James decided it was best if he avoided Pevensie for the time being. So, while Sirius used Pevensie to distract himself from his current predicament with Eilidh, James snuck away, not unnoticed, but his friends respected his privacy enough not to ask. He wandered aimlessly around the castle, munching on a chicken leg, and contemplating how much time he would have to spend alone just to avoid Pevensie.
There was quite a lot of people wandering around the castle (a lot of people for dinner time, that is) and being alone surrounded by people is entirely different and much worse than being alone by yourself. So, despite the cold and despite having only the jumper his mother made for him, he went outside. Snow fell into his shoes within the first few steps. His cheeks stung against the icy breeze. Still, he went on, listening to the deafening crunch of his footsteps in the snow, amazed by how white everything was, even the evening sky seemed paler.
And then there she was, a spot of colour around the corner, feeding a few stray birds were late to the migration party. In this lighting, her hair looked darker than usual and yet somehow redder. She wore blue, his favourite colour on her for the way it complemented her skin. She spotted him forcing him to abandon his plan to walk away. Retreating would have looked like cowardice.
"Alright, Evans?" James greeted, his breath an icy hand squeezing his heart.
"What are you doing out here?" Lily answered. "Aren't you freezing?"
"It's not that cold," he shrugged.
"If it's cold enough for snow, it's cold enough for a jacket," she said, shaking her head. "Here," she pulled her scarf free of the knot around her neck.
He bent so she could wrap it around him. He couldn't help but remember the night he kept her warm under his arm. Had that really been almost three months ago?
"What are you doing out here?" Lily asked again, stepping back to about an arm's length away. It did not go unnoticed.
"I just went for a walk," he shrugged, trying to not make it obvious that he really liked the smell of her scarf.
"Needed some time alone?" she guessed.
"No," James laughed, "no, I hate being alone actually. It's just better than what's going on in there. At the moment."
"Because of what's going on with you and Sirius?" she wondered, taking a step or two closer to him. It did not go unnoticed. He resisted the urge to fix his hair.
"Nothing's going on with me and Sirius," James said with a furrow in his brow. He took half a step closer, testing the waters. "What's with you and Eilidh?"
"Nothing," she said, shifting away. Again, it didn't go unnoticed.
"Good." James took a step backwards.
She was hesitating. He could see it in the way she bit her lip and squinted at the ground between their feet, her footsteps were still marked in the snow - he didn't like the reminder.
"Can I tell you something without it going straight to your head?" she asked.
"Probably not but tell me anyway. I could use the ego boost," James said, seriously.
Lily laughed and shook her head at him.
"I'm happy she's friends with you," she admitted. "You're a good friend. You're a good person. Unless you don't like someone, then…" she laughed, ruefully, bringing up everything that stood between them.
He knew Snape was a dangerous subject for them. But, maybe this was finally the right time to explain himself. She had to listen to reason at some point.
"That's not entirely my fault," he said. As soon as he said it he realised he made a mistake. He had thrown a rock at a glass house and what lay around them were the shattered remains of their delicate peace.
Lily's mouth opened to form the words she so dearly wanted to say. Then she sighed, giving up.
"I'm cold. And hungry. I'm going to head back," taking a few steps back.
"Wait," James stumbled forward. "Just walk around the lake with me. We don't have to talk, I just…."
"Don't like being alone," Lily finished.
"You can wear my jumper if you really are cold," James offered, tugging on his collar. He was still wearing her scarf but he didn't really want to give that up yet.
She smiled at him.
"And if I'm really hungry?" she challenged.
"I'll chop off my arm so you can eat it," he said, seriously.
"Gross James! I thought you were going to offer to hunt me a deer or something," Lily grinned.
"That would be barbaric," he gasped, clutching his chest.
So they walked around the lake for a bit, at first in silence. James was kind enough to let Lily break it, fearing that she would turn back to the castle should he utter a single syllable. He kept his hands deep in his pockets to both fight off the cold and to help resist the urge to take her hand, or wrap his arm around her waist… or shoulders so he could feel her hair against his bare skin. Then Lily decided it would be best for them to settle against a tree and make a fire, insisting that James was freezing while James insisted that he was fine despite believing he might have frostbite in both his feet. No one came to look for them which James found odd but chose not to comment on.
"You know, I really am hungry, James," she said, after a while.
"I'll take you to the kitchen," he offered.
"And my friends will be looking for me," she added, quickly.
"Oh, you have a date?" he asked in what he hoped was a casual manner. He really wanted to know if what Snape said was true.
"Something like that," she said, clambering to her feet. "I'm sor-"
"Thank you," James said, quickly, "for keeping me company."
"It was nice," she shrugged. Her smile faded the longer she looked at him. "Good night," she said lightly.
It hurt to watch her go. It stabbed and cut and burned and wrenched. He couldn't exactly explain why but it did and he had to live with it.
He didn't remember her scarf until he decided to leave. He could always give it to Eilidh if he didn't see her in the Common Room. That would be best. Lily didn't seem to like James's obvious displays of friendship in public.
He took the long way back, smiling to himself like a goon when he remembered moments when she smiled or laughed at him.
The first thing he wanted to do when he returned was change his socks then tell his friends every excruciating detail of what just happened which would probably torture them but it didn't matter. He had to tell someone and he wasn't about to look like an idiotic sap in front of anyone else. But then he walked in and saw that Remus wasn't there, Peter was sitting at the desk with piles of missing assignments he had to turn in before they went on holiday, and Sirius was laying on his bed, upside down, wearing a blank expression.
"Where've you been?" Sirius asked, sounding bored.
"I went for a walk," James said, digging around in his trunk for his thickest pair of socks. "With Lily."
"And you made it back in one piece?" Peter said, looking up from his work for a split second. "That's brilliant."
Remus interrupted Sirius's comment by walking in looking very confused and slightly worried.
"No one knows where Marlene is," he explained.
"You mean Eilidh couldn't tell you while you were talking to her in the Common Room?" Sirius asked doing a poor job at feigning surprise.
"I'm not in this, Sirius," Remus said, sounding like he had said it a thousand times already.
James was thinking about going back outside as he switched his socks and put on his boots that were hidden under his bed.
"No, you just have to interrupt James telling us why he walked in looking like a dope on love potion," Sirius said.
"Lily?" Remus asked, turning to James.
"How'd you know?" James chuckled, unable to control his grin.
"I had the map," Remus shrugged.
"I take it you didn't see McKinnon?" James held out his hand for the map. Marlene had been one of the firsts added to the map but they were inexperienced in cardiographic magic so they were bound to make mistakes.
"I did. She was walking with Johnnie Waters," Remus paused for emphasis. "Then both of them disappeared. Right… here," he pointed to a corridor on the seventh floor.
"What the hell's up there?" James wondered out loud. Everything seemed to be fine with the map according to his checks. What were they missing? Was there another passageway the girls knew about and they didn't?
"Well, there is the divination classroom," Remus said as if this was significant information but smiled because he knew it wasn't.
"If only we could ask Eilidh if she knows what's going on," Sirius said in faux disappointment. "Too bad she was too busy talking to someone else instead of Marlene." He shoved his feet into shoes as violently as it is possible for someone to put shoes on.
"You do remember who Johnnie Waters is, right?" Remus asked. "The girl who we found spying on your Quidditch practice with Abbott."
"Way to answer your own question," Sirius grumbled, pushing past Remus to get his jacket.
"Speaking of, we should tell Eilidh about this -" James began but Sirius interrupted.
"No. She told us no more investigating. If we bring her we'll have to hear her whining about how we never listen to her," he protested.
"She also said that you could talk to her in class and during meals but you didn't do that, did you?" James challenged.
"If she wants space, I'll give her space. I'm not going to talk to her when it's convenient for her," Sirius grumbled.
"You've got to stop taking Pevensie seriously. He's an idiot," James groaned, stuffing his Invisibility Cloak in the pocket of his jacket.
"At least he cares about what I'm going through. And doesn't disappear at the first chance -"
"Could you lot argue a little quieter please?" Peter requested, his shoulders tense as he swivelled around in his chair.
"You're not coming with us?" James asked, disappointed.
Peter gestured to the massive pile of assignments he was working on.
"Right, well, at least take one of the mirrors," James pulled his mirror out of his back pocket. He had convinced Sirius, subtle enough to not invoke a string of questions, that it would be a good idea to carry around the mirrors wherever they went after… the incident that shall not be spoken of. "In case of emergencies."
"What sort of emergencies?" Peter questioned, sounding doubtful.
"You know, in case I decide to become a vegetable again," James smirked. It wasn't completely impossible - they still didn't know what happened to him.
"I can't help with that very much," Peter accepted the mirror slowly.
"We'll be back before you know it," James said, giving Peter's shoulder a grateful slap.
"And no one's going catatonic this time," Sirius said, his reassurance full of determination.
"Yes, mum," James nodded and laughed when Sirius pushed him.
"What's with the scarf by the way?" Sirius asked, taking the stairs two at a time.
"It's cold," James said, hoping his embarrassment didn't show in his face.
"It's not that cold," Remus commented.
"If it's cold enough for snow, it's cold enough for a scarf." James strode across the Common Room, determined not to hear another word about it.
Lily smiled as she watched him walk out. It went unnoticed.
***Son of Whitebeard, yes! I've been meaning to write Bertha in this more. I'm not saying that chapter was written for her but yeah...
***Love Fiction 2018, thanks, love :)
***I'm taking my behind the wheel test this Saturday. If any of you live on the west coast, just be careful around 9 am, I might run into you.
Thank you for reading and all that jazz.
All rights reserved.
Until next time,
XO