.o You Left Them o.

Cammie POV

Frozen.

That's how I felt after hearing Zach's story. Frozen.

I was frozen from shock. Frozen from disbelief. Frozen from the swirling, jumbled trainwreck my thoughts were. A Gallagher Girl must have a quick mind. She must be able to process and digest then apply new information, adjusting to whatever the new information means for her situation and objective. She must be able to take in everything in a matter of seconds. Most times, more than her own life depends on it. Never does she have the privilege of being caught off guard- of freezing up.

But I did.

It was as if someone had taken the delicately woven tapestry I knew of Zach, of his past, of my past, and said, "Oh, you think think that's it? Here are fifty more colors that are actually supposed to be in there."

As quick as my brain was, as smart as I was, the recent discoveries of Zach's past and his sister's life had thrown a wrench in my system. I felt like my mind was struggling to process the entirety of what Zach had told us. My brain wasn't used to the feeling of scrambling to put so much together at once, with still so many pieces missing. So, for the few minutes after Zach stopped talking, I was frozen.

I was vaguely aware of my friends telling Zach to leave- of the look Zach gave me before he was pulled along by Jonas. The look that was a part worry, part apology, and part something I couldn't name.

My mind felt like a filing system, quickly placing all the new info into the proper place in my memory and knowledge of the past.

Zach had a sister who felt betrayed, possibly abandoned, a genius cousin who seemed slightly insane, and a friend who was abandoned as a girl. And all three wanted to get revenge on Zach for leaving them for me. And possibly kill me.

Did it seem way more complicated than that?

Yes.

Did I think Zach was still holding back some details?

Yes.

Did I trust that he would tell me more?

Not really.

I knew, in the back of my mind, that I could understand why Zach was scared to tell us about his past. He was the son of the woman who tortured me and killed my father. His background wasn't like the rest of ours, and now hearing about his past and sister, I could see how worried he was about opening up.

Even though I understood, it didn't mean I was okay with him keeping so many secrets. It didn't mean I wasn't wary about how much I could trust Zach now. I needed more time to see how much I still could depend on him to talk to me about things.

Secrets are a part of spy life. There are some you have to keep in and others you don't dare let out. I learned that a long time ago. But which kind were Zach's?

After about five minutes of not moving while my brain sorted everything, I looked up at my friends. "So?..."

Bex crossed her arms, "Well, now we know why he was so scared."

"I think he's scared of what his sister is going to do. You saw how he acted around her," Liz said from her spot on the couch across from me. "And from his story, they're dangerous."

"From his story, his sister is a psychopath," Macey said.

I shook my head. As insane as his sister sounded to me, I could see where she came from. I could understand what she felt like she was doing. Zach did stay with us after he took us to Blackthorne. Now knowing what- who he left behind, I wasn't sure what to think of it. Was it sweet or disturbing that he left his sister to the Circle to protect me? He did leave them, but did the reason make it better or worse? His sister hated me. That much was obvious, and I couldn't help the feeling she had every right to. All the more reason for Zach to tell me.

Of course even though I was confused what to feel about Zach's sister, I wasn't confused on the fact that she needed to be stopped. After we were done there we needed to get Zach to tell us what he knows about what ACE was going to do next.

"I can't believe we never knew he had a sister," Liz said. She hated not knowing things, especially knowing she didn't know something.

Bex was in the fridge getting a glass of cranberry juice. "Well, he was an idiot not to tell us. Who doesn't tell anyone about something like that?"

It was then that a thought occurred to me. Something I should have realized when Zach was telling his story. "Zach wasn't the only one who didn't tell us."

I felt, rather than saw all my friends look up at me.

"What?'

"Who?"

"What do you mean?"

I couldn't keep my hands from shaking slightly as I said, "Zach's not the only one who knew and didn't tell us. Joe knew. Joe's known all this time, and he never said anything. Remember what he said in London?"

The looks on my friends' faces told me they did remember.

Don't be mad when you find him. He wanted to tell you.

Joe knew. Zach probably talked to him as soon as he realized it was his sister. Who else knew and kept it from us?

It felt like betrayal even though I knew it wasn't. Joe had no reason to tell me. It was Zach's secret. His sister. My step-father never had to tell me, but it still felt like a betrayal that he didn't. As a spy, I knew there were going to be secrets. I knew there would be things people wouldn't tell me, and I was okay with that. But this felt different. This didn't feel like something classified or something that it would be better not to know. This felt like something Zach was scared or simply wrong not to tell me.

I shook my head. I understood what Zach did, but I didn't. I wanted to tell him it was okay- that I forgave him for not saying anything, but I couldn't. I needed time to process this; to figure out more about his sister and his past. I needed time to figure out if I still trusted Zach the same way. My head still felt tangled and slow. Glancing at the clock, I saw one of the reasons. It was past three am.

My friends must have felt the same as me because Macey stood up and said, "Well, I've had enough drama today, and being knocked out makes you tired even when it's not one of Coach Lisa's demonstrations. I'm going to bed."

Liz and Bex nodded and murmured their agreements. Liz packed up her computers and followed. Bex glanced at me and nodded before heading to the room we shared.

I sighed. Would anything ever be easy? I should have learned a long time ago to stop hoping they would be. Sleepily, I turned off the light and went to bed- after a quick bug sweep of course.

Zach POV

As soon as we opened the door, Grant stopped trashing the room and turned to face us. The room was a mess. Everything, from the beds and curtains to the small vases of flowers that the room had was destroyed. I had underestimated how much anger my friend still had, how much he had suppressed.

Grant just stood and stared at me for a second that felt like an eternity, then he turned and started walking to the bedroom.

"Grant, wait."

He whipped around, eyes flashing. "What, Zach?" he snapped.

I paused. Even though I knew what I needed to do, that I needed to talk to my best friend, I had no idea what to say. Luckily, Jonas had an idea where to start.

"You never let go," my friend stated.

Grant blinked and stared at him for a second. "No. I never did. I'm not heartless like you two."

I sighed. So that's what it was about. "Grant we didn't know they were alive-"

"You didn't know because you didn't look!"

That made me snap. "I looked! I looked for weeks, and you were with me! You cannot say I never looked for my sister!"

"You gave up on her!" He narrowed his eyes ay me. "You never tried looking for her in the other ways you know. The ways we were trained. The ways you four were taught especially."

He made it sound so easy. As if the other way wasn't something I swore I would turn my back on. Something I vowed never to be. "No-"

"You don't want to admit you could have done more," he hissed.

"I wouldn't do that!" I snapped.

"Guys-"

Grant slammed his hand on the table that was in the middle of the room. "You could have done more! They were locked up because of you!"

"What happened to them wasn't my fault! They made their choices!"

"Guys-"

"And you made yours! You chose to leave them! You chose-"

"I chose what I needed to! Alyson could take care of herself! Cammie needed-"

"No. Cammie had people to take care of her! Who did Alyson have, Zach? Who did Clara have? You left them!"

"I did what I had to do! They weren't helpless, Grant! They made their own choices too! This isn't all my fault. I had to-"

"You had to be the hero again. That's how you are. I don't know why you always have to be the hero! Even after the Circle was gone, you didn't look for them the way you needed to because heroes wouldn't do that would they, Zach? Not even to find them. Or was it they weren't good enough for you?-"

I growled. "Stop! You don't know anything!"

Grant raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I don't know anything? Who was the one to help you, Zach? Who kept your secrets? Who lied for you? Who watched after your cousin and sister and Eva when you were gone- until they decided they weren't waiting on you to come back any longer! Don't you dare say I don't know anything, Goode."

He was glaring at me from across the table, but I felt as if he had slapped me. He was right. I couldn't say he didn't know anything. He was the one helped me. He and Jonas were the reason I wasn't dead by now.

I sighed and took a step back. "Okay. Grant, look. I shouldn't have said that-"

"You shouldn't have left-"

"Will you stop-"

"No! Because you're still acting like the hero! You think you didn't have to help just because your sister didn't go completely against the Circle like you did! It's not that simple as leaving everyone behind like you did, Zach! Some people care about who they leave behind-"

"Don't start-"

"Admit you made a mistake! Admit your sister needed you! She's not wrong for being mad! Sure she's always been a bit intense, but Ally isn't overreacting too much, Zach."

I stared at him. He didn't understand. Why didn't anyone see? I didn't hate Alyson. I've never hated Alyson. There were bigger reasons for leaving. Helping Cammie wasn't a mistake. I never meant to leave them forever. Some things I couldn't control. I had to keep Cammie safe. Why did no one understand I needed to leave for Cammie?

Grant wouldn't see. He never would listen when I tried to explain, even in the past. He would have done the same for Evelyn. I couldn't help think that's one of the reasons he wouldn't listen to me.

"Just because Evelyn left with Ally, doesn't make all of this my fault."

I hit a nerve. Grant wasn't fast enough to hide the flash in his eyes.

"Don't you dare-"

"GUYS!"

Grant and I looked up at Jonas. He was standing with his arms crossed at the end of the table. Jonas had never been intimidating, but the way he stood, the flash in his eyes behind his glasses, it made me want to stand attention like we were forced to every day at Blackthorne.

"Enough fighting. We have bigger problems."

Grant took a step back. "You're right," he muttered, but the way he stood with his shoulders tensed made me know he wasn't letting this go. I would have to be wary of my best friend until he cooled down.

I looked at Jonas. "What do we do?"

Jonas sighed and adjusted his glasses. He lost the authoritative tone, but it was obvious we were going to listen to him.

"I think it's best to talk to the girls in the morning. Then we wait to hear from Alyson." He looked at me. "Because we all know she's not staying away for long."

"Agreed," Grant said, looking at Jonas, pointedly ignoring me. Then he stepped back and walked to his room.

I sighed as I watched him go. "He's never going to forgive me, is he?"

"Give it time. He came around last time."

I sighed again. "Maybe." I shook my head. "Let's just go to sleep. You're right. ACE won't stay under long, and we need to be ready."

Alyson POV

"Let's just go to sleep. You're right. ACE won't stay under long, and we need to be ready."

I sighed and cut off the audio from the bug I had placed on my brother at Nightshade. He never did notice anything in the middle of his shoulder. Sure he made me promise no bugs, but I had planted that one before he asked. Not my fault he missed it.

I had recorded my brother and Grant's fight from the night before. We wanted to listen to it before we initiated the next phase.

"He still doesn't see what he did," Clara's small voice came from the small couch across the room. "He knows, but he doesn't see." She was hanging upside down like a little kid. I was relieved when she woke up more present than she had been since I broke her out. I couldn't help suspect it was because of seeing the guys again.

She was right. Zach knew what he did. At least he thought he did. What he didn't do was actually know what he did to us. He didn't realize how much he hurt them when he left, hurt mom, hurt our lives and chances of being safe... hurt me.

I inwardly scowled at myself. Why did this have to be so hard? This was supposed to be easy; this is what we do. Emotions are supposed to be nothing in our field. But that's what got us into this mess, isn't it? Too many emotions. Getting attached. Depending on people and putting your entire trust in them. I never needed Zach. I was dumb enough to trick myself into thinking I did. He left, and I was thrown off because I was a fool for depending on him. Letting him convince me even in the slightest I needed him when I didn't.

I had fooled myself into thinking he needed me too. That we could actually do things together. I saw the signs. I had been an idiot for not separating from him. I didn't need him. Not back then. Not this time.

I didn't need my brother.

My cousin continued in her soft voice, "Zach doesn't see, but Grant does."

Instinctively, I glanced at Eva, who was sitting Indian style, in the middle of the room, twirling a tiny dagger.

She looked up at me. "Don't give me that look!"

"What look?"

She rolled her eyes. "The 'poor girl' look. I chose to leave with you guys. Don't give me that look every time Grant's name is mentioned."

I was going to deny giving her the look, but there was a quiet mumble from across the room that I hoped Evelyn didn't hear. But we're assassins- we hear everything.

My friend's head snapped to look at Clara. "What did you just say?"

Clara laughed a little. Of course, she didn't hear the threat in Eva's voice- or she did, and it didn't phase her in the slightest.

"I said, it seems someone's not over her breakup- Eep!" She cut herself off with a yelp as she pulled herself up, quicker than I thought possible, as the tiny dagger landed in the couch where her head had been.

"Evelyn!" I snapped.

"What? She moved," Eva shrugged.

I was about to snap at her again but was cut off by a trilling laugh.

"See? She's still mad."

Evelyn looked ready to kill. I walked closer to her. She glanced at me, then stood up and turned to Clara. "I left Grant. I chose to run with you- to look after you." She shook her head and started walking away, towards the back door. "Besides, we weren't even together." Then she was gone.

Clara was still giggling.

I sighed and shook my head. "Let's just get ready to leave the note."

Clara looked up at me, eyes widened. "Oh! I want to do it!" She said as she hopped off the couch and practically skipped next to me. Even when she stood at my side, she was bouncing like a little kid during a sugar rush. "I want to deliver it! Can I? Can I be the one to deliver the note? Please, please? I want to do it! Can I-"

I simply held out the slip of Evapopaper, and she stopped bouncing. Snatching it from my hand, she turned and read it quickly. It seemed to sober her up. Her eyes lost the sparkling glee and became softer again. I could practically feel her retreating back into herself. I sighed.

"Do you want me to come too?" I asked her.

She shook her head. When she spoke, her voice was almost a whisper. "I want to run."

I nodded, "Then run. We'll be watching."

She folded the paper quickly and looked at me, smiling. Just for a moment, I saw my cousin. I saw the girl I grew up with, the girl I trained with. The girl before the experiments, before she had to run and hide... before she was afraid.

She was there.

Then she was gone.

Clara's eyes went back to the wide dreamlike state. Her smile became just a little too wide. She skipped to the door and started singing quietly. "I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz-" her voice trailed off as she skipped out of the door.

I sighed. She was still there. Buried under the surface, she was there. I only hoped one day she could come back to us completely.

Shaking my head, I turned and watched the screen of the laptop, tracking her progress until she made to the hotel to leave the note for my brother. I let myself forget my worry for Clara and smiled thinking of what would happen next. It was time for a game.

Are you ready to play, Zachy?