The ash fell off the end of my forgotten cigarette that dangled between my left index and middle fingers. I was sitting on the couch in the garage as I stared out at the parking lot. I wasn't actually looking at or seeing anything, I was just staring blankly out in front of me while my thoughts raced from one topic to the next. Something weird had gone down when Frankie Diamonds was killed, but no one was talking about it. Or if they were, they weren't saying anything around me.

Dad said he signed his death warrant, so doesn't that mean the club planned on killing him all along? He couldn't have made a deal to save himself, could he? No, Dad would never have allowed that. Plus, the guys have my back. They were as pissed off as Dad, so they wanted justice too, right?

"Miss Mia?"

I felt a hand touch my shoulder before I heard Chucky calling out to me. I turned towards where he was standing, but I didn't actually hear him talking. I could see his lips moving, I could see that he looked somewhat distressed, but I didn't hear a sound. I felt like I was in a vacuum of deafening silence for a few moments and then suddenly it all hit me at once. There was a car alarm sounding in the distance, a baby was crying out in the playground and they were all being joined by a motor cycle engine revving not too far from where I was seated.

I startled in my spot and grabbed onto one of Chucky's arms to ground myself. "Miss Mia…? Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah. Sorry, Chucky. I… I was thinking too hard. What did you need?"

He smiled then answered, "I would never ask anything of you, fair lady. It's our fearless leader who requests an audience with you."

"Oh… okay." I got up and started to walk towards the office but stopped when a thought hit me. "Shit. Which one? Gemma or Jax?"

"Ah, fair lady, it's is Sir Jackson who seeks an audience with you."

"Alright. And he's in the…?"

Chucky wrapped my right arm around his left saying, "I'll escort you to the clubhouse, M' Lady."

I swallowed my laughter because I didn't want to be rude. Everyone knew that he was eccentric… alright Chucky was fucking weird, but that was just Chucky. He owned his oddness, but he was also kind and loyal. Gemma had kept him on at TM and bought him new hands for a reason. Making fun of him felt rude and just downright mean and I didn't want to be that person.

After we got through the door, he lifted my hand to his lips to press a soft kiss to it before he said, "He's in the chapel… I'll wait here to ensure your privacy."

"Thanks, Chucky."

I walked slowly towards the big black doors on the other side of the room because I was feeling beyond nervous. I had never been inside one of the MC's chapels, their meeting room, before. Heck, when I was younger, I thought it was against the rules for a woman to step foot inside that room, but my uncle had clarified that although it was a 'Members Only' area in the clubhouse, it was oaky for non-members to enter, but only if they were invited. Which begged the question; why had I been invited to the inner sanctum of SAMCRO's clubhouse? Had I done something to upset the President? Or my boss? Which Jax would I be meeting today?

When I raised my hand to knock on the door, I noticed that it was shaking. I quickly lowered it to my side to shake it out thinking, FUCK! You need to calm down. Don't go in looking scared or he'll eat you alive. Deep breath. Don't think, just knock.

Before I could allow myself to get nervous again, I quickly knocked on the door. I heard a muffled, 'Come in', so I took another deep breath and pushed the door open.

The first thing I noticed in the room was the large rectangular table sitting in the middle of it. It was basically a huge carving of the Sons of Anarchy logo. It was stunning and had to have been hand carved into the redwood that comprised the table. I would have loved to take some time to really look it over because fine art deserves to be savored and enjoyed at a leisurely pace, but I didn't have the luxury of time right now.

No, I wasn't on MY clock right now. I forced my eyes away from the table top to the man waiting at the head of the table. As I took a couple of tentative steps towards him, I tried to gauge his mood, but the expression on his face gave nothing away. That wasn't all that surprising because no one could survive in, let alone run a MC if they always wore their heart on their sleeve.

"Why don't you take a seat?" he motioned to the chair directly to his right.

"Okay," I replied in a surprisingly even tone.

Phew. Maybe your nervousness won't show.

I reached out to pull the chair out and noticed that my hand was shaking again. I hesitated for a second before I pulled the chair out because I wasn't sure what I should do. I didn't want Jax to see my hand shaking, but if I tried to conceal it now, he would definitely notice it. DAMN. I then quickly pulled the chair out and sat down so that I could grip my hands tightly together in my lap and hide them under the table.

Jax leaned forward to touch my shoulder a he kindly said, "Mia, you don't have to be nervous. You aren't in trouble."

I let out the breath I hadn't noticed I was holding and said, "Really? You swear it?"

He placed his right hand over his heart and very solemnly stated, "I swear to you that you are not in trouble, Maria Lowman."

"You had me convinced until you used my full name," I replied with a chuckle. "So? What's up, Boss?"

"I just wanted to check in with you. And to thank you. I didn't see you at the hospital, but Tara says that you helped Maggie with Thomas while we were with Abel and then with Gemma… I really can't thank you enough for that."

I couldn't help but to smile as tears gathered in the corners of my eyes. "No thanks needed, Jax. It's what you do for family. I'm just glad I could be there to help. And remind Tara, all she has to do is call and I'm more than happy to babysit, run errands or whatever else she or you or anybody else needs right now."

"Thanks Mia, I'll keep that in mind. And how about you? How are you doing? Are you enjoying working here at TM?"

"Absolutely," I answered without the slightest hint of hesitation. "All of the guys are great to work with, especially now that Wade has warmed up to me. Plus, I'm finally getting a chance to get to know Dad and spend quality time with him."

"Not that Happy's the only one spending 'quality' time with you."

I felt my cheeks heat up at his suggestive tone. "How are you and Juice doing? Still two happy lovebirds?"

"We're pretty… uhh… good."

"That was a pretty big moment of hesitation there. Are you two having problems?"

"No, not really. Well, not problems like you're thinking. It's just, ever since… I mean… We're…" I stopped there and forced myself to regroup. "I mean, we haven't really been able to spend much time together lately. It's just… between the road trips, club responsibilities and him basically being Clay's personal valet, they just isn't a lot of room for free time together." Jax got a very pensive look on his face causing me to quickly add, "Not that I'm complaining. The club comes first and I respect that, but… I don't know… I guess… I miss him."

"Yeah, things have been pretty hectic for the club lately. I didn't realize that meant you weren't getting to spend time together, I… What…? What is it?"

I squirmed uncomfortably as I answered, "Please don't say anything. It's just… I get why he feels like he needs to do so much for Clay and I don't begrudge him for his loyalty. I would be the same way if roles were reversed, but…" I shivered and let my thought trail off there.

Jax's eyes narrowed and his voice deepened as he asked, "What did Clay do to you?"

"What? Nothing! Fuck…" I chuckled uncomfortably. "Don't worry if he EVER gets out of line, Dad will be the first to know. He hasn't done anything, it's more… Well… To be blunt, he creeps me out. I don't know what it is because he hasn't done anything to hurt me or said anything super offensive, but he creeps me out and I just don't feel comfortable around him. I try hanging out with him because I know how important he is to JC, but I… I just can't do it."

"It's called good instincts, Mia. I can't go into specifics, but you're right not to let your guard down around him. So that's it? Things are just 'pretty good' because Juice is helping Clay so much?"

"No…" I threw my hand over my mouth to silence the rest of that automatic response.

Jax barked out a laugh then said, "Well now I'm really curious. What else is it?"

I let out a happy sigh as I mentally kicked myself. "It's stupid. Just forget I said anything."

"Nope, that's not the answer I'm looking for. Come on. You said so yourself, we're family so tell me what's going on with you."

"Ugh… Don't hold this against me because it's so stupid and 'girly'." His eyes widened a bit causing me to laugh. "See? This is why I should keep it to myself."

"Hey, I'm just surprised you'd say it like that. But no judgement. You're a tough as nails mechanic who will cut any guy who treats you the wrong way. Now… will you tell me?"

Fuck. Why can't you be a selfish jerk? Why do you have to sound so sweet and sincere?

I heaved another sigh then answered, "When we were keeping our relationship on the DL, we spent less time together than we do now, but… I don't know… It was different."

"Different how?"

"We used to spend time together… quality time that is. Every second we spent together felt… special. And I'm not talking about sex when I say this but… We were really intimate together… emotionally… and we really got to know each other. Now… now sex is just physical. I don't… I don't feel the same connection to him." I looked up from staring at my hand to check on Jax's reaction. When I saw the stunned look on his face, I let out a soft, tear-filled laugh. "And now that was a classic over share. Fuck… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to verbally upchuck on you like that.".

"No… no…" He jumped in as he leaned forward to grip my forearm that was resting on the table top. "I wanted you to tell me the truth and that definitely was the truth. Has it been like this for very long?"

I shook my head as I tried to swallow back some tears. "No, not really. It got really bad after… after the shit with Frankie Diamonds. I don't know any details beyond him being dead, gracias a dios, but I know fucked stuff up. Dad keeps telling me not to worry about it, but I can't stop. Dad didn't do something he wasn't supposed to, did he? He didn't cross a line because of me, did he?"

"Shit, Mia, no. No, Happy… I know he wanted to eat Frankie's heart while it was still beating, but he was professional. He didn't overstep."

"Thank God," I sight out as I started to breathe a bit easier.

"But that's you and your dad. What's up with you and Juice?"

I heaved out another heavy sigh then answered, "Dad's been feeling kind of… I don't know what you'd call it, but he's been really chill about me and JC. He even suggested going in late to work to reconnect with JC after Tahoe."

"He did?"

I laughed at how shocked Jax sounded because that had been my initial reaction too. "Yep. So, I talked to Gemma, got the day off and tried to surprise JC by making us a brunch spread at his house."

"Tried?"

My lip started to quiver, but I ignored it and soldiered through. "Yeah, I didn't fuck up the food at all, just the timing. My plan was for him to come home, us to have a picnic in the living room so that we could… uhh…"

"Reconnect," Jax offered when I trailed off.

"Yeah… reconnect. But he got home and…" A couple of tears escaped out of my eyes, but I did my best to ignore them. "He was really emotional. It looked like he had been crying, but when I asked him about it, he said it was nothing. He said it was none of my business. I tried to press him for details, but me pressing him just… pissed him off. He… he…"

"What did he do?" Jax asked in a voice that sounded alarmingly like my dad when he was ready to make someone bleed. "What…?"

"He didn't hurt me… I mean, he didn't lay a finger on me. He just… he froze me out. Told me to go to work and that we'd have dinner later or something… Or… something." Jax raised an eyebrow as I scoffed loudly. I didn't want to overshare any more than I already had, but I couldn't talk about this with anyone else, so I kept going. "I spent the night with him, but it was just sex. There was no…"

"Intimacy… Fuck, Mia, I'm so sorry. Everything… it's shitty right now and I honestly didn't expect this to blow back at you like this. I'm sorry, but I have to ask this before I can try to figure out how to fix it. You and Juice? Is it for real?"

I stared at him for a second while I tried to gauge his sincerity. What angle was he trying to play right now? Did he really…? No, he did. He was like the big brother I never had. Sure, the topic was embarrassingly uncomfortable, but he was still willing to listen, to hear me out and, more importantly, to try to help.

"You know, I almost didn't move down here? When Dad told me I would be coming down here as 'Mia Cooper' family friend and not his daughter, I almost stayed in Tacoma. I was afraid that without being his daughter, no one would take me seriously. But he convinced me to give Charmin a fair chance before I made a final decision. Then I came down ad things just clicked. Me and Jac… Day one I felt like I knew him. I joked around with him like had known him my whole life. He and I… we just… clicked. When I kissed him tat first time, it just felt right. But now… Now there's a weird distance between us. Now there's just Juice and I really miss JC." I shuddered in a breath and then let out an uncomfortable laugh. "Shit. I'm sorry. That… I didn't mean to dump that all on you. I should get out more. Make some actual friends so I don't blubber all over you like that."

"No, that's what I wanted to hear. Like I said, things aren't easy right now, but I promise you I'm working to fix it." He took both of my hands into both of his then sincerely said, "Please trust me that I'm trying to make this better… The shit with you and Juice, it isn't about you two. It's shit outside of your relationship that's causing the divide. But, if you're willing to ride it out… if you're willing to trust me, I promise you two will find your way back to each other again, okay?"

"Outside of us? What does that mean?"

"I can't explain right now."

"Okay. But… Does Dad know all of the details?"

"No. And I would prefer that this conversation stay between you and I… at least for now."

"Really? I mean it's not like you've been spilling your guts out like a school girl with a crush or anything."

"Neither have you. Mia, it means a lot to me that you trust me enough to bare your truths like that. I know it wasn't easy for you to do, which is why I can't put into words how much I appreciate your honesty."

I shrugged then said, "We're family, right? If you can't be honest with your brother, then you're pretty much doomed."

"And in this scenario, I'm your brother?"

I flipped my hands so that I was now holding his right hand in both of mine. "It's the best designation I can give you. Tig, Bobby and Chibs are all like uncles because they're old enough to be my dad. Phil and the prospects? They're like the cousins you barely see but are important in your world none the less. Gemma… she's… she's…" I sniffled back a couple of tears. "She's my Momma Bear, so that makes you my brother."

"Alright, that makes sense. So…? Sister? Are you willing to place a little faith in me and ride this out a bit longer before you write Juice and the club off for good?"

I stared deep into Jax's eyes and he didn't flinch. His steady gaze didn't waver at all, so I answered, "I trust you… up to a point." Jax opened his mouth so I held my hand up to keep him silent. "I'm not a Crow Eater or a groupie, so he doesn't get carte blanche to fuck around when Diosa Norte opens. Dad and Tig keep joking about it being a taco buffet…. Never when Dad thinks I'm in earshot, so don't look so scandalized, Brother. I also know he fucked Carla before we got together. Before 'I love you', it doesn't count. But we've made that declaration and if he forgets about it, I'll be out for blood…." I stood up and pulled my shirt up to show him my new skull tattoo above the smiley face on my left hip. "I am my father's daughter, after all. But I'd like to think my imagination is ab it more creative than his."

Jax leaned forward to get a better look at my tattoos before he replied, "I already have a job for him to do to keep him away from the opening…" He reached out and brushed a finger tip over one of the thistle's thorns. "The skull…?"

"Dad did it for me. He said I would feel better after I paid tribute to the life I took to survive."

"And did you?"

I lowered my t-shirt while shaking my head. For the first time in days I didn't fight to hold back my tears. Instead, I let them fall and nearly choke me as I answered, "The only times I haven't woken up screaming and smelling his blood were the nights I was being held in JC's arms… Unless heavy sedation was involved." I turned my eyes to Jax's face and added, "I haven't slept soundly away from JX's embrace since I finished my prescription sleeping pills. No one knows about that… other than you now."

Jax nodded respectfully then said, "Thank you for trusting me with it." I started to turn to leave but he stopped me by calling out, "And Sister? I promise to do everything in my power to help you get back what you've lost."