Story: It Is What It Is, Chapter 15
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
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KittyKatz009- chapter 16
Oooh! An update! I found him ordering Ed to stop amusing. He should have known that would never work. I also find it interesting that Roy decided to use restraint to stop him, considering that has been known to not be the most effective way to help someone in a panic attack. I really liked this chapter and I am curious to see what Al and Riza are going to think when they come in and see them both with blood on them. Keep up the great work!
Roy freaked out and isn't that great at comforting people despite the fact that he has his own past issues with this stuff, so, being a Colonel, and Ed's commanding officer, he did what was most familiar to him, which of course didn't help. And yeah, restraining might not have been the best route, he should have tried talking to Edward to distract him before it got that bad, but he didn't think to do that either.
KittyKatz009- chapter 15
I really like how Al and Riza have the conversation in this chapter. I think that it was good for Riza to try and reason with him instead of Roy or Ed. I feel bad for both brothers since I know they are both hurting from this. I think you did a great job in conveying that in this chapter!
I'm really relieved that you liked that chapter. I was rather worried about it. TwT
Yeah, Roy really isn't that great at this emotional mushy crap. Poor guy tries, but seriously needs some guidance.
(I realized too late that I forgot Black Hayate for over a chapter, so I will just pretend that he was with Riza when she went to talk with Alphonse, to make things so much more simpler, though I may go back and edit him in to elsewhere eventually.)
(Also changed my writing style back to normal for this chapter. The last chapter (which I have edited some) was kind of an exception because part of it was written in the present tense RP style). This chapter I did have a little help with, but I kept it in past tense.
This was one of the most tedious things I have ever wrote. Everybody was stressed, so I had a very hard time with this. And this chapter in specific is based off of a very personal experience, so try to forgive me.
Upon hearing the door open, Roy already knew that neither Riza nor Alphonse would be happy about the sight that greeted them when they entered. And it wasn't like there was any time to clean up the blood to make things look less bad than they did.
Naturally, a sense of panic entered Riza as soon as she saw the blood that was covering Roy and Edward, who looked down after seeing both her and Alphonse enter. Without a moment of hesitation, her first instinct was to immediately rush over to Edward, Black Hayate following by her side. She would chew Roy out later. Edward had pulled the sleeve back down over his injured arm. The boy's shoulders slumped and he bowed his head guiltily, knowing exactly what she had approached him over.
"Edward... Can I see your arm…?" she spoke softly, as she kneeled in front of him. She tried her best to keep her voice under control and calm to show she meant no harm.
The boy didn't respond, certain that all of them were disappointed in him. He felt sick, he couldn't speak.
Even as Riza took his guilty silence as a go-ahead, reaching out and taking his hand - even as she gently rolled up the sleeve, he stiffened, preparing to be scolded. He tried not to let out a hiss when the fabric rubbed against his freshly created scratches. His white gloves were abandoned on the floor beside him.
At seeing the damage he'd inflicted upon himself, Riza wanted more than anything to pull the boy into the hug, but she forced herself to keep her composure, knowing that by the look on his face, Edward didn't want to be coddled right now. She gave him a small pain-filled smile, gently placing her hand on his shoulder.
"...These will get infected if we don't do anything about it. So let's get you cleaned up, okay…?" Riza asked softly.
"...Okay..." Edward got up after a moment. "Sorry…"
"There's no need to apologize, Edward." Riza murmured, as she gently placed a hand on his back. Leading him to the bathroom, she briefly met Roy's gaze. "Like I told your brother earlier, We all make mistakes, even Roy and I."
Roy knew in that moment that he was definitely gonna hear Riza's griping later for not having acted sooner. And it wasn't like he could blame her. She was just as scared for Ed's well-being as he was, if not more so. She had put her trust in him to look after Edward for a mere thirty minutes and he completely botched it. Riza has every right to be angry at me.
Alphonse wanted to say something, wanted to apologize, wanted to embrace Edward more than anything, wanted to do something, but he was practically froze in his spot. He didn't know what to think anymore, didn't trust himself to speak or do anything, and if he had had a body, he would've definitely been sick. This is all my fault... Dammit, I'm such an idiot…! If I had just kept my big mouth shut, he wouldn't have…
"Al, can you clean up the table?" Riza interrupted his thoughts, gesturing towards the blood that had been smeared on the table's surface.
"O-oh. Right." Alphonse said, rushing to get a rag from the sink. No, I can't be thinking about this…! Brother's well-being is all that matters right now!
Riza thanked him before heading to the bathroom. She gestured for Edward to sit on the side of the bathtub as she took some bandage wraps out of the storage cabinet above the faucet. The woman then turned on the water, and took a moment to adjust and check the temperature. "Ed, hold your arm underneath the faucet."
Edward immediately stiffened a bit in response. The nurses had had him do that at the hospital too, and it had been a huge hassle. Even though the water didn't sting that bad, it wasn't completely painless, and there had even been an issue with one of the wounds reopening and taking forever to stop bleeding, as a result staining several bed sheets. He looked away.
"I know you don't want to, Ed. But I assure you it won't take as long as it did at the hospital. Deal?"
Edward glanced back over at her suspiciously, before sheepishly mumbling beneath his breath. "...You promise…?"
"I promise…" Riza smiled softly. Edward really is just a child...
Edward, in response, decidedly held his arm up, the sleeve pulled back to expose the marred skin, and old bandage wrap as asked, although he was clearly reluctant.
Riza then lightly pulled Edward's arm underneath the water, and slowly began working away with the bandage wrap to get it off.
Edward winced slightly, as the still-dry parts of the cloth snagged at his cuts, receiving a low apology from Riza. Once the old bandage wrap was detached from his arm, she threw it away and began to use a rag from the shelf to dab at the blood and wounds underneath the water.
Finally, after getting it to a point that the blood wasn't covering his arm anymore, Riza used another rag to dry it. She then grabbed a tube of antibacterial ointment and unscrewed the lid.
"...This will probably sting a little…" Riza have a small warning. "So try to bear with me, alright…?"
"Alright." Edward barely nodded, allowing Riza to continue.
Edward hissed in pain after the medicated cream had a chance to sit for a few seconds. It burns! There must be lidocaine in it or something.
It was ironic, really. He had went through an automail surgery when he was younger, had his nerves connected and reconnected to his prosthetic limbs multiple times, got into fights regularly and even cut himself on practically a daily basis, but this crap still bothered him.
However, instead of commenting further, he waited a bit, before looking down as Riza began to apply new bandage wraps. It was at that moment that he decided to speak up again, but about a different topic. "...Hey, Lieutenant…?"
"What is it, Edward?" she asked.
"You're not mad...at the Colonel, are you?" Edward mumbled, his voice sounding pained. He genuinely felt bad for putting Roy into such a position and hoped that Riza wouldn't blame Roy for that.
He didn't fail to notice the brief moment she seemed to pause.
In reality, Riza was very upset at Roy - at herself for leaving Edward with him, because she had thought that he could handle things for at least half an hour. Hell, Roy even claimed he would be fine. But yet, she came back and Edward was covered in new cuts and more blood. She should have known that, with Roy's own history, it wasn't a good idea to leave him alone with him until they worked out some kind of plan and had time to talk to Edward about what methods could help him. Then again, Roy probably wouldn't have handled Alphonse any better either…
However, despite her frustration, she held back from stating her honest thoughts, knowing that it would only make Edward feel worse than he probably already did. "...No, Edward, I'm not angry."
And in truth, it wasn't even entirely a lie.
Was she angry? No.
Disappointed, yes.
"It wasn't his fault…" Edward mumbled after a while, petting Black Hayate, who'd followed them into the bathroom. "He tried to do the best he could, but it just wasn't enough… I'm sorry I caused so much trouble."
Riza felt a pain in her chest at hearing him say that. Why does he keep saying sorry…?
"No more apologizing, Ed." Riza lightly bumped him on the head, now that she had finished and thrown away the old bandages. "Now, Come on. Let's go back to-"
Riza was cut off by a loud thump coming from the other room.
Immediately, Edward got up and left the bathroom, followed by Riza.
When they were heading into the kitchen, however, they stopped dead in their tracks as a very unpleasant sight and sound greeted them.
Alphonse was holding Roy by his collar against the wall, and Roy had his ignition glove poised to snap at any given moment.
"I beg your pardon?" Roy rose an eyebrow. "Care to explain just exactly how this is my fault?"
Riza opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Alphonse:
"Before you left on that trip, you told me to not worry... So I wanted to believe he would be okay. But while he was off with you, Brother almost died! And this time... you didn't stop him from hurting himself this time either…!"
Edward felt sick at hearing this. Alphonse knew about it. But how? Had Riza told him?
Black Hayate began whining again, and Riza started to approach them. "Both of you, separate. Now."
However, Mustang hardly spared her a glance, and willingly ignored her if only to set Alphonse straight on one thing, much to Riza's irritation.
"And may I remind you that you were the one who upset him in the first place, Alphonse? Or maybe you also need a reminder that you've been by his side for years and didn't notice anything." Roy pointed out.
"Maybe that's true, maybe I did screw up, but, even so, you're his commanding officer, the one in charge of-!"
"Stop fighting, dammit...!"
A voice cut them off, but it wasn't Riza this time, although she herself had been about to speak again or use force to separate them if necessary. It was Edward. He was clenching his fists.
Both Roy and Alphonse immediately fell into silence when seeing the hurt expression on Edward's face.
"Mustang isn't to blame, Al, none of you are." Edward choked out.
"But, Brother, he-" Riza held a hand up to his armor, cutting him off.
Edward didn't say anything, only glaring at the floor.
"I need to go and calm down..." Alphonse, who surprisingly let go of Roy's shirt at this point, suddenly felt worse than ever, before he walked off into another room right after. After all, Edward probably wanted some space after everything, and he knew he would only make things worse if he tried to speak anymore at this point. It would be best to wait until the atmosphere was a little less tense.
Edward was left with his shoulders trembling due to pent up frustration and anxiety, as Riza began approaching him after whispering something to Roy.
"I'm sorry…" he uttered after a moment, barely above a whisper. "This is all my fault..."
"No, its not. Don't you dare blame yourself." Riza's voice was stern, yet somehow reassuring, as she reached out and gently grabbed his automail hand to separate it from his arm. He hadn't even entirely realized he'd started rubbing it. "It's not your fault that they couldn't handle themselves more maturely."
Roy hadn't moved from his spot either, but had turned away to avoid Riza's glance.
"Still, if it weren't for me, they wouldn't have been arguing in the first place…!" Edward retorted, raising his voice.
I always wanted to believe that cutting myself would only affect me alone, but it's starting to impact everybody around me and not in a good way. If this is what it results in, then I have to find a way to stop, because I can't stand to see them fighting anymore... I just want everyone to get along.
"Edward..." Without hesitation, Riza softly pulled the boy into an embrace. "...It may be true that everybody is worried about you, but you had no control over their reaction. You can't keep beating yourself up over everything."
Edward stiffened immediately, but quickly felt himself giving in to her embrace, reminded far too much of Trisha. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he blinked them away, and found himself apologizing yet again that day. "I'm sorry..."
"It's okay, because we're going to work through this. We just have to find something else that helps you." Riza couldn't help but smile a bit with fondness for the boy. "...And I thought I told you to stop apologizing, Ed..."
"...Can't help it." Edward muttered, looking away.
...
Edward soon followed after Alphonse, who was in the guest bedroom.
For a minute or two, nothing was said, even as Edward went to lay down on one of the beds. However, after Edward began adjusting the pillow he was laying on, Alphonse uttered something in a choked voice.
"Brother…"
"What is it…?"
"...I'm so sorry for yelling at you earlier, for acting the way I have today. I'm just so scared. I don't want to lose you..." It was obvious in the way that Alphonse trailed off that he would have been crying if he had a human body. "I'm sorry. I just wish I had known. I wish I had known before it got this bad."
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Alphonse kept saying sorry repeatedly, sending another pang of guilt to weigh on Edward's chest. The older brother had got back up and walked over to Alphonse's side, sitting beside him against the wall. Reaching up, he reassuringly placed his skin hand on top Alphonse's helmet.
"Hey, come on, Al, no more apologizing, okay?" He offered a small pain-filled smile, hating to his brother cry.
"It's not your fault... You were just worried about me, you have every right to be." He said before looking away. "And you were right… We need to work through this together, as a family…"
…
"So mind explaining exactly what happened in there while I was gone today, Roy?" Riza had her arms folded and she was standing by the closed door of her bedroom. Last she checked, Edward was asleep by Alphonse's side, so he shouldn't be an immediate threat to himself. After things had calmed down, Riza finally decided to pose the long due question that was nagging in her mind.
Black Hayate was lying close by, curled into a ball and sleeping on the floor.
Roy easily figured that she wasn't referring to his confrontation with Alphonse. "...Edward had a panic attack and he started scratching his arm…"
"So where were you when he started panicking? Judging by the state of the wounds, it didn't look like you took immediate action, sir."
"I didn't." Roy looked away guiltily. "At first, it was because I didn't see what he was doing with his hands beneath the table, but when I realized it… I acted like an idiot and ordered him to stop because my mind went blank."
"...You ordered him to stop cutting himself?" Riza asked incredulously. She couldn't believe it.
Roy rubbed a hand over his face. "I panicked, okay...?!"
"I trusted you to look after him, Roy…!" Riza retorted, accusingly.
"I know, I'm sorry…!" Roy looked away.
Riza sighed. She decided to not fuss anymore, seeing as Edward had so adamantly defended him, and because Roy genuinely seemed sorry, but that didn't mean she could just turn her head to allow it to happen again."...For now, I think Ed should just stay with me, at least until we help him find some better coping mechanisms and have time to discuss a plan in case the same thing happens again, because it probably will."
Roy sighed, knowing she was right and would be better equipped to dealing with Edward than he would anyway. On top of that, being Edward's commanding officer had its drawbacks. There would be a lot less questions from the military and less risk if the boy was staying with Riza rather than himself.
He then offered his opinion awkwardly, a pain-filled look in his eyes: "That's probably for the best..."
...
A/N: I hope this turned out okay. It was VERY hard to write. I FINALLY HAD SOME TIME THANKS TO CHRISTMAS BREAK TO WRITE SO I WROTE. WOOT
Also, Riza will not stay frustrated with Roy too long… I swear