Blade Runners Part 1

Lebanon, Kansas

Sam, Dean, Angela, and Grace were in the library. Grace was playing on her activity mat while Sam and Dean browsed the internet on their laptops. Angela was pacing, her phone held to her ear.

"Come on, Crowley." She started, clearly annoyed. "Pick up! Where the hell is he? It's not like he's got a social life."

Sam looked up from his computer, his brows furrowing a bit. "Uh, are you actually worried?"

"Too busy inflicting pain to answer. Leave a message." Crowley's voicemail played.

"Guy's got one job—find the First Blade, bring it back," Angela grumbled. "How hard is that?"

"It's Crowley." Dean scoffed lightly. "He's not exactly a team player."

"Yeah, but his ass is on the line, too. He goes missing for weeks on end without a peep?" Angela huffed. "Well, not one that makes sense, anyway. Listen to this."

Angela set her phone on the table and played a voicemail on speaker.

"Angela. Um…" Crowley's voice descended into indecipherable ramblings.

"Wait a second," Sam frowned deeply. "Did he… Drunk-dial you?"

Angela picked up her phone and tried calling Crowley again. "Come on."

~/~\~

Sam, Dean, and Angela stood at a crossroads. Angela held Grace as Sam buried a container of ritual items and Dean finished spray-painting a devil's trap.

"Alright, do it," Dean instructed.

"Daemon, esto subiecto voluntati meae." Sam chanted.

The three hunters looked around as Snooki appeared behind them in the devil's trap.

"Winchesters." She greeted with a sigh.

"I-is that, uh…?" Sam stammered.

"Well, that explains a lot," Dean muttered.

"Okay, uh, look… Snooki—can I call you 'Snooki'?" Angela asked.

"No. It's Nicole now." She replied, playing with the ends of her hair.

"Okay, then. Nicole…" Angela started. "We can do this one of two ways. The easy way—you talk. Or the easier way," she explained as Sam took out Ruby's knife. "You still talk."

"I vote for number two." Dean cut in.

"We just want some basic information on Crowley. That's it." Sam added.

"Google him." Snooki sassed. "Are we done?"

Sam advanced on her with the knife raised threateningly.

"Whoa! Not the face!" she held her hands up. "Are you crazy? Listen, guys, what happens in Hell stays in Hell. I got nothin'."

"But you do have a pretty sweet deal with Crowley in charge." Dean retorted. "If Abaddon wins, you can kiss ass that goodbye—

"All the fancy cars, the books deals." Angela reminded.

"Show biz can be tough." Dean shrugged.

"I'm doing fine. Thanks." Snookie snapped.

"Oh." Dean nodded. "Well, good luck landing your next gig inside a devil's trap."

Snooki sighed heavily. "What do you want to know?"

"Where is Crowley?" Angela demanded.

"Last time I heard, he was somewhere in the western Pacific." Snooki shrugged.

"Makes sense," Sam muttered.

"Really?" Snookie scoffed. "Floating around in the ocean while his kingdom goes up in flames?"

"Meaning?" Dean asked curiously.

"Hell's getting crazy. Even the loyalists want to sign on with Abaddon." Snookie explained. "She's gonna make her move. Are we done? I got a thing."

Sam, Dean, and Angela exchanged silent looks.

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus…" Sam started.

"Seriously? An exorcism?" Snooki glared. "We had a deal!"

"See ya, Snooks," Dean smirked.

~/~\~

Sam and Dean were sitting in the library. Dean was playing Grace, who sat on his lap while Sam was reading an article on the computer. Angela walked into the room, making Sam look up.

"Hey." He greeted. "So… Cain said the First Blade was tossed in the deepest ocean, right? That's the Mariana Trench. Maybe Crowley found it, and it's a double-cross."

"That doesn't make sense," Angela argued. "He wants me to power it up and kill Abaddon. He set it up."

"Okay." Sam sighed. "A-assuming he does show up with it, Crowley is only useful to us until we have the blade."

"Yeah. So?" Angela shrugged.

"So… There's nothing stopping us from using it on him, right?" Sam raised his brows.

"Nothing at all," Angela replied with a small shrug when her phone started ringing. "Speak of the devil." She muttered. "Did you find the First Blade?" she answered.

"Not exactly." Crowley's voice rang through.

"Well, then, what, exactly?" Angela questioned.

"I'm in… a jam of sorts." Crowley replied vaguely. "Thought you might help."

~/~\~

Crowley unlocked his door and walked into his hotel room, carrying a brown paper bag. He flinched slightly when he saw Sam, Dean, and Angela already inside.

"Hello, boys. Bambi." Crowley greeted.

Dean kicked a foot of a dead body on the floor. "And what do you call this?"

"Refreshments?" Crowley tried.

"What's in the bag, Crowley?" Sam questioned.

"Nothing." He lied.

"Really? Maybe I can, uh…" Sam reached for the bag and tears it open revealing a blood bag. "What, are you knocking over blood banks?"

Sam grabbed Crowley's arm and Dean swung a chair around. They shoved him into the chair and handcuffed him to the arm.

"Come on, guys," Crowley begged.

"Look at you." Angela shook her head as she adjusted Grace in her arms. "You're a mess. You know, we were counting on you. You let us down."

"Your slimy followers were counting on you to kill Abaddon, and you let them down," Sam added.

"The man with all the mojo—Captain Evil." Dean scoffed.

"Oh, it's pathetic." Sam shook his head disappointedly.

"What is this? An intervention?" Crowley asked with a scoff.

"You need to focus, Crowley. Get a grip!" Sam snapped.

"What, are you just gonna let Hell go to Hell?" Angela glared.

"You don't know what it's like to be human!" Crowley hissed.

Dean just stared at him blankly.

"It's in your DNA." Crowley continued. "It's my addiction, my cross, my burden!"

"Alright, take it easy." Dean rolled his eyes.

"I see the darkness of it now, the Anthony Weiner of it," Crowley explained. "It makes you needy. I need her. Lola used me. She reported everything I did back to Abaddon."

Sam's eyes widened slightly. "Crowley… Did you tell her about the First Blade?"

"I don't know," Crowley admitted. "Things get a trifle blurry when I'm medicated."

"Great." Sam scoffed, shaking his head. "If he told Lola, she definitely told Abaddon."

"Which means that Abaddon's in the hunt for this thing, too," Angela muttered. "Alright, you know what? This crap ends now. You're cut off. Okay?" she told Crowley. "Kicking it. Cold turkey."

~/~\~

Crowley was tied up in the bunker's dungeon again.

"Back in the fetid pit." He muttered as he looked around the room. "Could at least have added some throw pillows."

Sam sat nearby with his laptop. "Focus. You swept the Marina Trench. And…?"

"And the First Blade was not, as hope, in the Trench." Crowley sighed heavily. "It had, in fact, been scooped up by an unmanned sub, from whom it was stolen by a research assistant, who reportedly sold it to Portuguese smugglers who, in turn, lost it to Moroccan pirates in a poker game."

Sam's brows furrowed in confusion. "What?"

"Poor moose." Crowley tutted. "It's always a little tricky keeping up, isn't it?"

After a few moments of silence, Sam looked up to find Crowley staring at him.

"What are you doing?" Sam narrowed his eyes.

"I'm still a little tainted by humanity," Crowley admitted. "Makes me sentimental."

"Well, stop." Sam retorted.

"You and I both know we shared a mo back in that church. And on some level, we are bonded." Crowley reminded.

"Crowley, the only reason you are alive is that we need your help to deal with Abaddon 'cause she is an even worse pile of crap than you are," Sam replied. "And that is the extent of my concern for you. Got it? Okay. What happened after the pirates?"

~/~\~

Sam, Dean, and Angela sat on a bench outside in a park. Sam had Grace on his lap and looked around to see Crowley digging in a vending machine a few yards off.

"What is Crowley doing?" Sam asked, exasperated.

Dean looked around and sighed. "Stealing candy."

"He is—he's—he's stealing candy." Sam huffed.

"You know, at least when Cas was human, he was an okay guy," Angela commented. "Should've known Crowley would be a douche version."

Dean got up from the bench. "Hey. Hey! Cut it out, man! Image! You're the king of rotten. Act like it."

Crowley pouted childishly and moved to sit down at another bench.

"You really think this guy's gonna show up?" Angela asked with a frown. "I mean, this isn't exactly a place where million-dollar deals go down."

"Look, word is, this André Develin character bought the blade from the pirates, and he's been shopping it around," Sam explained. "That's all I know." He added as a figure approached. "Hey, heads up. Mr. Develin, we spoke on the phone."

"You said you represent a serious collector with an interest in a private transaction," Develin replied, eyeing Dean and Angela.

"Did he?" Dean raised his brows. "Oh. Well, what he meant to say was, is that we are with… The FBI."

"Then good evening," Develin replied, turning around.

"Wait a second." Sam stopped him. "We just want some answers."

"Read Sartre. Jean-Paul Sartre. I'm merely a facilitator between the buyer and the seller—a conduit. So, unless I'm being detained—

Crowley overheard the conversation and suddenly decided to take matters into his own hands. Crowley's red smoke rushed out of his mouth and across the park into Develin's mouth. A moment later it rushed out again and back into Crowley's meat suit.

"So, am I? Being detained?" Develin raised his brows.

"Not at the… moment." Angela replied, clearly flustered. "No, but we've got our eyes on you."

Crowley walked over to the three hunters once Develin was gone. "National Institute of Antiquities."

~/~\~

Kansas City, Missouri

The head detective stood by Sam, Dean, and Angela, who were dressed in their FBI apparel. Sam held Grace in his arms.

"I don't have much for you guys." The detective started. "The guards were good men. They'd been here for years—vetted, honest. But…"

"But?" Dean raised a brow.

"Security camera shows a research assistant caught them breaking into vault number one." The detective explained.

"That's her?" Angela nodded to the girl on the ground.

"Gets weirder." The detective sighed heavily.

He showed them the security footage and it showed one security guard shooting the other one. Then, the one that was just shot got up and shot the first guard. Then, one of the guards shot out the camera.

"Like I said." The detective pursed his lips.

"Anything special about the particular vault they opened?" Sam questioned.

"Vault number one is where they keep rare, new acquisitions while they're being examined." The detective explained.

"So, what was stolen?" Dean asked.

"That's the kicker—nothing. The curator, Dr. McElroy, said the vault's been empty for weeks." The detective shrugged before getting called away.

"Okay, so, just connecting the dots here—the blade was likely put in there when it first got here," Angela muttered.

"The guards were obviously demons, so… what?" Sam asked. "When the vault turned out to empty, they killed their guard meat-suits and smoked out?"

"And reported back to who? Abaddon?" Dean's brows furrowed.

"She's closing in." Sam sighed heavily.

A/N: Hey, guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I love, love, love this episode :) Also, I have decided to skip Bloodlines because honestly, I don't think it fits into the plot enough and there would be almost no scenes with Sam, Dean, and Angie. Secondly, the spring semester has started, but I am going to continue to write as much as possible. I'll keep posting chapters every day at 3:00 p.m. EST. Lastly, thank you for the recent reviews! I love hearing from you guys :) Love y'all, xoxo!

~Emily