They were due for a crisis. They had an entire weekend, after Archer's meltdown, of nothing save a Quidditch match (Hufflepuff won) and a Slug Club meeting (which they attended only to provide their most immature, childish antics.) He could only wonder why Eilidh's grandparents couldn't have waited until later to send this to her. They were bound to see each other during the summer; which would have been best, this being a family affair.
The Common Room was littered with older students using their free period to study or catch up on assignments. Even Gabe Pevensie sat in a corner with a book larger than his head. He saw Eilidh staring awkwardly around at the small audience.
"Our dormitory would be more private," Sirius suggested.
At the others' nods of agreement, Remus offered; "I'll stay here for Lily and Mary."
"And James and I can run for snacks," Marlene said, too cheerily. "For comfort," she added, more appropriately before dragging the almost protesting James out.
Eilidh sighed irritably and led the way up as she mumbled about meddlers.
"You'll be happy to hear that we did our laundry." He knew that girls didn't want to hear about dirty laundry but he never did get the hang of small talk. That was more Regulus's forte. Besides, if she wanted small talk she would have filled the silence herself. So, Sirius resolved to leave her alone with her thoughts. Eilidh chuckled nonetheless and all but skipped the rest of the way.
It would seem that she had resolved to be unnecessarily cheery, probably sensing his discomfort. He silently cursed himself. He wished that his 'good breeding' had left him with the knowledge of what to say or do in situations like these instead of the feeling of helplessness. He wished that he could somehow explain to Eilidh that even though he didn't know what to say to her it didn't mean that she had to not be upset.
"Wow, you did clean! I almost don't recognize it," she smirked as she looked around the room in semi-faux amazement."Can I guess whose bed is whose?" she asked, smiling in the way she did when taking on an exciting challenge. It was a mischievous, cocky, victorious smile that he liked on her. Her cheeriness might not have been so made up as he had assumed.
"Go ahead," he invited, it would be interesting to see what she thought. She set the box down carefully next to their writing desk and looked around more closely.
"That one is obviously James's," she said, pointed to the ragged mess that James had made of his blanket. It was obvious because it was surrounded by posters of Quidditch teams, a picture of him smiling between his parents, and several muggle pictures of him and the muggle boys in his neighborhood he had grown up with.
"That one's Peter's," she said, pointing correctly to Peter's bed. His bed was rather messy too in a comfortable nesting way rather than James's I'm-too-busy-to-clean way.
"And that one's Remus's," she said pointing to Sirius's bed.
Though he was disappointed he could understand why Remus looked bookish and neat which is exactly what his bed represented. It was the plainest of the four with no posters around the bed or pictures of his family, his books - classic muggle novels - he kept lined up by preference in his nightstand which carried only the cup of water he needed to wake up every morning. He kept his bed made because he couldn't sleep if it wasn't but he didn't always have the energy to make it before bedtime so he took the time to make it in the morning. James called him a ponce, Sirius told him to eat shit.
"And this one," she jumped onto Remus's bed, "is yours."
Remus's was still neat but lived in. His bed wasn't made. He read only magical nonfiction books which were kept in small stacks under the bed. The pictures of his family he kept in a photo album in the nightstand on which he kept his collection of unorganized crumpled up sweet wrappers from his "secret" midnight stash.
"I didn't know you had such a sweet tooth," she cooed.
"I don't," he said. He absolutely hated sweet things, it made him sick. He could barely stand half a butterbeer and only drank it socially. He would occasionally splurge on fruit but even then it was the more sour kinds like grapefruit.
"Then what's all this from?" she asked.
"Why are you so sure that that's my bed?" he challenged.
"You mean that one's yours," she pointed to the correct one, not bothering to cover up her disbelief. "So you weren't kidding when you said you were the bookish one?" she laughed as she darted past.
Sirius chuckled in response and continued to watch her carefully.
Eilidh knelt and tilted her head to read the titles. Those were only his favorites, the rest he kept in his trunk but he decided to wait to see what her reaction was before he showed her.
"The Complete Works of William Shakespeare, Vol 2. You ponce," she laughed.
"Eat shit," he said, fighting a smile.
She took up a book, the very first muggle book he had ever read - The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. "Do you mind?" she asked.
"Be my guest," he shrugged. Reading the series out of order didn't ruin anything for him so he supposed she could do the same.
She climbed onto his bed and made room for him so he climbed in next to her and pulled the spare blanket he kept on the foot of the bed over them.
"Eilidh?" Sirius was unsure whether or not to ask this question, not while she seemed to adamant about staying cheery. "Are you okay?"
She hummed her affirmation as she skimmed the first page.
"Like really okay?" he clarified.
She put the book down but still didn't look at him. "I'm nervous," she said finally. "I don't know why. It's not like there's going to be anything bad in there."
Sirius nodded. He imagined that he'd be nervous too. It was the not knowing that would kill him. What memories would be connected to his inheritance when his parents passed? There was bound to be some bittersweet memories, his childhood wasn't all bad but so many of his memories had been tainted by his current standing with them.
"Maybe it would be best if you opened it alone, just to see what's in it. There could be something you don't want anyone seeing," Sirius advised.
She thought about this. "If I did it alone, it would sit under my bed forever because I would convince myself to wait until I was ready but I'm never going to be ready," she said, sounding certain, then added, "if I hesitate, will you force me into it?"
"No," he said, stubbornly. "If you're not ready then you're not ready."
She didn't seem to like this answer.
"You know, when your grieving process is over there'll come a day when you'll just miss him so much that having something to hold that was once his will comfort you," he said. "Right now, you're angry that he's gone. You miss him, yes, but you're also kinda hoping that he's not really gone so after you accept that he actually is then you'll be ready."
"Did you get all this from your books?" she asked, with a sad sort of smile.
"I read an article on the stages of grief," he said, which was about all he knew about it having never experienced it himself. "Written by a Muggle-born, of course. Purebloods couldn't care less about psychology."
"You are such a geek, Ace," she said.
"That was such an oxymoron, my dearest divine," he chuckled.
She giggled and snuggled closer to him. Her nose felt cold against his neck.
"I want to open it," she whispered.
Someone banged on the door and made them both start.
"Oi, are you two decent?" James shouted.
"We're clothed if that's what you mean!" Eilidh shouted back, laughing to herself.
Sirius jumped to his feet, ready to drag James out if need be.
"We brought every grain of sugar they had left in the kitchen," Marlene announced, carrying arms full of baskets. "They were probably preparing for the feast we have before Holiday but there's still time -"
"We're just going to wait outside," Sirius said. "Let us know when you need us," he told Eilidh as he pushed the stunned Marlene and James out.
"Mate, she said she needed us," James argued.
"Yeah, well she asked to be alone for a second first," Sirius said, using the wall to sink to the floor. Marlene and James looked at each other, grumbled, then sank to the floor next to him.
Marlene passed him a pear tart.
"Did you leave Remus the chocolate cake?" James asked, rummaging through the baskets.
"I had to leave him with something," Marlene said. "He's all alone down there."
"He volunteered himself," James argued.
Sirius did his best to block out their bickering and listen for any signs of distress coming from within. It remained quiet.
"What do you think they sent her?" Sirius asked, interrupting Marlene calling James a gluttonous twit.
James shrugged. "Probably just pictures and stuff. It felt like books."
"That'd be nice for her to have. Just in time for Christmas too," Marlene said.
"Yeah, she said something about usually spending it with her father. I was trying to -"
"She told you that?" Sirius asked. She had never said anything about that to him. He had assumed that the holiday would be hard for her, Christmas was usually the time people thought about their families the most, but he didn't think it would be that bad.
"Yeah, I couldn't sleep one night and neither could she and we were just talking," James shrugged.
"Is that also when you were talking about me?" Sirius challenged, sounding more irritated than he meant to.
"Yeah, I guess, you're mutual between us, so yeah. You come up quite a bit," James said, his brow frowning.
"Well, I'd appreciate it if you found something else to talk about other than me. I don't need you telling my girlfriend your stupid stories," Sirius said.
"Mate, you alright? Did you two have a row or something?" James asked.
"Oh, shut up," Sirius grumbled.
"Someone's manstrating," Marlene said, rolling her widened eyes.
"Eilidh was upset that she learns more about me from you so just shut up," Sirius said, somewhat defensively. "Both of you." He was being defensive and had been for quite some time. He very rarely let his guard down these days and it was getting exhausting, which only made things worse, but he didn't know how to stop. So, he just kept going with his bitter remarks and side glances to those closest to him, everyone else just got decked. He was actually starting to scare himself. He had adopted the nervous habit of scratching at the hemline of his trousers, the fabric on this particular pair was starting to wear. He noticed this and clenched his fists so he would stop.
"Mate, it's just heirlooms," James said, sounding like he thought Sirius was being ridiculous. James, of course, would have noticed Sirius's adopted habit, he noticed everything (unless Lily was around.)
"Fine," Sirius said an edge still in his voice.
James looked irritably confused. "Did something else happen?"
"No," Sirius said lightly, meeting James's eye, daring him to argue. He didn't. In fact, James, for the first time in history, nodded his head and let it go. However, if Sirius knew his friend as well as he thought he did, and he did, James was far from finished. He was probably making a list of all the things he could do to make Sirius relax which probably involved a lot of sneaking around in the middle of the night and probably a little help from Gabe Pevensie. Even still, Sirius didn't get his hopes up. He was a rather intuitive person and at the moment he had the feeling that something was about to go horribly and terribly wrong which would most probably interrupt James's plans.
"It's been quiet in there for a while," Marlene observed, tilting her head as she strained to hear through their door. "Maybe you should go in," she told Sirius.
"No, she'll tell us when she's ready," Sirius said, certainly.
"Or she can't because she's crying her eyes out," Marlene argued.
"Then we should wait for Lily," Sirius returned. He was terrible at comforting people and very good at distracting them so when she was ready for a distraction, he'd be ready and waiting.
"Yeah," Marlene sighed and settled more comfortably against the wall.
James wore a curious expression like he was physically biting his tongue. Sirius didn't really care, whatever James had to say was bound to be critical, the kind he deemed constructive and Sirius found annoying.
"I wonder if Peter's still in History," James said, sounding conversational which didn't at all match his expression. "He'd be useful right now, with his, erm, talent for -"
"Did he ever turn in his transfigurations homework?" Sirius asked, pointedly, hoping James understood that Peter's map was in his transfigurations book which was in the dormitory stacked up with theirs on the writing desk.
"We had transfigurations homework?" Marlene asked, slightly panicked.
"It's late. He was supposed to turn it in before first but I don't know if he did," James said, specifically to Sirius for the last part. He assumed it meant that James thought the map could be in another place.
The sound of hurried footsteps climbing the stairs ended all need to figure out the map's location. James jumped to his feet and Sirius tried hard not to be annoyed by it as he and Marlene scrambled to follow.
"Why aren't you lot with her?" Lily demanded as she pushed past James. She almost walked into Frank Longbottom's dormitory which always emitted a strange smell that was enough to make them avoid it at all cost. Sirius for a split second contemplated letting her walk in.
"Erm that's -" James had reached out to catch Lily's arm, freaked about the contact and pulled away quickly. "It's this one." He knocked on the door before opening it for her.
"Thanks," she mumbled, looking a little shy which only annoyed Sirius.
The door closed and with a slight blush to his cheeks, James began: "Do you think she's starting to like me?"
"Because she said thanks?" Sirius asked.
"Because she didn't pull away when I touched her," James said.
"Only because you pulled away before she got a chance to," Sirius argued.
"Yeah, maybe," James sighed and leaned against the wall, looking melancholy as ever.
"I thought you were getting over her?" Sirius asked.
"I am over her. I just," he shrugged, "I thought we could be friends. And then… yeah."
"And then she chose Snape," Sirius said, truthfully, probably brutally.
James nodded and picked at some invisible crack in the wall's paint.
"I'm sure there'll come a day when Snape fucks up so badly she'll have to stop making excuses for him but until then -"
"Yeah, yeah, I know Sirius. It's not that simple," James said, sounding much older than he actually was. James had moments like these, rare but profound. Remus blamed it on James's having older parents. Sirius blamed it on James being an old soul but who really knew? All that Sirius knew was there were times when James said something that struck Sirius. 'It's not that simple' did it this time. Maybe because it made him realise that his perception of James being simple, laid back, an all cards on the table kind of bloke was wrong and that James was much more complex. Or maybe that James was actually in love with Lily Evans and that was a concept Sirius was only beginning to understand.
"If it makes any difference, I agree with Sirius," Marlene said. She was standing with her back to the wall, invisible to the pair of them until now. "I also agree with James when it comes to you and Eilidh. Conclusion, just listen to each other's love advice."
Sirius rolled his eyes. James laughed.
"Now that your emotional turmoil is over, can we focus on our damsel in distress?" Marlene said. "I vote we go in," she raised her hand.
"Seconded," James raised his.
"Merlin's balls," Sirius grumbled as he walked through the door. He was met with a surprisingly calm scene. He didn't know what he had been expecting but it wasn't this: A trail of dusty books, yellowing papers, and tarnished nicknacks leading up to Lily and Eilidh who were smiling. The girls looked up when they entered the room. There was a signature of old tears on Eilidh's cheeks but now there was a fire in her eyes that he had only seen once. Something was terribly wrong.
***Jane Turnleaf, James is feeling very discouraged as one would be after facing years of wishy-washy rejection. Fortunately for us Jily shippers, he has little to no self-control. The great thing about Sirius dating one of her friends is that they get thrown together in some incredibly tense situations - situations that bring out the best in both of them which could potentially lead to some developments *cough* seventh year *cough* baby Harry. :D
***Son of Whitebeard, issues for daaaaays!
***Love Fiction 2018, thank you dear :)
***Um, obviously, I'm planning on making it up to you guys by posting again tomorrow.
Thanks for reading.
Oh, and to those who have added me to their communities, (I just figured out what those were) thank you!
All rights reserved to you know who and C.S. Lewis (Son of Whitebeard, you never did tell me where the previous reference was. I've stolen back my Chronicles of Narnia books from my brother to try and figure it out but ugh)
Until next time,
XO