder. She could no longer skip it entirely without him making note. So instead she grabbed one small thing, usually a cup of yougart or a granola bar and forced herself to eat. Usually she would hit him with an 'I told you so'. But she no longer finds the bruising on his face to be a laughable matter. In fact she was beginning to feel like shit for ever having thought so. Instead she quietly inquired, "why didn't you just come to school like asked you too."

"Because fuck school, okay!" Zuko slammed his fists on the table.

It wasn't okay. "If you say so."

"Oh come on, you know you hate it there too."

"Yes."

"You should just stop going with me."

Somehow that request was the most reassuring thing she'd heard in a long time. It was an invitation to something after all. She almost wanted to say yes. She could shoot up some drugs with him and forget about herself for a time. She could toss it all away, destroy herself for good and be free of the pressure that came with still having a shot to fix things.

To be free of the pressure of hope.

She turned the cup of yogurt around, realizing that she hadn't grabbed the non-fat one. She had only gotten halfway through with it but she pushed it aside. She was so terribly hungry, her stomach ached, begging her to finish the cup. Instead she focused in on Zuko's offer. "I can't."

"Suit yourself, I'm staying home."

"With, father?" She asked. "You need to come with me." The sincerity of her concern, took her by surprise, so she didn't blame Zuko for his skepticism.

"Why would I go anywhere with you?"

"Because you lost your license to a DUI. Once my car is gone, you're either stuck here or walking." She didn't exactly mean to sound argumentative but he was frustrating her and an argument was a pretty solid distraction from the hunger that nagged her. "Would you rather come to school with me, or stay here with father?"

His hesitation to answer was a slap in the face. Much too suddenly, it occurred to Azula that she has been checking on Zuko not solely because she needed a bodyguard but because she was feeling guilty. She considered for the first time, that she was part of what led him to heroine in the first place. Just like she had led Mai to cut and Katara—and probably Teo and TyLee—to fear school. If she wasn't so deprived, that would have cleared her appetite for sure. "Come with me, Zuzu."

"Take care of yourself." He got up and slammed his chair against the table.

She was trying, truly she was.

.oOo.

Chan wasn't there to flick things at her, but Chu-Leng was making up for it, doubling his ammo as if to strike for the both of them. Occasionally some of the erasers would rebound and hit Katara instead, she imagined that Chu saw this as a two for one. She wondered how long it would take before Katara turned around and snapped. She decided to herself that Katara wouldn't, somehow the girl had become just as pacified as she. But she could hear Katara grumbling to herself, putting all of her will power into focusing on the lesson.

Azula's attention was anywhere but. At first she tried to pay attention to June, math wasn't a favorite subject of hers to begin with, despite having some skill with it, it was terrifically boring. So her mind wandered away. Wandered to dark places.

Math wasn't the only class to be sidelined; throughout the day much of her thoughts were spent in two places, neither of them are in the lessons. She first pondered upon what Zuko might be doing as she sat in her desk. In her mind's eye she could see him taking another beating or taking another hit. She had trouble deciding which type of abuse would create for a worse situation. She was angry with herself for not dragging his ass into her car.

Azula pushed the visuals out of her mind, they were tormenting her too heavily. In doing so, she made room for something that might have been worse. It was nearing lunch and she scarcely had breakfast. All in all, she was completely, undeniably famished.

She wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out for, eating so sparsely. And she had only been on this diet for maybe a week. She hated herself twice over for her weakness. Yet no mater how hard she fought, she couldn't seem to think of anything but lunch.

She should have just kept thinking about Zuko. It was easier to think about how to solve someone elses' problems.

.oOo.

Lunch couldn't come fast enough, but at the same time, it couldn't come slowly enough either. The smell of food tantalized and tempted her and she hated it. She had nothing to draw her mind away from it.

She tried to drown out the scent by dousing herself in perfume. But somehow the small tinges of the cafeteria still hit most strongly. The ache in her stomach grew sharper. She drummed her fingers on the table. She clutched at her stomach as though that would relieve the pangs.

Azula stood and made her way to the food line. She already knew that she was going to regret her decision. She didn't know a thing on the school's menu that wasn't sopping with grease. But she couldn't take the pain any longer. The dizzy feeling that came with depriving herself.

She sat down with a teeming tray, enough to probably make up for the past few missed meals. She promised herself that she wouldn't finish it all. But she did and she was still embarrassingly hungry. Just what was wrong with her, she couldn't remember being this desperate for food. She wanted a second helping, her body seemed to crave it. The cafeteria had been mostly empty when she had first gotten in line, so despite it all, she stood in line again. She was losing control and losing it fast.

She sat back down, this time shoving the tray away, one last ditch effort to resist. But the harder she tried tighter her hunger seemed to grip. She wondered if this is what heroin did to Zuko.

With shaky hands she started on her second helping. The stress of the morning, hadn't done her impulse control any favors.

"Mind if I sit down?" Teo asked.

Her face flushed, knowing that she had been caught. "Yes I do!" She snapped. She had to get his attention off of her. The last thing she needed was someone to watch her indulge. Teo didn't seem phased so she added, "do you really think I'd be desperate enough to sit with you?"

"You spoke up for me."

"A lapse of judgment." She couldn't tell if she was talking about playing the hero or about going for seconds.

"Good to know." Teo scoffed. At least he was leaving. She could suffer her humiliations in semi-privet.

Having finished off the second tray, her plan comes to mind. It's a failsafe, should she over do things. She promised herself that she would only do it once. Once and then she would get a grip on herself. Once and that would be it.

She stood, her heart pumping in anticipation as she made her way to the girls' room. It was mercifully empty. She locked herself in one of the stalls and stood there for the longest time, occasionally brining her fingers to her mouth. But she couldn't bring herself to induce the gag reflex. She was growing frustrated at her own hesitation. She felt heavy was screaming at herself to get rid of the feeling, but she couldn't find it in her. It hit her hard, realizing that school wasn't the best spot for a trail run.

She left the bathroom leaving more helpless and in less control than before.

.oOo.

It was hard for her to look her father in the eyes that night. Zuko was absent again, she didn't dare ask where he was. She had an inkling that he hadn't stuck around after she left and could only imagine the trouble he was getting himself into. She wished that it wasn't just she and her father. Her father who was probably judging her for the progress she hadn't made. He was probably judging her for the damages she had inflicted earlier in the day.

She was finding it hard to eat dinner. She had eaten too much for one day already and she was almost certain that the guilt was plain on her face, because Ozai was smirking. She longed for him to stop. To just let her be, and then she might be able to fix herself.

Still she fought to finish her dinner, she didn't want to raise any questions—a part of her didn't think he would care if he did notice her skip a meal or two, he'd probably praise that. She finished it off but the hunger remained.

Ozai knew what he was doing, and she didn't know why he was doing it. Perhaps he was getting a kick out of her struggles. Maybe it was his twisted way of punishing her or testing her. No matter the motivation, he offered her dessert, practically daring her to accept it.

She wished again that Zuko was there to give her something else to dwell on. Someone to talk to instead of drowning in the inviting aroma of warm chocolate. She hadn't had chocolate in so long…

"Go on." Ozai muttered nonchalantly. She felt almost safe, maybe he felt bad for making her feel so awful in the first place. So she treated herself. It was only after she finished—leaving a good half of the cake slice untouched—that he remarked, "of course you would."

That was all it took.

The final push she needed to do what needed to be done.

She stormed down the hall, leaving his smug expression behind. Yet it was imprinted in her mind, and helped drive her into her room and then into the bathroom within it. She trembled all over as she hunched over and pulled her hair back.

She readied her fingers only to pull them back as an involuntary sob worked itself out. She didn't think that she had much time left before she'd be stuck with the food she had practically inhaled, so without allowing herself any time to contemplate it further, she slipped her fingers into her mouth.

It burned so terribly. It burned her stomach and her throat and her mouth. She felt rather weak and dirty. It was terribly unpleasant, just as awful as she had anticipated. Her breathing was ragged and her mouth and chin were a mess. She pulled her hair back a second time, because the heavy feeling still remained.

Gripping the seat and with tears streaming down her face, she despised herself more deeply than she ever had.

She wiped her face clean, the last thing she had the energy to do before dropping to the floor, wracked with sobs. She was such a mess. Such a mess and she didn't know how to clean it.