The next day, Severus sat, alone in his classroom, all students long gone. He watched the light dim and the torches burn out, until he was left in the cold and the dark.

Over the next few days, the hysterical feeling did not abate. He felt wild, he felt degranged, as if he was suddenly thrown into an alternate universe where everything was familiar, but nothing made sense. And under all that was one familiar feeling, guilt. He shouldn't have cursed Harry. He knew that. He was reminded every time he saw him limping through the hallways. Until he went off the rails, he'd actually really been enjoying talking with someone, eating with someone. It was with a hollow shame that he admitted to himself that he had never had that with anyone. Once, when he was a student, he'd had coffee with a girl. But was it, he was bullied as a child and hated as an adult. It was ridiculously foolish to attack the one person who had ever shown any interest in talking to him properly. He started to go to bed much, much earlier. He liked the stillness, needed the darkness. That's where he found himself, at barely half past five, when an owl softly announced herself at his window. He jumped up, allowing the familiar snowy in grabbing the letter.

"Professor- I'm sorry, again, about what happened. Would you allow me to reimburse you for that year without pay? I assure you, I had no idea that happened and would have taken any punishment over that. I'm sorry too that the evening ended the way it did. I had hoped that we'd build bridges, not make things worse. It was extremely foolish of me. I hope you're okay. Respectfully, Harry"

Severus was in such a hurry to reply that he merely scribbled on the back of Harry's note and forced it on Hedwig.

"Potter- lets meet tonight, 7pm? Same place. I won't curse you."

Harry confirmed immediately. It was beyond his wildest dreams that Severus would want to meet him again. He was aching to talk to the man though, what he'd said that night had bought up so many wasn't angry about the curse. He felt he deserved it. In fact Hermione had offered to heal the wounds instantly, but he refused. It was a penance, a punishment, and he had to endure it. He showered, changed and set off and quickly as he could, not caring amount the mountain of half finished homework he left behind.

He was there early, but, to his surprise, so was Severus. He approached the table cautiously, undeniably nervous. Severus has the good grace to be ashamed, although he didn't show it.

"Hello…" Harry said, sitting down hesitantly.

Severus nodded curtly, unsure of what to say. Suddenly he was tongue tied. Unable to quite remember why he wanted to talk.

"So I presume you wanted to talk about that reimbursement?" Harry asked. But Severus didn't want that. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was loneliness. But he wanted something else.

"I wanted to hear more of your apologies. I presume you weren't done."

"Oh. Right." Harry said, still a little bit jumpy. "Oh no, I forgot my list at the castle. I didn't think we'd need it. I thought-"

Severus opened his mouth to speak, but at the moment Madame Rosmerta came over, clearly remembering that the gargantuan amount of money spent the previous night and hoping for another, similar bill.

"Now what can I get you gentlemen? Having dinner I presume? There's a particularly fine wine..."

Severus cast a glance at Harry. Harry, who had become expert at dealing with such financially embracing matters (Ron really was very sensitive about such things) turned to him and said "will you allow me to treat you to dinner again? Start over?" He offered generously.

"That would be acceptable" Severus said, more to the table than Harry.

Severus also refrained from ordering any more ultra expensive wine, although Harry tried to insist. Madame Rosmerta was deeply disappointed.

"So…" Harry said. "Was there anything in particular you wanted to discuss?"

Severus sighed. This had probably been a stupid idea. What he had really wanted was to turn back the clock, back to when things were surprisingly enjoyable, when all he had to worry about was fine wines and listening to Harry apologize. But you can never go back.

"I was curious to know what else was on that list." He said slowly. "But if you don't have it, I guess it's a bit pointless." He stood up to go. To both their surprise, Harry grabbed him by the wrist. "Wait. Please. I can remember a lot of it. And...we can talk and...you know, if there's anything you want to bring up… you can- you can ask."

Severus stared at where Harry was still holding him. He sat back down. Harry beamed.

"Thank you. So. Uh. Let's see." He ran a hand through his already messy hair, frowning slightly. "I don't want to, you know...start us off in the wrong foot. But the main ones I remember are...pretty heavy."

Severus nodded. "I've already said I won't curse you."

"Well...do you want to talk about Buckbeak and Blacks escape?"

A flash of anger crossed Severus's face, but he tempered it. "How did you do it?" He asked simply.

"Used a time turner."

Severus nodded. "I was going to get an order of Merlin, first class for catching Black you know. Really would have solved all my financial problems from the year before."

"I'm sorry" Harry said, shoulders sagging.

"It's okay. " Severus replied, surprising them both. Harry looked up at him, a strange feeling in his chest, like he was expanding somehow. Severus was such a good man. Not easy, but good. Was it respect that bubbled inside of him? He wasn't sure. But he was so glad to be where he was, talking to who he was. It was an honor. Maybe that's what he felt. Honored.

From there the food arrived and they had a brief, strange, enjoyable conversation about it. They both concluded that it was not as good as the other night. Maybe the chief was angry with them for not ordering anymore gourmet wine.

From there they lapsed into a conversation about Harry's fourth year. Harry even made Severus smile, and when he did, his heart soared. It felt like such a win, such an achievement. They even spoke about dumbledore, his strengths and his weaknesses. Eventually, Harry was bold enough to say,

"You know, there another thing i've always meant to thank you for. Many but..one sticks out for some reason"

"Oh?" Severus said, arching one eyebrow.

"Do you remember...in my third year… i was really rude to you, again." He said awkwardly laughing to dispel the tension. It didn't really work. "And uh, you made Hermione Ron and I write an essay about poisons and how to detect them? You probably don't remember-"

"I do. Vividly." Snape cut in.

"Ah. Sorry. Well, i thought that was really good of you. I really needed to know all that stuff and well… in hindsight, it was a pretty gentle punishment."

Severus nodded vigorously, as if to say, "you think?"

Harry continued, feeling brave. "There were lots of times...lots of times when even you weren't very harsh to me. Like...that time… you know...you remember." He said, going pink.

"Potter even I'm not that good. What unforgivably stupid episode are you referring to now?"

"That timer that malfoy saw my head in hogsmeade and-"

"Oh god. I remember all too well."

"Yeah. Sorry…"

"Maybe you should apologize to Malfoy as well." Severus suggested. The look on Harry's face was enough to make him laugh out loud, a good, strong genuine laugh. Even though he was deeply repulsed by the idea, Harry couldn't help but smile. He could bask in that laugh forever.

"Perhaps not then." Severus said. "What about that unfortunate incident anyway?"

"Why didn't you punish me? You could have, even for just for being rude. But then Lupin

came in and you had that fight about the map and…"

But a darkness fell over Severus's face. Slowly he said "I don't want to talk about Lupin."

"Of course" Harry said, back peddling madly. "I just wondered. Uh, no matter, it's not important." And he jumped into another topic as quickly as he could. It worked surprisingly well. Severus had to make a conscious choice to move on, to not dwell in his anger. But he did it and the night ended only when they were kicked out. They walked back to the castle in silence, neither wanting to push the other too far. Harry surreptitiously snuck glances at Severus, sure he was being stealthy until-

The clouds parted and the light of the full moon hit the other man. His face was illuminated in a way Harry had never seen before, it made him glow. A soft breeze lifted his hair and his long body seemed to prowl through the night. Suddenly, without warning, it was the most beautiful thing had had ever seen. Beautiful enough to make Harry gasp. Severus wheeled around "what?!" He demanded looking panicked.

"Nothing" Harry said quickly.

"Potter" Severus growled. "If there's something-"

"There isn't. It's just, you know… I thought I saw something. The moonlight...it was a log. I saw it out of the corner of my eye and it surprised me. Sorry"

Severus chuckled, Harry's heart soared. "I know what you mean, I do that occasionally. Don't worry about it. It's good to be on your guard. I'm impressed that you even noticed there was a log back there."

Harry blushed. He hadn't, he'd just made it up. In no time at all, they were back at the castle, where they parted ways wordlessly. Harry was too wrapped in his own thoughts to even notice. Surely… surely that was just a passing fancy? It must just be hormones, he assured himself. But something told him it wasn't as simple as that. No, this suddenly made things make a lot more sense... That night, he slept soundly and deeply, dreaming only of soft black hair and milky, luminescent skin.

Things were looking better for Severus as well, although only just. Gone was the hysterical desperation, although he did feel a deep, uncomfortable need to see Harry again. Harry made him feel listened to. And appreciated. He blushed at the thought. But as one unruly class after another spoke over him, disrespected him, and ignored him, he decided he didn't care so much. But a week passed and there was no letter from Harry, no invitation to dinner, no more apologies. More than once, Severus picked up a quill to write his own invitation. But he could never quite put quill to paper. What was he to say? Demand more money, more apologies? That felt a bit rude, even to him. And so he made a big mistake.

"Detention!" He bellowed as Harry's cauldron bubbled over, sending a mass of students scuttling away from him, lest the green concoction make their shoes melt (again). "Did I not clearly state to ONLY stir counter clockwise? And that there must be at least three bats wings?!"

Harry held his tongue, but only just. He had done all that, he'd followed the book perfectly. And he'd taken notes! Draco and Pansy Parkinson jeered at him, Severus continued his barrage of abuse "I have never seen anyone worse at taking directions. Tell me boy, are you too arrogant or too stupid? You do realize, don't you Potter, that there are third years that could complete this potion in their sleep?"

With out waiting for a response he vanished Harry's potion, made him start again and spat "see me after class"

Harry was incensed. He took his rage out on his bat wings, chopping them so finely they were almost a powder. How could he?! Good god, the man must realize how hard he was trying. But he knew, deep down, he was a little distracted. He had been ever since their last meal. He couldn't concentrate when snape was around. His voice, his walk, his smell…. Even now, after just being awarded a detention from him, Harry watched his retreating back with barely concealed lust. Of course, at this very moment, Harry wanted to bend him over and fuck him so hard he couldn't walk, let alone bully Harry anymore. Most of his fantasies were a lot more gentle than that.

Harry tutted and went back to his potion. He must be going mad, he decided.

By the time class was over, he had worked himself up into a real temper. This potion wasn't any better than the last, in fact it was probably worse as it was still green but now let off a strange, skunk like odor. (Hermione's was blue and smelled distinctly minty, and he was ready to bet everything he owned that her's was the correct one).

At the end of class he marched to Snape's desk, positively shaking with fury.

"What do you want?" He snapped.

"Potter, you can't possibly be very apologetic about being rude to me, as you are clearly continuing to do so right now." Severus said, a sneer on his face.

"I'm sorry" Harry said, sarcasm bleeding into every word. "I just don't understand why I got detention, I thought you, as a teacher, were supposed to teach me. Why not try that for a change instead of just giving out detentions?"

Severus felt a flash of anger tighten his muscles and he was ready to bite back, an angry retort already on his lips. But he remembered what it was like after he cursed Harry and he pushed his anger down. He needed to save this.

"I have called you for detention because I needed to speak with you, and I have reason to believe that my owls are being intercepted." He lied. "If you don't want to, you can leave. Tell your friends I docked points or something."

It had the desired effect, Harry blushed furiously, the anger that was so strong just a moment ago doused into humility.

"Sorry…" he said sheepishly.

"And I didn't help you because you had entirely the wrong set of ingredients. Dried ravenswing instead of bat wing? You should know the difference by now Potter…"

Harry blushed again. So that's why the wings got so powdery….

"In any case, apart from that one (absolutely crucial) detail, you did well enough. It was fine apart from that."

"Oh. Good." Harry said, sheepishly. "So. Yes. Detention. When? And what did you want to speak about?"

Ah. Now he'd backed himself into a corner. He couldn't simply demand that Harry continue to buy him dinner, and he couldn't keep harassing Harry about the apologies… he had only one option.

"After your...frank confession the other night I feel the need to also...share some details." He said.

Harry was instantly intrigued. "Okay" he said, with obvious enthusiasm. "Can we do it Sunday evening?" Sunda was still four days away, but…

"there's the first quidditch game on Saturday and, well…" Harry explained.

"Of course." Severus said. "And I can't keep asking you to buy me meals-"

"Oh I don't mind at all!" Harry exclaimed. "I was actually thinking we could try somewhere new...although, uh…" he stopped short. Severus raised an eyebrow.

"There was one place I wanted to try. In France, but...you know I can't apparate and I don't have access to the floo network…"

He let the poorly veiled request hang in the air. "We can use mine" Severus said, although he was instantly suspicious again. Was this why Harry had wanted to speak to him? A long build up to a home robbery perhaps?

"Thanks!" Harry beamed. They made plans and parted ways, less sad than usual, more optimistic than they had any real right to be.

Harry had to run to lunch, but he made it. He slotted himself between Ron and Hermione, both of whom looked sympathetically at him.

"Not going so well with the greasy git?" Ron asked.

"It's...hard work." Harry said delicately. He didn't like concealing things from them, it was bothering him that he couldn't tell them about his feelings.

He put down his spoon suddenly and invited them for a walk. It wasn't hard to get Ron to skip class (especially "History of Magic") and Hermione had a free period anyway. They strolled gently down to the lake, the fall leaves reflected beautifully in its still surface.

He decided to start slowly. He opened his mouth, closed it again. They both looked at him as if he'd gone mad. Knowing nothing better to do, he just blurted it out. "I'm gay."

"Oh thank god for that" hermione said breathing a sigh of relief like she'd just been told she'd beaten cancer.

"Is that all?" Ron asked, rubbing a stitch in his side "Thank Merlin"

"What's all this about?" Harry asked, thunderstruck.

"Harry, the way you've been acting we thought there was something really serious going on." Hermione explained.

"Like you wanted to hunt He Who Must Not Be Named yourself." Said Ron.

"Or you wanted us to make some exceptionally dangerous potion again-"

"Or sneak into the forbidden forest-"

"Or become animagi like your dad-"

"Or steal from gringotts-"

"Or-"

"Okay! Okay I get your point" Harry said, laughing. "I'm sorry if I've worried you."

Ron and Hermione exchanged glances. "I wouldn't say we were worried Harry…" Hermione started. "I mean you seem fine. Honestly...you just kind of seem like you don't want to be our friend anymore" She said, suddenly examining the long grass, unable to look at Harry.

"What?!" Harry bellowed.

Ron shrugged. "It's true" he said "you don't really talk to us much these days. And I mean, we want to give you space and all that, but… well it's been a while since we like, hung out together, you know?"

Harry couldn't bare to look at them, instead he joined Hermione in examining the gass. "I'm sorry" he said, for what felt like the millionth time. "I do still want to be friends, I didn't know…" he stopped when his voice cracked. God he really was all over the place these days.

"It's alright. Really." Hermione said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It just means a lot to us, that you still want to confide in us"

"I do."

"And it's very interesting about you being gay." Hermione said, as if it were a juicy new fact from a textbook. "I would never have guessed. Do you have a type?" She teased. Harry laughed, but dodged the question, not quite ready to reveal his extremely specific, potions master based type…

"What about you two? Interested in anyone?" He asked. They both fell silent.

"We uh, we're dating each other " Ron explained, going pink. Harry's mouth fell open.

"Wow, I really have been an awful friend, I never even noticed-"

"No" Hermione assured him. "We're trying to keep it under wraps. We don't want the hassle of gossip and everything."

"Plus, the twins have got a bet on that I'd be dating hermione by the time I did my NEWTS. Don't really want to prove them right…" Ron said, going a bit pink. Harry laughed and they all settled under the large oak tree, spending a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon, as if they hadn't a care in the world. In fact, he had a wonderful few days with them, relishing their company and eagerly anticipating he upcoming quidditch match.