2. Blue Planet, Part 1
"Bless Altean engineering," said Pidge, tapping at her console, "these are the same systems as the Castle. I'm not picking up any Altean readings in the Solar System."
"Let's try not to look like an alien invasion," said Keith. "We can land on the dark side of the moon."
"We'll be like just another brick in the wall," said Hunk.
"Enough with the 20th century references," said Pidge.
The Yalmor crunched onto the grayscale regolith.
"You sure you got the right side?" said Lance, looking out the viewport. "I can still see the sun."
"You know dark just means facing away from Earth, right?" said Pidge.
"Sure I do," Lance said unconvincingly.
"We'll take the shuttle to the surface," said Allura.
"Were you able to home in on Blue's signal?" asked Lance.
"No," said Allura. "I thought we might check wherever you found it last."
#
The shuttle chugged away from the Moon.
"Told you this thing wasn't big enough for all of us," said Pidge, crammed into the corner of the cargo hold.
"You guys should've stayed with Slav," said Lance. "Allura and I could've managed."
"C'mon, Lance," said Hunk, "everyone wants to see Earth as much as you do."
"Fine," said Lance. "But why does weird Shiro get to drive? I called shotgun!"
"Cause he's the better pilot," Keith said regretfully.
"Just get it over with," said Lance. "Can't this thing go any faster?"
"We could throw out some non-essential weight," said Keith.
"Guys, guys," said Pidge, "you're gonna wanna to see this."
"What?" Keith and Lance growled together.
As they gained altitude, the full Earth rose over the Moon's horizon.
No one spoke.
"It's beautiful," whispered Allura.
#
Lights blossomed on the surface as the shuttle crossed into nighttime North America. It tore into the ground and came to a smoldering stop.
"You nearly got us killed!" cried Lance, rolling out the hatch. "Gimme the keys, I'm driving on the way back."
"We were overweight," said Sven, exiting the cockpit. "We're lucky we didn't crash and burn."
"We're lucky the Garrison didn't shoot us down," said Keith. "We need to hide the shuttle before daybreak."
"Should probably do something about the impact trench too," said Pidge.
"Maybe we can borrow some tools at that farmhouse," said Hunk, pointing at lights in the distance.
"What?" said Keith. "We were supposed to land in a deserted area."
"Again," said Sven, "the alternative was crashing and burning."
"Spread out," said Keith. "Look for vegetation to cover the shuttle while we get Blue."
"Well, Sven got the desert part right," said Lance. "There's nothing here but dirt."
"Think I'll fix lunch while you guys get Blue," said Hunk, searching said dirt. "Don't get me wrong, food goo is fine, but you know what space doesn't have? Umu barbecues. You wrap the food in banana leaves, stack hot rocks around it, cover in more leaves and allow to gently cook over a few vargas. It can be pretty much anything: pork, seaweed, crayfish, rice..."
"I'm staying back too," said Pidge. "I'm going to see my family."
"Might as well check in with the ladies," said Lance.
"The mission objective is to get Blue so we can defeat Hira and go home," said Keith. "We can't afford to get sidetracked by social calls."
"My father and brother may be dead, in this reality or our own," said Pidge, voice quivering. "This is not a social call. Just because you don't have anyone doesn't mean…"
Keith looked away.
"Wait," said Pidge, "I didn't mean it like that…"
"Oh look, a car's coming!" Hunk said merrily. "Sure wish it had shown up before horrible things were said, but we'll gladly take the interruption."
"Everyone behind the shuttle," said Keith, manifesting the sword.
#
Headlights flooded the shuttle as the pickup truck skidded to a halt.
"Who's there?" called the driver, approaching on foot.
"I'm going out there," whispered Sven.
"Don't!" hissed Lance. "You have a weird accent!"
"And your friend has pointy ears," whispered Sven, walking into the light.
"What's wrong with my ears?" whispered Allura.
"Nothing," said Lance, "they're lovely."
The flashlight centered on Sven. "This is private property. You better get… Holgersson?"
"Good evening, Mr. Devall," said Sven.
"They said you were dead," said Devall, unmoved.
"Long story," said Sven.
"Garrison's cost me enough," said Devall. "Take your Star Trek prop and get the hell off my land."
"There's someone I'd like you to meet," said Sven, pulling Keith to his side.
"How much Garrison cannon fodder are you... Keith?"
Keith tried to make out the driver's features through the flashlight's glare. It didn't make any sense. "Father?"
"What kind of sick joke is this?" said Devall. "My son is dead."
"We should talk," said Sven.
Devall seemed torn.
"Come inside," he said at last.
#
Hunk reverently popped open the airtight lid. "And this... is ground coffee."
"It smells wonderful!" said Allura, tasting a pinch and spitting it out. "And tastes horrible."
"That's cause you have to brew it first," said Hunk, unfazed. "You can add milk to balance the bitter."
"Like from Kaltenecker?" said Allura. "Why would anyone waste it on coffee when you can have milkshakes? Speaking of which, when can we have milkshakes?"
"You better not be breaking anything in there!" Devall called from the dining room.
"No sir," Hunk replied, starting the electric kettle. "Just trying to introduce my alien friend to human culinary culture and getting her hooked on junk food instead."
Devall sat at the head of the dining table, eyes drifting back to Keith. He'd looked more Altean as a child, a tiny elf zipping through the house, but he'd grown into his human side. Stop. He couldn't keep thinking like this, this wasn't his Keith. Yet how many nights had he spent drinking alone at this table, begging for the chance to hold his boy one last time?
"Let me get this straight," said Devall. "Alternate realities exist."
"Correct," said Sven.
"You're here to get an ancient giant lion robot, which combines with other robots to make an even bigger robot, so you can defeat the bad aliens."
"Well, technically…" said Pidge
"Correct," Sven interrupted. "Broadly speaking."
"And you need my help."
"Only while we retrieve the robot," said Sven. "One quintant tops."
"The hell's a quintant?"
"A day?" said Lance, looking at Pidge for confirmation.
"I see," said Devall. "The answer is no."
"Mr. Devall, the training accident..." said Sven.
"If you want help, here's some free advice," said Devall. "Go home, care for those you love, don't get yourself killed."
"All due respect, Mr. Devall," said Keith, "this is the only way we go home. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a son, but I know what it's like to lose a father." He held Sven's shoulder. "I'm only here today because someone saw something in me I thought I had lost the day my father died. If you don't wanna fight, I can't blame you. But don't think you're protecting anyone by doing so. The Alteans are coming regardless. And I'll be fighting them, cause that's what my father would've done."
Keith walked to the door, the others rose to follow.
"That's a no on the coffee, then?" said Hunk, popping out of the kitchen.
"Have you guys ever tried mustard?" Allura said excitedly, eating a spoonful.
Devall slammed the table. "Keith… wait."
#
Devall watched the sun rise from the living room window. It was going to be one of those weird days.
Keith coughed behind him. "Um, thanks for letting us park in the barn."
"No problem," said Devall. "Tractor give you any trouble?"
"Hunk got the hang of it once Lance let him drive. He's finishing off the crash site."
"Just in time, too," said Devall.
"We'll take the truck to the caves and be out of your hair as soon as we can."
"Good," said Devall. "But there's no rush, I mean..."
"I'm heading out to the Garrison," said Pidge, walking in.
"Ooh, I wanna come," said Lance.
"I also have business there," said Sven.
"I'll get supplies for lunch," said Hunk.
"I'll join you," said Allura, wiping yellow off her chin. "We're out of mustard."
"Allura," said Keith, "we need you to activate Blue."
"Do you really?" whined Allura. "Perhaps in this reality you'll be the one to bond with Blue. A full circle kind of thing."
Keith glared at her.
"Fine," Allura said dramatically. "I shall not journey to the supermarket."
"Thank you," said Keith. "Let's move."
"Change of plans," said Devall, looking through binoculars. "Garrison choppers are swarming all over the cliffs."
"They must've picked up our entry," said Pidge.
"Woohoo, shore leave!" cried Lance.
Keith groaned. "Fine, do what you gotta do. I'll stay here and monitor the choppers. Stay in radio contact."
"To the mustard vendor!" cried Allura.
#
"For the ears," said Hunk, handing Allura a white bucket hat. "I borrowed it from Keith's alternate dad. Or is it alternate Keith's dad?"
"Why is everyone suddenly obsessed with ears?" said Allura.
"Yours are slightly pointer than human average," said Pidge.
"Oh, why didn't you say so?" said Allura, rounding out her ears.
"I keep forgetting you can shapeshift!" said Lance. "Home come you only did that once?"
Allura shrugged. "Guess there wasn't any need."
"Fair enough," said Hunk. "I'll just give it back to…"
"The hat stays," Allura said fiercely. "It's cute."
"Hunk," said Pidge, "I think the armor might also stand out."
"You're right," said Hunk. "My lucky shirt's back in our reality. We need to find alternate Hunk and steal his lucky shirt!"
"Wouldn't that make it a not-so-lucky shirt?" said Pidge.
"We should buy new stuff," said Lance, flashing Allura a smile. "Pimp our style."
"I don't think they accept GACs," said Pidge.
"Keith's clothes are still in his room," said Devall. "About time they did someone any good. Big man, Holgersson - I might have something that fits you guys."
The paladins looked at Keith.
He held Devall's shoulder. "Thank you, Mr. Devall."
"Hell, call me Trevor," said Devall, smiling grimly. "You're like a son to me."
#
"Pidge, you alive in there?" said Lance, knocking on the bathroom door. "More people want to freshen up for the ladies, okay? Well, actually just me, but looking this good takes time!"
"Guess you haven't had time in a while," said Pidge, opening the door.
"What's the holdup?"
"Chances are alternate Pidge has long hair. I'm not Altean, I can't just will my hair to grow back."
"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about the hair situation," Lance said seriously. "It looks like you cut it yourself."
"I do."
"Have you tried using the sharp edge of the scissors?"
"Not helping," said Pidge.
"Just a little humor to break the ice," said Lance, cracking his knuckles. "This may be my greatest challenge yet, considering Keith's dad probably uses 3-in-1 soap, toothpaste and drain cleaner. Luckily, I found this!"
Pidge frowned at the pot of golden jelly. "Quintessence?"
"Much more powerful," said Lance. "Keith's hair gel!"
"That's gotta be past the expiration date," said Pidge.
"Hair gel only gets better with age," said Lance. "Like a fine wine, or a fine woman."
Pidge rolled her eyes. "Preferably ten thousand years?"
"Precisely," said Lance. "I also got a Garrison beret."
"I don't think gel and a hat will make my hair grow."
"That is where you are wrong, my style-challenged friend," said Lance, massaging gel onto her scalp. "Garrison safety regulations require long hair to be held in a tight bun during operations… like so. Add in the beret, and casual observers will assume the missing volume is under the headwear. Listo."
Pidge touched her hair tentatively. "Lance, believe me when I say I never thought I'd say this: how do you know so much?"
"Life has taught me much," said Lance, brushing back his hair. "Also, I have way too many sisters."
#
The paladins walked to the truck: Hunk and Sven in lumberjack plaid; Lance and Pidge in orange-white uniform; Allura in ripped black pants and a heavy metal shirt.
"I always assumed you had an emo phase," said Lance. "I had no idea how emo."
"I had a hard time at the academy," said Keith. "I loved the flying, hated everything and everyone else. I think I was even more afraid of succeeding than I was of failing, if that makes any sense." He realized everyone had stopped to watch him open up. He sighed. "Just get in the truck."
"We're always here if you need a hug," teased Lance.
"I'll drive the Earth vehicle!" cried Allura, jumping into the driver's seat. "Is this the control pylon?" She grabbed the gear lever. "There seems to be a problem with the vehicle's crystal."
"It's a hydrogen engine," said Hunk.
"Liquid fuel?" said Allura. "How quaint!"
"Yeah," said Sven, "maybe we should let one of the humans…"
Pidge's hand shot into the air.
"...who are old enough drive first," he finished.
Pidge glared at him.
Allura seemed torn.
"We'd get to the mustard vendor faster," said Hunk.
"Deal!"
#
"How come Sven gets to drive?" whined Lance.
"Cause he's the better driver," sighed Pidge, sitting between them.
"How do you know?" said Lance. "Just because he aced flight school doesn't mean…"
Sven spun the car 180 degrees and came to a screeching halt.
"Wanna switch?" he said, smiling.
"Show off," Lance said through the smell of burned rubber.
Hunk tapped on the back window. "We don't have seat belts back here!"
Behind him, Allura clung to the cargo bed wall for dear life.
"Sorry!" called Sven, turning the truck smoothly around.
"There's a car coming," said Pidge.
"Quiznak, it's a Garrison buggy," said Lance. "Nobody panic!"
"We're not," said Pidge.
"Just went right past us," said Lance. "See? No reason to worry."
Pidge rolled her eyes.
The buggy stopped, switched on its siren, turned back towards them.
"They're on to us!" cried Lance. "Hit it!"
"And go where?" said Pidge. "The only thing on this road is the Garrison."
"The truck's slowing down," said Lance, manifesting the bayard. "Why are we slowing down? Did we blow a tire?"
"Put that away," said Sven, stopping the truck. "I'll handle it."
"Right, play innocent, good plan," said Lance.
"We are innocent," said Pidge.
The Garrison driver parked behind them and walked up to the open window.
"Problem, officer?" asked Sven.
The officer smacked a big wet kiss on his mouth. "They said you were dead, you bastard!"
"Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated," said Sven, laughing.
"Okay, that's not how I pictured this going down at all," said Lance. "Alternate Shiro is gay?"
"I'm pretty sure our Shiro was gay, too," said Pidge.
"What?" said Lance. "Why am I always the last to know anything?"
Pidge shrugged.
"Lance, Pidge," said Sven. "I'd like you to meet Adam. I asked him to meet us here."
"Could've warned us," grumbled Lance.
"Haven't I seen you around the academy?" asked Adam.
"Yes and no…" said Pidge.
"Long story," said Sven. "Any chance the three of us can get a ride?"
"Of course," said Adam. "Hop in."
Sven tapped the back window. "Hunk, she's all yours."
#
The truck lurched forward, braked hard, the engine died (again).
"This contraption is impossible!" cried Allura. "I am not an idiot. I can tear holes in the fabric of space-time with my mind - with my mind!"
"And trust me, it's super convenient you can do that," Hunk said soothingly. "This just requires different skills. You wanna keep the gas pedal steady at a low purr, then gently release the clutch."
"That's exactly what I'm doing!" roared Allura.
"Okay, okay," said Hunk. "Plaht City isn't far, maybe we'll just park here."
Allura surveyed the desolate waste, ominous black birds circling above. "I'm sorry, Hunk. Thank you for trying to teach me. Would you please drive us the rest of the way so we don't perish in the desert?"
"Yeah, I like that plan better," said Hunk, unfastening his seatbelt. "C'mon, I'll show you an authentic Earth breakfast."
#
Adam drove through the checkpoint and past familiar buildings. Alternate Garrison was reassuringly similar to the one they'd left behind almost a decaphoeb ago.
"Adam, sir?" said Pidge.
"Just Adam's fine."
"Do you know what happened to the rest of the crew of the Kerberos mission?"
"I knew I'd seen you before!" said Adam. "You're Sam's daughter, Katie, aren't you? Didn't recognize you with the hair. He's probably locked up in his lab, poring over the latest sample of what might be evidence of alien life but always turns out to be just really cool non-biological phenomena."
"Yep, sounds like dad," said Pidge, smiling so much it hurt.
"We're here," said Adam, parking at the officer's quarters.
"You two catch up," said Lance, "we'll check the lab."
"Okay," said Sven. "Just try not to bump into your alternate selves?"
"Alternate selves?" said Adam.
"Of course not," said Lance. "We're not stupid."
Sven's brow didn't unfurrow.
#
"Milkshakes aren't breakfast," Hunk said decisively.
"Says who?" said Allura, loudly slurping her strawberry shake.
"Um… everyone knows that!"
"Well," said Allura, "then everyone is missing out."
"And mustard doesn't go with waffles," said Hunk, wincing as she squeezed more on.
"Oh please, mustard goes with everything," said Allura. "C'mon, Hunk, you used to be the fun paladin. What happened to you?"
"But that's basically vinegar and salt, that can't be good for…" Hunk sighed and dolloped some on his waffle. "I've been trying weird stuff across the universe, maybe it's time to reassess the familiar."
"Now you're getting it," smiled Allura.
The diner waitress looked horrified as she dropped off the check.
"You got any money?" asked Hunk.
"Altean groggeries?" said Allura.
"Probably not," said Hunk, getting his tablet. "Let me just check my bank account… Yep, the password is always nachos. Done."
"Did you just steal money from your alternate self?"
"But is that really stealing?" said Hunk.
"Yes, yes it is."
"A question for the philosophers," said Hunk, taking a bite. His face contorted in regret. "Mustard does not go with waffles."
#
"The labs should be that way," said Pidge, trying not to break into a run.
"Relax," said Lance, "take in the view. Speaking of the ladies…"
A group of cadets crossed the hallway.
"Hey Pidge, looking cute," whispered Lance, pointing.
Long-haired Pidge was trailing the group, lost in her tablet. One of the boys broke off and matched her step.
"That's me!" hissed Lance. "Maybe we're friends in every reality."
"Hey Pidge, looking cute," said alternate Lance.
Alternate Pidge frowned and hurried her step.
"Let's go," said Pidge.
"Is it just me," said Lance, "or is alternate Lance kind of a jackass? Wait… am I a jackass?"
"Does it matter, Lance?" said Pidge. "We gotta go."
"Of course it matters," said Lance. "Am I?"
"Yes, no, sometimes," said Pidge.
"But I didn't mean it like that when I said it," said Lance. "We're friends, I was joking around. That's my team role, sharpshooter and funny guy."
"I didn't laugh," said Pidge.
"Quiznak," said Lance. "I am a jackass."
"Look," said Pidge, "I'm really glad going to an alternate reality and physically seeing yourself from the outside helped you have this epiphany moment and I really hope it leads to growth and change, but right now you're being kind of a jackass by keeping me from seeing my father who I thought was dead."
"Oh, right," said Lance. "Let's go."
"Lance?"
Lance turned and came face to face with his sister.
"Hey there, Veronica... long time no see."
"I saw you fifteen minutes ago," said Veronica, souring. "You said you had class. What are you doing?"
"Oh nothing," said Lance. "Just having a mature, respectful conversation with my friend Pidge, here. But she has to get to class, don't you Pidge?"
"What?" said Pidge. "I mean yes, yes I do."
"You're up to something," said Veronica, watching Pidge leave.
"Are mamá and papá okay?" said Lance. "Abuelo, abuelita, Marco, Luis, Rachel, Lisa, Nadia, Sylvio…"
"Everybody's fine," said Veronica. "Why are you acting weird?"
"Cause family's important," said Lance. "But sometimes they get on your nerves and you take them for granted, and when you realize how much they mean to you they're light years away."
"You feeling alright?" asked Veronica.
Lance hugged her. "It was really great seeing you. I gotta run."
"To class, right?" said Veronica.
"Yeah," said Lance. "I need to teach myself a lesson."
"That doesn't make sense!"