Story: It Is What It Is, Chapter 22
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA

I FINALLY FINISHED "Decide for Yourself"!

And thank you so much for all the follows and favs.

This chapter probably seems so unbalanced with character time, I'm so sorry ugh, but now I have even more characters I'm trying to manage. I'm only trying to focus on what's important.

...

"How are you feeling?" Roy's voice snapped Riza out of her thoughts, as he came into the bedroom and took a seat beside her.

Riza was silent for a while, before finally speaking. "It was so long ago, yet I still let him get to me, Roy..."

"That's perfectly normal for somebody in your situation..." Roy tried to reassure her that her hesitation was normal.

"It's ironic... Despite what he did to me, I couldn't even bring myself to hate him." Riza murmured, sure that Roy would be disgusted with her. "But when I thought he had done the same thing to Edward... I was ready to kill him."

Roy simply pulled her into an embrace. "If it hadn't been for you, I probably would have..."

…

"You accepted food from somebody you thought was a killer? That was real smart, Fullmetal."

Edward inwardly cringed. He knew this was coming, he just hoped it wouldn't be right after all of this, but, no, Roy needed the report done now. Alphonse had went off to find Ling, since Edward told him that he was gonna wait a bit before getting Winry involved.

"Yeah, I was an idiot, okay? No need to remind me, old man. I already figured that much out by the third day I was in that place!" Edward groaned, knowing, however, that Roy was not gonna let him off the hook so easily.

"If I must remind you, this isn't the first time you've done things like this, Ed..." Roy said. "How many times have I told you not to let your guard down? But, no, you never listen. Rather than thinking things through, you just charge right in to get the quick pass. You run off on your own without thinking about anybody around you but yourself."

"I already know that...!" Edward already knew this stuff. He already knew that he was selfish. He already knew that he was often nothing but a burden and constantly causing trouble for everybody he cared about, just like he would be when he finally worked up the courage to call Winry about his automail. But he didn't need to hear it reiterated, least of all, by Mustang, who was one of the people whose words could cut him just as deep as a blade.

Roy was about to open his mouth again in response to say something else when Riza interjected.

"Edward, what the Colonel is trying to say," Riza briefly offered Roy a glance that said 'and failing at it', as she walked over to Edward. "is that we were all worried about you. Why did you run off without saying anything?"

Riza, in reality, felt a bit frustrated because she, the renowned "Hawk's Eye", hadn't even seen Edward walk off. She had been talking to somebody and when she turned around, he was gone. She assumed by the third day he was gone that he had become entangled with the killer, which had terrified them both. The fact that Edward was kept there for a week instead of a few days was pure luck.

"If I had, you would have just followed me..." Edward murmured. "Besides, I thought that I'd have a better chance of luring him out if I was by myself. I didn't expect him to poison me through food. I expected him to attack me up front. That's why I..."

He clenched his fists. I could have died... I could have died! How could I have been so stupid?!

"So that's why you were caught off guard..." Roy sighed, deciding to let it go, despite how much he still wanted to scold Edward. Imagining the kid could have got killed wasn't a reality he particularly wanted to ignore right now. "I have one other question before I turn in my report, Fullmetal... What did Isaac do to you?"

Edward was silent for a moment, receiving expectant glances from both Riza and Roy.

Finally he spoke. "Well, aside from starving me, and taking my automail, he actually didn't do much to me..."

Come to think of it, it was odd. Isaac never once hit him or anything other than having his goonies' initially attack him with the chloroform to knock him out.

"But... the room I was in..." He looked down. "It was so small, so hot. And the silence... it was unbearable... I thought I was going to die." Edward choked out, tears welling up in his eyes. In many ways, staying in that empty cement basement, loosing track of days without food for an entire week had been torture enough in his mind. And the hunger pains certainly hadn't helped either.

He expected Roy or Riza to tell him 'It was just a room.' and mock him, but Roy didn't, instead saying something he least expected: "I'm sure you did... They say solitary confinement is considered one of the most brutal torture methods in prisons... Supposedly, it can even make people go insane... Count yourself lucky, kid, that you weren't there any longer. Although I can only imagine it was bad enough..."

Edward was silent in response, before Riza spoke up.

"Yes, I'm so sorry you had to go through that... But, Edward, I want you to be completely honest with me. Are you absolutely certain he didn't do anything else to you?" Riza asked. Although she doubted that Isaac had done the same thing to him that he did to her, there was still a bit of lingering paranoia in her mind.

"Well, the guy was a creep. He called me something like 'Sunshine'..." Edward took a pause to think about it. In truth, he was incredibly disturbed by the way Isaac had talked to him. It was like he had intentionally done it to make him realize his defenseless, to point out his vulnerability and mock him. But the boy kept it to himself, instead smirking and not wanting them to know just how much he was bothered by it. "Anyway, he pissed me off, so I kicked him in the face for it."

"Ah... So that's where that black eye of his came from..." Roy smirked to himself, finding amusement in it somehow.

Riza was worried for a second, but smiled sadly. She hoped more than anything that that really was all there was to it. "Well, just know you can always trust us, Ed..."

...

"Oh, Ed, I was so worried about you!" Ling immediately hugged Edward after seeing him. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Yeah, whatever, just get off of me...!" Edward pulled away, a blush on his face at the awkwardness.

"You should really be more careful, you know." Ling said, not letting go.

"Yeah, I've already received a lecture from Colonel Sarcasm, I don't need another one from you too, Ling." Edward grumbled.

"Well, that's rather harsh. I'm not lecturing you, Edward." Ling looked up at him seriously. "I really did miss you..."

Edward sighed, his face still a bit red. "I... I missed you too, Ling..."

In reality, it was more than that. Ling was one of the people keeping Edward going while he was in that basement; that had inspired Edward to not lose faith in his friends.

But he would never admit it.

…

Phones.

They were great communication devices.

They made it easy to get in touch with people far away with just the dial of a number.

But what about when one doesn't want to get in touch with somebody else, and they'd rather put it off as long as possible?

That was the situation Edward was in right now.

Everybody was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to make a call to Winry.

"Do I have to...?" Edward groaned, more to himself than anybody else. He was used to getting automail repairs, but Winry was going to be infuriated when she found out that she would be having to make a new arm and leg from scratch. It'd take her at least a week.

"Come on, Ed. It'll only take take a few minutes..." Alphonse tried to reason.

"Fine..." Edward sighed, picking up the phone, and dialing the number.

Ring.

Ring.

Rin-

"Atelier Garfiel. This is Winry speaking."

"Uh... Hey, Winry." Edward smiled, a bit nervously.

"Oh, hey, Ed...! What's up?"

"Um... Well... I was wondering if you could come to Lieutenant Hawkeye's place when you get a chance...?" Edward said sheepishly.

"Sure, but what for? Don't tell me you busted your automail again!"

"Um... Actually, about that..." Edward murmured.

"You did, didn't you...? God, Ed... What am I gonna do with you?"

Edward wanted to say something in return, but he was too anxious to.

"Alright, I'll be there tomorrow evening. In the meantime, don't do anything reckless, okay?"

As if I could... "Alright. Thanks, Winry."

...

"What have you done to them?!" Winry's voice demanded, shocked by the fact that both of Ed's prosthetic limbs were gone. She had expected some damage, but not to this degree.

"Um, well you see, Winry… He-" Alphonse tried to speak, but was cut off.

"I don't even want to hear it, Al! WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER MAKING YOU GOOD AUTOMAIL WHEN YOU JUST GO AND IMMEDIATELY WRECK IT, ED?! I pour my heart and soul into making this automail, and you run off and get it all destroyed! Every other customer has the sense and manners to take care of their automail. They keep the same limb for years, Ed. Years. But you? No. One month, Ed. You had that brand new arm and leg for one month! ONE MONTH, EDWARD ELRIC!"

Under normal circumstances, he would have probably said something like, "Hey, I'm paying for it, aren't I? So quit fussing." Or "It's not my fault that that whack job psychopath took it from me!"

However, Edward knew it was his fault. He knew he could have died. He'd been naive, reckless, and immature, and, as a result, Edward's limbs had been taken and Winry's good work had gone to waste yet again.

So he caved, and simply apologized, hoping she would forgive him like she always did in the end. "Sorry…"

Winry grew silent.

"Hey, what's with you...?" Winry asked in concern.

"It's nothing..." Edward mumbled.

"Brother has been going through a lot over the past month, Winry. It's probably best to not fuss at him so much..." Alphonse whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"She's right, Al. I have nobody to blame but myself for this... I was one who put myself in the position to get it taken. She has every right to be angry..." Edward muttered, having heard every word.

"But, Brother-"

"I disagree." Ling said. "It's true that you didn't really think things through, but you can't be blamed for what that serial killer did to you."

"Serial killer?!" Winry's eyes widened. That explained everything. This wasn't just some run-of-the-mill bad guy Edward had picked a fight with. It was a full blown madman.

"Ling, you idiot, nobody asked you to tell her about it!" Edward glared at him.

"You're the idiot, Ed!" Winry snapped. How was she supposed to have known anything about all this? "You're always going off and doing dangerous things and then never talk to me about anything. For starters, you should have told me if you needed replacement limbs. As it is, I don't even have the appropriate materials to work with right now. I guess I'll have to come back tomorrow."

...

The next day, Winry had come back as promised and provided Edward with a temporary leg to help Edward at least get around the house in the meantime. It was better than the crutch that had been provided to him by Roy and Riza, at the very least.

As he always did, Edward kept coming in to check on the progress of her work, only to get pushed out of the study she was working in, before Winry finally shut the door in his face. Occasionally, Winry would take measurements of his arm and leg.

"Brother, you need to try to relax. I'm sure she'll be done soon." Alphonse finally said, noticing his Brother's turmoil as he entered the room for the umpteenth time that day.

"I can't just relax." Edward moaned, wallowing on the bed. "It feels like it's taking forever..."

Alphonse sighed, or would be if he had a body.

...

The same day Winry did the measurements, she had seen Edward's cuts. She wasn't surprised, of course, but it pained her to know that her childhood friend had felt like things were so bad that he needed to use such an outlet to deal with it all.

More than anything, she just wanted to hug him and cry over his shoulder because he wouldn't cry for himself, but she told herself she needed to be strong for him and forced herself to push through, at least until Edward had his automail back.

...

Finally, it came time for Winry to get the automail connected to Edward's nerves, which of course was as painful and enjoyable as ever.

Once it was done, Edward was left lying in the guest bedroom in pain.

"Oh, don't be such a baby. It can't be that bad..." Winry teased, sitting beside him. Of course, she knew that automail could actually be very painful to reconnect, but she just liked jabbing at him sometimes. Alphonse was off in the other room speaking to Roy and Riza about something.

"Easy for you to say. You try getting your nerves reconnected again..." Edward muttered snidely.

"...I saw some of your cuts when I was doing your measurements..." Winry's voice trailed off into silence. Edward's eyes widened and he immediately looked away, his bangs falling in front of his eyes.

"I'd hoped you would never find out about them..." He mumbled.

"Why...?" Winry wanted to know.

"Why what?" Edward didn't know what she was referring to.

"Why do you do it...?" Winry clarified, meeting his eyes again. In her voice, he could tell that she was on the verge of tears.

Suddenly, he felt worse and more guilty than ever.

"Please don't cry, Winry..." he wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come, even as tears fell from her eyes that she desperately tried to stop.

Edward was silent for a long moment. How could he answer her question? Distraction? Control? Escape? None of them seemed right anymore. None of them seemed like a valid reason to make Winry and the others suffer so much. "I don't know..."

And it was true... Anymore, he didn't know why he cut himself. In fact, in this moment, he hated the blade and what it had turned him into. He began to hate what he'd been doing to himself.

He had so much potential, a life ahead of him. Everybody was counting on him, waiting for him to get better, even Winry now. Alphonse needed his body, he needed his strong older brother back. Edward refused to continue wasting his life on this. He couldn't risk killing himself and leaving everybody else behind. Even if he didn't see worth in himself, Mustang saw it. Ling saw it. Everybody of value in his life saw it, even ones like Ross and Major Armstrong.

Furthermore, Roy wasn't the type that would tell him to give himself more credit unless he meant it.

And Ling was blunt, so he knew what lied ahead of him, but never again, he told himself.

Never again would he make his friends suffer because of this. Edward got up moving, beside her.

"I'm so sorry, Winry..." He said, wrapping, an arm around her shoulder, and pulling her in for an embrace.

"What are you saying sorry for, Ed...? You're the one who's suffering, idiot..." Winry gazed over at him.

"No, I've made you cry again... You deserve better than that..."

...

A/N: Well, this definitely turned out optimistic at the end. Unfortunately, temptation will be there still, so he will likely have some relapses, but he's finally reached a point that he does genuinely wants to stop. And it's all thanks to Winry and his friends).

Next chapter will be another special one. :3