Chapter 15 Protective Instincts
Remus Lupin, once again, found himself staring up at the ceiling in the hospital wing cursing the moon and the stars and the blasted witch who conjured the damn curse, to begin with. He had pushed himself much too hard this cycle and had actually passed out from overexertion. He was tired of missing out on his life just because the full moon decided to rise. He should be out there walking the halls, waiting for Sirius and James to burst out of the Headmaster's office and announced that they weren't expelled. Or that they were, then they'd make plans to write each other. They'd come up every Hogsmeade weekend because he'd actually be able to go to every Hogsmeade weekend. Then he'd spend the summer with them. Going to the beach with James. Visiting Italy with Sirius. Okay, maybe not Sirius, but that wouldn't be because of his condition.
The point was, he shouldn't be laying there, feeling his lungs shrink as he fought for breath. He should be out there, filling his lungs with the cold spring air, pranking unsuspecting first years, bugging the hell out of Lily Evans with James, or even beating the crap out of some Slytherins. He wanted to move. He wanted to jump and run and dance and throw mud at Peter. Or give Sirius some grass stains on his new robes. Or race James on his broom.
He closed his eyes and put himself outside. The sun was shining, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The grass was a brilliant shade of green. The flowers were starting to bloom. The birds had returned to sing their song. James was whizzing overhead goading him into a race as Sirius yelled at him pointing to his grass-stained knees and Peter was wearily eyeing his muddy hands.
Alas, he was back in reality. It was a rainy day. The rain splattered on the window giving a precise rhythm to the throbbing in his head. The overcast made the room dark and grey. The candles Madam Pomfrey had lit offered no help. The bitter aftertaste of a potion that was supposed to numb the pain sat in his mouth. He was simultaneously hungry and sickened by the mere thought of food. It must be lunch time. His friends should be visiting soon. Or would they? Would they be able to if they got expelled? There was still Peter.
Remus slowly moved into a sitting position, using the bars on the sides of his bed for assistance. He grabbed an extra pillow for back support. He pinched his cheeks and straightened his hair, trying to make it look like he wasn't sick - that there was no need for him to be in the hospital wing.
He watched the doors willing them to open. Hoping for anyone - even Snape to come in. Madam Pomfrey was an excellent nurse. She was hired specifically for him because she specialised in nursing the werewolf condition. However, she was not very talkative. She was always about business. "Drink this potion, it'll help with the pain" or "This one for your headache" and "this will help you keep your food down." She was only doing her job of course but Remus sometimes found himself hating her for it. After spending weeks with James, Sirius, and Peter, she always seemed cold and impersonal. He craved human attention and an hour at lunch could hardly satisfy him.
Finally, he saw the door slowly open. The room filled with the sound of people bustling around the outside corridor. He saw an untied shoe at the bottom of the door, brown untidy hair, a glint of glasses, and finally a friendly face.
"Is the coast clear?" James asked, smirking at Remus. Remus nodded the rest of his energy going into a smile. "Good."
James strutted into the room, throwing the door closed behind him, carrying a large paper bag Remus assumed to contain food. As James got closer he could smell the heavenly aroma of steak wafting through the room. He held back a growl as James set it down on the table attached to the foot of his bed, too far out of his reach.
"I take it you're not expelled?" Remus said, his voice weak and barely above a whisper. His eye flickered between James and that beautiful paper bag he was now digging through.
"No, not yet anyway," James answered muffled by the ruffling of paper.
"Too bad," Remus smirked, "Peter and I made a deal. He gets Sirius's desk and I get your bed."
"Sucks for Peter, I've got the best bed in the dorm," James chuckled. "Did you want the chicken parmesan or the steak and potatoes? I wasn't sure so I-"
"The steak, please," Remus said, holding out his hand.
"Did you have your potions yet?" James asked, holding the plate out of arm's reach. "Last time you skipped it you got sick, and we had to eat those disgusting crackers because you couldn't even handle the smell of real food after that."
Remus's nose crinkled, remembering the smell of the food and the taste of the crackers, and suddenly his self-control returned to him.
"Right, I should wait 'till Pomfrey gets back. She just left to get food," Remus answered. James nodded, placing the food back in the bag. He grabbed a chair from one of the neighbouring beds, threw his shoes off, and thrust his feet onto the bed next to Remus's legs.
"So, Dumbledore's making us teach helpless first years with - oh you have to guess who. You'll never get it," James started.
"Lucius Malfoy," Remus said.
"No, close. Try someone with not so fabulous hair," James smirked.
"Ah, the one and only Snivellus Snape. I wonder why he would do such a thing?" Remus answered, sarcastically.
"He said we should try and make friends with him," James said, a look of disgust crossed his face. Remus chuckled. He was exhausted by their conversation but this was the most fun he's had in hours. "Remus, I've got to tell you something. I'd just like to remind you of my original promise."
"What promise?" Remus asked, his eyes starting to droop.
"Remember in the beginning of this year when I promised you that I wouldn't go near you during the full moon unless it was worth the risk," James said in a hushed tone. Remus hummed, not catching on to James's direction. "Well, I think I've found something."
"What'd you find," Remus asked, his head popping up as if he had been about to fall asleep.
"You - you were there, in Radagast's class. You called it before we ever really decided to do it," James said nervously. "You know the night that we got caught wandering around the grounds and we told you we were going to the greenhouse for supplies for a prank?" Remus nodded, eyes open wide. His mind was too foggy to see where James was going with this but his instinct told him he knew exactly what he was going to say. "Well, you see, we weren't actually getting supplies for a prank. We were getting supplies for… something else. And we lied because we thought - we knew you'd get mad and stop us."
"Just tell me, James," Remus said irritably.
"But you already know," James said. Remus closed his eyes and clenched his mouth shut, holding in the fire that threatened to escape.
"Just… tell me," Remus said, calmly, his eyes still closed. James took a deep breath before beginning again.
"We were getting mandrake leaves," James said, glancing at Remus to see if he understood. By the look of his blank expression, he assumed he didn't. "So we could become animagi."
A cold silence fell over the room. Remus had clenched his jaw again, his upper lip twitching with the effort. He hadn't closed his eyes this time and James, for the first time, could see the wolf that was hidden behind them. James wasn't frightened by this. The wolf was angry and terrifying but James saw the loneliness behind the anger and the fear in the terrifying animal. Remus while looking back at him saw this. He saw James looking him directly in the eye, while he was this angry and this close to the full moon, unafraid. He saw only determination.
"You can hex me. You can curse me. You can throw me out and say you never want to see me again, but we're doing this. Me, Peter, and Sirius are becoming animagi, and we're going out there with you every full moon after we do," James said. "We just thought you had a right to know."
"You can't make decisions without me," Remus argued, suddenly finding the strength to raise his voice above a whisper.
"But we did. I honestly wish we hadn't now. Sirius said we should tell you, but I didn't listen." James returned. "If you really need to be mad at someone, be mad at me. They were just going along with it."
"I'll be mad at who I want to be mad at, James," Remus snapped back. He cursed himself for sounding so childish. "Why are you doing this in the first place? There's no point. And it's dangerous and stupid."
"You need us to do it, Lupin. We're your pack," James smirked, returning to his normal attitude.
"The moment I get out of this bed, Potter-" Remus was almost able to yell.
"You'll hex me, or jinx me, or whatever else you can come up with. Do your worst, Lupin, it won't change anything. I already told you," James laughed.
Madam Pomfrey came in stopping Remus's retort. He glowered over her arm at James. Drank her bitter potion and cursed James instead of the moon. How could he be so stupid? Does he know nothing about werewolves? He decided to show him the ugly truth of his condition when he was well again. There were articles after articles of werewolf attacks in the library. Their defence teacher, Professor Radagast, had to have some horror stories about the topic. And the Nicnevins, their family were heavily involved with werewolves. Without a doubt, they would have something. He didn't care what he had to do, he would save James from his own foolishness.
"Dear God, Remus you look like you're about to burst," Peter said as he entered the hospital wing with Sirius in his wake. Remus looked up in surprise. His mood lightened quickly at the sight of more friends. He tried not to remind himself that they were with James, he needed to hold onto this happy mood.
"I told him," James answered, giving a look to Sirius specifically.
"About Dumbledore and his insane verdict?" Sirius answered.
"No about… operation animal instincts," James said, with a quick glance around the room even though he knew Madam Pomfrey went back to her office already.
"Maybe we should come back later then," Peter suggested, watching Remus out of the corner of his eye.
"Nevermind that. You have to see this," Sirius said excitedly, taking a seat at the foot of Remus's bed.
"Nevermind that?" Remus repeated. He looked angrily at Sirius, though not as angrily as he did at James. Sirius stared blankly back at him.
"Did you have something to say?" Sirius asked.
"Well no, except you all are a bunch of brainless gits and I forbid you to go through with it," Remus said with an air of finality.
"Alright then, take a look at this," Sirius said, reaching into his breast pocket.
"At least he's reasonable," Remus told James.
"Sirius Black reasonable?" James scoffed. "Where have you been for the last three years."
"He just agreed not to become an animagus. That's reasonable," Remus said.
"All I said was alright then," Sirius answered.
"But that means-"
"No, it doesn't! It just means that I acknowledge your disapproval and will take it under consideration," Sirius said.
"It implies that-"
"You can make your own assumptions, Remus, I just told you what I meant," Sirius told him.
"So basically you're doing it no matter what," Remus said, bitterly.
"Pretty much yeah," Sirius nodded. "Now take a look at this," he said reaching into his pocket again.
"You too, Peter?" Remus asked. Sirius groaned. Peter suddenly found himself to be in the centre of attention.
"I-I… er…. Sorry Remus," Peter said. Remus sighed, defeated once again by his united friends.
"It's for your own good," James said.
"Yes, yes. For your own good. We're all doing it. Can you at least show a little interest in what I have to show you?" Sirius reached into his pocket again, and this time, without hesitation, pulled out a large square shaped parchment. James adjusted his chair so he could see clearly, and Remus leant slightly forward. "Pete and I got lost before we came here and then he whipped out this," Sirius said, unfolding the parchment's many layers and laid it out on Remus's lap so everyone could see.
"It's a map," James said dully.
"Yeah, look at it," Sirius said.
James peered over his toes, his feet still crossed on Remus's bed, to get a better view of the map. He watched as the staircase moved from one junction to another. Remus picked up the parchment and held it closer to his face.
"This is really great magic, Sirius," Remus said.
"That was Peter. I did nothing to it yet," Sirius said, taking the parchment from his hands. "And watch this." Sirius took out his wand and pointed to the fat lady's portrait. This month's password "gilly weed" scrawled itself across the page.
Remus and Sirius looked at each other with a sudden light in their eyes. James however still seemed uninterested.
"If the Slytherin's get their hands on that we could be in serious trouble," James said, voicing his only concern.
"Yeah, we're gonna put some protection charms on it," Peter said, finally speaking up.
"Pete, why didn't you tell us about this?" Remus asked, taking the map back from Sirius.
"It was only for my classes. The moving staircase always messes me up. And I'm always forgetting the password," Peter shrugged.
"It's not even finished," James muttered.
"James, we'll finish it! Add a few charms. Who knows? When were done with it, it might even talk to us," Sirius grinned, excitedly.
"Your quills are under your bed Master Sirius," James said in a deep voice causing the rest of the group to laugh. Much to James's disappointment the conversation about the map continued. Peter was delightfully surprised that he had done something that had caused this much excitement from his friends. Usually, the most attention he would get was when he caused something to blow up accidently. They discussed the different protective charms they could put on the map. Remus decided that the moment he could leave the hospital wing they start looking for all the secret passageways they could find within the castle. They already knew about the tapestry on the first floor that if you step through it, you would find yourself on the third floor, and the door that led out to the Black Lake which was immediately added to the map by Peter. This peaked James's interest and he heartily suggested that they charm the map to insult anyone who tried to break through their protective spells.
"You'll take any chance to attack the Slytherins won't you?" Remus laughed, shaking his head.
They talked of nothing else until the bell rang, signalling the start of their next class. Remus said goodbye with a heavy heart knowing he wouldn't be able to see his friends until the weekend. Madam Pomfrey had a strict rule that prohibited the boys from seeing Remus starting on the day of the full moon until the night after. That gave him 60 hours of nothing but himself, Madam Pomfrey, and the wolf. Helplessly bored and with nothing else to do he rolled over and lulled himself to sleep.