Chapter 13 of year 4: Andromeda and Lily

An unpleasant tightness in your stomach, a dry throat, and a desperate desire to get out of the situation. Awkward. There was no other word for it.

It was awkward sitting with Eilidh and Persephone so obviously not getting along while Mary and Josie prattled on about dress robes as if they couldn't feel the tension between the two. It was awkward trying to hide from Andy while pretending that nothing was wrong for his friends' sake.

He didn't know why panic had risen in him when he walked into the Three Broomsticks and saw his cousin. His favourite cousin at one time. He hadn't seen Andy in years but there she was. Sitting at the bar, clutching a tiny bundle that was obviously the infant Narcissa had told them about. She had been furious as if the child's muddled blood had tainted them all.

"Where is Lily anyway?" James blurted out when the topic of conversation changed from Persephone's dress robes to Lily's shoes.

"She's out looking for Nick Graves," Josie answered casting a significant look to her friends. Eilidh groaned and Mary rolled her eyes. Remus choked on his drink.

"Nick Graves? Isn't that…?"Sirius trailed off realising the situation for what it was. Lily had been looking for Nick Graves, the bloke Remus had invented, hard enough to irritate her friends. James stared at Eilidh through wide eyes, looking terrified and guilty. Remus stared at the nervously twisting fingers in his lap. Sirius wasn't the only one who found the situation funny: Peter was holding back his laughter, his face red with the effort.

"What did you do?" Eilidh asked, exasperatedly.

"I… am going to fix it," James answered, stood, and dashed for the door.

"Do you want me to come?" Remus called after him, worry lacing his voice.

"No!"

Eilidh sighed and ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "I should probably make sure Lily doesn't rip his head off."

"If she sees that cut on your head she'll freak!" Mary placed a hand on her shoulder, holding her to her seat. "I'll go."

"I'll go with you!" Peter said quickly and in response to the questioning looks he got added: "In case James loses his temper or something."

Persephone stood so quickly her chair toppled over. She picked it up and strode out without a glance or word to the rest of them.

"I take it things between you and Persephone are still… weird?" Remus asked. Eilidh shrugged, pulling off indifference well if it weren't for the tightening of her jaw.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, genuinely concerned. Eilidh was usually one to wear her heart on her sleeve.

Eilidh looked as if she was searching for the right words, then after a somewhat pregnant pause, she answered, "She likes to hold grudges."

"She doesn't like to be forced to do things," Josie corrected, almost aggressively, defending her friend.

"I didn't force her to do anything!" She claimed, "And it's a good thing I got her to talk because if I hadn't there wouldn't have been anyone to stop Abbot today," Eilidh argued fiercely, her nostrils flaring and her eyes pricking with tears. Why is it that girls always cry when they're angry?

"So that's where you were today? Off fighting a war you have no business being in," Josie hissed, she tilted her head up, as if higher and bigger than everyone else.

"I stopped a bad thing from happening. What would you-"

"You should have gone to a teacher. We have rules for a reason," Josie stated, matter of factly sounding oddly like Regulus. If Sirius had a sickle for every time he'd been told that they had rules or traditions for a reason he'd be able to afford to live on his own.

"They wouldn't have been able to do anything!" Eilidh argued fiercely, her voice growing louder with every word, enunciating every syllable, sounding as if she'd made this argument a million times before. "We didn't have enough proof."

"Whatever. What you did was wrong and your excuses don't change that," Josie huffed and left just as quickly as Persephone had.

"Right," Eilidh breathed shakily, trying to regain control over herself. "Sorry you had to see that." She apologised, suddenly embarrassed.

"Sorry we caused that," Remus said, a frustrated line forming between his brow.

"You didn't," Eilidh smiled kindly at him, trying to eliminate Remus's frustration.

"Josie's always been a bit… stiff. I wouldn't let what she says get to you," Sirius advised, hoping that he sounded sympathetic and that none of his anger for Josie slipped through his voice. He simply couldn't believe how Josie had reacted. She had to know what Eilidh was fighting for. He never got to find out how she took it though because her response was cut off by someone calling his name.

He froze as a chill ran through him. Andy sounded exactly the same as she did four years ago. Remus and Eilidh turned toward the sound of her voice.

"Er, who's that?" Remus asked, running his eyes up and down the woman questionably.

"Andy," Sirius whispered, seeming at a loss for words.

Understanding flared in Remus's mind, "Ah," he nodded. "Well, I've got an appointment with Madam Pomfrey. Eilidh you are more than welcome to join me."

Remus moved quickly toward the door giving not so subtle looks to Eilidh. He probably thought he was being tactful but Sirius really didn't want to be alone right now. Before he could say as much Remus was out the door and Eilidh who had finally understood his silent message was beginning to follow.

"Eilidh," Sirius said, catching her hand before he could stop himself. He wanted to ask her to stay, sure, but what if she didn't want to stay? This was bound to be an awkward situation not only because he was reuniting with a long lost relative but also the tension between her family and his dated back centuries. The confliction caused his words to be caught in his throat and he mouthed trying to find an out.

"You want me to stay?" Eilidh asked with not a hint inconvenience in her voice.

"Er," Sirius began, still trying to find the right way to ask. Eilidh simply nodded and sat down giving his hand a light squeeze and watched as Andy took the last steps to approach their table.

"Sirius," she grinned. She looked tired yet somehow happier than Sirius had ever seen her.

"Andromeda," Sirius smiled back. Her grin faded slightly. She looked confused and slightly hurt.

"What happened to Andy?" she asked.

"Uh, nothing," Sirius shook his head feeling slightly foolish. He stood to greet her properly. "It's good to see you, Andy."

Andy pulled him closer to her and wrapped him in a tight embrace, her tiny bundle wrapped in a sling against her chest breathed steadily against him. "It's been too long," she whispered softly. Sirius nodded and hugged her tighter, careful not to hurt the bundle between them. There had always been a silent understanding between her and Sirius, he was glad that the years had not taken that. Sirius felt tears springing into his eyes and he pulled away quickly, begging the tears to somehow evaporate

"Here, sit down, get off your feet," he said, dragging out a chair for her. She smiled her thanks and eased her way in, holding her baby steady as she did. "This is my friend Eilidh."

"Nice to meet you, Andy," Eilidh smiled, extending a hand toward her.

"Pleasure's mine, Eilidh," Andy smirked, shaking her hand. "I'm not interrupting anything am I?" she asked, looking at Sirius with a humoured expression he found odd and unreadable.

"No," Eilidh and Sirius said together. She smiled holding on to that humorous expression.

"So did you buy a very lifelike doll or did you get yourself knocked up?" Sirius smirked, gesturing to the softly breathing baby.

"Ha ha, Sirius," Andy rolled her eyes and pulled back the fabric of the sling. Out popped a tiny little fist, its fingers spread when it hit the nape of Andy's neck revealing fingernails smaller than anything Sirius had ever seen. Andy smiled lovingly at the creature as she pulled the rest of it out. The baby stirred slightly at the movement then quickly fell back into a peaceful slumber. "Sirius, meet your cousin. Nymphadora," Andy cooed, brushing tiny wisps of blonde hair off of the child's forehead.

"She's tiny." Sirius simply could not get over how small she was. Everything from her button nose to her stubby curling toes was unbelievably small and fragile looking. He never imagined a human being could be that small.

"You wanna hold her?" Andy offered.

"I-uh." He did want to hold her but he was terrified of dropping her or hurting her with his rough, clumsy, inexperienced hands.

"It's okay, she's not as breakable as she looks," Andy soothed, holding Nymphadora up to his chest and bringing his arm under her. She felt heavier than Sirius was expecting and a lot steadier. Nymphadora stirred, her mouth opened into a wide O as she yawned revealing her toothless mouth. The corner of her lips twitched as if to smile as she let out an odd gurgling sound that only babies could make.

"She looks like Ted," Sirius laughed, truly seeing the resemblance.

"I know," Andy giggled.

"How old is she?" Sirius asked.

"Three months," Andy said.

Three months. This thing had been alive for three months and Sirius was only just meeting her. It made him angry that he was so cut out of Andy's life that he hadn't even met her child. He watched as her tiny fists rubbed her tired eyes. She hummed in satisfaction as she snuggled into his chest. He felt like his heart would burst. With his free hand, he lightly touched her little ball of a head, her hair caught between his fingers and he saw the strangest thing he had ever seen. The baby's hair, he initially thought was blonde, had a hint of a rosy pink to it.

"I-is that pink?" he asked, not really believing his eyes. Andy laughed, heartily.

"Yeah, she does that when she's happy. She's a metamorphmagus," Andy explained. "Her pregnancy was the weirdest thing I've ever experience, probably ever will."

"Merlin's pants!" Sirius exclaimed, then looked up apologetically at his cousin. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I don't think she can remember much right now anyway," Andy said. She watched Sirius holding her daughter thoughtfully for a moment. "Listen, Sirius, I came to Hogsmeade because I needed to talk to you about something so if you get a chance I'd really-"

"Eilidh's a friend. I trust her so I'd probably end up telling her what you said anyway," Sirius interrupted her, startled by her sudden change in tone. She now seemed burdened down with something.

"It's kind of a family thing," Andy responded, looking apologetically at Eilidh.

Eilidh looked at Sirius, asking if she was still needed. Sirius nodded. He had a dreadful feeling that Andy had terrible news and did not want to be alone to receive it. He wished he could send for James but he didn't see how so Eilidh would have to do.

"Andy, just tell me," Sirius said forcefully. He handed back the baby already feeling his hands starting to shake. Andy looked flustered for a moment but took a deep breath and calmed herself.

"Okay," she started. "I ran into Narcissa in Diagon Alley this summer. She told me about what you've been getting up to at Hogwarts and at home."

There was a pause in which Andy looked at him apprehensively.

"Okay," Sirius pressed, urging her to go on.

"I just….I'm proud of you for standing up for what you believe in. It's really brave of you, especially with everything that's going on." Andy paused again biting her lip. Sirius knew now that it wasn't news she was bringing. She was here to warn him, to tell him to shut up until it was 'safe.' The thing was, it was never safe so what was the point?

"But," Sirius demanded. He could feel a wall building between him and Andy, one that he had never thought would be there.

"But… you know what happened to me when they found out about Ted. They'll do the same to you if you keep going on the way you do. And I'm sorry but I honestly think you mum's a bit worse than mine." Andy said, in a rush, exactly what he knew she would say. He wondered why he hadn't expected it the minute he saw her. Sit down, shut up, and smile. The Black family tradition upheld by them all, even Andy.

"You want me to be seen and not heard. Another trophy my mother can parade around. It's too late for me. I failed at that the moment the sorting hat put me in Gryffindor." Sirius could play indifference very well. It was what he was raised to do. So he put on his apathetic mask and watch as Andy's face fell. It gave him a sick satisfaction to see it. As was the Black way. He realised this and, being somewhat disgusted with himself, he let his bruised feelings show in his heavy eyes and his frowning mouth. He took hold of Andy's free hand and said in a tone much gentler than before: "Thank you for caring. But I can't. This war is bigger than all of us and I couldn't live with myself if I just sat back and watched it all happen."

"Then get out, Sirius," Andy whispered, her eyes pleading. "Get out before it's too late."

"I'm working on it," Sirius assured her. Andy's eyes brimmed with tears as she cupped his jaw.

"All right," she said. She whipped her face and cleared her throat while she stood tall and confident and happy just as she was when Sirius first saw her. "I'm off. It was really nice to meet you Eilidh. And Sirius… would you mind if I wrote you every now and then?"

"Yeah, of course, I'd love to hear from you," Sirius answered, shocked that she felt like she had to ask though it would explain why he hadn't heard from her in four years.

"Okay, I would have before I just…."

"Andy, we're family. Write whenever you like," Sirius said.

"I will. But only while you're in school. I don't want to get you in trouble," she promised.

"I don't care-"

"I do," she interrupted firmly. Sirius didn't know what to say so he nodded. "Anyway, it was nice to meet you. I'll let you two get back to your, er…. Have a nice school year." Andy smiled one last time at the pair of them, adjusted her hold on Nymphadora, and walked out of the place with her head held high. Sirius was happy to see that even though she had been disowned she hadn't lost her pride in herself. He was also very happy that James hadn't been there. Merlin knows what conclusions he would have jumped to.

"That was intense," Eilidh proclaimed. Sirius looked at her. Her arm was slung over the back of her chair, her expression and body relaxed, but her eyes were lit with concern and almost fear. Shit.

"Listen, this has to stay between us," Sirius implored.

"Why, you don't want your friends to know that your cousin is scared shitless for you?" Eilidh snapped. Her mask of calm falling. She looked angrier than Sirius had ever seen her.

"She overreacts," Sirius lied.

"Yeah, okay," Eilidh scoffed.

"Eilidh!"

"This stays between us, it's your life. But Sirius," She caught his eye and held it for a moment making sure she had his attention. "You have people who are more than willing to help you. Don't take that for granted."

**********************************************Meanwhile in the James-iverse*************************************************************

Hogsmeade was way too crowded to be looking for someone. Especially, someone he knew next to nothing about. James hadn't realised how much he didn't know about Lily until he had to think about where she'd be.

What were her interests? She didn't like pranks so she wouldn't be in Zonko's. She liked butterbeer - she had to like butterbeer. Everyone liked butterbeer. Yet she wasn't in the Three Broomsticks. Did she actually like potions or was she just good at it? Reading. She liked reading. James always saw her late at night in the common room, during boring moments in class (the entirety of History of Magic,) or under a tree on sunny days with her nose in a book reading with an incredible amount of concentration.

So he went to Tomes and Scrolls - a new and used bookshop. Lily wasn't there but that's where Mary and Peter caught up with him.

"She's not shopping, she's looking for someone. Where would you go to look for someone?" Mary coaxed, kindly.

James's initial thought was the Three Broomsticks again. That's where he'd go to look for someone. Students ran in and out of there all day either to warm up or grab a quick bite to eat. He had already established that she wasn't there so James had to think. Where would Lily go to find someone she didn't know? What did Lily Evans think about the people she went to school with?

She believed that they were mostly innocent. That everyone naturally had her sweet disposition. Honeydukes. A candy shop to represent sweet childhood innocence.

Sure enough there she was leaning against the checkout counter, a cherry lollipop twirling between her lips, her eyes mulling over the crowd like she was hoping Nick Graves would jump out and announce himself. Her eyes spotted James and rested there for a moment making his heart sputter then flicked quickly away, pretending like she hadn't seen him.

"Lily!" Mary called over the sea of their overly excited peers. She grabbed James's hand pulled him along as she pushed her way through the crowd. Lily spotted Mary, smiled, and lurched forward meeting Mary, James, and Peter halfway.

"Hey, Mar," Lily greeted, ignoring James and Peter's presence. "Where's Seph and Josie?"

"Seph left. Josie's in the pub. And James needs to tell you something. It seemed important or else I wouldn't have brought him," Mary said apologetically, bringing Lily's attention to him. She took a deep breath, drawing herself up to full height.

"What is it, Potter?" Her voice became tight as if trying to control herself.

"Nice to see you too, Evans," James smirked. Eilidh had already told him that she was upset with him. What he needed was a reaction so he teased her. He heard her suck in a long breath, her lips tightened, her eyes narrowed. His hands flew to his hair out of both nerves and excitement. He could tell, even though she was trying so hard to control herself, that if he played this right moments from now her eyes would spark with a fiery passion. Sure it was because she was furious with him but that was part of the rush.

"Don't you think your hair's messy enough?" Lily quipped. James pulled his hand slowly out of his hair and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Glad you like it," he grinned and winked at her.

"I didn't say that," Lily said, looking away from him. That was different she usually stared right back. "I thought you said he had something important to say?" she asked Mary as if it were her fault he was toying with her.

"Don't blame Mary, she's only here so you wouldn't bite Eilidh's head off." James actually bit his tongue. He didn't mean to mention Eilidh at all and hoped he didn't just make things worse for her. Nevertheless, it brought her attention back to him.

"Eilidh's with you?" Lily questioned. James made a show of looking around him.

"I don't see her," he shrugged. Lily squinted her eyes at him, groaned, and started to walk away. James stepped in front of her, stopping her in her tracks. She looked up at him, jaw tight, nostrils flared.

"Do you mind if we talk privately?" James asked, lightly as if he wasn't at all worried he had just ruined Eilidh's friendship with Lily.

"I do mind actually because I've got to find my friend that you've somehow turned into a pompous butt waffle," Lily fumed, marching around him.

"Wow, wonder how I did that?" James laughed chasing after her.

"Your personality is infectious," Lily snarled.

"So I'm a pompous butt waffle too, huh?" James laughed again. Lily didn't respond she just kept marching forward with her jaw set and her hands clenched into tight little fists at her side. James caught her by her elbow. She jerked away almost hitting a third year behind her. It was only now that he saw the tears she was fighting back. "Sorry," he apologised, sheepishly. "I'll explain about Eilidh, I just want to talk to you privately."

"I know what's going on with you and Eilidh," she hissed, her eyebrows raised daring him to lie to her.

"Just let me explain," James begged. Lily studied him. He didn't know what she was looking for but he tried to look as sincere as he possibly could.

"Fine," Lily said and marched off to a far corner. She led him to the section of odd candy like blood-flavored lollipops and cockroach clusters where Peter stood snarling at the sugared rat tails.

"Pete, bugger off," James ordered. Peter jumped, then grinned when he saw who had approached them.

"You sure you don't want to me to stay and make sure you don't say anything to muck this up?" he teased.

"Oh, go flirt with Mary," James said. Peter's face flushed leaving James to wonder if he was actually crushing on Mary until Lily put all thought of Peter or even breathing out of his mind by clutching his wrist and pulling him quickly into the back room.

"Why, Evans! I'm surprised at you. We could get in trouble for this," James taunted, placing a hand on his chest and feigned surprise.

"Shut up, Potter, and talk," Lily ordered, her eyes still slightly narrowed.

"That doesn't-"

"I know, just get to the point," Lily snapped.

"All right. Should we start with Eilidh first?" James asked, suddenly nervous about having to confess to her.

"I don't care but for the love of God just start!" Lily growled.

"Okay, erm, Eilidh is constantly trying to stop me from doing... whatever - it's really annoying but it's mostly because she knows that it will upset you. And it's really not fair that you're mad at her for being friends with me when your friends with Sni-Snape. I mean the last person you should be mad at is Eilidh 'cause she's… she really cares about you," James told her. Lily finally seemed to relax. "Like a lot. Like she loves you, I'd say. I don't know."

"She actually tries to stop you?" Lily asked, smiling a little.

"Yeah. I mean she's never hexed me like you have but I think it's 'cause she likes me better -" James was about to say, Snape, which was entirely true but given the circumstance he deemed it inappropriate. "Than you."

Lily scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Whatever helps you feel better about yourself." She scratched her forehead looking thoughtfully at his shoes. James waited for her to be ready for him to continue, his throat getting tighter with every second he had to wait. "Alright, what was so important that you had to pester Mary into bringing you to me?"

"Well, um… see…. Ah jeez." James's hand found his hair again. He kicked the air spinning himself around. It was hard for him to face her right now. "You're gonna get mad," James told the crate in front of him labelled HONEYDUKES in block letters.

"Is anyone hurt?" Lily asked after a moment, her voice sounding tight again.

"I might be at the end of this," James shrugged, attempting to joke.

"I promise I won't jinx you," Lily swore. James turned around. His father always said that if he ever had to apologise he should do it right and that included looking someone in the eye.

"Hexes and curses are okay?" He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm not taking them off the table," she smiled back at him. An actual genuine smile and he was about to ruin it all. James savoured the moment where the ghost of her smile still played on her lips before continuing.

"Okay." He took a deep breath and looked her square in the eye. "I was told by an anonymous source that Nick Graves was going to ask you to the stupid ball thing. Only after I told you did the anonymous source tell me that he made Nick Graves up. Like he's not real. I didn't tell you before now because I didn't think you'd care enough to look for him and it wasn't until Mary told me today-"

"Hang on," Lily interrupted. She didn't look hurt or angry or even embarrassed, just confused. "Nick Graves is made up? He's completely fictional?"

"Yyyup." James stuffed his hands deep into his pockets and leant slightly away from her.

"It was Black wasn't it?" Lily accused.

"No! I would have known it was a joke if it had been Sirius. He never gives a shit about what anybody says so he never pays attention to gossip," James defended, instantly.

"Who else would do that? Peter?" Lily questioned. She didn't seem angry with him at all.

"No. It- it doesn't matter who did it. They didn't mean for you to be involved at all," James argued, getting frustrated.

"Okay," Lily said, startled by his sudden change in tone.

"The point is that I'm sorry for sending you on a wild goose chase. And my source is also very sorry," James added hoping that would stop her from grilling his friends.

"Thank you," she said, looking shocked.

"What?" he asked. He wasn't expecting shock from her. Not at this point.

"It's just- you never apologise," Lily admitted, cautiously. "Like who are you and what have you done with James Potter?"

He didn't feel guilty about this. The only other thing he could apologise to Lily for was Snape and he wasn't at all sorry about that.

"You don't really know me, Evans," James said, having to physically stop himself from touching his hair again.

"Guess that's true," Lily conceded with a shrug. She kicked out her foot, the tip of her ballet slipper touched the crate now behind him. Was she nervous? Hope fluttered through him.

"You could get to know me," James flirted.

"James."

"I'll buy you a butterbeer and we can talk. Or we can go to Madam Puddifoot's," James offered in a rush.

"Potter please!" Lily begged, successfully shutting James up. "Don't ruin this," she whispered.

James felt a pang in his chest that was all too familiar.

"Yeah, okay," James answered coldly. Lily opened her mouth to say something but James didn't think he could take her sympathetic excuses. "We should get out of here before we get caught."

He turned on his heel, his robes whipping around him, and strode for the door. He was careful to not make eye contact with anyone as he moved around the room in search of Peter. He spotted him with Mary, reading the large poster on the wall about where Honeydukes gets their cocoa beans for their famous chocolate.

"Pettigrew let's go," James ordered, not waiting to see if he followed.

"What on earth did you do to him?" he heard Mary mutter.

"I have no idea," Lily said.

James gritted his teeth and clenched his fist as he walked out the door and down the street with Peter running to keep up with him.

"What happened?" Peter asked.

"Nothing," James snapped.

"Where are we going?" Peter asked as they passed the Three Broomsticks.

"I'm going back. You can stay if you want," James said, still cold. He wasn't upset with Peter. He wasn't even upset with Lily. That's the problem. What was he supposed to do when he was upset and there was no one to blame?