First Published: 10/23/14

Edited: 2/11/19

PRESENT DAY

"Look," she said in a cracked voice. "It's really not your fault, Trent. We just get over things differently. I have to talk to let out my feelings to people and get validation. That's how I work. But I get it. You don't need that. You just needed time and for you, forgetting was easier. Don't worry. I get it. Don't beat yourself over it. I just needed to give you an explanation and this was the only way that I knew how. So, goodbye, Trent. I don't hate you for ignoring me. Please don't hate me for doing this."

I'd never hate you, Courtney.

"I could've done more," Trent said breaking the silence. "I remember that day. I really did want to forget. But then I realized that maybe Courtney needed to talk about it. But it was too late. I couldn't find her. I only found her when we were in front of the cameras, and I didn't want to embarrass Courtney like that. I tried her room a bunch of times, but she was never there. I shrugged it off as nothing because I figured that maybe she just needed time to get over it too. But I honestly should've tried a lot harder. I was the only one who truly understood what she was going through, and I made the stupid mistake of ignoring her. So I'm as much to blame for this as all of you."

The room became silent again. Bridgette took out the next tape and announced, "This is the last tape from Courtney."

"You know," said Noah. "I'm really surprised that you're on a tape. Courtney seemed to really trust you even right before she... You know."

Bridgette shook her head. "I'm not on the tape."

"Well," said Duncan. "Who else could it be? There's six people in this room and six people on those tapes. Unless if you just don't want to believe that you're on the tape."

"Trust me. Besides Courtney, I'm the only one who knows who's on these tapes, and I'm not one of the reasons. Just listen to the tape."

Then, Bridgette hit play for the last time.

"Last tape," said Courtney. "Aka last time you'll hear my voice. Aren't you excited?"

Courtney laughed as the others stayed silent.

"Anyway," continued Courtney. "I'm guessing the sixth person isn't here, but it's okay. There's a lot more things that I have to tell you about. Like, for example, did you know that I was pregnant?"

"What," they all screamed.

"I know," said Courtney. "How did I ever get that past you guys? Oh, and the father is in this room. Surprise!"

She cleared her throat. "But on a serious note, I want to tell the father one thing. I really did love you. I don't remember if I ever told you that. And I would've stayed alive for you. And in a perfect world, we would've ended up getting married..." Courtney was silent for a moment before continuing. "Unfortunately, life knocked me down one too many times to think that I ever had a chance of surviving long enough to reach my happily ever after. Anyway, on to the story!"

COURTNEY'S STORY

It was another sunny day at Playa de losers. Even though the network tried to make it look like the losers stayed in different places each season after they were eliminated, the truth was they always ended up there. Not that the contestants minded since it was like paradise over there. Always sunny, a lot of good food, a pool, free alcohol ("If anyone asks, I don't know anything," warned Chris), and no parental supervision... What more could a teenager ask for?

And then, there was Courtney.

Most days, Courtney would be by herself. During those times, she'd stay in her room and observed the others from her balcony. At first, she did it for food watch. When she saw that mostly everyone was done getting food, she'd sneak over to the kitchen and grab a few items before running back to her haven. However, other times, she observed them because she liked knowing what was going on with everyone else without needing to talk to them. And Bridgette's not the best with keeping up with the news.

Sometimes she'd hang out with Bridgette whenever she was free from Geoff, which really wasn't that often. When Bridgette wasn't around, sometimes Courtney forced herself to talk or eat with the other contestants. However, during those times, she felt empty. It just felt like an obligation so that she could prove to herself that she doesn't always have to be alone. But she could just never connect with them. Courtney hated herself for not being able to befriend people without feeling as though there's no connection. She thought it was just a timing thing, but day by day she felt more lonely hanging out with people who weren't Bridgette. Or even Noah.

On this particular day, Courtney paced around her room by herself. She stopped. I can't take it anymore! She grabbed her PDA. She could feel her tears running down her cheeks as she dialed her mom's number.

Now, it should be pointed out that when Courtney left for Total Drama Island, her mother and her did not leave on a positive note. Courtney's mom tried to map out Courtney's life so that she wouldn't make the same mistakes that she did. However, Courtney wanted to be independent. She wanted to make her own choices. She wanted to do her life her own way. Her mom told her that going to Total Drama Island would be a big mistake, but she just huffed at her mom. Finally, there came a point when her mom realized she should just let her go. She tried to hug her before Courtney boarded the boat, but Courtney just pushed her aside. She wanted to be independent and that meant not needing to rely on her mother. I can do this on my own.

How wrong she was. Courtney needed help with her life. She needed her mom back.

She put the PDA to her ear and waited.

"Hello?"

"Mom," said Courtney, her voice starting to crack.

"Courtney," cried her mother. "Dear, how are you doing?"

"I'm lonely. Not a lot of people like me."

"What about that Bridgette girl?"

Courtney shrugged. "Sure, she's fun to hang out with. But then she has her boyfriend and yeah."

"Oh dear. Have you tried making new friends?"

"I tried mom. I really did. I can't hang out with them without feeling like they hate me. Mom, I'm done. I'm really done. Can I just come home? I want to come home. I hate it here."

"Yes, yes. Of course! Just call our lawyers. I'm sure they'll find a way."

When Courtney hung up the phone, she was in high spirits. Of course! My lawyers will know what to do!

Courtney dialed the number and said, "Please tell me you made some progress so that I can get out of that contract and that show for good."

"Courtney," her lawyer said. "I need to be blunt. Even though the show doesn't have a lot of fundings, is getting sued, and not put together very well, the contract is surprisingly very well written. They covered every loophole."

Courtney groaned. "So, that's it? I'm just stuck here forever?"

"I'm sorry, Courtney. I truly am. I'll get back to you if I find something else."

Courtney hung up the phone and screamed. Why the fuck can't things ever go my way?

Courtney walked out of her bedroom while slamming the door. Good thing nobody was here to hear that.

"Geez, what's gotten into you?"

Scratch that. She turned around to face whoever had caught her leaving her room and rolled her eyes once she spotted baby blue eyes. Of course. It had to be him. "It's really none of your business."

Duncan really didn't know what to do in that moment. "What are you even doing hiding in your bedroom when everyone else is outside?"

She crossed her arms. Really? He's one to talk. "I could be asking you the same question."

"Well," He replied while scratching his neck. "I might be hiding from a certain... someone... I don't know if you heard but-"

She put her hand up. "I know." During one of her alone times, Courtney witnessed Gwen and Duncan having what appeared to be an argument in the corner. It wasn't the first time she's seen this happen. Lately, it seemed all that Gwen and Duncan did lately was argue away from everyone else, and then, a few hours later, they'd be seen making out again. Right now, they were still in their "break up" period.

He gave her a confused look. "How do you know-"

"Not that I care," she sharply cut him off. "I mean, it's all going to work itself out anyways, right? Because you always get what you want, don't you?"

He gave a frustrated sigh. He really wasn't in the mood for Courtney's attitude. Her slamming the door was his first hint that he should've just ignored her. But something always draws me back to her... "I really don't understand why you're angry with me right now. All I did was-"

"You know what you did," Courtney yelled. "Why do you always act like I'm the crazy one? I'm not crazy! You're the one who put me through this! You made me like this!"

Oh. She's still mad about that? What are you thinking? Of course she's still mad about that! Duncan paused before opening his mouth again. I really should've talked to her back then. "You're right. Do you want to come inside and talk about it?"

A few hours later, Courtney found herself walking down to the bar. She sat down on the bar stool before nodding at the bartender and ordering "whatever the strongest drink is".

The bartender looked at her. He was skeptical if he should give that drink (let alone any drink) since he's never seen her before, and he wasn't sure if she could handle it. Courtney rolled her eyes. "Seriously, dude?" He shrugged but did as he was told.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Noah. "What does it look like? I'm getting a drink. What the hell are you doing here?"

"It's 4:00."

She narrowed her eyes at him. Is that supposed to mean something to me? "...And?"

"And, nobody drinks at that time so it's quiet and peaceful." He turned to the bartender. "And you might want to make something that's not that strong. She's never had a drink in her life."

The bartender snickered (he already knew that!), and Courtney slammed the table. "Dammit. Are you trying to ruin my life? Why can't you let me do what I want to do for once?" She turned to the bartender. "Don't you dare listen to him! He doesn't know me!" But it was met with deaf ears.

"So really," he asked while signaling the bartender to get him the same drink. "What are you doing here?"

She tapped her fingers on the counter. "I didn't know you drink," she replied trying to avoid the subject.

He smirked. "Back home? No. But what can I say? This show's changed me. Now stop avoiding the question."

She waited for the bartender to finally slide over her drink. Really? A shot took that long to make? She pushed it down her throat in one gulp before gagging. It tasted horrible. But it did relieve some of her anxiety so she ordered another one before looking at Noah again. "Look," she said. "I'm just lonely. If you haven't noticed, I don't have many friends. Not like you. I just want to go home. I want my life back again. But I can't. I can't get off of this stupid show because of Chris's fucking contract." The bartender slid her another shot glass, and Courtney gulped it down again. Nope. Second one didn't taste any better. But I feel so... Good.

By the time Courtney ordered her third shot, Noah was just handed his second. While he could feel some of the effects of having alcohol in his system, he could see how much more it was affecting her. For one thing, she was swaying her head to invisible music. "Hey," he said. "Why didn't you ever come hang out with me?"

She laughed. "As if you would ever want that."

"You have no idea. I missed you so much."

She looked at him. "But what about-"

"I've thought about it. I was wrong. What happened... I shouldn't have let it ruin our friendship. I've missed you so much."

The next morning, Courtney's head and body hurt like hell. Ugh. Who knew alcohol could be so deadly? "I am never drinking ever again," she mumbled to herself before pulling the blanket over her head.

A guy was there with her. He watched in amusement as she was rolling around in her bed obviously trying to get rid of the sick feeling inside her stomach. "You know, you'd feel a lot better if you just threw up."

She quickly brought the blanket down to glare at him. Bad idea. Looking at the smirk on his face made butterflies come to an already upset stomach. "It's not happening," she replied with confidence before the blanket back over her.

"Hey. Give me your hand."

"Why?"

"Don't you trust me?"

"..." Eh, what the hell. She lifted her hand out of the blanket and felt as he dropped two pills into it. What? She took the covers off of herself again and observed the drugs before giving him a strange look.

"It's for your headache. It's aspirin."

That makes sense. "Thanks," she mumbled as she swallowed them. She looked over and saw another bottle of pills. "What's that one?"

"That," he said. "Is sleeping pills. You're going to need a ton of sleep." He got up to leave.

"Wait," she said.

He turned around.

"I meant what I said."

He was silent before saying, "I love you too."

"Would you stay, please?"

And then one thing lead to another, and exactly one month later, Courtney found out was pregnant. However, we're getting ahead of ourselves.

For a whole month, Courtney spent most of her days in his room. He had a feeling that she still wasn't comfortable facing everyone so he'd go down and bring back food for her. Then, they'd watch tv. They were like an old married couple. And it felt nice.

One particular morning, he woke up and smiled when his arm found a sleeping Courtney. He was afraid that one night she would decide she still couldn't fully trust him and would go back to her room in solitude. He knew that if she did that, she might never come out again and that meant he'd never get another chance with her again. He took a second to admire her. She looked peaceful not thinking about being lonely... About all the problems that he caused her...

"Good morning, Courtney."

She slowly opened her eyes and smiled when she saw him. "Good morning."

"So, what do you wanna do today?"

She paused to think for a moment. "Actually, I was thinking about maybe hanging out with Bridgette today. You know, if Geoff isn't hogging her."

"You mean like how I'm hogging you?"

"Except nobody notices that."

He chuckled. "Alright, I'll try to distract Geoff. I love you, Courtney."

"I love you too."

When Courtney got back to her own room to freshen up, she started feeling strange. At first, she dismissed it as butterflies. Until she threw up in the toilet. That's weird. I didn't think I drank that much last night. Wait. I didn't drink at all last night...

She looked at herself in the mirror trying to figure out what was going on. After all, people don't throw up for no reason. Was it something I ate? What did I eat? Lately, Courtney's been feeling a lot hungrier than usual. Poor guy had to sneak down to the pool multiple times to get food because for some reason, it was never enough for her. She always figured it was due to her PMS symptoms. Except her period never came.

"...Well shit."

Geoff and Bridgette were casually sitting by the pool side, and surprisingly, they weren't making out! Instead, they just gazed lovingly into each other's eyes. Ew.

It was during that time that Courtney decided to show herself at the pool. Nobody really blinked. It's what Courtney did. She'd hide for days and then come out for maybe a few hours before hiding again. Where the hell is Bridgette? She scanned the whole area until her eyes rested on a blond ponytail. Bingo. She rushed over towards them.

"Hey, Bridgette, I need you like now," Courtney said in a rush.

Bridgette broke her gaze from Geoff before looking up at Courtney. Looks like someone's finally out! "Hey, Court! Why don't you sit down and relax with us?"

Courtney had to stop herself from stomping her feet. There's no time for that! "Look, Bridge, I really need to talk to you... It's really important."

This time, Bridgette was able to pick up the panic in Courtney's voice so she kissed Geoff on the cheek and took Courtney to her bedroom.

"Wait," said Bridgette trying to process everything that Courtney said. "So, you slept with him? And now you think that you might be pregnant?"

Courtney nodded slowly before hanging her head down in shame.

"Well," said Bridgette walking into her bathroom. "There's only one way to know for sure." She stayed inside for a minute before returning again and handing Courtney a package.

A pregnancy test? "Why do you have a pregnancy test in your bathroom?"

Bridgette smiled nervously at this. "I may or may not have had a false alarm recently and may or may not have wanted to have an extra one lying around just in case it happened again." Courtney just stared at her in disbelief. "Enough about me! Go do your thing!"

A pink plus sign. Oh dear god...

"So," Bridgette responded nervously. "I guess congratulations are in order."

Courtney just stayed silent while staring at the plus sign. What have I done?

"Hey, don't worry. I'm sure he'll be excited too."

Will he? She thought back to everything they've been through together. While the past month was nice, it couldn't erase everything that's happened before. He hasn't been there for me when things got tough before. Why would he do it now?

"I don't think he will," she responded honestly.

"You don't know that! Maybe-"

"Please don't tell anyone about this. Especially him. Promise me, Bridge."

Bridgette sighed. It's her life. "I promise."

Courtney thought the universe was finally giving her a second chance with him. Now, looking at the pregnancy test, she realized that she could never be with him. No matter how hard she tried, life would always pull them back apart. She was trying to fight the inevitable. They never belonged together. It was just a fantasy.

And she never saw him ever again.

PRESENT DAY

"I couldn't stay on the show with a kid," Courtney continued. "And I couldn't tell him about the kid. It's one thing to confess that you both love each other, but it's more permanent when you realize that you have a child together. And I didn't know how serious this relationship was to him. Besides, I didn't want to ruin his life with my problems so I just kept silent.

"Anyway, I couldn't tell the network that I was pregnant for two reasons. One was I was off a season so I was hoping that they would cancel the show and that I could go home before showing. The second was that I was afraid that they would make me get an abortion. I wanted that baby to have a better life than I ever could. So, I decided to wait it out. But, of course, this show just happened to take forever. I was about four months along when I heard the rumor that the show wasn't even close to finishing. So I had to leave the only way I knew how. By asking the sixth person."

Then, somebody knocked on Bridgette's door.

TO BE CONTINUED