I hate to admit it, but during my moment of… well my complete freak out, I had forgotten that my dad was away dealing with releasing Connor and some other ugliness the Irish had caused. I'd also forgotten that he wasn't tasked to do that job alone, so my plan got slightly delayed, but I wouldn't let it be completely derailed.

That meant that I was sitting, curled with my face pressed against my thighs on the front steps when I heard someone chamber a round in their hand gun as they asked, "Can I help you?"

I pulled the hood off my head as I raised it up to look at him, causing him to call out a confused sounding, "Mia?"

I tried to discretely inhale more of his scent off the sweatshirt I was wearing as I stood up and unzipped it. Once I had it pulled off my body, I held it out to him and replied, "I keep forgetting to bring this back to you."

Juice ignored the hoody and instead caught my right cheek with his left hand. "Hey… hey. Why have you been crying?"

I shook my head then answered, "I just needed to return that to you. I'm… I'm fine."

"Mia, don't… Please don't lie… What's going on?"

I tried to shake him off again, but he wouldn't relent, so I finally broke down and said, "You heard about Tara, right?"

"Yeah, I was going to visit her in the morning."

"That's good. Really it is. But…." I shuddered out a sob. "I saw her… in her… in her office… with Jax. It was… so… horrifying."

He didn't hesitate to pull me into a tight hug when I shuddered out another sob. I tucked myself under his chin and made myself comfortable there. JC's hoody was completely forgotten and had been dropped to the ground, so my hands were free to grip his leather vest tightly. His hands instinctively started stroking my hair gently to try to calm me down.

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

I allowed myself the luxury of lingering in his embrace for a few more deep breaths before I forced myself to push away from him. "It's not y our fault, so there's nothing for you to apologize for."

Before he could say anything else, I turned away and picked up his hoody. I almost laughed when I heard him issue an annoyed scoff, but I didn't let it dissuade me. I moved over to where I had left my backpack and quickly unzipped it to pull out a leather bound journal. While I was crouched down, I allowed myself one more moment of weakness to inhale JC's scent off his hoody again.

"But after seeing it… I wanted to give this to you." I pressed the journal and hoody into his hands. Once he finally claimed them, I quietly said, "I'm so sorry, JC."

After I turned on my heel to leave, he caught me by the shoulder to stop me where I was. I couldn't bear to turn around because I was too afraid of what he might say or do. The whole me being a badass fighter as all just a front. When it came to me and JC, I really was just a scared little girl who was willing to push him away before he could reject me.

When I continued to refuse to turn and look at him, JC finally asked, "So? I don't get a say at all? You just get to shove this at me and say sorry then leave?"

"No…" I turned slightly to look at him out the corner of my right eye. "I just figured you wouldn't want to talk to me at all."

"Mia… you're…" He released my shoulder then finished, "You're the only person I wanted to talk to after I heard about Tara."

"Really?"

He looked at me like I was crazy as he answered, "Yes, really."

Fresh tears started to spill down my cheeks then. He moved to hug me, but I stepped away and sputtered out a laugh. "So not trying to one up you, but… There hasn't been a day since you left my house that I haven't had something I wanted to tell you. That's what's in the journal… every stupid thought, story or joke I thought you needed to know."

"Alright… good. Come inside and we'll read it together."

"JC… no… You read it, then decide if…"

He then silenced me with a kiss. This time when I melted into his embrace it wasn't because it was familiar. It wasn't because it felt good. Hell it wasn't because it felt so comfortable I could cry. No, this time it was what I wanted and needed to feel whole again.

"Please, come in. I don't…"

"I don't wasn't to be alone tonight either," I finished over the rest of his statement. He stared at me for a couple of breaths, so I nervously added, "I've been staying at my dad's place… or Gemma's… I… I haven't even been back to my house since… since… y'know."

"Oh, shit. Mia, I had no idea."

I shook my head and smiled as I admitted, "No one does. Dad thinks I'm just doing it to make him happy. Gemma… she just thinks she's appeasing Dad by babysitting me. But after what happened with Tara and with Dad being on the road…"

"No matter where you go it's an empty house."

I nodded and once again found that I couldn't make eye contact with him. I knew I should be embarrassed because he hadn't laughed at my confession yet, so he probably wasn't going to. But how could I ask this from him? How could I expect him not to push me away after all the times I had done that to him recently?

"Here, why don't…?" He stated as he took a couple of steps towards the door.

What are you doing here? I yelled silently to myself.

"No, I… I shouldn't…" I rushed over to my backpack and picked it up. "I'll go… I'll go to Tig's… or Chibs'… or Bobby's… I'm sorry, I shouldn't be…"

I couldn't finish that thought because it turned into a sob. I had to be going crazy to think that this was a good idea. No, that wasn't it because I hadn't had a conscious thought since I saw Tara covered in her own blood. Hell, until I heard JC's voice, I hadn't even realized where I was or how I got here. The fact that I could drive through town without really paying attention was so creepy and frightening that I actually started to shiver in my spot.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled towards my feet as I tried to make my retreat.

Tried being the operative word. Once I had my backpack in my hands, I turned with the intention of running back to my truck. What really happened then was I ran square into JC's chest. I nearly knocked him over, but he caught me and kept us both on our feet somehow.

I started to shiver, so he draped his hoody over my torso and then wrapped me in a hug. "Mia, I don't think it's a good idea for you to drive right now. Come inside and catch your breath at least. Okay?"

His vest had come undone, so I wrapped my arms around his waist so that the leather blanketed my arms too. His fingers started to comb through my hair as I stared up into his face. I wasn't sure what to say, so I just went up onto my tiptoes so that I could place a soft kiss on his warm, soft, inviting lips.

"Mia…" He whispered.

"I want… I just wanted to say thank you."

"Thank me for what?"

I ran my hands softly up and down his chest while I tried to put my feelings into words. I started tracing some of the patches on the front of his cut as I finally answered, "For being better than me. For not pushing me away."

"Me…"

I placed my fingers over his lips so that I could finish my thought. "Thank you for not giving up on me, like I…"

"Stop, Mia. Please just don't…"

My bottom lip started to tremble as I nodded quickly. He ran his thumb over my lip and stared down at my mouth while he tried to get my lip to stop moving. I couldn't tell if he just didn't want to speak or if he was trying to ease away my tears.

"Mia you were right. I needed time to get my head out of my ass and I had to do be on my own to do that." He started to run his hands up and down my arms as if to warm me up as he spoke. "You feel like you're freezing. Why don't we take this inside?"

I started nodding and answered, "Okay" before I could give myself time to overthink everything that was happening. I didn't even notice when he liberated my backpack from my death grip and wrapped his sweatshirt more tightly around my body before he turned to open the door.

"Can I get you anything? I still have that bottle of scotch…"

"No, thanks. I'm good," I answered as I lingered uncomfortably by the front door.

JC gently gripped my forearm and led me over to the couch, quietly offering, "I have cold beer."

"Really, I'm okay." As I sat down, he gave me a knowing look. I started to blush because I hated that he knew me so well and answered, "Okay… A glass of water, please."

"Water? Do you mean the hot kind with dried leaves in it?"

I sputtered out a laugh then replied, "It's okay. Just plain water is fine."

"Mia, I do have tea, you know? What can I get you? Chamomile or mint?"

"You…?" I stared dumbly at him for a couple of breaths. "I mean… mint would be great. Thanks."

"One mint tea coming up."

I sat down on his couch and pulled his hoody as tightly around my body as possible. I was still shivering, but I knew it had nothing to do with the temperature. No, this felt more like shock was setting in and I couldn't figure out why. The things I had lived through, hell the things I had done over the last two years to live were worse than what I saw earlier tonight. Why was that scene resonating so much in my mind? And in my heart?

I turned my head to check that JC was in the kitchen before I started to inch my way across the couch. This wasn't the place for me to have my inevitable breakdown. JC didn't deserve that from me. More than that, I hadn't earned it from him. I should just…

My thoughts faded away when my right hand landed on JC's leather cut. He had this habit of throwing it on his couch until he went to bed. That's when he would hang it on a hook beside his bedroom. When I asked him about that habit, he said that way it was easy to grab on his way out the door, while also keeping it close and secure. I almost pressed him further about that, but he didn't know that my dad had told me about the embarrassment of Juice having his cut stolen by the Mayans and I didn't want to let on that I knew about it. Up to that point he had already he had already told me about the day he woke up dressed in only a diaper with a cardboard sign stapled to his chest asking for someone to adopt him, co I was willing to let him save face… for now.

I smiled as I ran my right index finger over the patches that would lay over his upper chest because I wasn't supposed to know all of their meanings. Dad was alright with me understanding the "Redwood" and "Original" ones, but the "Men of Mayhem" was supposed to be a mystery. JC, of course, had told me its meaning and how he had earned it. Then I used my 'powers of persuasion' to get him to explain Dad's "Sgt. at Arms" patch. Don't worry, I made sure JC fell asleep with a HUGE smile on his face that night.

A soft smile spread across my face at the memory of that night. But if I was being completely honest, it was the small impressions my teeth had left by his left should that kept the smile on my face.

I stepped out of the ladies' room in the clubhouse and check in both directions that the hallway was still empty. Dad, Gemma and Jax had given me the go ahead to use the weight room in the clubhouse, but that was only after I had promised only to do so when it was empty. OR if Dad and/or JC were present. I preferred to work out by myself, so the clubhouse being empty was the best time for me to get a workout in.

The coast appeared to be clear, so I made my way to the weight room… cautiously. I didn't have to have a negative experience to know that just because the hallways looked empty didn't mean that they truly were vacant.

"Mia?"

I jumped when I heard a voice call out my name from the office. Don't ask me why I was so nervous because it wasn't like I was dressed in skimpy clothing or anything. I had on a pair of black Lulu Lemon yoga pants paired with a purple sports bra and white, sweat wicking t-shirt. Yes, they were form fitting clothing, but that was just because I hated getting tangled in my own clothing when I was stretching before and after my work out.

I slowly turned towards the voice behind me and when his face came into view, I let out a relieved, "Jesus Christ."

"Nope," he replied with a dimpled grin. "JC still just means 'Juan Carlos'."

I stepped closer to him so that I could slap his chest (no that he could feel it through the leather of his cut). "Either way, you scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry," he teased as he wrapped his arms around my waist to pull me closer to him and deeper into the office. "I didn't know that saying your name would make you so jumpy, mi abejita."

"It's not that. I thought I was alone in here to workout, osito, so any foreign noise would make me nervous."

"Workout? Hmm… I know of a fun way to bun off calories."

He pulled me down to straddle his lap as he sat down on his office chair. I followed him willingly to chase his lips as he started to kiss me. He let me get comfortable straddling his lap with my hand on each of his cheeks so that I could have the illusion of being in charge of our make out session. Truth be told, JC owned me the second our lips touched and I would do just about anything to ensure I would feel the heavenly sensation of his lips against my flesh as often as humanly possible.

I only had a moment of pause when I felt JC's hands slip past the elastic waist of my pants and into my panties.

"JC…" I tried to warn him off, but his hands had fully cupped themselves against the flesh of my butt cheeks all the same. "JC… What…?"

"Shh…" He hushed me before he swallowed my question with a kiss. "I promise you'll like this."

I huffed out a laugh against his lips at that familiar argument. He, of course, took that as my consent to continue. Really, I WAS fine with him easing my pants and underwear off my hips… Well, I WAS until we heard a few voices drift down the hallway in our direction.

"JC…?"

"It's okay," he reassured me dismissively.

He turned his chair so that his back would be facing the window to the hallway. That mean that when I opened my eyes in surprise when I felt him lift himself off the seat to slip his own pats down past his knees that I got to see Chibs and Tig walk by.

"Oh my God…" I gasped out.

JC chuckled then said, "Wow, I've barely even started."

I planted my hands on his shoulders to try to lift myself up as far as I could off his lap. He kept trying to penetrate me, so I used my right hand to lift his chin and force him to make eye contact.

"We have to stop… Juice," I stated in a severe tone. "The guys are here."

He used my now slackened hold on his shoulder to pull me down onto him. The sensation of him claiming me stole my breath and any further arguments from me.

My forehead fell to his shoulder as a feeling of pure bliss warred with the anger I foolishly tried to hold onto.

"Baby…. Let me do all the work and they'll just think that we're making out."

I raised my head to give him an unimpressed look, but he used that to his advantage. He reclaimed my lips as he held my hips in place and thrust into me. I wasn't sure what it looked like from the outside, but this way I definitely wasn't using anything but my lips. He certainly was doing all of the other work and I sincerely hoped the chair back was concealing the wicked things that he was doing to me.

"Ohhh… Godddd…" I moaned out against his neck.

He huffed out a laugh replying, "Nope, still just your JC."

"Ahh… fuck…"

"That's the point."

Somehow, I found the breath to let out another laugh before I shut him up with a kiss. He continued the motion of his hips and as I felt my pleasure building, I half-heartedly joked against his lips, "I hate you."

His hips thrust up with a bruising force as he sighed out, "You love me."

That's when he pushed me over the edge. A low whine started in the back of my throat, so JC placed his hand on the back of my head to guide my face down to his shoulder. He didn't have to remind me of the last time we had to use discretion in the clubhouse before I bit down on the leather on his shoulder to muffle the scream of ecstasy trying to escape.

I lifted my head when I felt a hand brush a tear off of my cheek.

"Do you think they ever figured it out?"

JC placed the mug he was holding onto the coffee table so that he could stroke my hair as he sat down. "What we were doing in the office or where those marks came from in my leather?"

"I don't know… Either? Both?"

"Not that I can tell to the first and… well… even if they do, they'll never ask or say anything to the second."

I finally raised my eyes from where I was practically petting the bite mark to look at him and ask, "I should feel embarrassed by that, shouldn't I?"

"Only if you want to. Do you…?"

"No," I answered over the rest of his question.

"Good to hear." He then picked up the mug and passed it to me. He waited until I was sipping my tea before he pulled pout the journal I gave him and asked, "Can I ask you a question?"

I moved just my eyes to look at him and answered, "Of course you can."

He smirked the followed up with, "Will you answer it?"

I felt myself blush, so I tried to hide behind my mug as I replied, "I probably won't want to, but I'm sure that I will anyway."

"That' fair." He placed the journal between us on the couch cushion then put his hand on it and asked, "Your theory…? Do you really think it could work?"

I shrugged then honestly replied, "I don't know. But I put it in there because I'm really hoping it will."

"Do you want to test it?"

I nodded answering, "I wouldn't have shared it with you if I didn't."

"That's what I was hoping you'd say." He then moved the journal to the coffee table and gently removed the mug from my hands to place it beside the journal. I immediately folded my hands in my lap while I waited for his next move. He moved his right hand over both of mine as he quietly asked, "Is there anything we can…? I mean… that's if you want to do it together…? Umm…"

"It won't matter unless we're a team." I forced myself to turn my head and make eye contact with him. "And yes, I want us to be united on this… Well… not JUST this… but yes."

"So you forgive me?"

A few more tears fell as I swallowed a sob so that I could say, "You didn't do anything I have to forgive. It's me who should be…"

I didn't get a chance to finish that thought because JC practically pounced on me. While he reclaimed my lips, he pulled me down so that I was laying on top of him. I followed him without complaint because it would require too much thought and I didn't like where my thoughts were shifting to lately.

"I missed you so much."

JC smoothed my hair back off my face with both of his hands as he answered, "I could tell. You had a lot to say in that journal."

"Oh shit…" I tried to hide my blush, but he kept his hands on my head so I couldn't hide from him. "It was too much, wasn't it?"

"Not from you. I kind of wish I had one for you."

"I'm glad that you don't."

"What? Why?"

"I already know I was a colossal asshole to you. I don't need to read about it."

"Mia," he practically growled out. "You weren't an asshole. Like I said before, you were right about me figuring my shit out. Plus, if roles were reversed… well someone would either be dead or still in the hospital… But…"

"Someone is dead… by my hand… again. And I should probably go under the knife to make sure I fix my face."

I don't know why, but that comment made him release his hold on my head. I took the hint and quickly moved off his body. My intent was to move off the couch, but once I was sitting upright, I couldn't make myself move any further. The sob that racked through my body saw to that. JC instantly sat up and wrapped me in a tight hug. I didn't have the strength to push him away, so I just cried into his chest.

"I'm sorry you're hurting because you had to take a life to survive," he whispered against my hair. "But I'm not sorry you made sure that piece of shit won't hurt anyone else ever again."

"So you…? You don't think…? Think I'm a mmm…? Mmm…?"

"You aren't a murderer or a monster." He stroked my hair then added, "But you are probably over-tired. So, come one… Let's get you to bed so you can rest. If you still want to talk this all out in the morning, we can. Okay?"

He had me up and moving before I could say 'Okay'. At his room he passed me an old school, flannel PJ top to wear while I slept. It was my favorite article of clothing to wear a this so, so I was beyond elated that he kept it.

"You take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch."

I swiftly move to block his path to the door saying, "Please don't make me spend another night without mi osito."