This one is...interesting ;)

Elena felt lost. Lost in her own head, in her own body—not physically lost. She knew exactly where she was in that respect. She just didn't feel like herself anymore, kind of like she was just watching herself go through the motions.

She woke up every morning in her bedroom, downed a blood bag before school, went to class, came home, drank some more blood, then went to sleep. She had been on repeat for weeks, ever since they got back from their mission to kill Silas. Everyone looked so worried about her, and all it did was piss her off. Caroline seemed to be avoiding any talk of the supernatural around her. Bonnie was walking on eggshells. Jeremy kept conversations light and short, not daring to ask if she was okay because he knew how much she hated that question. And there was Damon…

She'd been ignoring his calls ever since they got back. She just wanted to be alone, and she knew that he'd never grant her that privilege. That was why she locked her windows and doors at night. Just in case he tried to come over, which he had, he'd get the message loud and clear.

Elena just couldn't bring herself to be around him when she wasn't really herself. That was the girl he fell in love with, and she just didn't feel like her anymore. It was ironic; Damon was the one that brought out the girl she used to be before her parents died, but this time, all he did was make her feel guilty, like she shouldn't be different or act different because nothing bad had happened, at least in his eyes. But something bad did happen.

She had killed somebody.

And she didn't know how she was going to come back from that. Sometimes she felt okay with the thought. Her inner demon would roar that she did the right thing for survival, and she believed her. If she hadn't killed Shane, Bonnie would probably be dead.

But then her conscience comes in and scolds her, shouting that she could have knocked him out or done something less harmful. Shane didn't have to die; he was just a grieving widower and father driven to desperate measures by the pain that Elena understood perfectly.

Long story short, she was warring with herself, and there was only one thing that seemed to make it stop, even just for a few seconds.

Blood.

Every time she fed, the stress melted away and she felt like she could breathe. Her clouded mind cleared right up and all she could feel was a sense of fulfillment. Her hunger was satisfied for a while, and she felt tiny shreds of happiness stringing together to form real emotions.

But as soon as the bag was empty and she was out of blood, the feeling fled and she was left with the same dark guilt as before. It was consuming. It made her mind race with thoughts of any family Shane had that would never see him again all because of her. She was the one that took his life away when he didn't deserve it. If she could take it back, she would in a second, but she can't. She would have just knocked him unconscious instead by slamming his head against the rocky ground. Or she could have tried harder to restrain him.

She hated thinking about it because there was nothing she could change now.

She killed him, and she had to live with it.

The only problem was that she didn't know how.

It was late. Probably around five or six in the morning. Maybe that made it early, but she had never gotten to bed, so she stuck with late. She could see the dark blue almost black sky shifting to a slightly lighter blue on the horizon from where she was perched high in a tree in the woods overlooking the falls. Her heel hit the trunk every time she swung her leg, and the bark was uncomfortable against the back of her head, but she ignored it.

This was the only time she got to have to herself. If Jeremy wasn't home under the disguise of doing homework when really he making sure she didn't snap, then Caroline or Bonnie were over. Damon comes over every once in a while, but doesn't stay long when she doesn't say a single word to him. She doesn't say much to anyone, really.

Her heart was screaming that by ignoring him she was hurting him, and true as that may be, it wasn't enough to make her feel okay about the fact that she murdered a human. Even if she did talk to Damon, all he would do was try to convince her that it was okay, but it wasn't. It shouldn't be, either. She shouldn't feel okay about killing anyone.

That was why she was stuck. She knew that it was wrong, but everyone else seemed to think it was right. They didn't think about what it would do to her as a person; all they could see was a problem that she eliminated, and what could possibly be wrong with that?

"Only everything…" She mumbled to herself in annoyance.

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket with a text from Jeremy asking where she was. The last thing she wanted was to go home and get treated like a mental patient about to snap. She wasn't going to snap. She just needed time to sort through her thoughts and feelings and come to terms with the fact that she was now a murderer.

No big deal, right?

She scoffed out loud along with rolling her eyes, and as the sun broke the horizon she twisted her ring around her finger. It was freezing outside, but the sun would soon warm things up. It was now early February, so there was still a bit of winter ahead, but with the snow melted already it felt as if spring was right around the corner.

A noise from several hundred yards away caught her attention. She chalked it up to a couple of deer until she heard voices. She wondered why there people out this early in the middle of winter, but shrugged it off. They sounded like hikers talking about navigating through the woods.

Her stomach rolled with hunger that seemed to be present much more often than when she was human and she sighed, knowing she should go home. Not only did she need to feed, but Jeremy noticed she was gone. He would only worry, and she didn't need to give them all a reason to keep her on lock down. It's wasn't like she was suicidal.

Standing up on the branch, she brushed off her jeans and stepped off. She fell gracefully to the ground nearly fifty feet below her and landed lightly. She could practically taste the blood she had at home. She had a bag of O negative that was calling her name. Wistfully, she remembered what it was like to feed from actual people that time she'd been at Whitmore with Damon and Bonnie.

Nothing could ever compare to the euphoria of fresh blood. She loved everything about it. Finding the right prey, luring them in, watching the moment they realized that she wasn't human and fear took over…she could taste the adrenaline in their blood, and it was like pure heaven. Her mouth was watering just thinking about it. Maybe she and Damon could go out soon and do it again, assuming he was still talking to her whenever she pulled herself together.

Or maybe she could just have a little taste right now…those hikers were still close enough to hear. One man, one woman. She knew how to compel and control herself. It would be a piece of cake.

Without giving it a second thought, she sped off in their direction. Feeding from humans didn't even hurt them anyways. She felt it when Damon drank from her the right way; it was indescribable. Few things had thrilled her like that.

She would just tap their veins and drink a pint or two, then she'd compel them to go home and rest and be on her way. Easy as that.

When the couple came into view, Elena flashed in front of the man first and compelled him. "Don't move, don't scream." Then before the woman even knew what was happening, Elena compelled her, "Don't make a sound."

Elena pushed the woman's hair away from her neck and removed her scarf, tossing it the ground. The gentle thrumming of her carotid artery was calling to her, just begging to be torn into. Feeling her fangs drop and her eyes tingle, Elena glanced at the fear raging in the woman's eyes but she felt no remorse as she ignored it and sunk her teeth into her neck.

Blood gushed into her mouth, the woman's heart pounding rapidly from the pure fear she was feeling and it was sending all of the blood straight into her awaiting mouth in mere seconds.

All of Elena's guilt and pain vanished into thin air, making way for the elation that lately eluded her. She gripped onto it tightly and drank greedily, feeding the hunger that burned hotly deep inside of her. The monster inside of her growled possessively over her victim, and it urged her to keep drinking.

She needed more. More blood would fix everything. When it was fresh and hot like this, it made her forget why she was even hurting in the first place. It took away all of the bad and invoked everything good. Her body sang with satisfaction, a stark contrast to anything she had felt for days. There was nothing else that mattered besides her and the blood, and she would do anything to keep it coming.

When Elena's main blood source suddenly stopped giving her the blood she craved, she zipped over to the other source mere feet away and buried her fangs in his neck messily. She guzzled his blood down like an addict that had gone days without a fix. It coated the inside of her mouth and slid down her throat, reawakening her senses and revitalizing her body.

Everything was better with fresh blood.

And she didn't want things to ever go back to the way they were.

Gasping for breath, Elena released the man when there was no more blood left to drink and immediately her senses went into overdrive looking for the next blood source. She closed her eyes and groaned when she realized that there was no more human blood around. A few squirrels, but she couldn't keep that horrid sludge down.

Her fangs retracted and she wiped the blood from her mouth with the back of her hand. Not much had dripped down her chin; she was far too greedy to let any go to waste.

Then her eyes caught sight of the lifeless bodies on the ground.

Horror washed through her, squeezing around her heart and making her stomach twist with disgust. Her mind refused to believe what had just happened. It couldn't be true, could it? She listened for their heartbeats, and the reality that there were none felt like every awful thing that ever happened to her all wrapped up into one scenario and thrown in her face.

If she thought she knew pain before, she was wrong. This was pain.

And then, suddenly it wasn't.

The pain seemed to dull until it she couldn't even remember what it felt like. Her tears stopped falling, and the cold breeze quickly dried them until her cheeks stung from the cold. Eying the bodies lying bloodied and dead on the ground seemed barely worth a second glance.

What had she been so upset about?

Feeling her phone buzz once again in her pocket, she pulled it out only to find another text from Jeremy asking if she was okay.

Why wouldn't she be okay? Hell, she was great! She was a vampire! She could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted! She didn't even have to worry about some parental figure trying to stop her!

A smirk curling at the corner of her mouth, she texted back, I'm fine, just wanted some air. Don't wait up for me tonight, xoxo

Did that even sound like her? She shrugged and shoved the device back in her pocket. She eyed the two bodies distastefully, considering whether or not she should bury them. It would take quite a while, and she didn't have a shovel…she was in the middle of nowhere anyway, nobody would ever find them. And even if they did, that was what animal attacks were for, right?

She blew out a laugh at the thought of Mystic Falls having to cover up another vampire attack. Bless the soul that coined the term 'animal attack.' Without them, this place would be a ghost town.

Practically skipping with excitement for what was to come, she made her way back to town. Bars didn't open until at least noon, right? That meant she had a while before she could have her fun.

Damon reluctantly put one foot in front of the other, a brand new bottle of bourbon dangling from his hand as he trudged down the path he had gone out of his way to avoid.

Cemeteries were always depressing as hell. Seriously, would it kill someone to make it a little brighter and livelier? Dead people in general were depressing, but he had no one else to turn to.

He never wanted to remember his loved ones by a rock in the ground. He had always preferred to skip the funeral and hold onto the memories he still had of when they were alive and well, living life and having a good time. Not when they were dead and deteriorating, their bodies preserved by some god-awful mix of chemicals while strangers stared down at the oddly colored corpse.

Or in his case, gray and veiny and bleeding out of their chest.

He grimaced at the memory and sat down on the stone bench, the coldness seeping through his jeans and sending a chill through his body. He sighed and cracked open the bottle, knowing he was going to need a few shots just to get himself started.

After gulping down a few good mouthfuls, he capped the bottle and set it next to him. Then he forced himself to looked down at the polished stone marker and smiled to himself.

"Damn, Ric, thanks for leaving me to take care of all the kids. I gotta give you credit, you made it look a hell of a lot easier than it is."

Jeremy was doing about as well as your average teenage boy could be doing, which was actually pretty damn good given the kid's life.

Bonnie and Caroline were alive, which was about as much as could be expected from him.

Damon didn't even want to get into Stefan, because that was a can of worms he wasn't quite ready to loathe himself over.

Last but not least, as always, there was Elena. His little kitten was what inspired this trip in the first place. With her lost in thought and grief, he hadn't known what to do with himself.

That sounded so awful once he thought it. It wasn't Elena's fault she was hurting, and while it killed him, she wouldn't let anyone help her. He didn't know if it was pride, or some kind of downward hate spiral where she was trying to isolate herself, but she wouldn't listen to a word he said. She'd never ignored him like she was now, even after he killed her brother. She had been pissed then, maybe a little hurt, but she forgave him. This time around, he didn't even do anything and he didn't know how to help her.

He was never good at all of that 'talking' shit that his brother seemed to be an expert on. He didn't know the right things to say or what to do in a situation like this. He had spent so long not caring about anyone but himself that he quite literally didn't know how to care about another person.

Caring means building relationships, and relationships mean expectations. Need he go on?

But with Elena…it was easy. She didn't expect anything from him that he couldn't promise to give. Now, it felt like he was alone again, and he found that he truly hated it. He had a taste of what being in love for real was like, with someone that genuinely loved him back, and without that…well, there was just no point.

He knew Ric was gone, and not coming back. He was his drinking buddy, partner in crime, go-to sidekick for fighting evil vampires, and best friend. He missed him like hell, but if talking to a rock was the only way to spend time with him, then he'd do it.

It was already dark outside, so he was just sitting in the pitch black. Elena had texted Jeremy earlier that she was going to be out all day and probably night, and while her behavior had him worried, he knew she wanted to be alone. If his unanswered calls and texts said anything, it was that he shouldn't track her down either. Was that what he was supposed to do in a situation like this? Let her be? Normally, he would've been sniffing her out like a bloodhound and dragging her back to the house to force her to talk until she was over it.

But was that really going to help her? Or just hurt her more?

He let out a long breath, tipping his head back against the tree. The sky was littered with stars, all twinkling softly next to the crescent moon.

Caroline had called him earlier today. Something about asking him if he saw Elena to tell her that they were releasing lanterns for all of their lost loved ones. He could have sworn they'd done that before, but had shown up for the hell of it. He didn't dare show his face; he just watched as Barbie, Witchy, the Quarterback, and Little Gilbert named everyone they'd lost before lighting up a paper lantern and letting it fly into the sky.

He scoffed, "Floating lanterns in the sky… You believe that?" He had listened to Vampire Barbie give this whole speech about them. "Japanese lanterns—it's a symbol of letting go of the past. Well, here's a newsflash." He uncapped the bottle again and took a swig, this time leaving it open. "We're not Japanese."

He rolled his eyes at the memory, wondering just how high the cliff Blondie was dropped off of as a baby was. He was glad he didn't go. Throwing a flaming heap of paper into the sky wasn't a way to honor those they'd lost. The only way to do that was to actually talk to them. Maybe keep a picture of them around. Hell, he didn't know, but it definitely wasn't with some lantern.

"You know what they are? Children."

Hence, why he was left with 'the kids.' They had no idea what it was like to live as long as he had and the kind of grief he's had to go through. Their menial issues were nothing. Caroline lost her father? Well at least she had one that loved her. Bonnie lost her grams? At least she knew her grandparents. Jeremy lost two girlfriends? Try dying for the woman you love then being deceived by the ancient bitch for a century and a half. That hurt a hell of a lot more than losing two people that actually cared about you. And Donovan—at least he still had a mother.

"Like lighting a candle is going to make everything okay, or even saying a prayer. Or even pretending that Elena's not going to end up just like the rest of us murderous vampires. Stupid, delusional, exasperating little children."

Another shot down the hatch.

"And I know what you're gonna say… 'It makes them feel better, Damon.' So what? For how long? A minute? A day?" He looked down at the headstone covered in short burned out candles and dried out flowers and shook his head. "What difference does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer, is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be."

He stood up and moved in front of the grave marker, downing a few more gulps of bourbon, then added, "And a rock, with a birthday carved into it that I'm pretty sure is wrong."

He rolled his eyes and turned away, returning to the bench. He sat down with a heavy sigh and let a few long moments of silence pass before continuing.

"On the bright side, I got the girl." A smile tugged at his lips, imagining Ric's reaction. He'd give him the whole over protective father speech for sure, but it would be done with a smile the entire time. Then they'd get drunk later and Ric would be blubbering about how happy he was for him and how he had to treat Elena right.

"At least I think I did." Damon said more softly. "She's not doing so hot, buddy. I don't know how to help her, or if I just need to let her figure things out for herself. All I want to tell her is who the fuck cares that Shane is dead, but I can't, because it's Elena we're talking about here. She's too kind and loving and caring for her own good."

Shaking off the negative thoughts, Damon grinned, "But I got the girl, Ric. Granted, your evil twin killed her and turned her into a vampire, but she still loves me. Has for a while, apparently. So go ahead, give me your speech about not hurting her and I'll pretend to listen. Hell, I'll even throw in a few promises too. I just gotta get her back first, and then you can lecture me."

The only problem was how he was going to do that. He didn't even know where she was let alone what she was thinking. He really needed to just talk to her and figure things out. He couldn't imagine that she'd be that hard to find. If she wanted to be alone, there were only a few places where she could do that and not have anyone find her.

Figuring he should probably get a move on if he was going to find her, he stood up and drank the rest of the bourbon until there was only a quarter of the bottle left. He held it up to Ric then dumped it onto his grave, "Here's to you, buddy. Until we meet again, either in this crazy life or the next."

"Woooo!" Elena cheered, raising her arms above her head as she swung her hips to the beat.

Countless whistles, shouts, and catcalls surrounded her and she basked in the attention, something she never would have done when she was human. Back then, she was weak, and insecure because her parents were dead. But now, she was anything but. One look at all of the men literally at her feet, dousing her with alcohol and it was hilariously obvious that she was hot stuff.

Dancing on a bar top never felt so good, and she didn't even need to compel the bartender to let her. He was pouring all of the drinks she was luring in, raking in the cash. If anything, he should be paying her!

The spine chilling guitar solo of some heavy metal song began blaring through the speakers and Elena downed the rest of her drink before tossing the glass into the hands of the awaiting bartender. She rocked her hips to the beat, swiveling back and forth as she slowly lowered herself to the counter and the cheers got increasingly louder.

It wasn't like she was the only woman in the bar, but she was certainly the only one the men wanted. It would make this next part so much easier.

"Who wants to buy me my next drink!?" She shouted with a grin, and almost instantly a drink was shoved in her hand as everyone cheered her on. She downed it in one go.

Looking through the crowd, she carefully chose her victim. He had to be hot, that much was obvious. No women; they're just not her cup of tea—at least for what she's planning on doing with her victim. No overweight men, no overly drunk ones either, and definitely no guys with piercing blue eyes.

Then she spotted him. The perfect looking guy, leaning against a high-top table near the back drinking a bottle of beer while watching her. He had light brown hair, shorter on the sides than on top, and a cleanly shaven face to expose his chiseled features. His eyes were a warm brown, much like her own, and his biceps were straining against his shirt sleeves. He'd do nicely.

She trained her gaze on him and pasted on the most seductive look she could muster up. When his smile grew slightly, she winked, then looked away.

When the song ended, Elena jumped down from the counter and slipped through the crowd, giving every attractive guy a look for future use. She reached her target that was standing alone at the table and sauntered up to him, her heels clicking on the floor as her jean-clad hips swayed seductively. She was only wearing a thin camisole on top, so her breasts were practically spilling out of the top, and she smirked a little when the man's gaze dropped to them for a split second.

"Can I buy you a drink?" She asked, flashing her sex eyes at him. It was so much more fun to toy with her prey rather than compel them. That way when they realized what a mistake they made, the fear in their blood was all the more sweeter.

He raised an amused brow, "You want to buy me a drink?" She nodded, placing a hand on his shoulder and pressing her hips against his. His heartbeat picked up just the way she wanted it to and he smirked, "You sure it's the drink you want?"

She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and dropped her gaze to his mouth, holding it there for a few seconds before returning to his eyes. Then she leaned in close and whispered, "You caught me. Meet me in the back alley in five?"

He smiled, eyeing her up and down, "Make it now, and you've got yourself a deal."

Oh, it was too easy, Elena thought evilly. She grabbed his hand and led him through the bar towards the exit by the bathrooms. As soon as they were outside, she had him pressed up against the wall and her mouth was on his. He quickly spun them around and she grinned against his lips at his attempt at having the control.

Clearly he'd never been with a woman that liked being dominant, no less a vampire.

She flipped them back around in the blink of an eye and caught his gaze, compelling him, "Don't make a sound." As her fangs lengthened and the skin around her eyes began to tingle, he opened his mouth to scream but nothing came out. He tried to shove her away to run, but she held him in place with both of her hands against his shoulders. Without a second's hesitation, she buried her fangs into his neck, slicing open his veins so the blood poured into her mouth. She drank ravenously, keeping his heartbeat in the back of her mind as she reveled in the feed.

When it started to flutter, she withdrew her teeth and pulled back, running her tongue over her lips to gather every last drop of blood. The guy was still struggling against her, though it was much weaker now, and she eyed the messy wound with casual disgust. She had to learn how to get better if she didn't want to always have to feed her victims her blood.

He was slowly dying, and she rolled her eyes. Such a waste of her time. She could be in there seducing her next victim, but instead she's out there having to heal him.

She bit her wrist and forced it against his mouth, letting her blood flow down his throat. When his wound started healing, she compelled him, "Go home and get some rest. You don't remember anything that happened tonight because you had a little too much to drink."

He started absently walking towards the parking lot and she slipped back inside to find her next blood source.

She repeated that process until she was sure she was drowning in blood. She was in a blissful haze where nothing could hurt her, because there was no reality. She was floating in a land of dreams, destined to stay there until she damn well felt like coming down. It was a high like no other, especially when she didn't give a shit about anything else happening around her.

She felt so light and free; for the first time since her parents died, she didn't have a single care in the world. Not even the lips of strangers pressed against her body could elicit a single ounce of emotion.

Sprawled out on top of a pool table in one of the private back rooms, a man was kissing her neck, laving his tongue over her pulse point while his wandering hands groped her breasts. She had one hand on the back of his neck, keeping him in place while her other was latched around the wrist of another man, bringing it to her lips to have another taste. This man was already covered in bite marks, and the sight awakened the monster within her, dying to feed and fuck and follow every primal instinct in her body.

That's why when the same man's other hand slid between her legs and cupped her through her jeans, she spread her legs and wiggled her hips to encourage him. Her shirt was bunched up around her chest, exposing her bra-clad breasts for the man fondling them, and the other was kissing her stomach, swirling his tongue around her belly button while rubbing her firmly. The other man latched onto her nipple, sucking it in his mouth and soon the other came up to lick her other one. She released his wrist to let out a deep moan, bucking her hips against his hand.

Why on earth had she never had a threesome before? Surely the Salvatore brothers would be interested; they were both in love with her, after all. She smirked evilly at the thought, and suddenly the two men trying to ravage her body just weren't doing it for her anymore. She knew what she wanted, and she was going to get it.