Thanks to my editors Max, Jake and Nick for helping out with this chapter and pointing out things that I haven't considered and telling me I'm wrong. Which I hate but know it's needed to be said.
Warnings: This chapter contains some emotional abuse from adults to children and hints of PTSD. Because seriously like the team didn't get PTSD from Wave mission. Also Sakura's parents are not the anime canon ones, they're OCs designed to be civilian based. I also forgot to mention female on male canon casual abuse and mentions of abortions.
The abortion mentions are due to it being one of the most popular forms of contraception in Japan.
Sakura woke up early, heart thumping rapidly with cold sweat covering her body, the images of blood and the smell of sea air were chased away by the smell of her bedroom and the sight of her stuffed toys. It was nice- her stuffed toys, that was. They were soft and worn down and full of childhood memories. They chased away nightmares, normally. This time the memories of her first C ranked mission managed to catch her in her sleep.
The rest of the night, or rather morning, she could hear the tap dripping in the bathroom, her mum should get someone to get that fixed, and the sounds of the trees rustling outside as her limbs stopped shaking.
She watched the sunrise from her bed.
It was bright and beautiful, the slow -but so quick, so very quick- change of the dark night changing into pinks and yellows and light blues was, Sakura didn't know how to describe it but she wanted to watch it forever.
Soon enough Sakura could hear movement from within her house. It started off light; a footstep here and a murmur there but progressed into the sound of a shower going off and birds as the world kept moving.
She knew she should get up and possibly help her mum get breakfast done (because how else could she be a good housewife in the future if she couldn't even cook?) but she didn't feel like moving. She knew she was being a bad daughter but everything was better when she was in bed.
Her stomach rumbled as it demanded food. She was getting better at ignoring the hunger pains, in fact she wouldn't even know if she was hungry if it weren't for her stomach making sounds.
Deciding it was time, she slowly got up and she ran a hand through her hair, she could feel it was in knots, and shuffled over to her wardrobe to set the clothes that she wanted to wear that day, the pink-red dress this time over the pure red dress.
Sakura paused for a second, debating on taking a morning shower or just washing her face before she decided that the shower was probably best for everyone considering she still had sweat clinging to her. Her mum was less likely to ask questions, she loved her mum, she really did, but she didn't want her asking questions.
When she got downstairs she was greeted to the sight of her mother humming a song, probably from the radio, while she cooked breakfast. The smell of toast and fish filled the room, and there was already salad on the table waiting for the family to sit down. Her father was probably still asleep.
"Good morning!" chirped her mother who was facing the stove, one of her hands using a pair of cooking chopsticks to turn over the fish on the stove.
"Morning." mumbled Sakura, her mum hummed in reply. Sakura knew she should have had been more cheerful in her reply but didn't have the energy to, instead she wandered further into the kitchen.
"Sakura-chan, what's wrong?"
Sakura jumped a bit before getting the bowls and plates from the cupboard bypassing her mother, "It's nothing!"
Her mother turned around and looked at Sakura, Sakura desperately hoped that she didn't know about the nightmares, "Did you take a shower this morning?"
"Oh? Oh yeah," said Sakura absentmindedly as she took down the correct amount of plates and bowls and chopsticks from the correct cupboards.
"Is it the red time?" asked her mother. Sakura almost dropped the plates and bowls in her hands, a deep blush graced her face and probably down her neck as well.
"MUM!" shouted Sakura as she got a grip on the plates again. The bowls rocking vicariously before righting themselves making scraping sounds as they did so.
"What? I need to know so I can wash your sheets while you're out being a ninja," said her mum like it was a fact.
Sakura sighed and set the table for breakfast, each thing in the correct place, "I'm not in my red time."
"Just checking! Also remember about the red time-"
"Don't tell dad about it or any other guy because they get weird about it, I know, mum."
"-That's my girl!" cheered her mum as she finished cooking off the fish for breakfast.
Sakura sighed again as she set the table up ready for the perfect breakfast. The tissue box perfectly centred on the table, chopsticks in front of the bowls and the bowls centred on top of the plates. Tea cups just right to the plates and the tea pot near the edge where Sakura and her mum sat. Everything perfect for a new day.
"Sakura-chan, what did I say about sighing?" said her mum, the warning tone telling Sakura everything she needed to know.
"Good girls don't sigh; a good girl is happy, cheerful and ready to start a new day with a smile."
Her mum hummed in agreement as she checked on the rice, "Sakura-chan, could you look after the stove while I get your father up. You know how he's like," tittered her mum and left the stove with a swish of her apron and without Sakura's opinion on the matter, not that it would make much of a difference.
Sakura waited for a few moments while she listened for her mum's footsteps before she sighed and got her cooking apron from where it was hanging, it was pure red with a few sakura blossoms towards the bottom. She had loved it when she first got it a few years ago, had even begged her mother to buy it for her even though it was far too large for her using the excuse that she'd grow into it. It was still too large for her.
She hurried over to the stove when she noticed white smoke coming from a pot, opening the lid she confirmed that it was fresh miso soup, getting a little saucer she tasted it a bit and rolled the taste around her mouth.
The tofu was soft and subtle, the soup wasn't too watery or too thick, and miso was just about ready to be put in; the almost perfect taste of her mum's soup. And at the same time it wasn't.
Sakura stared into the watery depths of the pot, the flavour of the miso soup still on her tongue and watched the soup bubble gently on the stove.
She could only see Wave Country.
The taste of Tsunami's soup was so very different from the soup her own mother made but her stomach still rolled and churned in protest and bile touched the back of her throat. Shaking her head she swallowed, once, twice and three times before she was confident that the bile was safely back in her stomach and not in her throat.
Taking a step back from the pot she took a few deep breathes and shut her eyes tightly, her own mind wishing for her bed. Suppress, Repress, and behave; all the ways a good girl is made.
Suppress. A breath in, and out, the images of blood is gone.
Repress. A breath in, then out, and all thoughts of Wave Country is gone.
Behave. A breath in, a stuttered breath out, and she focused on the pot in front of her.
Taking the ladle tightly she stirred the soup, every part of her still tense but she couldn't calm down and she didn't know why. It was stupid, she was safe at home, far away from Wave Country.
She practically jumped as she heard the heavy footsteps of her dad down the stairs, a counterpoint to her mum's light footsteps. She steadied herself before turning the stove off and continued to stir the soup to make it cool down faster.
"Good morning, my little cherry blossom!" said her dad, practically shouting it. Sakura felt her cheeks warm at the childhood nickname and her shoulders relax at her dad's voice.
"Dad! I'm not a little girl anymore!" protested Sakura, resisting the urge to stamp her foot like a child.
"Nonsense! You're always going to be my little girl, nothing is going to change that."
"Dear, isn't Sakura-chan so cute in that apron? She'll be such a good housewife in the future!" cooed her mum, with her head on her husband's shoulder and arms around his arm, making her dad laugh good naturedly. Like she didn't say it every second day.
They looked so in love, that Sakura hoped that she could be like that with Sasuke someday.
Her mum moved towards the stove while her dad moved towards his seat. Sakura unplugged the rice cooker and brought it over to the kitchen table, Sakura was sure that her mum was getting the fish and the pot from the stove ready to quickly mix in the miso. It was like clockwork; everything was exactly the same, everyday.
"Here, I'll take that," said her dad, his arms coming around the rice cooker to take it and Sakura let him. Her mum always told her that it made her dad feel better about himself if he took the heavy things, sometimes she didn't mind if he took all the heavy work but other times she wished that she could carry it instead, "you're quite strong carrying this all by yourself from the counter to here!" praised her dad.
"Not too strong," said her mum, concerned about her. Sakura collected a separate set of bowls from the cupboard for her mum.
"Now, now, let her have her fun, she just wants to help her big strong dad." said her dad, the joy in his voice almost visible.
"I'm just worried about her future love life, dear. Not all men like strong women."
Her dad smiled and placed the rice cooker next to the tea pot before taking his seat again, "Yes but she's going to be a great ninja. Some guy is going to want to marry her even if she is strong,"
Her mum hummed but didn't argue. Sakura was glad her dad knew how much she wanted to be a great ninja like Senju Tsunade or Sarutobi Biwako.
Sakura brought the first bowl of soup to him, he spoke words of thanks, before getting the next bowl and placing it near her mum's seat and then taking her own bowl of miso soup.
Her mum had brought over the plates of shishamo for all of them. Sakura and her mum sat down in their own seats. Her mum got her dad's empty bowl and filling it with rice and then filling Sakura's own bowl, there was a sizeable difference of rice between her dad's bowl and her bowl. Sakura was also given the smallest shishamo as well.
After her mum was done serving the food they shouted in unison, "Thank you for the meal!" before they started to eat. Sakura's bowl of miso soup was also smaller than the rest as well.
"So what do you have lined up today, dear?" asked her mum, taking small bites of rice so that no rice sticks to her mouth and no movement was wasted. It was so elegant and efficient and polite that Sakura still felt awe at her mum even after all this time.
"Ah! The Yamanaka clan has requested that I get a special type of silk for the heir, you know, Ino-chan, you were quite close to her when you were younger," her father pauses for a moment like he was going to say something but decided not to, "and I'm to meet Yamashiro-san to trade some cloth like this," her dad uses his chopsticks to illustrate what type of pattern he would like in the air.
Her mum giggles politely, with her hand covering her mouth and quite happily, at her dad making him wriggle his eyebrows at her mum. Sakura groans good naturedly as her parents flirt with each other.
"Let's hope that he has it," said her mum, her dad hummed in agreement, "what about you, Sakura-chan?"
Sakura resisted the urge to jump, she knew that the question was coming, but it was still startling, "Oh, I'm doing chakra training with my team currently. I think we might be doing another D ranked mission today." Sakura made the mistake of looking into her mother's eyes, her warm brown eyes that were darting between Sakura and the salad on the table as a subtle reminder to eat it. Sakura made a great show of getting a small bowl of salad for her diet making her mum smile at her and her dad chuckle at her.
"Still on that diet?" asked her dad, like every other day since she started dieting.
"Of course I am! How else am I meant to get Sasuke-kun to notice me?" said Sakura in an almost whining tone. How Sasuke could still resist her charm she didn't know! She almost got a kiss from him towards the end of her academy days but after that it was like he disliked her but she knows that he does like her so why the confusing signals?
"What weight are you now?" asked her mum, eager to know the details of good gossip and personal achievements.
"Thirty-nine kilograms," her dad made loud gasping sounds and her mum clapped her hands like it was something to celebrate, and it was. Thirty-nine kilograms was nothing to scoff at, though Sakura felt a bit guilty, she lied to her parents, she was really thirty-nine and a half kilograms but she didn't want her mum thinking she was slacking on her dieting. It was just she kept gaining weight even when sticking to the diet.
"I think we should meet this Sasuke-kun of yours soon, you should invite him over so we can properly meet him and I can give him a talk about breaking my pretty little cherry blossom's heart," said her dad, making a blush rise high across Sakura's cheeks.
"Dad!" shouted Sakura, making sure her voice wasn't too loud, as she scolded her dad making both her parents chuckle.
"You really should invite him at some point, maybe later this week at some point if you're really interested in him so we can see if he will be good for you." her mum hummed in agreement.
"Dear, you're going to be late for work. Do you want me to make you a bento?" said her mum, her plate and bowl all finished with only a few grains of rice left over as evidence that she even had anything to eat.
"Yes, please. I love your bento, speaking of which this breakfast was perfect as always especially your miso soup!" her dad's green-blue eyes were alight with a inner glow that Sakura could only name as love and her mum blushed heavily, a beautiful smile on her face. It was like he didn't say that every day.
Sakura looked at her miso soup and brought the bowl to her lips to welcome the taste of her mum's soup. She paused for a second, before letting the soup slide down her throat. It wasn't the taste of the miso soup she had every day during her childhood. There was something missing.
Sakura was startled out of her thoughts by lips brushing past her forehead, her dad's ritual of leaving for the day, and the equally pink hair of her dad brushing against her face before he left, her mum following him to the door for their usual morning rituals.
Everything perfect and everything in its place.
"Sakura-chan, are you okay?" asked her mum as she entered the kitchen again, a small frown on her face and concern shining through her eyes. Sakura wanted to shout that of course there was something wrong, instead she bit her lip and smiled at her mum as cheerful as she could make it.
"Of course I'm alright! I just-" Sakura floundered around for an excuse for a second, "-I'm just nervous about inviting Sasuke-kun over!" Not that Sasuke was an excuse, now that she was thinking about it how could she invite him over to meet her parents already! They haven't even kissed yet! It was moving way too fast but if she wanted to be Mrs Uchiha...
Her mum clapped her hands, twice, sharply, "That reminds me! I should reward you for doing such a great job on your diet! We should go shopping together for a new lip gloss for you, when are you free?"
Sakura looked at the clock in the kitchen, if she didn't hurry up soon then she'll be late for the team meeting. Though it's not like Kakashi would be there if she was a little bit late... "I'll check with Kakashi-sensei."
"Okay! Let me know by tonight!" chirped her mum, looking excited about going shopping at the markets.
Sakura got up from the table and was about to go up her room but the voice of her mum called out, "Aren't you going to help me clean the table?" Sakura turned around to look at her mum. Her mum had an eyebrow high up and rather unimpressed.
"Well, I'm going to be late if I don't hurry..." said Sakura. Her mum still looked unimpressed as she darted her eyes between the table and Sakura's retreating form. Sakura held back a sigh before deflating, "I guess I have a bit of time to help."
"That's what I thought," said her mum as she started to collect the bowls from the table. Sakura collected the rice cooker from the table to the counter where it usually sat, and placed the left over rice into a container.
"Did you want a bento as well?" asked her mum over the sound of running water and plates hitting each other. Sakura brought over the rest of the bowls and plates to her mum to wash up while she got the tea towel to dry, it was homely and domestic and it made her wonder if she could have this type of life with Sasuke. She could imagine it now, Sasuke coming up from behind to hug her and whisper how much he loves her...
"Huh? No, it's fine."
"Sakura-chan? What's wrong? You're flushed." her mum placed a hand on her forehead to check her temperature. The hand was clammy and faintly wrinkled from the soapy water but dry enough that no water transferred onto her forehead.
"H-huh? Oh, er-I," Sakura had to take a deep breath so she would stop stuttering, her mum looked approving of her stopping to take a breath to calm down, "I was thinking if I could have this type of life with Sasuke-kun."
Her mum giggled, it should be wrong for anyone over the age of twenty to giggle but that was the type of woman her mum was, "Oh Sakura-chan, of course you can have this type of life with Sasuke-kun. Any boy would want you."
Sakura grinned as she dried the plates and bowls, she knew she was still flushed from her daydream, hopefully not just daydreams. Today, today she was going to ask Sasuke to come over for dinner. The sooner the better.
"Yeah, I know. Thanks, mum," Sakura tried to put as much gratitude into her voice as she could, her mum was her biggest supporter: always there with a new tip for makeup or housework to make things easier or to cheer her up about another failed date with Sasuke. She was the best mum ever.
"Oh this reminds me, please sit down,"
Sakura got a pit in her stomach, there was something wrong but she sat down at the table again and her mother at the other side.
"Now I know that your heart is set on being a ninja but we have to discuss when it's," here her mum lowered her tone, "your red time," before going back to her normal sugary tone, "I want you to go natural."
"But mum that would limit what missions I'm able to take!"
Her mum waited until she was silent again, "Yes but what if those pills or seals or whatever those ninja women use effects... If it means that you're not able to have children in the future? It could happen. No man wants a wife that can't give him children,"
Sakura didn't want to miss missions.
But she also wanted to follow what her mum wanted her to do and Sasuke did want to restore his clan, which means having children.
During the female only lessons a year ago the female chūnin, Moriyama, had told them about the different contraceptive options that most kunoichi used and none of them were approved of by civilians. Like her mum.
The doctor that she went to recently said she had more time.
She couldn't-
She will have more time.
Just a bit more to make her decision.
"I just worry about your future," her mum smiled and placed a dried hand on her shoulder, the warmth sinking into Sakura like a hot spring bath, "You better hurry up now or you'll be late."
Sakura looked to the clock and jumped from her seat! Rushing up the stairs to her room, she slowed down to a walk after her mum's remand about running, she mentally made a list of everything she needed: Clothes, headband, pouch, bandages for her pouch, and lip gloss just in case. Doing a mental cheer for herself she rushed out of the door, giving her mum a goodbye hug in the process, to get to the training grounds as fast as she could walk there.
Running to almost their team meeting place Sakura slowed down and panted against a tree, slowly sliding down until she rested on her knees. She was so out of shape. She was also so late but she couldn't let Sasuke see her sweating like a pig, it'll be terrible!
Sakura flapped her clothing gently to get more cool air to reach her skin. Her tights sticking against her legs, clinging far too much and making her legs grow itchy. It was terrible. Looking up through the canopy of the trees to the sky she stared at it thinking over the decisions and made herself more comfortable on the ground.
If she took one of the common contraceptives and her mum finds out then it could damage their relationship.
However if she doesn't take the contraceptives then she'll be taken off of missions, her entire career hindered by not wanting to take contraceptives. She'll be restricted to Konoha based missions. She'll never go anywhere else in the world. Just Haruno Sakura in Konoha for the rest of her life.
It was a no win situation.
Closing her eyes she let the sun's rays hit her face to warm her and placed her hands over her stomach. She had to have more time. It was too soon to think about this but she couldn't not think about it either.
Maybe in a few years she could go on the contraceptives? Maybe convince her mum that it was the right thing? Who was she kidding? Her mum would never allow her take contraceptives; it wasn't natural. She'd rather Sakura just have abortions like everyone else.
The joys of being a kunoichi born to old fashioned civilians.
There was nothing to it. She'd have to give up her future career to be Mrs Uchiha and she couldn't even tell Sasuke what she was doing because men didn't want to know about that stuff. She wanted to destroy something.
Instead she got up from the ground, brushing off any leaves or pieces of grass on her, and made her way to the meeting place.
Naruto and Sasuke were both at the training grounds when Sakura got there, talking closely about something with Naruto making grand gestures every now and then with Sasuke paying a slight amount of attention.
Sasuke doesn't usually pay attention to Naruto. Just recently he did. When he die-, when he protected Naruto. They became closer using that bond, closer than what Sakura could ever manage.
It made her grit her teeth together but boys were always like that, always closer than what she could manage, always excluding her, always rejecting her to play with them because she was a girl. So she was always told to forgive them, told that it was the way that it was and she could only get past that limit if she was a girlfriend to them or childhood friend. Nothing else.
To be fair she didn't want to be Naruto's girlfriend, adults were always talking about him; about how bad he was and that he was going to make the other children bad by being near him. Being Naruto's girlfriend would be bad but she didn't know how to become Sasuke's girlfriend either.
Every time she thought she got closer to Sasuke he'd close off even more it was like every time she tried to open him up he'd turn around and use her opening to allow Naruto closer. It was frustrating. It made something within her want to punch something; to destroy anything in her path but she couldn't do that.
Unclenching her teeth Sakura shouted, "Good morning Sasuke-kun!" to gain their attention and a wide smile across her face. Gaining their attention was better than them paying attention to each other.
He just made a cool sounding "hn." sound before looking to look at Naruto again. Her eyes followed, trying to see what Sasuke was looking at before realising it was Naruto, having a crestfallen expression, "oh, and morning Naruto-kun."
Naruto lit up at the sight of her, he always did since last year, and shouted a loud "Morning Sakura-chan!" Sakura gritted her teeth again. Why was it so hard to get Sasuke's attention? How can Naruto do it so easily?
He didn't even deserve Sasuke's attention. He was the last in the class, didn't even show up to half his classes with how he was off pulling pranks of unsuspecting people, and the only real thing going for him was his high class transformations.
She didn't get it.
She was meant to be smart as well but she doesn't get it.
"What are you guys talking about?" asked Sakura, somewhat curious and somewhat trying to get closer. She hoped this time she would.
"Ah! This bastard-"
WHAMP!
"OW! Sakura-chan what did you do that for, dattebayo?" cried Naruto from his place on the ground, his hands covering up the spot she hit. From her height advantage she could see the redness slowly rising through his hands. It made her feel guilty because she really didn't mean to keep hitting him, it was just he never seemed to learn when no meant no and when to keep his mouth shut.
"Don't call Sasuke-kun a bastard!" she shouted, it was like there was something black and ugly inside of her that she couldn't get rid of. She promised herself that she wouldn't hit him anymore since she needed to become more lady-like and ladies don't go around hitting people like a drunken brawler. However hitting Naruto never felt so good. It was like all the stress in her just magically went away after she hit him.
She didn't want to be like this. How was it she only did this to Naruto?
She made the mistake of looking at Sasuke. He was minutely twitching but his face was frozen in the usual blank way. It was the face of a guy who didn't want a strong woman. Her mother was right, men didn't like strong women, she was worthless unless she could be more lady-like.
"Sorry," said Sakura meekly. She was, she really was. Every time she promises herself that she wouldn't hit Naruto then she goes and does it anyway.
Naruto stared up at her from the ground, "Hey, Sakura-chan are you okay?"
She opened her mouth to reply as memories of this morning's dream and the conversation with her mother flashed through her mind, "Yes, I'm fine, I'm just sorry," she smiled as well because everyone felt better when a girl smiles at them. Just keep smiling.
How long did she have with her teammates getting better than her?
Always smiling.
How long until her own body going to betray her?
Don't let other people see personal matters.
How long was she going to be able to stay in the team?
Pretend that everything is fine and it will be.
"Are you sure?" Naruto asked, slowly getting up from the ground to go near her.
Sakura pushed everything out of her mind, those worries were for later, much later, when she could deal with them in private, "I'm sure, thanks for asking Naruto-kun,"
"No problem! Anything for Sakura-chan, dattebayo!" how Naruto could smile so brightly nobody could know. She hopes he could continue to smile like this at her for a while longer.
She doesn't want to give up this team.
Updated: less than 24 hours later.
Basically everything I said was wrong about the creation of Konoha due to the fact that new villages/cities, which really that is what Konoha is, to do with population and the circle wall. I'd like to thank InARealPickle for arguing against the rant.
So now today's mini rant/info dump is about the Senju clan.
The Senju clan are one of the two original clans to build Konoha and the winners of the Warren Era fight with the Uchiha clan. Where they came from is a question but we could probably argue that they came from the West since their ancestors came from that way (Kaguya in Land of Ancestors) but apparently within like 64 years they all died out to 1 person?
Like damn Konoha, you couldn't be bothered trying to save the Senju last name?
I'm pretty sure the only reason why Tsunade was able to keep her last name was because she was powerful and lucky enough not to die and she didn't go to the next two Ninja Wars.
ALSO WHY ISN'T THE SENJU CLAN A NOBLE CLAN IN KONOHA? THEY'RE ONE OF THE STARTING CLANS! THEY ALL COULDN'T HAVE DIED OFF! SOMEONE OTHER THAN TSUNADE AND POSSIBLY NARUTO'S CLAN SHOULD HAVE SENJU BLOOD IN THEM!
There should be people running around in Konoha that had Senju blood within them, anyone, and not every Senju would have been a ninja or died a ninja? Sure not everyone would be running around with the Mokuton since that seems to be more of a Hashirama descendant type of thing.
WE. JUST. DON'T. KNOW. IF. THERE. ARE. MORE. SENJU. BLOODED. PEOPLE.
Like goddamn.
Also one of my editors pointed out that technically the Uzumaki clan is now a branch clan of the Hyuuga thanks to Naruto marrying Hinata, which amused me greatly.