There was a lump in Harry throat, but he swallowed it down. "Okay. Well. If you ever figure it out…"

"What else did she say?" Severus asked.

" she said… she was very sympathetic towards you. Had always liked you, even from a distance." Severus bit his lip, his eyes shining brightly. Harry wondered if he was going to cry.

"She said…" And here Harry paused, wondering if he dared. Severus looked up, his face twisted in concern. Harry decided that he did. "That he didn't strut."

Severus let out a hollow laugh. It wasn't much, but it was better than crying. Harry took another step forward. Slowly, cautiously, he pulled Severus into a deep hiug. After a moment, Severus buried his face in Harry's neck and coiled his arms around him.

"We still have a lot to talk about." Severus whispered. Harry nodded.

"For now, let's get you back into bed, you're freezing." It was true. Severus was still topless, and shivering slightly. Harrys top hung open, his muscular chest exposed. Harry walked him back to his bed, it was unnecessary, but chivalrous.

"Do you want to stay...for a little?" Severus asked, pulling the sheets up over his legs.

"I've made it clear what i want." Harry said boldly. "What do you want?"

Severus positively shivered with pleasure. He had never been wanted like this. It made

him bold.

"Stay. Get under the covers again."

Harry was thrilled to. They laid next to each other, looking into into the other's eyes and for a moment they stayed perfectly still. This was new territory. This wasn't reckless abandon, this wasn't lust hidden under a veil of respectability. This was honest, open interest. It was kind of scary.

To Harry's surprise, Severus started. "I do want you, you 's undeniable. You make me feel better, better than I've ever felt before." At this, Harry beamed. "There's just so much to get over…"

"Yeah." Harry said softly, his face falling.

"You're my student." Severus said, holding his gaze, testing him.

"I know. You're my teacher." He said, not looking away. "And it's...odd. I certainly never

saw this coming.

"If i do this, ill be taking advantage. Abusing you."

"No." Harry said, not quickly, but with a quiet confidence that soothed Severus. "Maybe if it was someone else. Maybe if it was someone else, some normal student. But, (and i know you hate this) but well, i am different. Different expectations. Different requirements. Look i don't have...much choice in my life. There are a lot of things i need to do, a lot of things that happen to me. But relatively few things i actually choose to do. Im not sure what I'm trying to say, but… I hope that makes you feel better."

Severus was at a loss for words.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is.." Harry continued "I know. We are teacher and student. And there's nothing we can do about that. And i want you anyway."

Severus smiled despite himself. But he said "Oh Harry...you're so young."

"That's actually something...you should know. Maybe i should have told you before, i don't know, but...but the truth is. I don't have long left."

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"There's this prophecy. Basically...i have to be the one to kill Voldemort-" Severus winced but said nothing. "And I'm going to die doing it. And, i mean, i don't have a date or anything, but...I'm not going to make it to 19."

Severus felt suddenly hollow. "Im so sorry."

"Don't be." Harry said, with a fasly bright voice. "I'm...at peace. I need to do it and I'm happy to lay down my life for others. But before then...I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you."

Severus looked at Harry, taking in his delicate nose, his strong jaw. Harry was right, the past could be forgotten. Severus felt a weight lift off his chest as he admitted that. He didn't want a future where he cursed himself for wasting what time he had with Harry. Wordlessly he gathered Harry up in his arms. Harry nuzzled his neck and kissed him gently on the check.

"Okay." Severus said. "Lets…" What? He realized halfway into the sentence. Date? Fuck? "Try." He said finally.

Harry pulled back just enough to look at him, his head now resting on his chest.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. But… don't just say it because now you know i'm going to die. Everyone does that. Get all sad and promise to be better friends with me, or whatever, when they first get the news. And then...things go back to normal. They get used to the idea. And that's okay."

Severus looked down at him, struck again by his beauty. "I'm not." He promised. "You make me happy. I...don't want to let go of that." Harry beamed.

They didn't say much more that night, but they didn't have to. They rested in each others arms, gently discovering each other's bodies as they dozed against each other.

Harry left early the next morning, before anyone could catch them together. But he couldn't wait to go back.

It was the best christmas he'd ever had. His stocking was full to bursting, the air was thick with merriment and song, each bite of food was better than the last. And to top it all off, Harry knew Severus was right up stairs. That was bliss.

They exchanged gifts, each of them thrilled. Severus received his trunk with pleasure, stunned t o learn that harry had noticed such a minor detail about him- he really did need a new pne. For his part, Harry received a sending stone. It was one of a pair, severus and the other and though it they could communicate. The fact that Severus had thought of this, even before this whirlwind christmas, was truly magical to Harry.

For the next two days, Harry was in heaven. Severus made a week excuse to stay at grimmauld place, and Mrs Weasley accepted it with a smile. None of the others minded as much as they thought they would, as he rarely left his room.

He and Harry were in love and though they weren't ready to admit it yet, they certainly acted like it. They spent most of their time in Severus's bed, giggling and talking, holding each other and kissing. Harry was slightly disappointed at how slowly Severus was taking their sex life, after their first night's passion, he had eased off significantly. But Harry wasn't about to push him, he knew it was caution and not dislike that halted the man and so he waited, happy to be patient, curled in Severus's arms.

Unfortunately, that time ran out quickly, and before they knew it, it was the day before the students were to return to school. Really, all Harry wanted to do was spend it snuggled up with Severus. He didn't know what it was going to be like when they'd returned to Hogwarts and he wanted to make the most of this easy access. But-

"Let's go to Diagon Ally." Ron, who had received rather a lot of gold (for him) for christmas said. "I'll treat you both to more of that hot ice cream."

They were both so excited, and Harry vividly remember that time by the lake, when they said they weren't sure if he still wanted to be friends with them….He had to go.

It was a particularly bright and sunny day. The air was crisp and new growth was just breaking through the frost kissed ground. Even Harry had to admit, eating his chocolate raspberry hot ice cream as they walked, it was nice to be in Diagon Alley.

"Oooh!" Hermione squealed, pointed to a large purple display in a shop window. There were easily a thousand books, all flying in a coordinated display. "It's that new book i was reading about-"

"You read about books?!" Ron asked incredulously. Hermione ignored him and continued.

"'tricks and charms of coordinated enchantments!' I'd forgotten it had come out! Let's go in and get a copy."

"Oh Hermione, you'll be ages in there. Let's go to Quality Quidditch supplies first."

She tutted. "We're already here Ron. I'll only be a minute. Wait here if you want to."

She hopped to the door, that special spring in her step that meant she was about to start a really good book. And then it happened. Something truly unimaginable. A sound like roaring dragon, a flash of green light. A thousand screams. And Hermione fell to the ground. There wasn't a scratch on her, not a cut, or a bruise. But she was she was limp and cold on the pavement.

There was screaming all around them, total pandemonium and chaos, someone stepped on Hermione fleeing the shop. Harry grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder, her body limp, her head sagging.

It was a nightmare getting through the crowd. People shoved and kicked, children sobbed. There were screams of "their dead! Their dead!" But Harry couldn't believe it. It felt like hours, it could have been minutes, he didn't know. But eventually he got back to Grimmauld place, although it felt just as hysterical there. Mr and Mrs weasley were screaming, Ginny was crying, and for some reason, Dumbledore was there, ashen faced.

Harry laid Hermione gently before him.

"Cure her." He said, in a panic. Should he get Madame Pomfrey again?

"Harry…" He said, his eyes wide, his head shaking sadly. "She's gone."

"She's fine." Harry said, although he was shaking so hard he could barely see. Or was that the tears? "YOU HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED." He screamed.

"We don't have too. We know already. In the alley...it was a bomb. Somehow, they made avada kedavra into a bomb."

"No." Harry said, although by now his face was wet with tears. "No she's fine. Look at her."

"There's no point Harry." Dumbledore said, stepping over her and reaching out to Harry, trying to comfort him.

"Don't you dare." Harry said, pulling out his wand, although he wasn't sure what he was going to do with it. "Look at her."

"I won't give false hope Harry."

But he didn't need to. Behind him, Severus bent down, cradling Hermione's head in his hands. When he looked up at Harry, his expression told him everything. Finally, Harry believed them. She was gone.

Ron let out a scream and crumbled against the wall, holding his stomach like he'd just been punched. Harry merely stood, shaking and crying. He had to concentrate on breathing- that was the one thing he was capable of, he couldn't even think. His whole body trembled so much he was amazed he was even standing.

Someone, he wasn't sure who, walked him into a different room and sat him down. He didn't care. Someone else pushed a hot drink into his hands, he let it burn him.

This was too much. It simply couldn't be. What would he be without Hermione? Hermione was everything, Hermione was his best friend, his savior. How many times had she got him out of stupid situations? And he'd never told her, never really, thanked her properly. He started laughing. Was that to be his curse? To never recognize how much he needed his friends- until it was too late? It was so much like Black it almost killed him.

People were talking around him, but it didn't make any sense. He stayed, locked in his world of grief and pain. He must have stayed there a long time, because eventually, he was walked upstairs and laid down, a blanket laid over him and the door shut softly.

But this was repulsive to him. He had spent too many nights there already, looking up at the same ceiling, immobilized by greif, hating himself so much. Without thinking he stood, and went next door. No one was there, but he stood anyway by the window and looked out. The moon was bright with stars, cold and clear, but Harry couldn't see it. He stood there a long time, not really seeing or understanding anything, merely existing.

Then a door opened behind him. "He's in here." said a low voice. Severus. Harry wanted to turn around, go to him, but he couldn't. He was too overwhelmed.

The door closed and there was muttering- even some raised voices. But after a time, Harry didn't know or care how long, It opened again, and Severus reentered. He was breathing slightly heavily, but Harry didn't have the energy to ask why.

He took Harry by the hand and lead him to the bed. Gently, lovingly, he stopped him and then wrapped him in warm pajamas. His touch awoke Harry slightly and let out a long, shuddering breath. Severus looked at him sadly. Cupped his cheek.

"Im sorry." He said simply. Harry nodded, closed his eyes, nuzzled Severus's hand.

"Do they know what happened?" Harry asked, so quietly Severus had to take a moment to try and understand what he said.

"They were able to use avada kedavra as a mass spell. There was one sucide death eater in there. He set it off."

"Who?"

"McNair."

"Good. How many…"

Severus sighed.

"56." Harry wanted to he said "They must have known so many students would be there." Then a horrible thought struck him. "Were there other students that died?"

Severus couldn't look at him. "Why don't you sit down." He said.

"Just tell me don't make me wait just tell me." Harry said in a rush, his eyes suddenly wide.

Severus understood. Better to pull the bandaid off quickly. "Cho chang. Both the creevey brothers. Neville's grandmother. And i know you won't be sad about this but...Pansy parkinson."

"I am sad for her." Harry said, and he clearly meant it because his voice broke.

"Come on." Severus said sadly. "Get into bed."

They both did, Harry clinging to Severus like a lifeline, Severus unable to sleep, watching the room as if some deep, terrible thing was about to leap up and take Harry.

Harry didn't return to school the next day, none of the students did. He didn't know what was going on. But he knew he was glad to wake up next to Severus. The man's warmth seemed to seep into him, it felt like he was keeping him alive, keeping him in this world somehow. Harry breathed deeply. He spend days like that, basically comatosed, Severus seemingly holding him together. His whole body seemed to ache with the weight of his grief.

He awoke one morning, the sunlight streaming in, Severus propped up just slightly with a book. Harry nuzzled him.

"Do you think i'm pathetic?" He asked suddenly. Severus was so shocked he almost dropped his book on Harry's face. Not only was it the first time he'd had spoken in days, it was also the most bizarre question.

"No!" Severus said, looking at Harry as if he had two heads.

"Good."Harry said, hiding his face again. But-

"You need to eat." Severus commanded. "Molly bought some food up."

Harry sat up slowly, and then jumped about a mile.

"Wait, so did she see? Does she know-"

"Everyone does." Severus said.

"How?!"

"Uh. Well. After…" He tried to put this delicately. "After you got back from Diagon Ally, you were in shock. But you were acting...oddly. Clinging to me, basically. I was just about able to explain it away...until you showed up in my room. That sort of...tipped everyone off. I'm surprised you don't remember at least some of it, there was quite a fight."

Harry vaguely remembered loud voices behind closed doors. "Im sorry. I've caused you such trouble…"

"No." Severus assured him. "Things have actually settled down. A bit. Dumbledore's come around, actually. They've even moved all of my classes to the afternoon so i can spend the mornings with you."

"Wait has school started?" Harry asked.

Severus suddenly looked rather worried. "Yes. We told you, but..." He bit his lip. "I've been worried about how much you've...understood recently."

"I've been really out of it."

Severus nodded. "There's something else...you deserve to know."

Harry braced himself.

"Granger- Hermione… her funeral was yesterday."

Harry's eyes stung with tears, he hunched over, hugging himself.

"Thank you for telling me." He said. "Was it…." He struggled for words. "Enough?"

No, Severus thought sadly, it would never be enough. But "It was beautiful. Lots of people spoke. Many friends. And...and some scholars. Some of her favorite researchers and authors"

By now harry had tears dripping off of his face "She would have liked that." He managed to say, his throat burning. And once more he hid in Severus's arms.

But even he knew he couldn't hide for ever, tempting as that was.

"I'm not sure i want to go back. To hogwarts." He said one morning, hed started to become more...aware, in the last few days, things coming into focus just slightly. Severus looked at him curiously.

"I thought you loved it there?"

"I do." Harry said. "More than anything. But...I've been thinking. About what you said, remember? A long time ago about the defense teachers? And...really it's not the place for me. I don't need to know herbology and astronomy. As...as much as i would love to. I need to know defense. And curses and how to fight."

Severus nodded.

"I think...I think I want to get private tutors."

Severus mulled it over. God it was a waste. Even now, in bed with Harry, he wouldn't say he was a bright student. But he loved hogwarts, he was the quidditch captain, he… he deserved to be there. And yet.

"That does make sense." Severus admitted. And as little part of him hoped that maybe, just maybe with enough training, he'd be able to beat the prophecy.

"Hey, do you want to massage my back?" Harry asked, cheekily. "My whole body hurts for some reason."

"You've been in bed too long" Severus admonished lightly.

Harry limped slowly back to normalcy. It was like his arm had broken and he'd allowed it to heal, but badly, so that it was pointing the wrong way. That's how he felt, functional, but distorted.

He went forward with his plan of tutoring, and actually secured a good defense teacher for a change. No one suggested that Severus teach him, which they were both grateful for. And suddenly Severus and Harry were not teacher and student, they were just...people. Severus found it a lot easier. He was able to really see Harry as an equal.

They still slept together every night, although they had magically enlarged the bed. One evening, Severus gently stroked Harry's chin and tentatively bought their faces together. It was the first real kiss they'd shared since christmas. Severus wasn't sure if Harry would be ready, but he leaned in, hungry and needy. He pressed their bodies together, and rolled Severus on top of him. He parted his legs wide and they became one, each falling more and more in love with the other.

And so it continued. At night, Harry melded with Severus, during the day he studied, hard enough to make hermione proud.

Untill, that was, one rainy morning in March, Severus found Harry curled up in an armchair, trying to master defensive runes.

"Harry." Severus said, sitting down next to him.

"Yeah?" He said, barely looking up from his work.

Severus took his hand, stroking it gently. He didn't like beating around the bush and so he said it bluntly; "You need to break up with me."

"What? No." Harry said, this was more than enough to get his full attention. Had he gone mad?

Severus had to close his eyes against Harry's piercing gaze. His whole body sagged under the weight of it.

"Please. There is no other way. The dark lord… He found out about us. It's a miracle it took this long, frankly, everyone knows. He wants me to lure you to him. I can't refuse. The only way forward is this. We have to wipe my memory of this conversation, and then you have to break up with me. That way… That way I can say that i tried, that i lost your trust, and he won't be able to read my mind to tell the truth."

"You could be killed for that. You will be crucio'd at the very least."

Severus nodded. "Better me than you though."

"No."

"Please don't argue." Severus said, almost pleading. "I don't want that to be our last...there's no other choice."

"Yes there is. I accept his invitation."