Story: It Is What It Is, Chapter 16
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.

FINALLY BACK, but I am under an extreme rush right now arg.

I've been in the hospital for the past two weeks, but I FINALLY got out and finished my rewatch of Brotherhood and reread some of the manga, and I decided to add Ling in. Gonna wait on Winry (But I have a VERY special plan for her, so just wait.) I also found a new direction I'm going with my life and I feel great for once, but I'm super tired. :D

I'm planning to become a psychology teacher for high school students eventually.

Anyway,

Originally, I wanted to drag the antagonism between Roy and Riza on longer and have Ed get involved.

Originally, I wanted to have Roy tell Ed something like, "Riza may be mad at me now, and she has every right to be, but she'll get over it eventually. After all, our bond is too strong to be disrupted by something this small, kid, so you have nothing to worry about." And pat him on the head.

Originally, I wanted something like:

"Lieutenant…?"

"What is it, Ed?"

"Why are you still so upset at the Colonel? I know he didn't respond in the best way the other day, but please don't be mad at him over it…"

Riza relents and decides to ask Roy how he would handle the situation in the situation that Ed panics again.

but I couldn't bring myself to do so because I needed to get to other plot points and just skipped to the last part about Riza asking Roy the question. (Sorry, guys) I just decided to have Roy and Riza sort out their own problems sort of, but this chapter is honestly probably shit... (If y'all don't like I can just go back and change it, I guess)

Replies to Reviews

pikachu246, chapter 17 - "Amazing chapter!"

I'm glad you like it! :D

Guest, chapter 14 . - "IM. GOING. TO. CRY."

Sorry. T-T

sincity27, chapter 17 - "What an intense chapter! My heart is racing just reading it"

That's what I was aiming for! :D

KittyKatz009, chapter 17 - "I found this chapter to be very emotionally charged, which I loved. I liked how Riza was set on taking care of Edward. It was great to see his revelation that he needed to find something else to do besides cut since it was affecting those he cared about. I liked the altercation between Al and Roy. The tension was high and of course they would blame one another. There was a lot of care in this chapter between all parties and I thought you delivered it well. Can't wait to see what happens next. 3"

Thank you so much for your input. I was worried that I didn't level out everybody's role in that chapter. (I've really worried about that in this one, because it feels rushed, but I wanted to get it to important stuff, to where the story is progressing.) And I'm really glad you liked the altercation between Roy and Al. (I will have closure to that at a later point.) It's very hard to manage multiple characters at a time I swear! XD;;;

(THIS WHOLE CHAPTER AND ESPECIALLY THE END IS REALLY CRINGY IN MY OPINION. NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE BETTER I SWEAR, so please PLEASE try to bear with me. T_T And no, most coping mechanisms don't help me, but there are a few who do, like writing, drawing, throwing stress balls. HOWEVER, Edward and I am not the same person, so I want to know what coping mechanisms Edward should use. (I've already gathered that maybe he likes people to mess with his hair, because the touch is relaxing.)

Some of you all have been wondering what point this takes place at. Basically it takes place shortly after Ling meets Ed in Rush Valley, but before Ling gets taken over by Greed. Presumably, Ed is still 15 in this and close to 16 as Winry said in the manga when they're on the train). Basically after Lust is dead though.

Moonlight spilled in through the windows, dimly illuminating the guest bedroom. Alphonse was still sitting against the wall, Edward resting the back of his head on his brother's armor leg.

I'm still finding it so hard to process everything, and I can't imagine how long he's been going through this.

Alphonse felt himself becoming hyper aware of the bandages on Edward's arm and the painful memory of seeing the fresh blood and cuts earlier that day.

How did I not notice anything until now? I've been with him for years…

I know that Ms. Riza told me not to focus on this, on the past, but it's very hard not to. I just feel so bad since he's been suffering through this alone all this time.

Alphonse slowly got up brought Edward to the bed. Under normal circumstances, Edward might have woke up, but he was apparently too tired to. It must've been a while since he had got a full night's rest.

I have to focus on helping Ed. Yet, without a body, I can't even begin to imagine how cutting oneself could make somebody feel better. What if I'm not even qualified to deal with Brother? What if I just make things worse for him…? No, I'm sure there's something even I can do. I just have to find out what it is. The first step to that is researching into this stuff.

Ah, that's it! Tomorrow, I'll go to the library and read as much as I can.

...

Riza didn't get any sleep that night at all(nor even the past couple of nights in the hospital for that matter), afraid that if she turned her back even for a few moments, Edward would do something to hurt himself or something bad would happen to him.

She was tired and on edge, the memory of finding Edward nearly dead in a pile of his own blood all too vivid in her head.

Yet, during and since Ishval, she regularly had went through insomniac periods of restlessness, so this was nothing new. She couldn't be worried over something so trivial.

Roy had long since left, claiming he was gonna go and try to get started on his paperwork at the office.

Riza had finally choked back some of her pride and asked him the question she should have earlier: "Roy, if Ed was alone with you in the future and he started to panic again, what would you do...? I need to know, before I can ever trust you with him again."

"The answer to that should be obvious." Roy had said. "Unlike before, I'd try to talk him out of it before it got that far."

Riza was more satisfied with his answer at that point and decided that, although Edward and Alphonse should still primarily stay with her to avoid too much suspicion from the higher ups, Edward could safely stay around Roy when and if necessary.

However, before leaving, he then told her, "Call me if anything comes up. Oh and, Lieutenant, I know it may be hard, but try to get some rest if you can. Unlike Alphonse, you actually need sleep to function."

A small part of her felt irritation at his suggestion, despite the fact that there was no ill-intention behind his words.

How could he possibly even think of suggesting sleep when Edward was going through something like this?

No, logically and in her heart, she knew that she was just frustrated for not having been able to prevent things from getting as far as they did. And if she didn't get any rest, she would be in no shape to look after him.

But a larger part of her wanted to deny it.

Black Hayate, who was by her side, began licking at her hand, snapping out of her thoughts. She looked over and smiled softly, reaching up to pet him. "You wanna go outside, boy?"

Black Hayate's tail wagged in response.

…

Once Black Hayate has done his business outside, Riza came back in and went into the guest bedroom where Edward and Alphonse were.

Alphonse had moved Edward to the bed and was sitting in a chair next to it. Edward's sleeping face was uncharacteristically gentle and reserved.

"It's almost funny how you're like the older one at times, watching over him while he sleeps..." Riza murmured after a moment. "You boys have been through a lot... and I'm sure he's a handful sometimes..."

"No kidding. Brother is the most stubborn idiot I know, and he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes too, but... he's a real softy when you get to know him." Alphonse laughed a little, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Yes... He is." Riza smirked fondly.

...

"Alphonse? Do you need something?" Riza asked, looking over to see Alphonse in the kitchen.

"Um… Ms. Riza, I'm going to the library to do some research, so I can get a better understanding on how to help Brother. Also, I've heard that Alkehestry can be used for advanced healing properties, so I'm going to see if I can find any helpful books on that too." Alphonse told her. He was originally just reading Alkehestry books to see if it could be used to get his body back, but the fact that Edward had been cutting himself added a whole new urgency to this situation. He could potentially use it to heal Edward's wounds and save his life in case something like that happened again. "If Brother asks about me, can you just tell him that I'm at the library and that I'll be back later?"

"Of course, that's fine. Take your time…" Riza smiled a bit.

"Will you be able to handle him alone?" Alphonse asked in uncertainty.

"Yes, he'll be fine with me." Riza knew she'd have to keep a closer eye on Edward with nobody around, but it wasn't something she couldn't handle. After all, she'd handled Roy on a daily basis.

"Also... I wanted to apologize about yesterday..." Alphonse was looking down cast. "I was really stressed and took it out on the Colonel, but I shouldn't have done that because it wasn't his fault."

"Everybody was stressed out, so don't worry about it, okay? The Colonel isn't mad at you, Al." Riza reassured.

"He's not?" Alphonse seemed surprised and doubtful.

"No, he's not. Now go on." Riza smirked.

"Right, thank you. See you later, Ms. Riza!" Alphonse said, before running out the door.

Speaking of Ed, I should probably go and wake him up shortly...

…

Edward was snapped out of his sleep by Black Hayate jumping on his chest, licking his face and neck. The boy started laughing. "Hey, stop that, that tickles! Black Hayate…!"

"Down, boy." Riza's voice brought his attention to her presence. Black Hayate listened and jumped off of the bed.

"Lieutenant...?" Edward looked up at her, confused. "Where's Al…?"

"Alphonse went to the library earlier. He said he'd be back later." Riza told him.

"He did?" Edward undeniably felt a little dejected. "What'd he go to the library for...?"

"He said he was going to do some research on Alkehestry." Riza explained.

"Hm..." Edward uttered in response, deep in thought. What if Alphonse had said that he was going to study Alkehestry just to be nice, when in reality he was just wanting to get away after seeing such things the day before.

He knew it was petty and irrational to get so worked up over such things, but it was, once again, irrational. Nobody liked being rejected or shunned, especially by those closest to them, but for Edward, it was his worst fear.

"Ed? Is something the matter?" Riza's voice snapped him out of his troubling thoughts.

"Huh?" Edward jumped a bit, before shaking his head and giving a strained smile. "Nah, it's nothing."

…

"Wow, you really overdid yourself this time, Lieutenant." Edward smirked after finishing the breakfast that Riza had made. It had been a variety of ham, egg, toast and a couple other things. He looked away. "By the way, where's the Colonel?"

"He left early this morning to get a headstart on his work." Riza explained. Of course, she had no clue when or if he actually made it to work, given that he hadn't got anymore sleep than she had, but there was no need to elaborate on that.

Edward pondered it. A small part of him felt a little hurt by Roy leaving so soon after what had just happened the day before, but he didn't want to sound selfish or petty, so he kept his thoughts to himself, even when they began to delve into irrational less-than-desirable thoughts.

Riza noticed the look on his face again and decidedly got up. Edward was snapped out of his thoughts when she began to brush his hair that was loosely hanging over his shoulders. That feels nice.

He would never admit it out loud, but he actually began to relax at the process, especially as she ran her fingers through his hair to divide it into three different sections.

"Ed, you… You know you can always trust us, right?" Riza asked as she braided his hair.

"'Course." Edward murmured.

Riza sighed, but smiled sadly. Edward still doesn't know how to let others in even when he's clearly distraught. But I'm sure he will eventually, he just needs time.

"Ed, I know this may be hard for you, but when or if you ever feel like hurting yourself, please tell me or even Roy, no matter what, okay?"

"...Okay." Edward responded, hesitation obvious in his voice, his stomach turning in guilt.

"I mean it." Riza lightly pinched Edward's cheek. "I never want to see you covered in that much blood again, mister."

Even though she was teasing him, she was no less serious.

"Yeah, sorry..." Edward mumbled.

"Hey, what did I say about-"

"No more apologizing. I know, I know, Mom..."

...

Alphonse had been at the library for a few hours. He'd always been a fast reader, so finishing 7 books (some of them, of course, not being that long) wasn't that big of a feat.

According to the books, there were several different reasons why people would cut themselves.

- Physical pain takes away emotional pain. The physical pain of cutting not only diffuses negative emotion, but it also creates a sense of calm and relief. Because it works almost instantly, cutting is highly reinforcing—some even say addictive. Individuals who cut describe the sensation as an escape or a release of pressure, similar to how people suffering from bulimia describe purging.

- Cutting can be a way to stop feeling numb. In particular, individuals with a trauma history may self-harm to take control of their own pain, and feel something other than numbness.

- It's an alternative outlet for emotional pain. Kids raised in a household where sadness, hurt, or disappointment get invalidated or mocked start to believe that it's not okay to feel bad. They turn to cutting as an "acceptable" way to feel pain—if they're not allowed to feel it emotionally, they'll let it out physically."

"I just… don't know how to deal with things sometimes... It... helps me…" Edward's voice echoed in his head.

I just wish he would have told me how it helps him.

- First, it's important to match the solution with the reason for cutting. If cutting is a way to feel deep dark emotions, experiment with ways to feel those emotions safely: write out your thoughts in a journal, even if you just write page after page of profanity in big black letters. If cutting is a way to release tension, move your body—visit a boxing gym or go for a long, pounding run."

Brother would never write in a journal and he already gets enough exercise…

- If channeling your pain into another activity doesn't work, simulating cutting might help. It won't be as satisfying, but it's safer. Squeeze ice until your hands hurt or draw on your skin with a red marker instead of cutting it.

Maybe a red marker might help him... Or some kind of rough brush?

Some of the other books have suggested to put elastic bands on one's wrists, arms or legs and flick them, which probably wouldn't help either...

Craftwork: Drawing or painting

As far as I know, brother doesn't care for art, all though he was always talented with making Alchemic sculptures back when we were kids...

Cooking, Cleaning, Dancing... Singing, Crying

Ha, Ed would probably never even be caught dead doing most of that.

Read a book

Reading... Brother likes reading some books. That could be a possibility.

Open up to a friend or family member about how you are feeling

I wish he would...

Pop bubble wrap, Play with a stress ball or make one yourself

Argh! Hardly any of this probably going to work, because Brother is one of the most uncooperative...!

"That's quite the touchy subject you're reading about there. Surely, you couldn't be reading about it for fun."

Alphonse jumped when he was snapped out of his thoughts by a familiar voice. He turned around to see his Xingese friend standing there. "Ling!"

A/N: Ugh cliffhanger... I'm so sorry, I really have so much I plan to work with... It was very hard for me to work with everything... (The last scene was the hardest to add detail to it... Sorry.