Chapter 4

Okay you can do this...small talk… smallllll talk. Easy.

'So...Rey tells me that we go to games together sometimes?' Ben enquired.

'Uhh yeah. Sometimes.' Finn replied.

Okay. I've exhausted that topic...

'So, how long have you had the cleaning business?'

Finn puffed out his chest as he drove and a proud smile appeared on his face.

'Three years. It's our ticket to a better life, for Rose and me.'

Ben nodded.

'We want to start a family. Like you and Rey.' He said keeping his eyes on the road.

'Yes. Of course.' Ben replied.

'So...how's it all going?' Finn asked.

'It's going...okay. It's all very strange. Somethings are familiar, but most of it's just all a big...blank.'

'That makes sense. It'll take time. Rey will help you. She's a sweet girl.'

For some reason Ben found that he didn't like it when Finn talked about Rey in that way. Rey was his girl. He knew that for sure. After spending a night in her company, he had found himself constantly following her with his eyes, wondering how he could have forgotten the feel of her hair, the smell of her perfume, or how she looked naked. He was keen to rediscover all of those memories...especially the last one.

'Yes well, the doctor said to just go back to my old life and my memory should just snap back. They were positive it was the best solution, in fact they couldn't sign my discharge papers quick enough.'

Finn snorted.

'What?'

'Sorry, just a frog in my throat,' He said, 'Here we are!'

They exited the car at what looked like a factory building.

'It's a manufacturing plant,' Finn explained, 'Right, let's get to work!' Finn said.

Once they were inside, Finn located the cleaning supplies and taught Ben how to mop correctly. Apparently, it was something that a lot of people did wrong. There was only one right way to mop a floor according to Finn. Ben couldn't care less, but he listened all the same and copied Finn's actions.

'You got it right first time, that's impressive.' Finn said nodding his head.

After the first job, came another job, then another, then another. Along the way a few other members of Finn's crew came and went, helping Finn and Ben with larger jobs, before moving on to other contracts. Ben was impressed how Finn had managed to tap every business in town for work and seemed to provide a multitude of cleaning and disposing services in order to do so.

It was exhausting work, and by the end of the day Ben felt tired but also strangely satisfied. Was this how he always felt after work? He had no idea.

Finn dropped him off at the school gates and for a moment he panicked that he didn't know the way home, but of course Warren would know wouldn't he? How frustrating it was having to rely on a ten year old boy for guidance. Ben hoped his memory would return soon.

Standing on the school yard waiting for Star and Warren, Ben felt very conspicuous. No one spoke to him directly, but he saw a lot of mothers glance in his direction as they giggled and whispered to each other. What was their problem? Surely this wasn't the first time he had picked his children up from school? Surely dads did this, too didn't they? He looked around for some male companions but saw only a sea of female eyes all aimed at him.

His anxiety was lifted slightly by the sight of Star's beaming smile as she launched herself towards him. Warren followed not far behind with a smile tugging up one side of his mouth.

As they walked back to the house, Star slipped her hand into Ben's and skipped merrily as she gave Ben a run down of her entire day. He had to admit, the constant stream of consciousness that poured from her tiny mouth was rather endearing, and a welcome distraction from the emptiness in his own mind. Warren was leading the way home.

'Will you be picking us up everyday, dad?' Warren asked.

'Um, I don't know. I'll have to talk to your Mom about it, why?'

'I like it when you pick us up. My friends think you're some sort of secret agent.'

Ben smirked, 'Maybe I am...maybe the cleaning job is just a cover.'

Warren smiled then looked at Ben with a suspicious expression and Ben cocked an eyebrow at him.

'I like it when you pick us up too, Dad,' Star said with a soft smile.

Maybe this parenting thing isn't so bad. Ben thought to himself.

'They're fine Rey, he picked them up, they walked home, everything is fine.'

Rey held her mobile to her ear shifting nervously from foot to foot at the backdoor of the diner.

'Maybe you should just turn up at the house unannounced Rose, make sure he isn't letting them eat candy for dinner or play with sharp objects.'

'Rey, everything is fine. He's a responsible adult. We did a full background check on him, remember? Not so much as a parking ticket, not much of a life outside of the office, but that's not really our business.'

'Okay,' Rey said taking a deep breath.

'Why don't I come finish your shift for you and you can go home and check on them?'

'Have I told you lately that you're the love of my life?'

'I know, I love you too. I'll be there in twenty minutes.'

An hour later, Rey was home and greeted to the sight of both her children sitting at the kitchen table with full plates of what certainly didn't look like microwave meals in front of them.

'You cooked?' She asked as she shrugged off her coat.

'Yes, I don't understand why you seem surprised, you told me I cook all the time.'

'Of course, Yes you do, of course. I think I just assumed you would be too tired after a full day of work.'

'It was gruelling, but I'm in better shape than most of Finn's crew,' He said with a shrug.

Rey sat down at the table. Star and Warren were already eating. Ben filled her plate and placed it before her, then took his own place at the table.

'Star is eating her vegetables,' Rey observed.

'Yes,' Ben confirmed.

'Star never eats her vegetables,' Rey said.

'Star will eat them from now on won't you?' Ben said to Star with a wink, and the little girl nodded eagerly shovelling more broccoli into her mouth.

'How many My Little Ponies did you promise her?' Rey asked.

'We've just had a little talk, and Star knows if she wants to be big and strong like daddy she has to eat her vegetables,' Ben said smiling at Star.

Rey's heart skipped a beat.

Marry him.

'Shut up brain!' Rey hissed.

'What was that?'

'Nothing! Nothing. So Warren, how was school?'

'Fine.' Warren replied.

'Just fine?'

'Yes,' Warren said clearly irritated.

Rey took a bite of her meal. It was delicious.

'This is really good.' She said to Ben.

'Thank you. I found some cook books in the cupboard and managed to throw something together. Cooking is actually a lot easier than I thought it would be and I appear to enjoy it.'

'That has never been the case for me.'

'Yeah, Mom could burn juice!' Warren quipped and Rey pretended to be offended.

'Remember when you made that pie from those berries you found and thank goodness you left it in too long and it was inedible because we found out later the berries were poisonous?' Warren said.

'I'm starting to understand why I do all the cooking.' Ben said with a smile.

He smiled! An actual smile! Thank goodness her mouth was full and she had an excuse for not responding because her brain was having trouble forming coherent thoughts.

'Weren't you on a double shift at work?' Ben asked.

'I was, they let me go early.'

'Checking up on me are you?' Ben asked and Rey flushed.

'Maybe just a little.' She said with a sheepish grin.

'I love your smile.' Ben said casually.

'Really?' Rey replied.

'Yes, but that can't be the first time I've told you that.'

'Oh no! Of course not! You used to say that all the time... but I still love hearing it.'

Rey pushes her food around her plate as her heart thudded in her chest.

'What do you like about me?'

'What?' Rey asked, startled.

'What first attracted you to me?' Ben clarified taking a bite of his food.

Rey stammered, 'Ahhh, everything! I mean look at you!' She gestured towards him with her hands.

'That's quite a vague statement.'

Rey bit her lip, 'Your eyes.'

'My eyes?'

'You have very deep eyes, they can be… surprisingly gentle when you let your guard down.'

They looked at each other, then remembered they had an audience.

'Alright you two, finish up and then it's bath time.' Rey announced.

After Rey had put the kids to bed she lingered upstairs. How had the dynamic between them change so much so quickly? She hated him...right? But now here he was cooking for her kids and melting her heart. Was it all an act? But how could it be an act? Ben didn't know who he was. Could it be that Ben had been a victim of his upbringing? He had seemed surprised when she had told him they cared about him. Maybe Ben has never known real affection. That made her feel awful.

'Penny for your thoughts?' Ben said popping his head around the bedroom door, making her jump.

How has he gotten up the stairs without her hearing? The man was the size of a tank for goodness sake.

'I don't think they are worth a penny.' She replied.

'I do,' Ben said sitting down on the bed next to her, 'I'd pay anything to get my memories back.'

'I'm sorry Ben, that was insensitive…'

'No, it's fine. Really. So why are you sitting up here? Are you avoiding me?'

Wow. Ben really seemed to have no filter. Maybe it was a side effect of the memory loss.

'No! I just...needed a minute.'

'I understand. Do you want me to go?'

'No.'

They sat in silence for a few moments.

'Do you remember anything?' Rey asked.

'Bits and pieces. Mainly just feelings, tastes, sounds, sometimes I remember fragments of tv shows or books I've read. It's like there is this thick fog, and I can't see through it fully, but sometimes I can catch glimpses of what's behind.'

Rey felt a lump in her throat. She filtered through the information she remembered from the background check they had run on Ben.

'You were adopted at a young age, you don't remember your real parents. Your adopted father was...quite hard on you and your relationship with him is strained at best. You've always been very smart, always did well at school, maybe if you weren't lumbered with me you'd be the head of a big corporation by now,' She chuckled nervously.

'I wouldn't say lumbered...so I was adopted too,' Ben looked thoughtful, 'Tell me about you.'

'What do you want to know?'

'Everything.'

'That could take a while!'

'I don't have anywhere to be.' Ben said leaning back on the bed, propped up on one arm.

'Okay, we haven't lived here very long. Until recently I worked in the city, but I was unfortunately made redundant. Leia kindly offered me a job at the diner and I also do odd jobs for people around town.'

'Odd jobs?'

'Erh, Yes. I'm sort of a handyman on the side.'

'Interesting.'

'Anyway, that's about all there is to say really.' She said with a self-conscious shrug.

'There's got to be more to you than that. Did you go to school?'

'No. College's cost money.'

'What about your love life?'

Rey stiffened, 'What?'

'How many boyfriends did you have before we got together? And come to think of it when did we get together?'

Oh god. Ben had so many questions, naturally, but she couldn't fill in all his memories with lies.

'We weren't together too long before we got married actually, you could say it was a bit of a whirlwind romance! Prior to us getting together I had…a few boyfriends.'

'And were you… intimate with them before we met?'

Rey blushed. Ben was looking at her intently. This was important to him. Could it be that he was… jealous? She almost laughed out loud at the thought.

Ben pressed her for an answer, 'Were you a virgin when we met?'

Erh, No.'

'So I didn't have that privilege then.' Ben said.

Privilege? He thought it was a privilege? Woah. Maybe he really was developing feelings for her…

Sure he is idiot! You told him you are married! He thinks he should be in love with you! You're forcing him into this! You've giving him no other choice!

'I wish I could remember...us.' He said looking up at her with gentle, unguarded eyes.

'Me too,' She replied instinctively, 'I mean I wish you could remember us, too.'

Okay it was time to admit to herself that she liked Ben, and that made all of this even more complicated. Particularly while they both lay in bed staring at each other, and… when had they moved so close to each other?

Rey's heart sped up, Ben's eyes focused on her mouth. He reached out with his hand, cupped her chin, and ran his thumb along her bottom lip, before inching closer to her.

This was it...they were about to cross a line, oh god, was this a mistake? Did Ben really care about her or was he just an innocent victim of Stockholm syndrome?

Oh do shut up brain!

'Mommy?'

Rey's eyes snapped to the doorway where a very sleepy Star was rubbing her eyes and pouting.

Rey sat up reluctantly, 'What's wrong Princess?' She asked.

'Mommy, I can't sleep. My bed tried to eat me.'

'Maybe you just had your blanket over your head again darling, come on, let's get you tucked in properly.'

Rey tucked Star back into the bottom bunk careful not to wake Warren. She secured her duvet so it wouldn't try to eat her again.

'Mommy, I thought Daddy slept downstairs?'

'He does Baby.'

'But he was in bed with you.'

'We were just...talking. Now go to sleep, honey.'

'Night night, Mommy.'

'Night, night my little darling.'

Rey left Star's room and and squeaked as she came face to chest with Ben.

'Sorry.' She mumbled moving away.

'Is she okay?'

'Yes she's fine.'

'It's getting late, I better hit the hay. Goodnight Rey.'

'Goodnight Ben.'

Ask him. Ask him. Ask him.

'Erh, Ben?'

'Yeah?'

'You could sleep with me…beside me...on the bed if you wanted to.'

'I would like that. Thank you.'

Rey nodded and gave him a nervous smile. She went back into the bedroom and collect her bedclothes. Moving past Ben, she went into the bathroom and locked the door. She changed slowly, giving her heart time to calm down before she re-emerged and took a deep breath at the sight of Ben climbing into bed wearing nothing but shorts again.

How was she meant to sleep next to that and not have anything happen? But didn't she want something to happen? Isn't that why she had asked him to sleep in the bed with her in the first place?

So complicated…

No, she had just wanted to be nice to him, now that they were getting along and...seriously now you're lying to yourself Rey? Wow. You are a basket case.

Rey slid carefully into bed next to Ben. He took up a lot of space. She closed her eyes and heard her heartbeat thumping in her ears. She let out a sigh.

'Are you okay?' Ben asked, turning to face her.

'Yes, sorry. Just a bit unsettled tonight...maybe I'm cold.' She lied.

'Oh, I can help there, turn around.'

Rey turned away from Ben and he scooped her up with one arm and pulled her towards his chest. He wasn't lying. He was like a furnace against her back.

'Is that better?' He asked.

'Yes.' And this time she wasn't lying, because it was. Ben was strong and warm and there for her. Didn't she deserve that? After all the let downs, all the setbacks, all the struggling to make ends meet, didn't she deserve to have someone to lean on?

So even though her mind told her it was wrong, Rey closed her eyes and leaned back against Ben. She revelled in the feel of his arm tight around her, and she accepted the kiss he placed on her cheek before she fell into a deep, content sleep.