Chapter four
Insecure

Loki was laying there beside Freya, his arm draped around her shoulders and resting so that his hand was clasping hers while her head lay upon his chest. He sighted softly, eyes closing for a moment as he went over the turmoil of emotions within his mind and heart. He was at peace with her like this, nothing between them but he knew that somehow this was still wrong. She was the only woman he had ever felt any feelings for but she was also the woman he had grown up calling sister. Then there was the whole problem where she ran away without leaving a single trace, causing everyone to go mad searching for her, especially him.

"What are you thinking of?" Freya asked him, turning her head so she could look up into his features. She had long since quit thinking of Loki as her brother. Since they had become involved they were not siblings in her eyes.

"The way things are… things are complicated, my dear, and shouldn't be if we chose to do the right thing. However, when I tried to do the right thing the whole situation in its entirety just became worse. You left, everyone grieved, and I went mad with despair and guilt and jealousy, consequently becoming a monster." Loki murmured, opening his eyes to look down at her. Did she feel any guilt at the pain she had caused them all? He watched the flicker in her eyes and immediately knew it was a selfish thing to ask himself.

"I hadn't intended on staying for so long… I just needed my time to grieve without prying eyes- the only problem was that I still hadn't stopped grieving. It was hard for me to believe that my other half would leave me because he thought we could no longer make it work." She looked at him, her eyes immensely sorrowful. "I honestly tried to get over you but it was no use."

"Freya, don't…"

"Why can't you see we need each other?" Freya asked him, over him now with tears threatening to fall, "We belong together. I love you, Loki. You know I do… Why is that not enough for you?" The tears were now streaming down her breathtaking face to land on him as she stared in his eyes. "What more do I need to possibly give you so that you will love me once again, like you used to?!" Her melodic voice held a slight rasp as she tried to hold back the shuddery breaths in her body. The sight was enough to make Loki loathe his wretched self even more so than before. He was responsible for harming the most beautiful creature-both inside and out- in all the nine realms. He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her sobbing form closer to his as he sat up with her.

"Freya, love, I do love you just as strongly as I did the night I kissed you, the same night we took our innocence together from our bodies… I have never stopped loving you like I did then, never. I only thought to do the right thing for you, even if it killed me. Hush, darling, peace." He moved to kiss at her tears, his own eyes beginning to shine. "Listen to me, I love you and I know there is no other who can ever hope to possess my heart. You have been my closest friend and the woman I have cherished for all my life. Surely you would know if I had moved on, wouldn't you, my beautiful goddess?" He kissed all over her face now.

"H-how could it be the right thing to do if it hurts us so?" Freya asked him. This was the second time since she had grown that he had ever seen her cry and it made her embarrassed that he should see her in such an awful state.

"I thought it was the best thing for you so that you could have a family and be happy instead of sneaking around with me." Loki whispered, his head in the crook of her neck. "I wish I could take back all the pain I have caused you, my love." He could feel the cold tears running down his face.

He knew he needed to be strong for Freya, he needed to be the one to comfort her instead of she to him like when they were growing up. If he couldn't do the right thing for her then he would do the best he could with her. She said she needed him and he would be there for her in any way she needed him to be.

You really are selfish, Laufeyson… Admit the real reason you can't leave her… The monster whispered inside of his mind. You crave her like some crave narcotics… She was to be your Queen, remember…

Loki gritted his teeth, his eyes squeezing shut. He embraced Freya tightly, holding her so close he thought they would truly become one being. It frightened him, the thought that something so pure and good as Freya could become a part of something so dark and tainted as he. I am the monster parents tell their children about at night….

"Loki, love?" Freya whispered, holding him tight. She nestled her head down to lay upon his as she stroked his skin slowly, humming so she could comfort him. Her eyes were closed as she lulled them to peace and sleep, already looking towards a brighter tomorrow. She kissed his messy black tresses as they laid back down, bodies still entangled with one another beneath the silk sheets.

A phrasing that's a single tear,
Is harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me.

~~~

It was mid-morning when the pair awoke to the sounds of the city and the sunlight on their faces. Freya couldn't help but smile when Loki cursed the sun and "pesky Midgardians in their electric carriages-infernal devices!" before rolling onto his stomach and covering his head with a few pillows. It wasn't until her hand on his back that his mind caught up with him and he moved to look at her, smiling softly.

"Your hair is an absolute mess." Freya told him, watching as he sat up and slicked it back with his hands. He had always been terribly vain about his appearances and it amused her to watch him fret so.

"And what is so amusing?"

"Your vanity, it's-" She stopped as she saw the door open and a rather tired looking Midgardian woman in the door way. She paused, her whole face becoming red as she covered her mouth.

"This….is not my room at all," The red tinted blonde mumbled embarrassedly, backing away.

"If you tell a single soul what you have seen here, know that I will make you long for something as sweet as pain." Loki threatened darkly, blocking the mortal's view of Freya. "I will personally take it upon myself to destroy everything you hold dear and make you kill everyone you love, and while you are screaming I shall tear you apart!" He listened to her gasp. "Now be gone, you mewling quim!" There was no hesitation as the woman glared fiercely before hurrying away, leaving the two in bed. A moment passed in which nothing could be heard but one's own heartbeat as Freya turned to face Loki.

"You…meant it, didn't you?" Freya whispered, standing up with the sheets around her. There was an odd look in her eyes almost like…

Fear.

Loki knew it. He fucking knew it! She was afraid of him because he was a monster. She was just like everyone else. He barely stopped himself from gripping at his chest as if it would stop the pain he felt in his heart. She had always told him she would love him no matter what… She lied. "You fear me too," He said flatly, meeting her eyes.

"I fear, yes," Freya told him, "but not of you, rather for you." Her eyes met his. "I fear for you with the darkness in that statement and the consequences it will bring."

"STOP LYING!" Loki snapped, standing quickly. "Tell me the truth! You are afraid of me, just like everyone else! Have you figured out, Freya," he crossed to her, "that I am a monster yet?! If not you are finding out now surely! Look into my eyes and tell me you do not fear me!" He was in front of her, his hands on her shoulders, gripping her. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest and wished he could just rip it from his body. He would be far better without the blasted thing anyways, what with its proneness to make him feel like he was ran over by a herd of Bilgesnipes. He stared into her eyes all the while growing increasingly agitated that she refused to show him how she felt. He was not the same man she used to know so why must she act like a child and pretend things could go back to the way they were before?! He loathed how irrational she was being and how she made him act upon feelings rather than use his intellect. He was God of Mischief! Of Lies! He possessed the Silver tongue! And yet she reduced him to nothing more than a pile of raw emotions.

"I'm not lying." Freya spoke calmly, "I do not fear you, Loki. I never have and I shall never will." She took his hands, "Look into my eyes and know I speak truth for I cannot lie to he who hath perfected the craft." The sheet had fallen at this time and lay in a puddle among their pale feet. "Surely you, O God of Mischief, could tell if I had told a lie. " She placed his hands at her collarbone and released them, stepping closer so that when he dropped his hands they ran down her body. "And every moment of the night before, every kiss and every moan…. Every time I breathed your name or every time I told you I loved you… Were those lies?" She leaned in to brush her full lips along his neck, pausing at the spot that made him shudder with pleasure. "Hm?" She kissed the mark she left on his collarbone. "Come now, love, you know me better than anyone else…" She ghosted her lips up to mold to his for one brief wonderful moment that would be interrupted by a voice neither had ever hoped to hear in this situation.

"Even me, apparently." Thor spoke from the doorway, his arms folded over his chest and his eyes narrowed. The two sprung apart and Loki moved instinctually to shield her from his eyes, though the damage had been done.

"I was sure Frigga had taught you to knock, Thor." Loki spoke calmly though inside he was seething with rage, all the rage he had not been allowed to spend for the last several thousand years."Or is that too far below the perfect son of Odin?"

After his remark Loki had just enough time to brace himself before Thor knocked him out.