It takes a further two months for Marcoh and Scar to finish deciphering the notes, even with Cheng's diagram.
Working backwards had apparently been a nightmare for them, but they'd managed. Now, with everything in those notes translated in full, the three of you have just under three months to put the pieces of your plan together.
Well, Scar's plan.
In Scar's Brother's notes, there's extensive research on how to negate the effects of the alchemical block the homunculi create. Now that they know how, the plan is simple; using strategically placed groups around central, they'll create a huge transmutation circle, one big enough to negate the influence of the homunculi.
The only issue is that someone needs to be at the centre of it.
Marcoh had volunteered immediately, citing his old age and alchemical skill. However, Scar had persuaded him to hang back, on the grounds that, if everyone survives the Promised Day, a Doctor will be of more use than a solider. He also made a comment about being 'half an alchemist already', something that took you by surprise. The man you met in that camp all those months ago would never have made such a comment. If ever proof was needed that Scar is a changed man, that was it.
Still, those issues aren't the only ones concerning you.
Gathering an army takes a lot of walking and, despite Cheng going on ahead, there's still a lot of refugee camps to visit. The fact that you have no idea which ones Cheng has already recruited isn't making things easier; at least twice now you've gone to a refugee camp, only to find it empty, or with only a few residents remaining. You've no idea of the others are joining your team or fleeing the country, but either way puts you at ease. With any luck, they'll be enough Ishvalans to rebuild your homeland when Amestris is saved.
It's just a shame you won't be alive to see it at this rate.
No matter what you try, you can't shake off the fatigue, and it only seems to be getting worse.
You're just so tired. Everything is a struggle. You're more than used to walking long distances, but this is something else. You're not hurting in your legs or anything like that, you're just so… fatigued. You're certain something is wrong with you, but you're still too afraid of being sent away to say anything. That's why you've come to a decision; the next time you set up camp, you're going to have a word with Marcoh. He is a doctor, after all, and therefore sworn to secrecy; whatever you tell him, he can't tell Scar. Not that he would if he wasn't a doctor, of course; you've know him long enough to know that he is a good man. Having that extra insurance helps a lot though.
Now, you just need to find a way to get him on his own so you can speak to him.
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After a whole day of almost non-stop walking, your party finally sets up camp for the night. You're as exhausted as ever, desperately trying to help Scar and Marcoh start a fire for the night.
When that's finally sorted, Scar bring up the issue of firewood; or rather, the lack thereof. He suggests that the three of you should set off to search for some, when Marcoh intercepts.
He rubs his back theatrically, making a pained expression. 'Actually Scar, my back is killing me. I won't be of any use tonight. Maybe you could go off and leave me and your wife here? I'm sure she could do with a break, and I'd appreciate the company.' Well, that works fine for you.
Still, you shouldn't look too pleased about it.
Hoping that this doesn't shoot you in the foot, you shake your head. 'I'm not too bad actually. I'm sure I could push myself further if Scar needs my help.' To be honest, you wouldn't put it past Scar to just tear a tree down with his bare hands. Preferably while shirtless… with you watching… alone…
Scar seems to consider both sides for a moment, before nodding. 'You should take a break. Even if you feel fine, I have no intention of pushing you too far. Conserve your energy for tomorrow.' What makes tomorrow more important than any other day? Does he have plans he hasn't mentioned yet? You'll find out tomorrow, you guess. Still, at least your plan hasn't totally backfired; you'll be able to talk to Marcoh now.
Still trying to seem reluctant, you nod weakly. 'Okay. If you're sure you don't need me.' As if. You'd only slow him down at this point!
Scar's expression is unreadable. 'Rest. I'll be back soon.' With that, he disappears into the forest, not looking back once.
There's a moment of silence, then…
Marcoh stands, walks to you, then takes a seat by your side.
His expression is easy to read; pure concern. 'I hope you don't mind, but I've been meaning to speak to you in private. You've been… different lately. Not as energetic as you were. I just want to make sure you're okay.' How has he noticed? He really is a good doctor. Such a shame the military wasted him on vile experiments…
Now isn't the time to think of that. Now is the time to talk to him.
Taking a deep breath, you answer him. 'I've been meaning to talk to you, too. I'm… I'm not okay, Marcoh. I'm so tired. It never stops. I have no energy anymore. My legs aren't sore, and my feet are fine, so I know it's not the walking. I'm so scared it's something serious. What if I'm dying? What if I don't make it to the Promised Day? Losing me would destroy Scar, I'm sure of it. You probably think I'm being stupid…' you start crying, the weight of your silence slowly lifting off of your shoulders. You're certain Marcoh will do his best to reassure you, but at this point, you'd rather he just gave it to you straight.
Marcoh hums thoughtfully. 'Hm… do you have any other symptoms? Dizziness, shortness of breath, nausea, flashing behind the eyes?' You don't think you've been dizzy, and your breathing is fine. You can't recall any flashes behind the eyes. The other however…
You nod slowing. 'Nausea. Well, I'm not sure if it is that. More queasy, like something is making me feel uneasy. Does that make sense?' You hope so. You also hope it doesn't mean you're going to die…
Once again, Marcoh hums. 'I see… have you experienced any mood swings? Or soreness in your chest?' Oh shit, you have! Oh shit…
When you nod, Marcoh smiles. 'Right. Well, you'll be pleased to know I don't think you're dying. May I examine your abdomen?' Why? Does he think it's stomach-related? Have you got a bowel condition? Your stools have been a little strange lately…
Still trying to read his mind, you lift your shirt enough to reveal your stomach. 'If it means I'll get answers, then please do.' Despite your words, and Marcoh's own reassurance, you're so frightened of his diagnosis that you close your eyes, as if that will make this whole thing less real.
Marcoh's hands feel freezing against your stomach. He's remarkably tender with you, applying only a small amount of pressure. His hands seem to be focusing closer to your hips than your ribs, so that's clearly the area he's concerned about. What's down there? The only thing that low is your intestine and your wo-
Oh.
Shit.
No.
No, no, no, no, no. You can't be! It's isn't possible! It's a problem with your intestine! It's a problem with your intestine!
Marcoh's hands leave your body, and you look him in the eyes. He has a warm smile on his face, and in that moment, you swear your minds merge into one.
When he speaks, he confirms your suspicion. 'It must have happened in the North. That first night, possibly. How long have you been trying?' Oh shit. You are.
You're pregnant.
But how? How can you be? Well, you know how obviously… but how? You had unprotected sex once! Some people have to try for years to conceive! You just had to sleep with the most virile man this side of the border, didn't you? Unless that's not the reason…
You prayed that you'd never forget that night. Now you have a permanent reminder.
Why the hell didn't you consider this a possibility sooner? You'd treated plenty of pregnant women back in the East City slums with similar symptoms! Have you become so fatalistic that you could only think of things that would kill you? Or is it just that you've become so distracted by your goals that you didn't even consider that there was something this… unexpected wrong with you. Not to mention the precautions you and Scar have been taking. This shouldn't have happened!
Marcoh is expecting an answer, you know he is, but you can't talk. Shock has temporarily destroyed your vocabulary. What are you going to do? What are you going to tell Scar? He's already made it clear that he doesn't want children, not under these circumstances. How is going to react? He'll be so angry with you for letting this happen. It's all your fault, really. You're the one that insisted on sleeping with him that night! If you'd just held off for a while, talked things through, this could have been prevented!
That said, Scar wasn't in a hurry to stop proceedings either.
Placing blame on yourself isn't going to fix this. Nothing will. This whole thing is a mess…
Or is it?
This is a child you're talking about. A human life. A tiny little soul, nestled inside of you. It's not some horrible curse or fatal condition. It's your baby. It's perfect. It's innocent.
It's everything you've ever dreamed of.
Even with a terrible war on the horizon, somehow you and Scar have created something so precious, so small… will it look more like you or Scar? You'd like it to have some of it's father's features at least. It'll have red eyes, Ishvalans eyes, that much is guaranteed. It'll be something for you to hold on to, should Scar die as he's certain he will. It's now also Scar's only living relative; by blood, that is. You once promised to be his legacy, but now you're carrying it. When Scar earns the redemption you know he deserves, this baby will be all the world has left of him. All you'll have left…
You've never felt happier.
But how can you be sure Scar will see it that way?
How are you supposed to feel about this? Your feelings are everywhere all at once. On the hand, Scar has a right to know, no matter what. On the other, does he have to though? If he does die on the Promised Day, he'll never find out. He could die, never knowing that his child is waiting to take his place in the world.
Do you really want that for him?
You need time. Time to figure this all out. You need to weight up all your options before making a decision either way. At the end of the day, this affects everything. Will it be one more thing for Scar to fight for? Or one distraction too many?
Right now, only one thing is certain; you need to tell Marcoh something!
Snapping out of your thoughts, you smile at him. 'We haven't been trying. I suppose God works in mysterious ways. Would you mind not mentioning it to him for a while? I need time to figure out how to break the news.' It's going to take time to work up enough courage to even think about it! You'll get there someday, but for now, secrecy is the best course of action…
If Marcoh thinks your answer is strange, he doesn't mention it. 'Your marriage is none of my business. As long as you promise me you'll start taking it easy, I'll have no reason to tell anyone anything. If something gets too much, I don't mind taking the strain off of you. I'm an old man now, but that baby is just starting out. It's life is far more valuable than mine, especially after all that I've done…' he still feels guilty? Even after everything he's done?
You shake your head, a chuckle on your lips. When Marcoh gives you a confused look, you speak your mind. 'You and Scar are quite the pair. You both have so much good in you, yet you're both so desperate to make yourselves out to be the villains. You wallow in your own self pity so often it's a wonder neither of you has drowned it in yet. Your past means nothing, Marcoh. There isn't a person alive that hasn't made at least one mistake. Sure, your mistake was… considerably worse than mistakes others may have made, but that doesn't change the fact that it was a mistake. Do you remember that time in The North? I told you to move on from your guilt. I bet you everything I own that Kimblee isn't sat at home crying about his part in the war. He probably has a kill tally in his bedroom or something. Men like that are the ones that deserve to feel the pain of guilt, yet they never suffer. Good men suffer, because the things that they did are so opposed to their nature that it tears at their very soul. I'm not saying that setting aside your grief will make you like Kimblee; I'm telling you that you've suffered enough. We've all suffered enough, and more suffering doesn't make it right. We all need to heal. You're allowed to heal. You are a doctor, after all; healing is in your job description.' Marcoh begins to well up, and you're beginning to think you've been too harsh…
Marcoh wipes his eyes. 'You're going to be such a wonderful mother. I hope I live long enough to see that little one grow up. If it's anything like you, then I think you're right about something; it really is God's work. One angel, bringing another into the world. I think you should tell Scar as soon as he gets back. He'll make us take you to Liore, but the hope it'll give him… I know you've seen it in him. He's convinced that this fight will be his last. Yet sometimes, when I see the way he looks at you… I don't think anything could take him away from you for long. You mean too much to him. Even if it means going on the run for life, he'll find a way to be with you. Both of you.' Now it's your turn to cry again. As much as you hope Scar will pull through, you also hope that Marcoh makes it. The world would be worse without him in it, that's for sure…
You're about to say more, when you notice a shift in the trees behind him; Scar is back.
Wiping your eyes, you shift your head to look at him, both of his arms laden with logs. You're about to get up and help him when Marcoh gets up instead, winking conspiratorially. You let it slide this once, but you'll have to make sure you do some work around here; just no heavy lifting. You don't want to risk it, not now you know the reason behind your exhaustion. You just hope you've not done anything to affect it thus far…
Scar and Marcoh exchange a few hushed words as Marcoh grabs some logs, but you're certain he's not telling Scar anything about your pregnancy; he promised you he wouldn't, and you're inclined to believe him on that.
When their discussion is over, the two men return to the fire, and you hastily push your shirt back down; if Scar notices the slight bump you now have, then you'll be forced to come clean. Would wearing clothes to bed be viewed as suspicious? You could just tell him you're too cold to sleep naked… or have sex… or to let him cuddle you…
This secret is going to be a nightmare to keep.
After dumping the logs by the fire, Scar sits next to you, wrapping an arm around you. He pulls you into him, placing a kiss on the top of your head. You snuggle in closer, content in his embrace.
Best to enjoy that while it lasts; you won't be able to do it much longer.
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By his own reckoning, Scar has been gone just over half an hour; is that enough time for Marcoh to find out what's troubling his future wife?
Normally, Scar would ask her himself, but the only answer she's given him of late is 'I'm fine', which Scar knows is a lie; she's not okay. Not totally, at least.
He'd convinced himself her tiredness was down to his determination to have his way with her every time they're alone, but now he's not so sure. She never pushes him away or tells him that she isn't interested, so it can't be troubling her. If it was, he'd like to think she'd tell him to back off. He'd do it without hesitating. It's her body, not his. He's still amazed that she even lets him touch her, never mind…
Scar has to kill his train of thought. If he starts thinking about the things him and his fiancée get up to when they're alone together, he'll find himself desperate for a repeat performance.
He's almost ashamed of his libido. That he can't control it like he used to is proof that his willpower is weaker than it used to be, despite the fact that willpower is what he need to keep going. Well, willpower and love, which is probably why he's not felt like it's weakening; the love he receives more than compensates for it.
It's getting harder for him to stop himself from finishing inside of her though. His mind keeps screaming that he should, that she wants him to, that he needs to. At least it proves that his willpower isn't completely broken; only once has he given in to those urges, and that was the very first time their bodies became one. Scar will take the memories of that night to his grave, if only so he can die with a smile on his face as he recalls the face of his lover, half mad with a pleasure that only he has ever made her feel…
Scar makes it back to camp, and notices that Marcoh is still discussing things with his 'patient'. As he is still unnoticed, perhaps he should slip away again for a while, let them conclude their discussion in peace…
His fiancée looks him straight in the eyes; he can't hide now.
It looks like she's about to walk over, but Marcoh stops her, probably because he plans to tell Scar his diagnosis. He still feels rotten doing it like this, but he can't stand the thought of the only person that means anything at all to him suffering in silence, all because of some stupid promise he made her make. As if he could bare to send her away from him. He's tried pushing her away in the past, and all she did was cling on tighter; they belong together, of that much Scar is certain.
When Marcoh makes it over, Scar says a single word in a hushed tone, hoping that the other man understand its meaning. 'Well?' He wants to fall to his knees and pray that it's nothing serious, but it's too late now; all he can hear is the diagnosis.
Marcoh leans in, speaking in barely a whisper. 'It's as you suspected. She's exhausted. All of this exercise is too much for her. You need to start taking it easier on her. She needs rest.' That truly is all? That's a great relief. Scar has had a feeling gnawing away in the back of his mind that she's pregnant; no doubt she would hate him for inflicting such a condition onto her. At least he can repair any damage caused by exhaustion…
As soon as he and Marcoh have dropped the logs by the fire, he brings his lover into an embrace, cherishing the feeling of her body next to his. If the doctor says she has to take it easy, then he'll do everything he can to make sure she doesn't overdo it. He'll carry her across the country if he has to! Anything it takes to keep her safe.
She's the only family he has, after all.