A/N: Hey there kiddos, it's been a while fuck I'm sorry ! I've been lacing inspo for awhile now, but I randomly got this idea the other day and for some reason it gave me the motivation to whip out a 5000 word oneshot so pls enjoy
Summary: Lucas's dad passed away, and everyone knows Maya is the only one he'd want to talk to. If only she could find where he is.
Sections in italics are flashbacks
Hey hey hey also PS:::
/m3XK1e5VCRI
^Listen to this while reading to feel all the feels (mostly in the end of the oneshot but do what u wanna do)
"What?" Maya replies breathily, the word coming out in more of an exhale.
"It's Tristan. He-"
"Died?" Maya holds a hand over her mouth, tears stinging the backs of her eyes as she chokes on her words, holding the phone to her ear.
"Oh, god.." Zay mutters from the other line, seemingly still shocked by the news despite him being the one delivering them. Maya sits down on Riley's bed with her mouth hanging slightly ajar, Riley sitting next to her with worry in her big, brown eyes.
"When? I mean.. H-how?" Maya stammers, shaking her head and holding her hand over her mouth. She tries to form words and listen to what Zay says, but only one name is pounding in her head.
Lucas. All she can think of is what he could possibly be going through, and the thought only further stings her eyes with tears.
"He was in an accident." Zay says, Maya fully placing her hand on her nose and mouth as she feels her eyes well with tears. "A car crash. Both of his lungs were punctured."
"Oh my god." Maya blinks, a tear rolling down her cheek. "What.. oh my god. What about Lucas? Tristan was his dad." Riley's hands shoot over her nose and mouth in shock as she learns who it is.
"The second the doctor said he had passed.. Lucas left. None of us know where, he's just gone." Zay says, and Maya can picture him running a hand over his fro. "I'm at Lucas's place with Sandy and all Lucas's sisters.. I don't know how Luke could do 'em like that when their daddy just died.. It's just not like him."
"Zay, he's not himself. His dad just died. He must be a mess.." Maya wipes away her tears, pushing her blonde hair back. "Me and Riley will be there as soon as we can."
"Thanks, M." Zay responds.
"I can't believe this.." Riley stammers from across the room, collecting her things as tears pool in her eyes. "Tristan died? We have to go see Sandy, and the girls, and oh god, Lucas.. I'm gonna go get the car." Before Maya can comprehend it, Riley is out the door and racing down the stairs.
"Riley's getting her car. But, Zay.." Maya says into her phone, "Why'd you call me and not Riley? She's Lucas's girlfriend."
"Sandy wanted me to call you." Zay says as if it was the obvious choice. "Even she knows what you mean to Lucas. He needs you right now. Not Riley, not me. You."
Maya sighs, grabbing her wallet from Riley's dresser and tucking her blonde hair behind her ear.
"I'm gonna find him, I promise."
Maya walks into the door of Lucas's apartment right before Riley, immediately scanning the room. She sees Zay on a couch with Sandy and Paige, the oldest of Lucas's three younger sisters. Zay is rubbing Sandy's back as tears stain her cheeks, the eight year old Paige staring blankly into the floor. Her big green eyes immediately dart up to Maya when they walk in. Riley immediately walks to the couch and gives the tearful Sandy a hug, Paige running up to Maya and almost knocking her over as she hugs her around the legs.
"Hey, Paige." Maya kneels, Paige letting go of her legs and reattaching herself by hugging Maya around the neck. Maya hugs her in return, rubbing circles in her back as she feels her start to shake with sobs.
Maya sits like this with Paige for several minutes, rubbing her back and cooing her until her sobs slow to heavy breaths and the occasional hiccup. She then picks Paige up in her arms, moving to the couch and placing her on her lap.
"Maya, do you know where L-Lucas is?" Paige asks between a hiccup, looking up at Maya with her bloodshot eyes.
Maya feels her heart breaking, sighing as she pulls Paige to her chest again.
"No, I'm sorry." Maya replies.
"I thought he'd tell you." Paige says disappointedly. "I knew he wouldn't tell us or anyone else, but I thought he'd tell you."
As Paige says this, Maya sees Riley glance down in the corner of her eye. She looks over at her to see her staring at the ground in slight confusion, as if she's debating something. Maya disregards it.
"I know. I'm gonna find out where he is, don't worry. He's just hurting." Maya sighs, rubbing Paige's forearm soothingly. "I'm gonna find him."
"Well then go! I can sit on Zay." Paige looks up at Maya with wide eyes.
"Oh, well.. Sandy? Do you think me and Riley should go looking for him, or should we stay here with you guys? We're happy to help however we can." Maya looks over to Lucas's mother.
"Well, that's up to you girls. We have Zay here with us and he's been helping plenty, and my parents are flying in right now from Texas, so I guess just whatever you're comfortable with." Sandy sighs, Paige hopping off of Maya's lap and running to Zay; Zay picking her up and placing her on his lap. "If you have any ideas of where he could be, well.. Yes, I'd really appreciate if you went. But only if you think it'll be successful, because I don't want to put you through that trouble.."
"No, Sandy. We'll go." Maya nods, standing up and drumming her fingers on the side of her thigh. "I think I know where he could be. I have a few ideas, and I'm sure Riles does too-"
"No." Riley suddenly interjects, her eyes staring down at the floor as she sits on the couch.
"Riles, what'd you mean no?"
"No, I don't have any ideas. I'm his girlfriend, and I don't have one idea of where he could be." Riley chuckles, standing up and walking to Maya. "Maya, you know him better than I ever will. I never saw him smiling bigger than when he was talking about the lunches you two have at the shake shack, or the trips you take to bad movies so you can get snacks and laugh in the empty theater."
Maya feels a warmth over her whole body when she thinks of her times spent with Lucas, but it immediately freezes over as she thinks of where he could be right now. Alone somewhere, his heart shattering into a million pieces.
"Riley, we have to find him, we just have to." Maya says breathily, shaking her head. "I know you know him too, and if you look then we have a better chance-"
"Maya, that's not true and you know it." Riley interjects with a mirthless chuckle. "Where would I look? It'd be no good. And even if I found him, he doesn't want to be found by me. He wants to be found by you."
"Riles, what are you saying?"
"He loves you, Maya. Not me. You." Riley states. "I don't know why it took me this long to really realize it, but nothing you can say can convince me otherwise. You love him, and he loves you, and I don't want to stand between that anymore."
"Hey, no." Maya furrows her brows, placing a hand on Riley's shoulder. "Your feelings matter, Riley. I'm not gonna let you dump Lucas because you have a feeling he loves me. Your love for him matters too. And lets not forget that he loves you."
"No, he doesn't. Not like he loves you." Riley smiles with a small eye roll. "I've seen real love before, I've seen it with my parents. Trust me.. me and Lucas don't have it."
Maya doesn't say anything for a moment, glancing down briefly as she contemplates the thought.
I love Lucas. Of course I do. More than I ever knew was possible.
"But.." Maya shakes her head, "What about you?"
"I'll be fine." Riley sighs with a small smile. "I never loved him in that way either. Not like you do."
Maya takes a deep breath, removing her hand from Riley's shoulder.
"I'll find him." Maya nods before looking over to Sandy. "I'm sure he's safe, don't worry."
"I trust you, Maya." Sandy gives Maya a tight smile. "If I know my son, I know that he needs you right now. I don't know why he's wired this way, but he is. You're just about the only person he'd listen to right about now."
"Here," Riley hands Maya her keys, "Take my car. I'll just be here anyways."
"Thanks, Riles." Maya gives her a small smile. "But wait, has anyone tried calling him?"
"He left his phone here." Sandy sighs, pointing to Lucas's blue cased phone as it sits on the coffee table.
"Of course he did." Maya nods with a chuckle, tucking her own phone into her pocket. "I'm gonna go. I'll be back soon."
Everyone sends Maya an assorted "good luck" before she opens the door and leaves down the hallway.
"Lucas?" Maya calls out as she peeks her head into one of the dugouts of the high school's baseball field. This was one of the places she could have sworn he would be. However, she's been looking around for a good five minutes and she can't find him anywhere.
"God dammit Lucas, where the hell are you.." Maya mutters to herself, leaving the dugout and making her way to the batting cage. She trudges her black heeled boots up the grassy hill that leads to the cages before opening the gate.
"Lucas, are you here?" Maya calls out again. There's no response.
Maya sighs, pushing her blonde hair out of her face and sitting down on an upturned bucket. She could have sworn he would be here, after the time they had spoke in the cages a few months before.
"I can't believe he would do that. I thought he left his violent bullshit back in Texas?" Maya scoffs, pacing back and forth in the hallway of their school as Zay sits on a bench in front of her. "I mean, beating up a hockey player? What is with him? He had the guy on the floor, bleeding!"
"I don't know, M. Some old habits never really leave." Zay shrugs, watching as the janitor mops blood off of the tile floor.
"But why did he even do it? What did the guy say that pissed him off that much?"
"Maya, wasn't he the guy you hooked up with last week?"
"Yeah, so?"
"Well.. couldn't that be a reason for Lucas to be pissed?"
"Why would Lucas be pissed about who I sleep with?" Maya scoffs. "That's none of his business. And why would he even care?"
"Do I really need to answer that?" Zay smirks.
"Oh, would you drop it? Lucas doesn't like me." Maya groans.
"You know it's true. Don't be so stubborn." Zay shrugs, Maya stopping her pacing to shoot him an unamused look.
"You're not funny." Maya says flatly, crossing her arms. "But whatever.. Where do you think Lucas could be?"
"He went out the back door, so he's probably at the batting cages."
"I'll go see." Maya replies, sighing in frustration as she walks to the door.
"Maya, you may not want to do that.. He's probably in Texas-Lucas mode." Zay calls after her.
"I think I can handle it." Maya replies, rolling her eyes.
Maya then leaves the school, starting down the gravel path that leads to the batting cages. She hears the hum of one of the pitching machines from feet away, opening the gate to reveal Lucas. He's standing in his batting stance across from one of the machines, no helmet on his head, a bat in his hand as he focuses on the next pitch. A ball suddenly shoots out of the machine, which he nails into the net behind the machine with a satisfying crack. He can't see Maya since he's standing with his back to her, so she storms up behind him.
"Lucas, what the hell is wrong with you?" Maya asks irritably, Lucas turning his head and sparing her a quick glance before focusing back on the machine.
"You're standing too close. I could hit you." Lucas says flatly.
The next pitch comes out of the machine, Lucas hitting it with ease. "Lucas.." Maya says through gritted teeth, waiting for his bat to slow before she grabs it and snatches it out of his hands. "Look at me." Lucas lets his hands drop to his sides, turning towards her with an exasperated expression.
"Could I have my bat, please?" Lucas sighs, crossing his arms.
"Fuck you, fuck your bat, and fuck your stupid ass need to protect me all the time!" Maya exclaims, walking over to the pitching machine and turning it off before throwing his bat aside. "You had no right to beat up Hunter. He didn't do anything! Sure, I slept with him, but that doesn't matter! It doesn't concern you!"
"You deserve better than him." Lucas says simply, avoiding Maya's eyes.
"Says who?" Maya chuckles mirthlessly. "Who I deserve is up to me, Lucas. Not you. You're not my fucking boyfriend!"
"Maya, he didn't just sleep with you, okay?" Lucas snaps, looking Maya straight in the eyes for the first time. "He was making fun of you. He called you a slut. I told him to shut his mouth, but he wouldn't listen."
"I don't give two shits what he was saying about me!" Maya exclaims. "You think people don't say that about me all the time? They do."
"What?" Lucas furrows his brows. "Who else?"
"Oh my god, Lucas it doesn't matter! People talk! We're in high school, that's just how it is." Maya groans. "I've been dealing with this since I slept with Billy in my sophomore year. And I know how to deal with it. I don't need you fighting my battles."
Lucas clenches his jaw, looking away from Maya and running a hand through his hair. "You expect me to just be able to sit around and laugh along when guys are calling you shit like that?" Lucas says, his voice softer now. "I can't do that, Maya. I'm not the type of guy who can just let that happen to someone I care about."
Maya shakes her head, looking to the ground before meeting Lucas's eyes again. "Well, you have to be. I know you care about me, and that means a lot, but I don't want people to think I need you to fight for me. It'll do nothing but make more rumors about us being together than there already are, and we don't need that. Riley is already paranoid enough as is."
"I know."
And then there's a silence, one where the two of them do nothing but stare into each other's eyes. Maya's eyes flicker down to his lips, but only for a moment before she meets his gaze again. And then he's leaning forwards.
"Lucas.." Maya says quietly, turning her head away before his lips can touch hers. "We can't. We can't do this to Riley."
"I know, it's just.. I can't help myself. Holding this in just gets harder every day." Lucas shakes his head, sitting down on a bench along the wall. Maya walks over and sits beside him before he turns his head to look at her. "I want to be with you, Maya. Not Riley."
"I know." Maya replies. "But Lucas.. We've talked about this. We can't do that to Riley. I can handle the heartbreak, but she can't. I refuse to do that to her."
"It's just so hard, seeing you every day."
"It is for me too. But that's just how it has to be."
Maya rests her head on Lucas's shoulder, his arm wrapping around her shoulders.
"I love you, Maya."
"I love you too," Maya replies, "but we're doing the right thing. I know it."
"Lucas?" Maya whispers, peeking through a shelf of books as she walks down one of the aisles of the library. There's no response.
Maya exhales frustratedly, turning and walking down a second aisle. She had decided to come to the library after the batting cages since Lucas spent so much time there. He had always liked reading, a trait him and Maya did not share, but they'd often come to the library together anyways. Maya found it was a nice place to draw, and she loved trying to catch the intensity in Lucas's gaze as he read. She ended up sketching him more times than she'd likely admit.
Maya groans quietly to herself as she walks through another empty aisle, heading to the librarian's counter.
"Hey excuse me?" Maya asks the woman as she reaches the counter, clicking her nails on the desk.
"Yes, may I help you?" The woman replies with a smile.
"Well, I was just wondering if you had seen a boy here today? He's eighteen, about six feet tall, he has like.. Dark blonde hair, green eyes.. Between you and me, he's really handsome.." Maya explains, the woman chuckling. "Has he passed through here at all?"
"Uh, no.. I don't think so, sorry." The woman replies.
"Oh, okay.." Maya sighs, lowering her hands from the counter. "Thanks anyway."
"No problem. Good luck finding him."
Maya gives the librarian a slight smile before she turns and walks down an aisle that leads to her and Lucas's most commonly used spot. It's a bay window of sorts, with soft pillows and a table right beside it. She approaches the spot to see it empty, Lucas nowhere in sight. Maya sighs, plopping down on the pillows as she remembers the first time he had taken her there in the eighth grade. That was before any of the crap with the triangle had begun, when things were much simpler.
"Why are we coming to the library? Can't we work on this dumb ass project at your house? With computers?" Maya groans as they enter the library.
"Shh!" The librarian shoots at her from a few feet away, Maya responding with an eye roll.
"Didn't Mr. Matthews teach you anything with that no-phones lesson last year?" Lucas chuckles quietly, leading her down one of the aisles. "It's more fun this way. And besides, I'll do the work. You can just draw or something."
"Wow, you really are my bitch." Maya smirks, Lucas rolling his eyes with a smile.
Maya watches as Lucas grabs a book on the Mayan empire without much searching at all before he sits in a bay window in the corner. Maya walks over and sits beside him, pulling her sketchbook out of her bag.
"How did you just know where that book was?" Maya asks, searching in her bag for a pencil.
"I come here a lot, and I've seen it there before. I thought it seemed helpful." Lucas replies, flipping through the pages.
"You come here a lot?" Maya furrows her brows.
"Yeah." Lucas responds, looking around with a nod. "I like how quiet it is. I feel like I can think the most freely when it's quiet."
"Oh, well then I'll shut up." Maya chuckles, looking down to her sketchbook.
"Oh, don't worry about it." Lucas shrugs with a small smile. "I like talking to you. Well, at least when you're not teasing me."
"Eh, I'll take it." Maya chuckles, Lucas laughing as well. He then looks down to his book, Maya starting her sketch. She occasionally can feel his eyes on her as she works, but she pretends she doesn't notice, a soft smile lingering on her face for the rest of the time they're there.
After sitting in the library for a solid ten minutes, waiting to see if Lucas would show up, Maya was unsuccessful. The more she sat, the more it made sense to her: the library was where Lucas went when he needed to think, when he needed silence. His father dying wouldn't give him much to think about, it would simply break his heart. So with that, Maya was back in Riley's car heading to her next spot: central park.
Lucas and Maya had found this spot at the park when they were there playing wiffle ball in the seventh grade. It was up a small path that went through an area of trees; a path which they weren't sure they were supposed be on; but nobody ever seemed to notice. The path lead up gradually to a small clearing on the top of a hill that overlooked an empty area filled with birch trees. The spot was only a small patch of grass, but it was just large enough for the two of them to sit.
Maya pulls over in a spot by the entrance of central park, stopping the car and sitting for a moment. She keeps her hands on the wheel, staring straight ahead for a moment. She sighs, tucking a blonde lock of hair behind her ear before she opens the car door and gets out. She can tell it's starting to get darker, and that this is gonna have to be her last spot of the day.
You better fucking be here, Lucas..
The second Maya enters the park, she heads straight for their path. She doesn't even need to think of the way there; one foot moving ahead of the other and taking her there as if they knew the way on their own. She walks quickly, trying not to think of Lucas to keep herself from welling up in front of any strangers as she passes by.
In no time, she finds the small forest with the path. She looks around to make sure nobody sees before disappearing amidst the trees, finding the trail immediately and starting to head up. Her eyes stay glued to the grassy floor in front of her as she walks, her mind too plagued with thoughts of Lucas to appreciate the beauty.
It feels like an eternity before Maya reaches the turn before the clearing, her fingers drumming on her side nervously before she turns.
She looks over to the patch of grass to see it empty, Lucas nor anyone being anywhere in sight.
"For fuck's sake.." Maya mutters to herself, leaning her back against the trunk of a tree as she overlooks the area of birch trees. She looks up at the sky, a sheet of grey clouds blocking the blue from view. It had been raining on and off all day; the perfect drab weather to match the day it had been. Maya looks at the light spot in the clouds where the sun would be, and she remembers how much prettier the spot was the last time they were there. It had been only weeks ago, a day where the sky was blue. They had come at sunset.
Maya glances down at Lucas as he lays on his back in the grass, his arms bent up so that his head rests on both of his hands. He doesn't notice her looking, his eyes stuck on the pink clouds as the float by above him. Maya's eyes flicker back to her sketchbook where she's sketching Lucas, however in her drawing, he's laying on one of the pink clouds instead of the grass. She plans on coloring it in later when she's at home by herself.
Maya sketches the sharp line of his jaw as she sees Lucas look at her in the corner of her eye. He doesn't say anything for a few moments, staring at her fondly with a soft smile on his face before he speaks up.
"Whatcha drawing?" He asks, sitting up and leaning back on his arms.
"Oh, n-nothing." Maya stammers as she's torn from the trance she's put under whenever she draws. She flips to the previous page a subtly as she can, "It's just a skyline."
"Hey, no, I saw you turn the page." Lucas grins, moving himself next to her and looking at her sketchbook.
"No I didn't." Maya shakes her head, starting to work on her half-done skyline.
"Oh you so did, you liar." Lucas chuckles, and before Maya can comprehend it, he's grabbing her book out of her hands. Damn those athletic reflexes.
"Lucas, give it back!" Maya laughs, reaching for it before Lucas pulls it out of her reach. He stands up, a grin on his face as he flips to the next page.
"Maya.. wow." Lucas says as he looks at the drawing, his face losing the cocky grin and gaining a certain sense of awe. "This is amazing."
"Oh, shut up.." Maya dismisses, standing up and grabbing the sketchbook from his hands. She flips back to the skyline, sitting down and getting to work as she feels her cheeks flush red.
"Maya, why would you hide it from me?" Lucas chuckles, sitting beside Maya and looking at her as she stares down at the paper. "And wait, are you blushing?"
"No." Maya mumbles, feeling herself blush even harder.
"You so are."
"Okay, fine. I am." Maya chuckles mirthlessly, looking up from her sketchbook and looking at Lucas. "Why are you acting surprised? Don't you know how I feel about you? We have this understanding where we want to be together, but we don't want to hurt Riley, but you still act like it's a surprise whenever I show you affection. You say this is hard for you? Well it's hard for me too. You wanna go through this book and see how many sketches of you there are?" Maya rambles, shaking her head as she flips through her sketchbook, stopping at every picture of Lucas. "They just keep coming. I'm sorry is this surprises you, but god.. I love you, Lucas. You know that. So would you please stop patronizing me for one second and realize-"
"Maya, stop." Lucas cuts her off softly, placing his hands on hers so they stop flipping through pages. There's then a silence, Lucas holding both her hands in his, his grip softening as she becomes less tense. She then looks up at Lucas, and before she can comprehend it, he's kissing her. His hand moves to the side of her face, his thumb stroking her cheek as he tilts his head to deepen the kiss. Maya kisses him back, her every sense dazed by the euphoria held in his lips, her stomach dropping on a loop as their lips connect repeatedly.
It's only when his hand travels under her shirt and touches the bare skin on her waist that she realizes what she's doing.
Maya pulls away, immediately missing the feeling of his lips on hers. She looks at him, his hair tousled and his face flushed from her kisses, and it makes him even harder to resist. But she does so anyways.
"Lucas, we can't. We just can't." Maya grabs her sketchbook, pushing her hair behind her ear as she stands up. "Riley can never know about this."
"Maya, I-"
"No, don't. Just.. just don't." Maya shakes her head, leaving him sitting there as she starts down the path.
"It's fine, Maya. Go home. I got a ride from Zay like an hour ago." Riley says through the phone as Maya pulls up beside her apartment building.
"God, I'm sorry Riles.. I just lost track of time looking for him, and now it's dark out all of a sudden." Maya chuckles, stepping out of the car and locking it. "I'll bring your car back first thing in the morning. Thanks again for letting me use it."
"Yeah, no problem. I'll see you tomorrow." Riley replies.
"Yeah, see you."
"Oh, and Maya?" Riley pipes up.
"Yeah?"
"Don't feel bad that you didn't find him. You weren't given much time anyways." Riley says, before adding, "I'm sure he's fine."
"Yeah, me too. Now get some sleep, Riles."
"Okay. Bye."
"Bye."
Maya puts her phone in her jacket's pocket, stepping up the stoop to her building. She puts in the code, the door swinging open with a buzz. She walks inside, heading to the stairwell and trudging up the steps with her head hanging low.
Maya feels glad that her mom is at Shawn's for the night, because the last thing she feels like doing is telling someone what happened. She's dealt with enough heartbreak for one day.
Maya sighs as she reaches the top of the last flight of stairs, the door beside her leading to the hallway of the third floor. She opens the door and looks up to her apartment door, but she stops in her tracks as she sees something that shocks her.
Lucas; sitting with knees bent and his back leaned up against her door; tears pooled in his eyes and staining his cheeks.
"Lucas?" Maya asks breathily, Lucas looking up at her with a start. He stands quickly, wiping his tears on the sleeve of his grey sweatshirt. "I've been looking all over for you, what're you doing here?" Maya walks to him quickly, placing a hand on the side of his face. He looks at her for a moment, and Maya watches as his brows furrow, his eyes filling with tears. He says nothing, pulling her to him and hugging her tightly to his chest. Maya hugs him back, feeling him place a lingering kiss on the top of her head.
"Hey, everything's gonna be okay, you're okay.." Maya says to him quietly, hugging him tightly. "I've got you. I'm here."
Lucas then pulls away from the hug, his hands sliding up and caressing the sides of her neck before he kisses her. She doesn't hesitate, kissing him back fervently, her hands grabbing the front of his hoodie and balling the fabric into her fists. He kisses her deeply; desperately and with oceans of passion; letting out years of desire and dancing around each other in one kiss.
They break apart slowly, their faces still centimeters apart as Maya moves her hands up, one resting on his neck as the other caresses his face. She wipes away one of his tears with her thumb, placing one more soft kiss on his lips. He then pulls her into the hug again, Maya kissing him on the cheek, then the jawline, before she snuggles her head into his chest.
"It's okay. I'm here now." Maya mutters into his chest.
"I love you, Maya." Lucas says hoarsely, placing a kiss on the top of her head again before murmuring against her skull, "I love you."
"I love you too."