They popped out of the floo with a loud thud, Harry holding Severus upright. Severus wanted to to move away, to run even, to give Harry space. But it felt like his whole world, his whole self, was collapsing around him. He could barely stand under the weight of it all, let alone run.

"Come on, let's sit down." Harry said gently, leading them both down on the couch. But Severus broke away from Harry, irrationally afraid of what might happen if they went back there. He propped himself against the wall instead, "You should leave." he ordered.

"You must be joking" Harry countered. "Your clearly sick-"

"Go." Severus growled, his voice bubbling over with rage. But he was slipping slowly to the floor, legs failing him.

"Make me." Harry said, looking at the body now heaped on the floor. Instead he sat down too. He didn't dare get too close, even as sick as this, Severus was still a powerful wizard, but he leaned in, trying to catch Severus's glared at him. "I told you to get out." He snarled.

Harry ran a hand through his hair. "I can't leave you alone. How about I go get Madame Pomfrey? Yeah that sounds good. You can have me or Pomfrey. Who would you prefer?"

Severus closed his eyes. He couldn't have Pomfrey. Shed know instantly it was psychosomatic, know what he'd done...he'd be caught, thrown out of the school. Besides, he really, really wanted Harry. A wave of desire hit him so hard it, for a moment, overwhelmed everything else.

"You." He whispered, and Harry thrilled.

"Let's get you sitting down somewhere properly then." And he helped Severus to his feet, one arm around his waist. It felt so good. It seemed to fit perfectly. It made Severus feel small, but in a good way, in vulnerable, cared for, delicate way. He smiled. Harry deposited him on the couch, doing his best to make him comfortable.

"Now, do you have any nausea potions? I think you need one." Severus directed him to a cupboard and Harry retrieved them, honored to be allowed to rifle through Severus personal things, even if Severus was only a few feet away.

He administered it gently, spoke softly, did everything he could. Eventually, severus looked a little better, though he felt exhausted. In fact, his eyes were beginning to close when Harry said "shall i help you get into bed?" He knew he was pushing his luck with that one, but he had to try, mind filled with fantasies of crawling in next to Severus.

But this was too much for Severus "no!" he yelled, insulted and afraid, afraid of what he'd do. The possibilities for pleasure in his bedroom were far too numerous, too easy.

"Okay, sorr-" Harry said. "You should go." Severus ordered. "I can't leave-" "I am clearly feeling a lot better" Severus declared. He looked it, able to stand normally at least. "And while i am grateful for your help, i must insist that you leave."

"Okay…" Harry said slowly. He wasn't sure what to do, didn't want to leave. But Severus certainly looked well enough to throw a hex his way, so he thought it best not to argue. "Can we reschedule some time?" he asked hopefully. "Fine" Severus said, anything to get him to leave. "Just go."

And Harry did, mind reeling.

Life was certainly getting harder for Severus. In addition to be rejected, ridiculed and harassed by almost everyone, he now felt that they were right to do so, he felt that he was a monster.

He had never before had such strong feelings towards a student. Every time he saw Harry, his heart leapt, his mouth watered. He thought about him constantly. His whole body seemed to ache for him. He fantasized, over and over, about touching Harry. Relieved a thousand times those few, brief moments on the yet he knew that it was the worst thing he'd ever done. And so it was with extremely mixed feelings that he saw Harry linger at the end of class one day.

"Yes Potter?" He asked softly, sadly.

"Professor, i was wondering if we could reschedule our discussion?" Severus sighed, pretending to busy himself with the papers on his desk.

"I'm not sure if t hasta good idea.." He cleared his throat. "I'm not angry with you any more, maybe we should just leave it as it is…"

"I… I have so much more to say." Harry said, involuntarily taking a step forward. Severus shrank back, as if afraid of what he'd do if Harry got too close. "Professor…" He gulped.

"I have a theory about why you got so sick that other night, can i share it with you?"

Severus nodded slowly, a creeping horror settling in. Did he know…? Was this blackmail…? What had he done?

"I think… I think it was psychosomatic. I'm not sure if wizards really know, but there's this huge connection between your brain and boyd. How you feel...well it affects how you feel. And I think...the other night, in your case...extreme stress, anxiety…"

Severus felt the bottom fall out of his stomach, Harry clearly did know, he knew everything, he was just about to beg forgiveness when Harry said. "I think talking about the suicide attempt. I know it was a lot for you. And i appreciate it and I don't think i could bare to leave things as they are. You opened up and I...really appreciate that. I don't want to press you, don't want to make you feel ill, but…"

A tenderness overwhelmed Severus. As always, Harry was so so close to being right, but so utterly wrong. He clearly didn't know anything. The barest smile flickered around Severus's lips.

"But...I'd like to still talk, if we can."

Severus bit his lip. Surely there wasn't any harm in it…? He knew his limits now, wouldn't get too close, wouldn't make any more mistakes.

"Alright. But let's not do dinner." He said. He wanted to very much, he loved dinners with Harry. But they were far too much like a date for him to be comfortable with any more. He had to be careful, he didn't want to encourage his romantic feelings.

"Okay." Harry said, masking his disappointment with an over the top nonchalance that made him look a bit annoyed. "How about the room or requirements here in the castle. I'll set it up. Friday night? Usual time?"

Severus agreed easily, although his regret ran deep. His heart twinged slightly at the thought that there would never be another lavish meal with Harry, with divine food and sweet company. But he felt that this was a good compromise. He imagined a minimalistic, cold room. A conference room perhaps, with one long table and far too many chairs. He'd sit at one end, Harry at the other, many feet of glass and cold air separating them.

What he got was far different. That Friday night found him hurrying up the stairs. For once, he was late, having just completed brewing a collection of fever fighter potions for madame pomfrey. Finally, he found the room of requirements and hurled himself inside.

It was the most beautiful room, tastefully decorated in wood and velvet, showing no preference for any particular house but elegantly entwining both green and red. It had a distinctly Christmas feel, enhanced by a massive, floor to ceiling window, displaying looming mountains and drifting snow. To the side, a large oak bar stood. What it was lacking in bar staff, it made up with in variety, every imaginable beverage was displayed on its deep shelves.

Harry was sitting on a particularly fluffy couch, his feet curled under him and a whisky in his hand. This couch was also particularly notable. It was curled in on itself, in a large C shape, so that no matter where he sat, Severus was technically next to Harry. This wasn't in his plans at all, and he silently berated himself for being alone with the boy. Maybe dinner would have been better.

He perched himself nervously at one end. "Can I get you a drink?" Harry offered, standing. "I don't think they have anything that amazing. I have a theory that the room can't conjure anything over a certain price point. But there's some pretty good stuff here."

"Oh. Thank you." Severus said. He couldn't help it, he loved when Harry looked after him. It was truly the only times in his life when anyone did, and he clung to them. "What have they got?" He asked, standing and joining Harry at the bar.

"Lots. " Harry replied. "Want me to make you a cocktail?" He asked, grabbing a glass.

"Can you?" Severus said, marveling at this hidden talent.

"Sure. My aunts a bit of an alcoholic to be honest. I've always made martinis and things for her. I can make mojitos, margaritas, cosmopolitans...anything you want really."

"That's fascinating." Severus said, worried he sounded sarcastic when in fact he was very serious.

"Yeah? I'm glad you think so. I would have presumed you'd do a bit of that kind of thing yourself, you know, since it's so similar to potions and everything."

Immediately, Harry knew he'd said the wrong thing. Severus's eyes narrowed dangerously and a scowl marred his face.

"It is nothing like potions, Potter." he corrected. "Nor are potions anything like cooking, before you suggest that."

"Sorry. I just thought...you know...mixing things." He said lamely.

Severus snorted. "Ah yes, mixing things. But that's where the similarity ends. You use your wand with both transfiguration and the dark arts, would you really say they are that similar?"

"Ah. No." Harry admitted. "Sorry. Let me make you a Champagne cocktail." He offered.

Severus tutted. God the boy could be insufferable! He'd been in Severus's class for over six years! How could he still hold such an incredibly foolish opinion?

It was a relief really, an instant tonic to these pent up emotions he had been struggling with. He should have realized; a moment in the boys presence and he would remember how insufferable he was. He stalked over to the couch and threw himself down on it,

"Can i ask you something?" Harry said, still standing, looking pensive.

"Very well." Severus sid, his voice tight.

"Why do you teach potions? Why are you involved with them at all? Because you seem to be incredibly defensive about the subject. But you also seem to hate it at the same time…" He shifted nervously from foot to foot.

Severus scowled. The boy had an annoying knack for picking up on the very things Severus wanted to avoid.

"I started because i was good at it. Came very naturally to me, a bit like you and quidditch." He stopped, feeling a bit silly for equating the two, one being cool and sexy, the other being grossy, slimy and smelly. But he carried on anyway. "But the aspects i enjoyed were...I liked the feeling of discovery, of invention, of making things better. I took the job here to earn extra money. And then...well, with the war, i couldn't leave. I was never able to." He said stiffly. God, he wasn't used to people caring.

"I see… but you'd rather teach defense against the dark arts?"

"Ha!" Severus barked, even he didn't know if it was a genuine laugh or not. "No. I just think this school desperately needs a real defense teacher. I mean good god. In the last few years alone we've had dragons, dementors, basilisks, we are right next to the forbidden forest, we've got YOU." he said, building himself up into a lather. "And what kind of defense have we given you? Your first teacher was a basket case. Your second did literally nothing. Your third…" here he stopped "I'm not saying anything against Lupin... for now...but he really wasn't a defense teacher. He was a secondary "care of magical creatures" teacher, wasn't he? Think about only taught you about magical creatures, he doesn't know the first thing about defense!" He took a deep, shuddering breath. "And now you've got that awful woman, another one who does nothing but read from books….so no, Potter, i really don't want the job. But god it kills me to see you students against the toughest creatures imaginable with no training whatsoever."

Harry hid a smile. God Severus was a good man. He was aggressive, nasty and mean, it was true. But not an ounce of Harry blamed him for this any more. He clearly cared, possibly more than anyone, and he'd clearly been punished, certainly more than anyone. He found he was no longer ashamed to feel the way he did about Severus, in fact he was proud to know this man better.

"Well, thank you." He said, bringing over his drink. "The fact that you care is deeply appreciated."

"It's not" Severus snorted, "But i appreciate the lie." He said, taking the drink. Harry was close enough to smell now. Soft and citrus-y, but with a hint of something stronger, mainliner, like wood and hard work. Severus looked down. God, he was a wreck. This emotional ping ponging from lust to hate was exhausting. He didn't know who he was anymore. He used to know he was spy, a death eater, a hated, dispied teacher, a lonely, bitter man. And he still was. Sort of. But he felt as if he was splitting open, as if something was spilling out and something new was worming its way inside. And he kind of liked it, but it hurt, god it hurt.

Was it better to be alone, angry and sad? Or was it better to love his student?

Harry sat next to him, enjoying the silence. To him, it felt compainable and easy. Finally, Severus spoke. "What did you want to talk to me about anyway?"

"You were the one that wanted to meet, remember?"

Severus groaned. Oh god, of course he was, he was still working off that stupid lie. But Harry took the sound to be one of reluctance and said quickly.

"But we don't have to! If you don't want. Maybe we can build up to that...you know, talk about something else." Harry said hopefully. He cleared his throat, and asked timidly. "How...how was your day?"

God the boy was sweet. How badly he, wanted someone to go to at night, to ask him how his day was and make him drinks and buy him dinner and just fucking care…

He smiled. Harry beamed back.

"Awful. Yours?"

Slowly, remarkably, they descended into a real conversation. Not about past mistakes or regrets, but just about themselves their days. Each word was like a strong plucked on a violin, delicate, deliberate, achingly beautiful. Harry continued to make their drinks and somewhere around their third, Severus said

"Not all of my students have hated me you know." He said. He wasn't sure if he was trying to show off, or reassure himself or perhaps even broach a delicate subject…

"I'm sure they haven't. The slytherins all seem to like you don't they?" Harry said. But Severus pushed on.

"Some of them even sent me love letters."

"Really?! Sorry, i don't mean to sound so surprised, but…"

"I know what you mean. I'm always shocked. The nerve of them...it's usually Gryffendoors as well."

"Yeah?" Harry said, smiling and leaning in, expecting a good story.

"I can't tell you the amount of awful valentines days cards i've received, "anonymously"." Here, Severus even did air quotes. "Of course, it's very hard to send anything truly anonymously. Especially when they do things like an extremely complex anti-tracing charm, and then forget to disguise their handwriting."

Harry laughed. "And what do you do then?"

"Oh, it's this whole big thing. You have to report it to the school board, and they have a meeting with the family and then you have to have an escort with you when ever you see the student, you can't be alone with them…"

There was no mistaking it, a look of supreme disappointment crossed Harry's face. He tried to cover it up, but he had always been terrible at hiding his emotions, and Severus had always been an expert at picking up on them.

Regret flooded Severus like poison. Why did he say that?! He wasn't ready to do any of that. He wanted, needed his time with Harry. He knew he couldn't have all of him, but these small tastes were his only slice of happiness and he couldn't let go. Harry leaned back, seeming to crumble in on himself, in a moment of wild anxiety, Severus spat out.

"Of course, I probably should have been reporting these meetings as well. Especially if your going to keep plying me with alcohol."

Harry looked like he was going to cry. That was not the effect Severus had intended. He meant to emphasize that he hadn't reported them, that he wouldn't...clearly he need to be a bit clearer.

"Of course...with the school the way it is. With the war… there's no one really to report ot to."

Harry looked up, uncertain. He bit his lip, eyes wide and imploring. God it was sexy. Severus's mouth watered at the sight.

"And anyway, I don't feel the need...with you."

And suddenly, Severus knew he was saying something very, very dangerous, suggesting something deep, and dark, and illicit.

"Im flattered" Harry said, his voice husky. Harry smiled. He didn't dare push it any further, but really, he didn't feel the need to. He knew Severus needed time. They soon parted ways breathlessly and slunk into the night.

Harry was glowing. He was on fire. He was walking on clouds, he was so alive. That last conversation with Severus had made his mood soar. He wasn't fooling himself, they still had a long way to go. He still had a lot to apologize for, apart from anything else. But the fact that Severus trusted him enough to do something even slightly illicit with him. Well. That meant everything. Classes were going slightly better as well, although their current strategy was just to completely ignore each other when they met outside of their private conversations. Even Hermione commented on how well they were getting along, although she didn't know the half of it.

The Christmas holidays were almost upon them and Harry, as always had signed up to stay at the castle. At least, he was until he realized that Severus would not be there. He was gutted. After their last conversation, well, Severus was all he could think about. The man dominated his every waking moment, even his dreams were often of the potions master.

With a studied casual attitude, he removed his name from the list and headed to Grimmauld place with Hermione and Ron, almost overwhelmingly disappointed that he wouldn't be seeing the man for two whole weeks. But he put a brave face on and returned to Grimmauld place with the others, hopong at least to be distracted.

It was better than the summer at least. Kreacher had decorated, although badly, and the place had somewhat of a jolly feeling to it. Molly's cooking could be smelt from all corners of the house and Fred and George weasley delighted in setting off loud bangs and small explosions whenever they could. It helped, although every time he thought of Severus (which was often) his stomach lurched and his heart leapt. He couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts, to him.

All in all, it was a relatively uneventful holiday until December 22nd. Just before midnight the entire house was woken by screams. From the sounds of it, someone had knocked over the umbrellas stand downstairs, and of course, the portrait was awake and hysterical. Harry put on his glasses and flew down the stairs, passing a frantic Mr weasley trying to put a shirt on, and a terrified looking Ginny.

When he saw what it was, Harry went white with shock. It was Severus. Heaped on the floor, a pool of blood steadily growing around him, his face twisted and bruised, his body beaten.

"Ginny, get up stairs." Mr weasley ordered. "Molly- help me carry him. Harry, grab a blood replenishing potion." Harry ran up the stairs faster than he knew he could, taking three at a time. He grabbed the potions- and anything he felt would be useful. He was back before he knew it. They had stretched Severus out on the dining room table, the better to look at him. Mr and Mrs Weasley were frantically performing some kind of magic- far too advanced for harry to understand. But it seemed to be barely keeping death at bay, stabilizing him, not truly helping. They grabbed the potions and- "Harry, write to Madame Pomfrey." Mrs Weasley ordered. "Tell her she has to come at once."

Harry did, although he was shaking so badly he could barely write. The wait for her was intolerable, but eventually she did arrive.

Harry was told, multiple times, to leave but he couldn't. He had to help. He contented himself with doing simple things, like bringing clean bandages and fetching potions. He

was determined not to get in the way, but he simply couldn't leave.

Severus thrashed as madam pomfrey attempted to pour a potion down his throat. "Hold him still!" She commanded, and Harry rushed forward. "Not you" she snapped "your too young to see this."

But the Weasley's were no match for Severus, even both of them together couldn't hold him down. He pushed himself off the table with a force Harry never knew he had. "Fine!" She screeched "Harry-" She didn't have to finish, Harry rushed over.

" Pin him down" She commanded. Mrs weasley held his head still, Mr weasley had his shoulders. This left the majority of the body to Harry. "Shall i just…" he raised his wand "no!" they all yelled in union. "He's been overwhelmed by too much magic, any more could kill him." Pomfrey explained. "Hold him still!" She commanded shrilly.

Harry got on the table with severus, trapping his legs under his own and holding his chest down. Severus's small frame writhed under him, but eventually, Pomfrey was able to medicate. The moment she did, his whole body went limp, his head rolling awkwardly to the side.

"There." She breathed, "now Harry, really, go. He's stable now, all that's left is healing individual wounds and it's delicate work. You'll get in the way"

"I'll get a room ready for him." Harry said reluctantly.

"Oh. Yes I suppose that's a good idea" Mrs Weasley said, although for some reason there seemed to be reluctance in her voice.

It was a pretty convenience that the room next to Harry's was empty. He made a beeline for it. The main issue was dust, no one had made use of this room for several years. He swept, he changed the sheets, he emptied the cupboard (simply dumping the moldy old robes in another room). He even transfigured a bunch of old rope into some flowers (somewhat successfully- the texture was decidedly weird but they were nice to look at) and placed them in a vase next to the bed. By dawn, it was certainly, looking livable. The bed was a little small, and the blue wall paper was peeling and patchy. But the early morning light filled the room with a soft pink glow, and Harry cast an air freshening charm, giving the room a permanent smell of lilac.

He went back down. Severus was still on the table, although he seemed to be sleeping deeply. The Weasleys had gone and Madame Pomfrey was packing away her things.

"Ah! Harry, your up early. Good job you didn't get a room ready for him, I expect he'll want to be leaving soon."

"What?!" Harry asked. "He can't possibly be well enough for that yet,."

"No" She agreed sadly. "But that never usually stops him. As soon as he can walk, he's away. I've stopped trying to get him to rest. Although, he will be out for several hours, perhaps even a day. Maybe move him to the couch, im sure youll all want breakfast soon."

"I'll bring him upstairs, to a room." Harry said. "Hell stay then.":

Madame pomfrey raised an eyebrow. "You can't use magic on him you know. You'll have to carry him."

"I'll manage." He said, turning away so she wouldn't see him cautiously lifted him, he was very thin, but extremely tall. It would have been much easier to carry him over his shoulder but that seemed disrespectful. Instead he did it bridal style, one arm tucked under the crux of his knees, the other around his back. His head lolled onto Harry's chest and warmth spread through every part of Harry.

He got him upstairs, deposited him on the bed and hesitated. He clothes were covered in blood, but even Harry thought was going a little too far to strip him naked. He contented himself with removing his outer cloak and his shoes before placing a blanket gently over him.

He should go, but he hesitated. Their last conversation drifted to the front of his mind. Surely...Severus wouldn't mind that much if he stayed? And besides, the light was so beautiful on his face. The dawn smoothed his rough edges, sleep made him peaceful. With a slightly shaking hand, he brushed the hair out of his face.

He almost regretted it. It was such a strikingly intimate thing to do, his face was so soft, his hair so fine. But Harry went further. He cupped his check, feeling the angle of his jaw, the softness of his lips, the whisper of his eye lashes. Even the sensation of skin on skin was blissful. Not erotic, but peaceful, like this small connection somehow touched his soul. It sent shivers down his spine.

He didn't push it any further than that, instead he left quietly, closing the door behind him and slipping into his own bed.

Severus slept through all the next day. Harry checked on him multiple times, not letting Ron and Hermione's curious glances stop him. Late that night, perhaps even early the next morning, Harry wasn't sure, he was roused from a light sleep by a soft thud and a lightly uttered curse.

He sprang up and headed to Severus's room, nocking gently, but barging in anyway. Severus was on the floor, it appeared that he had fallen trying to get out of bed. Slowly he pushed himself on his knees and grabbed the bed for support. Harry rushed forward.

"I don't remember asking for your help, Potter." He said, but there was no venom in it. Harry helped him stand and tried to help him back into bed but-

"I need to go." Severus insisted, weekly. He managed to stay standing, although he leaned heavily on Harry.

"What? No you don't. Why?" Harry said. To be frank, he really whined it, but he was too proud to admit to that fact.

"There's no use me staying here, I can recuperate just as well at home."

"By that token, you can recuperate just as well here as at home." Harry retorted."Besides, it's the middle of the night, and it's Christmas!"

Severus closed his eyes, too tired to fight. "Potter…"

"How do you even expect to apparate, in your condition?"

"I've done it before, feeling far worse."

"I don't doubt it, but this is crazy! Let me take care of you."

His words hung in the air. Severus weighed them carefully. There was no reason for him to go home, alone, again. He was so used to it by now, it felt off not to, but… why?

"And besides… it… I mean, wouldn't it be nice to have some company? For the holidays? I'd like to spend some time with you…" He said, boldly.

"I have something for you. A christmas present" Severus said suddenly. Harry was beyond shocked, he was stunned. "Uh, i do too." He lied. "No you don't" Severus countered, smiling sadly. "Its okay."

"Well, I'll get something." Harry blushed.

"Will you ask Molly if it's okay? If i stay...I don't want to intrude…"

"Sure!" Harry beamed. Gently he eased Severus back to bed.

"Make sure you ask her… I don't want to be unwelcome…" He said, as he drifted off to sleep.

"Snape's staying for Christmas." He informed Mrs Weasley over breakfast the next day. the next day. She was so shocked, she almost dropped her toast.

"Really?" She asked.

"You've got to be kidding me.." Ron groaned.

"Oh mum no-" Ginny started.

"Yup. That's okay, right?" Harry said, over the grenal disgruntlement. assuming that it was. They'd have a massive problem if it wasn't.

"Of course, he's always welcome, but...well he's been welcome for the last twenty odd years. Never taken us up on the offer until now."

Harry ignored the objections of the others, and buried himself in his sausage and eggs. But something was bothering him. He didn't figure it out for quite some time, until breakfast was long over and Mrs weasley was charming the plates to clean themselves.

"Mrs Weasley," he said. "Can i ask you something?"

"Anything dear."

"Well. The way you and Madame Pomfrey talk...you act like, like you've always been open to professor snape and he's rejected you. But the way he talked, it's like the opposite, like everyone's always been really awful to him and i was just wondering...what the truth was."

She sighed, watching the plates clink against each other. "Oh Harry… it's a delicate subject."

"I know, but...I mean, it's important."

"Yes…" She cleared her thaor. "Some people have always been open to him. Others have been...exceptionally cruel and i think he's always had a hard time telling the difference."

"Who was that bad to him?" Mrs Weasley wouldn't look him in the eye. That alone told him everything. "Was… was it my dad?" He asked timidly. She nodded. "And the others. Black was probably the worst. Lupin wasn't so bad I think, but…"

"What happened?" Harry asked. She bit her lip. "I… I know its hard, but… I want an unbiased opinion. Everyone seems to either love or hate my dad and well, it's hard to...to know."

"A lot of people did love him. He was very brave." She said. "And...good at transfigurations. I...personally never found him to be funny." She said, looking at Harry, gauging his reaction. He kept quite still. "If you really want to know, let's sit down."

They walked into the front parlor and sat across from each other on threadbare armchairs, a rickety coffee table between them.

Mrs weasley started, looking at her hands, twisting her wedding ring nervously. "His humor largely derived from hurting other people. There were those he loved and would defend to the death. You and your mother amongst them. But…" She cleared her throat. "I wouldn't leave him alone with the children, personally."

"Why?" Harry asked, shocked, surely he wasn't that bad?

"I don't know." She said quickly. "I never had any real reason. But the things that he found amusing, i found disturbing. Him and Black particularly. Their favorite thing was to find house elves and trick them into doing something bad, so that they had to punish themselves, like giving them impossible tasks or changing instructions in the middle of a job."

Harry thought back. It made a sick kind of sense. What had Lupin said that one time? That they would have found it funny to lure Harry out of the castle to see him get hurt? And what about that "joke" they played on severus, telling him how to get into the whomping willow? James had saved him, but…

"What did they do to Snape?" He asked.

"Humiliation, mostly. I think he would have preferred a duel, he probably would have won. Maybe that's why they wouldn't fight him. I...Now Harry what i'm going to share with you is pure speculation, just an opinion. Don't leap to conclusions, or do anything rash."

"I won't" he protested, slightly offended.

"I think...and as i said this is just personal opinion. But i think..there was some amount of sexual...antagonism between them."

"What does that mean?!" Harry demanded.

"I don't know. All i can say is, he- James that is. Had a deep fascination with exposing severus in public. You know... Levitating him by the ankles and letting his robes fall open..." This too, made sense. Harry remembered his trip through Severus's pensive all too clearly. "And other things too. Grabbing him a lot, that kind of thing. And he made rather a point of dating any woman (or man. I dont think your father was gay or even bi, but for Severus's love life he made an exception.) that severus wanted." She sighed and looked sadly at Harry, her kind face creased in a frown.

"In many ways… Severus was the most important person in James's life. And perhaps James was in his too. Just, in an incredibly negative way. They fed off of each other, every bad thing, every fear, every insecurity...they magnified it for each other." She rubbed her jaw.

"I don't know what to make of all these things, Harry. I'm sorry i can't give you better answers. He was very good to the people he cared about, and to the people he didn't...he was very cruel indeed."

Harry nodded, feeling rather sick.

"I think we should leave it there. Why don't you have some chocolate, you look like you've seen a dementor."