My Name is Connor Chapter 5, a detroit: become human fanfic

OOC: Once again formatting is shit on this site, read it on Ao3 for best results lol

DETROIT POLICE DEPARTMENT

1, FEBRUARY 2043 - 00:08:07

-WINTER-

Androids don't breathe.

Androids don't need to breathe.

But we do need air.

We need it to cool our systems and regulate certain vital functions.

It's always there and always available in an endless supply.

So why do I feel like I can't get any?

I can't look away, either.

I can't.

No matter how hard I try.

It's like looking in a mirror.

A mirror that shows an impossible reality.

But it is real.

It's so terrifyingly real.

He's real.

RK900.

My replacement.

It seemed like a myth Amanda came up with as a scare tactic to get me to do my job right. But alas, here he is, standing stiffly in front of me.

The R900 is standing right there, staring down at me with curious grey eyes.

"May I help you with something, young one?" he asks, his voice eerily similar to the one I used to have, if not slightly deeper, "Your stress levels are unusually high".

Still, I can't speak.

I make an odd, garbled, gasping sound and stumble back, yelping in surprise when I hit the side of a desk, causing things to topple off the edge.

I can't breathe.

"Shit, take it easy, Alex," Hank says, trying to calm me down, but the moment his hand touches my shoulder, I panic even more.

"No, no no!" I yell, falling to my knees and covering my eyes and ears.

I keep gasping, desperate for air.

This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening.

"Gavin, call off your attack dog," Hank continues, trying to pry my hand away from my face, "It's freaking the kid out. Alex… Alex, come on, it's okay, kiddo".

It isn't helping, he isn't helping, why isn't he helping?

Hank always help me calm down.

"No, no no no," I continue, my LED spiraling into a dangerous red.

My stress it too high, and I can't get it down.

The other officers are taking notice now, a few crowding around the desk I'm huddled next to.

^WARNING STRESS LEVEL 87% & RISING^

"Don't touch him," the RK900 says, calm and collective, his footsteps edging closer to me, "You'll only stress him more".

"Fuck off, I know what I'm doing, you piece of shit. Alex, take a deep breath".

I'm trying, I'm trying… but I'm so scared, Hank. It's too much… It hurts.

"Ple- ease," I beg, "No…".

"Continue to handle him as such and he will self-destruct," the RK900 says, now kneeling down beside me. Hank doesn't stand for this and immediately tries to shove the other android away but he doesn't budge, he hardly even moves an inch.

"Alright, hands off the tin man, dickweed," Gavin says, pulling Hank away from me as I continue muttering sporadically, "Let him do his job".

"Don't fucking touch me, Reed," Hank snaps, "And that thing… isn't a man. It's a fucking machine, nothing but a hunk of plastic and metal!".

There is ice in Hank's voice and I can't help but whimper more when he mutters the word 'machine'. It's said with such hate and anger... Not like the kind, warm, loving man who took me in as one of his own, but like the man he was before the revolution.

"No, no…".

"Alex? Alex can you hear me?" the RK900 says softly, "My name is Richard, I'm going to try and help you alright?".

I shake my head, my LED burning red against my skull.

"No no".

"Can you tell me whats wrong? Perhaps I can help…".

"Please… please just go," I whine, my anxiety and stress raising with each sound of his voice.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Richard reassures, "I understand if my appearance is slightly intimidating, I still don't understand why Cyberlife felt it necessary to give me grey eyes".

"Go…" I mutter again, my chest and artificial lungs beginning to burn from lack of air. My head feels fuzzy and there is a light haze covering over my vision as well as warning signs about my stress.

^WARNING STRESS LEVEL 95%^

"Nines, give the kid some space," Gavin says, his voice cutting through the static as he ushers the other officers away from the desk, "He's having a panic attack".

It's fairly obvious that that is wants happening, but I'm somewhat thankful for his intervention in pointing it out. Although, I am curious to know why he's helping me, isn't Gavin supposed to hate androids? Isn't he supposed to hate me?

But you're not Connor anymore.

You're Alex.

Gavin has nothing against you now.

"I am aware," Richard replies, standing back up, "I just thought-".

"It's okay, you did your best but I don't think there is a lot we can do right now. Just give the kid some time to cool down. Then maybe we can help him".

"Oh, like hell there's not a lot we can do," Hank snaps, stepping in front of the two other men. "Come on, kid, I shouldn't have brought you here. I'll take you back to my house and you can play with Sumo some more, eh? How's that sound?".

Honestly, that sounds much more enjoyable than sitting on the floor in the office crying my eyes out. But at the same time, the thought of moving back into the house that used to be mine if far more uncomfortable and excruciating.

All I want to do is go home.

But…
I don't really have a home anymore, do I?

You're not him.

You don't have a home.

You're Alex.

Another sob escaped my lips and I curl up into an even tighter ball.

At that point, Hank backs off, now getting the picture Gavin was trying to paint. "Okay… okay, just take it easy, Alex… you're going to blow a fuse,".

I hardly hear him, doing my best to take long deep breaths, hoping that that will lower my stress levels.

In... Out...
In... Out…

I shut my eyes tighter, letting a small shaking breath out.

Part of me wants I to just turn off my audio processors, just be left alone with nothing but numbing silence, but that will only make things worse I think.

Oh, how odd emotions are…

I want to be left alone…

But I don't want to be alone.

"Take care of yourself, Alex," Richard says, his voice trailing away from me, sounding almost hurt and confused by my negative reaction to him.

It's not his fault honestly, and a small part of me feels bad that I'm treating him as such. Richard didn't ask to be made in my image, if not slightly different. He didn't ask for Hank to be hostile with him when all he wanted was to be friendly, he didn't ask for any of this.

I can't stop thinking about how the RK900 came to be… he couldn't have existed while I was still alive or he would have been working with us at the station since he was originally meant to replace me. How long has he been working here, and with Gavin for that matter? I've been dead for three years, technically making Richard my older counterpart… or brother, as Hank would put it.

And I don't even want to think about Hank's reaction to seeing someone who looks just like me suddenly show up, he'd probably thought it was me, coming back to life in another RK800s body. He must have been so crushed discovering that it wasn't really me, just another android with my face... perhaps that's why he was so cold and mean to Richard.

Maybe Hank felt like he was trying to replace me.

I don't blame him for feeling like that…

I feel replaced too

But you weren't replaced.

Connor was replaced.

You're Alex.

Not Connor.

"I'm not Connor", I whisper softly to myself, rocking back and forth as I cry, still trying to regulate my breathing, "I'm not Connor".

I don't know how long it will take me to get used to my new name and body, but part of me refuses to let my previous personality.

That's who I was...

It's who I am…

But at the same time…

It's not.

"I'm not Connor," I repeat.

I don't know how long I sit there on the floor, but at some point, my tears cease and my breathing and stress levels return to a normal level. Everyone around me has seemingly left me alone, aside from the snide remarks I hear from the less friendly officers, most people passing by me without so much as a glance.

I only look up when I hear someone walk up to me, pausing just a few steps away.

It's Gavin.

"Hey," he says, softly as if he's afraid to startle me again, "You cool now?".

I nod a little and take a deep breath.

"I think so.".

"Good… sorry if Nines over there scared you" he says, pointing to the android standing at a table in the break room, "He comes off as harsh, cold and brooding but he's a real softly, has a thing for cats too. Do you like cats?".

Rightly, I've never met a cat.

"I like dogs".

Gavin chuckles a little and reaches back for something in his pocket, producing his phone for me to look at. "Well, all I got are cat pics, so we're gonna have to compromise". He pulls up a picture of a small grey tabby curled up in a tight ball much like the one I'm in now, an orange and white tom cat next to him. "The grey one is Tobias, and the orange one is Orange Creamsicle".

I can't help but giggle at that, a quick bit or research proving that the cat does resemble the frozen treat.

"I know, it's a shitty name for a cat but it suits the little bastard" Gavin continues, flipping through more photos, including one that consists of a stasis induced Richard with the grey cat napping on his face.

That's…odd.

Gavin hates androids.

Especially me.

Why would he have a picture of Richard with his cats?

Where's Hank?

How hasn't he already pummeled Gavin to the ground for bothering me again?

That's easily answered by the fact that I can see him in Captain Fowler's office, engaged in a rather heated conversation from the looks of it.

I let my gaze return to Gavin, the small smile I was wearing fading away within seconds.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask.

"What?".

"You called me Hank's plastic pet".

"Oh… shit. I did, didn't I?".

"You did".

"I'm sorry… it's a force of habit, but I'm trying to change".

I want to doubt that, but his sudden and somewhat obvious friendship with Richard seems to prove his good intentions.

"It's okay," I say softly, letting myself relax a little, "I like your cats".

That makes Gavin smile, a crooked grin coating his lips. "Heh, I'm glad… anyways, once that old fart is done talking to our boss, we're gonna take you in the back and talk a little about what you saw last night okay?".

I feel my LED go red briefly.

"You'll be fine though, alright? And to prove it, I brought a little treat".

Once again reaching back, Gavin produces a small packet like object, hints of blue seeping through the filmy white plastic. Curiosity gets the best of me and I lean forward, trying to analyze what it is even though I have no programs to do so.

"What is it?".

"Uh… ice cream?" Gavin says, sounding like it's obvious.

I furrow my eyebrows.

Surely Gavin knows androids can't eat.

"Um,"

"It's frozen Thirium," he confirms, seeming to catch on to my confusion, "Android safe, I promise".

Still slightly skeptical, (especially taking food or anything from Gavin) I pull myself back slightly.

"Richard made them, not me. I swear on my life they're safe… I can even have him scan if for you if that'd make you feel comfortable. I mean, I get it if you don't wanna take it. 'Stranger Danger' and shit, just thought I'd offer".

He's really trying, isn't he? I realize.

Might as well humor the man.

He might actually like you.

Perhaps you can be friends now.

You're Alex.

Not Connor.

I reach out and grab the frozen treat, still slightly wary of the man who wanted to see my die on multiple occasions and mutter a small thank you.

"No problem, kid. Now, come on, let's go sit in the break room with Nines… I don't think Hank would much appreciate sticky thirium all over the carpet of his desk".

"Okay," I say, my eyes widening as a new emotion enters my processors.

Delight.

The frozen treat is chill, and cool to the touch once the filmy wrapping is gone, the thirium itself is sweeter than normal.

It's nice.

"Are you and Richard friends?" I ask as Gavin leads me to the break room, finding it interesting how many time the android comes up in conversation, and how his heart rate picks up ever so slightly at the sound of his name.

And, coincidentally enough, when I ask this, Gavin's heart rate increases.

"Uh, yeah," he says, "you can say we're friends, I guess".

"Okay," I say again, keeping my focus on eating the ice cream in my hand.

Once we reach the break room, Gavin brings up a chair to the table he and Richard (or Nines as he calls him) are occupying.

"I'm glad to see you're doing well, Alex," the RK900 says with a timid smile which I return, "I'm sorry if I frightened you".

"It's okay," I reply, feeling conflicted about my feelings towards the android before me, "It's not your fault".

It's mine.

You should have been more careful.

If you were, you wouldn't be here right now.

You wouldn't have to deal with this.

Now you're Alex.

Not Connor.

"Kid?".

I jump a little when Gavin gets my attention, making me realize I did what Hank referred to as 'zoning out'.

"You good?".

I nod and lick at the ice pop, trying to ignore the little voice in my head… even though I know it's right. I know it's right and I should listen to it, maybe just go through and completely change my name… erase the last bit of proof that I was ever Connor.

Yes…

Yes… that's what I'll do.

Now I just have to find the courage to go through with it.

I feel my LED spin yellow a few times before cycling back to an unsteady blue when I'm spoken to again.

"I see you're enjoying the popsicle Officer Reed gave you," Richard says, acting as if I don't know that it was actually him who wanted to give it to me, "How is it? Too sweet?".

I shrug, not really capable of having an opinion since this is the first time I've been exposed to the sugary treat. "'s good".

"I'm glad" the other android says with a slight smile.

Pretty soon, I find myself losing interest in the thirium pop and listening to Reed and Richard talk amongst themselves, so I slide the frozen snack back into the wrapper and slide off the chair, feeling slightly adventurous. "I'll put this back in the freezer for ya, kid," Gavin says absently, barely seeming to notice me leaving the table at all, "You can finish it after we ask you some questions".

Ah, yes… I'd nearly forgotten about that.

And there's a reason why.

And I'm not going to think about it now and risk another panic attack.

So, I occupy myself by exploring my surroundings. No one really seems to care about the small android wondering around the precinct unattended, as long as I keep to myself… I know that most officers are still unnerved by my… Connor's stiff and robotic movements and presence.

I try and avoid Fowler's office for a multitude of reasons, finding myself wandering along the edges of the large room, deciding to at least stay somewhat inside the bullpen. The office itself hasn't changed all that much, everything is basically the same... except perhaps for the movement of a few desks, some plastic potted plants and a new coat of paint on the walls.

Life seems to have moved on fairly fine without me.

As it should.

It's just like a song from an old cartoon Hank showed me once.

Everything stays, right where you left it.
Everything stays, but it still changes

Ever so slightly, daily and nightly
In little ways, when everything stays

"Not everything stays, I suppose" I whisper to myself, absently dragging my fingers across the wall, my eyes trained on my worn out shoes with each step I take. I only stop when my hand hits the edge of what seems to be a picture frame, or rather a plaque.

My eyes grow wide and my LED immediately goes red when I see who's in the picture on the said plaque. Of course, It's me… a picture I know very well, in fact. I remember the day it was taken vividly, as it was what Hank considered to be my 'first birthday'. August 15, 2039, exactly 5 months, 14 days, 4008 hours, 240,480 minutes, and 14,428,800 seconds before I was killed.

It's a dismal thought, I know… but I can't help but think of it.

Hank had surprised me with a party and gifts that day, hence the photo which consists of me giving the most genuine smile I think I've ever given. He'd also somehow managed to contact my colleagues at New Jericho to join us, Markus, North, Josh and a few other androids all gathered here to celebrate.

I was happy that day.

I was surrounded by my friends, my coworkers, and my family.

Happiness, happiness was always the emotion I struggled with the most, but, not exactly in the way most thought. Yes, I felt happiness… I simply struggled to show it, I struggled to emote… I struggled to be.

Part of me felt and still feels weighed down by my old programming, something Hank and I worked on together, in an effort to get me properly integrated into society.

Carefully, I reach up and touch the plaque, my small fingers tracing over the inscription engraved on a metal plate below.

-Dedicated In Memory Of-

Detective Connor Anderson

Detroit Police Department

Aug. 15, 2038 - Jan. 29, 2040

~Beloved Son, Friend and Coworker~

Rest in Peace

"He was only a year and a half old," Hank suddenly says from beside me, causing me to jump and pull my hand away. "He was just a fucking kid".

There's anger in his voice, but he's trying to hide it as if not to frighten me.

A little late for that.

After a moment of silent, he looks at me, eyes heavy with an emotion I cannot describe. "What are you doing over here, kiddo?" he asks.

I take a sharp breath and take a step back.

"Nothing".

"Nothing?" Hank asks, clearly not convinced.

[X] LIE
[O] TELL HANK

"I'm just looking," I continue, trying to get my LED to cycle back to yellow, "I got bored waiting for you".

He sighs heavily and gestures for me to follow him, making it obvious he doesn't want to stick around the plaque, having left the conversation at briefly mentioning how young I was when I died.

No, Not you.

Connor died.

You're not Connor.

You're Alex.

"Just… don't wander off. It's time to we go ask you some questions, okay? Alex?".

Every day, I realize.

Everyday Hank has to pass this plaque.

"Alex".

He's constantly brought the pain when he looks at this photo… and it's no wonder I didn't see any at home. He must have hidden them all, just to spare him his sanity. How many days has he has to will himself not to care, not to be reminded of how I died right in front of him, in his arms.

How can he not hate me…

I've ruined his life.

"Alex!".

I jump again, realizing I've once again spaced out.

"S- sorry," I mutter, shaking my head harshly for a moment as I struggle to keep my composure, my simulated breathing much faster than it needs to be. "Sorry…".

Hank simply groans, an annoyed expression seemingly stuck on his face as he abruptly grabs my hand. "Stop apologizing so damn much," he says, tugging me gently along with him, stopping a few feet away, "What the- why the fuck are your hands all sticky? And your mouth is blue"

"Officer Reed gave me ice cream" I reply quickly, dragging a sleeve across my face to clean it, something I'd never even consider doing as an adult. Now it seems like nothing more than a childish impulse, "I should have cleaned myself up before continuing with my exploration".

"What'd I just say about-... You know what? Just go wash your hands. The bathroom is-".

"I know where it is," I interrupt, beginning to make my way to the other side of the bullpen, desperate to get away from Hank, and the heavy sense of guilt that settles in my chest.

HANK

-ANNOYED \/

The same feeling of not being able to breathe returns as I push open the door to the bathroom, taking in a large simulate breath of cool air, coughing a little at the harshness. "You're okay… it's okay," I mutter, gripping my hair as I lean against the door and slide down to the floor, thankful that the room is empty "Stop panicking".

My stress levels have returned to a high (but not lethal) level, my LED continuing to burn red.

"Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking" I continue shutting my eyes tight and softly banging my head against the door, "Just stop thinking".

You broke him.

You did that to him.

You broke Hank.

The phrase repeats in my head as tears begin to sting my eyes.

Everything is my fault…

If I'd just listened...

I wouldn't be here.

I'd still be Connor and not…

Alex.

But that's who you are now.

Connor is dead.

You're Alex.

I bang my head harder against the door.

"Stop," I whine, choking out a sob, "Please, I don't want to think about it anymore".

I'm so distracted by my thoughts and tears, that I almost don't pick up the small amount of noise coming from the very last stall.

It sounds like voices…

It's Gavin and… Richard?

"Just shut up… please, shut up" Gavin hisses softly, clearly trying to keep the android from speaking, "He'll leave in a bit,".

"But his stress levels are-".

"Nines-".

"... okay".

And with that, the air goes silent.

I sniffle a little and dry my eyes with my hands, forcing myself up to my feelings even though I once again feel slightly dizzy. "Is someone there?" I ask, deciding to play dumb since I already know someone is.

There silence…

If not but for a moment.

"Pheck…".

Then, I hear a stall door open and see Gavin step out alone, quickly closing the door behind him. "Uh, hey, kid," he says, sounding rather nervous, his heart rate increased greatly, "What are you doing in here all by yourself? I heard ya crying".

"You did?".

It was impossible for him not to have heard me, but still… I feel compelled to ask, feeling slightly embarrassed and ashamed that I'd let myself become that vulnerable.

"I needed to wash my hands but got… overwhelmed "

"I noticed. I just didn't wanna say anything and scare you while I was taking a piss," he says, awkwardly rubbing at his neck, scratching at some odd purple marks that weren't there befo-

O H…

O O O H...

I see what's going on.

My LED flashed blue for a moment, finding this situation amusing and endearing.

Despite our past… I can't help but feel happy for him.

Everyone deserves to be happy.

Even jerks like Gavin.

Officer Reed hated androids, and all it took was one to change his mind about everything…

Almost like it was with me and Hank…

Now his anger and bitterness towards Richard make even more sense. Hank sees a man with his son's face in a relationship with the man who could have saved him.

Hank blames Reed or my death, even though it was Derik's.

For Connor's death.

Connor is dead.

You're Alex.

"You okay? Sounds like you're working through a lot of shit".

I jump a little and nod, wiping my face dry again, "Yes, I'm fine. Emotions are just… difficult".

Gavin cackles a little and points to the sink, "They sure as, now wash your hands. Hank and told me it's time for the questioning".

I swallow hard when he mentions the questioning, trying to once again distract myself by lathering my hands with soap and scrubbing away the sticky thirium on my fingers.

"Will you and Richard be joining us?" I ask, finding that the only reason Hank would talk to Gavin.

He nods.

"Okay."

You'll be fine, I try to convince myself, continuing to hear Richard move around in the stall ever so slightly. Everything is going to be fine.

Once I'm finished washing and drying my hands, I follow Gavin out of the room, trying to muster up as much of a smile as I can when I spot Hank waiting outside on of the interrogation rooms down the hall.

"You ready, Alex?" he asks, pulling me away from Reed as he walks into the observation room.

I hesitate but force out an answer, "I believe I am".

And with that, Hank and I enter the cold concrete room, immediately recognizing it as the room I interrogated the HK400 in. I can't help but freeze up, resulting in Hank carefully pushing me forward, reassuring me that we'd be done with this in no time.

"It's just a few questions, kid," He tells me, sounding both tired and annoyed, "It won't kill you".

I nod and sit down on the cold metal chair, expecting the lieutenant to occupy the other, but he doesn't and instead, Richard enters the room (looking less disheveled than Reed was) and takes a seat across from me.

"Wait!" I yelp, reaching out to hank to stop him from leaving, but refraining from actually touching him, "Aren't you going to do this?".

"As much as I'd prefer that instead of letting this thing do it for me, I have my orders from my boss," he says, completely ignoring Richard's presence in the room, "Plus… I can't interface with you and see into your mind or whatever the fuck it is you do".

"It's alright, Alex," Richard says, offering up a smile, "It's just me".

I can't help but shake my head, feeling tears in my eyes again.

"N- no… I want, Hank," I whine, my LED going red as I wipe at my eyes, "I want Hank!".

"Kid, don't make this more difficult than it has to be," he says, already leaving the room, "I don't need to be pissed off at 2 androids".

"Please!" I beg, allowing my voice to rise slightly, "Please…".

But Hank doesn't listen, and within seconds, I'm alone in the room with Richard.

!^WARNING: STRESS LEVEL 78%^!

"Shall we start?".

I blink and sniffle a bit, trying to hold down my emotions even though they're bubbling up to the surface. "O- okay".

"Can you tell me your full name?".

I swallow hard.

"A- Alex," I mutter, "M-my name is Alex".

Richard nods, his LED flashing yellow as he files the information.

"Any last name?".

I shake my head.

"Can you tell me your make and model?".

That's something I still don't know…

"I-... don't know what it is".

He furrows his eyebrows slightly in a way that makes me realize I'm being scanned. "How peculiar," Richard mutters softly, "I can't seem to figure that out either… and your serial number doesn't match any known model… can you tell me when you were activated?".

!^WARNING: STRESS LEVEL 81%^!

"Alex, I must insist you comply…".

I remain silent, feeling my stress slowly beginning to build.

After a moment, Nines seems to get the gist that I'm not ready to answer that question just yet. "Would you tell me what you saw last night? Do you know who took you?" he asks, changing his approach.

I shrug, prompting him to open a file left on the table.

"Are these the men you saw, Alex"?.

There are two pictures of the scrappers in there, of Rossco and Tony. My LED flashes between red and yellow as I squirm slightly in my chair, remembering the utter carelessness they treated me with.

"Yes…".

Richard leans in closer to me.

"Do you know where they were going?".

I shake my head again.

"Do you know what type of vehicle they were in?".

"A van," I reply, looking down at my hands, "A… w- white one...".

!^WARNING: STRESS LEVEL 88%^!

"Did you see any identifiable markings of a license plate?" Richard asks, his eyes closing until they're just slits as he continues to focus on me, "Anything we can use to help us catch these men?".

I shake my head and take a shaky simulated breath, trying hard to get a grip on my fluctuating emotions and ragged breathing. "No… no… I- I got hurt, I couldn't *cough* I couldn't see anything". I reach up and grab a handful of my shirt, "It hurt... it hurt so much… ".

"Alex…".

"There were others," I mutter, "There were others and I left them… I left them and now they're going to die because of me. I f- failed".

My breath catches in my throat, a large notification popping up in front of my eyes:

OBJECTIVE FAILED: SAVE ANDROIDS

"It's okay… you didn't fail anything, Alex" Richard says softly, clearly trying to calm me down, "Now I need you to relax, your stress levels are beginning exceeding safe levels".

"I failed… I failed, I failed, I failed!" I yell, grabbing my head and screwing my eyes shut, errors and notifications clouding my vision and thoughts. "I failed… fail fail fail!".

!^W/RN&NG: STR!S% LE&#L 95%^!

"Alex!" Richard says as he reaches out to grab me, causing me to jerk away and let out a blood-curdling scream, already knowing that he's going to. He's going to try and prove my memory before I self-destruct myself, my stress level already surpassing critical levels.

"NO!" I cry, but it's already too late, and I can see the skin on Richard's hands retract as he firmly grabs hold of my arm, feeling as if my mind is being slowly pulled away from my body.

The last thing I'm able to say before feeling Richard's memories force their way into my mind is:

"Please… don't tell them".

Everything is warm…

Cats…

There are cats sleeping on

Richard's lap…

Gavin is here…

Richard is holding him…

Providing comfort…

He scared…

Hurting...

Guilt is plaguing him.

"It's my fault," Reed says.

"I should have done something,".

"I didn't-"

"Shh, shh" Richard coos.

"It wasn't your fault"

"There was nothing you could do".

"I could have tried"

"I could have been nicer" Reed continues.

"I should have gotten over myself"

"I know…".

"But you were raised to believe such thing about us"

"That is not your fault," Richard says, "You've changed now".

"Don't I disgust you…?" he asks.

"You've seen the things I've said and done to your kind…"

"How can you… care so much for me?"

"Because I believe you are a good person, Gavin Reed".

"Your past doesn't define you," Richard says, pressing his forehead against Gavin's.

"I do not blame you for what happened to Connor".

"Hank does,".

"Do you truly seek his forgiveness?".

Gavin hesitates.

"I just want him to leave you alone".

"You don't deserve to be harassed like that-"

"But now I know how he felt"

"Hank is still engaged in an intense grieving period"

"I do not think he means it personally," Richard says.

"I believe his anger is misplaced due to my appearance".

"You're not Connor,"

"I don't get why he's so hostile"

"Christ, it's like me and him traded places"

"He is only like this because he feels I replaced his son,"

"You didn't. You're not him…"

"You're you," Reed says, his voice wavering.

"You're Richard".

"Shh, shh," Richard continues.

"It's okay…"

"It wasn't your fault, Gavin".

I'm seized with violent gripping tremble as I pull my arm away from Richard, our minds disconnecting. I fall to the ground with a sickening thud, feeling as thirium begin to push its way up and out of my nose.

I just lay there, stiff and silenced, unable to move through the severe convulsion as blood seemingly pores from my nose and the edges of my mouth. My mind is bombarded by so many error messages, so many that I'm completely blind and numb to anything that's happening.

The last thing I hear is Hank and Gavin rushing into the room, crying out my name before everything fades to black.