Harvey spends the next two weeks working on his defense. Even though he said he didn't want any help everyone in the firm is helping him with nothing but indifference or insults in return. Harvey's mood during those weeks were the worst ever and if these people weren't as loyal as they are, he would be alone in his own hole. Everyone try to be comprehensive about the situation he's dealing with. Donna appeal to their empathy to convince them to not give up on him even when she was taking the worst part. He's been drinking a lot and not being able to catch much sleep, not to mention he had at least four pannick attacks during that time. One time Louis found him in the bathroom washing his face after seeing him running there. He could sense something was wrong.
- Harvey, are you okay??
- I'm fine Louis - He says while drying his face and get ready to leave
- Harvey stop
- What?
- I know what you are going trough and I know you canceled all your appointments with Dr. Lipschitz.
- Does it seem that I have time for that?
- Well you have to make time cause it's your own health, you're clearly not okay and as your friend...
- As my friend you better mind your own business - Harvey says while leaving the bathroom.
It is the day before the hearing. Half of the grounds have been taking care of, but there are some loose ends. Harvey is trying hard to look at them but his eyes can't keep open, he's falling asleep in his desk when Donna walks in.
- Harvey
- Hey - He wakes up
- Marcus called me. He says he's been trying to contact you since last night but you don't answer your phone.
- I don't even know where my phone is
- Call him from this phone - She says pointing out ad the phone next to him.
- As you know I'm busy right now
- Harvey he's worried about you.
- I'm worried about me too.
- Harvey - She complains
- Donna I don't have time - He says with his impatience tone.
- Well make some fucking time - She yells at him - cause I'm done with you treating everyone like shit when we are fighting like hell for you - She pauses. He doesn't think he had ever seen her more angry and he had seen her angry before. And he knows she's right, he knows it damn well, but he doesn't seem to figure any other way to deal with these stuff. - I just spent the last couple of days pulling every string I could to get Walter Samson out of the commité.
- Walter Samons? - Harvey asks
- Yes, the one who gave Anita Gibs his place for Mike's hearing and if you don't remember well you exceeded your manners with him trying to get something. Well he's not going to be there thanks to me. And neither Lola Jansen because Samantha sent her to Japan while Alex and Robert were taking care of Sidel. Not to mention Louis taking all your clients meetings. Each and everyone of us is busting our asses off and you can't even take one second to appreciate it. - Harvey looks down, he doesn't have time to reply cause Donna turned around the second she finished talking. Few seconds later his phone rings. Unknown so he answers
- Hi
- Harvey
- Sean?
- Yes, I'm talking from a disposable celphone.
- Why?
- I have good news for you
- What is it?
- I didn't call you before cause I ended up doing what Malik asked me to. So my name is off of the investigation.
- I can't see how that's good news. You sold me
- Good news is that my name is not even close of your case
- What the hell do you mean?
- One of the commite's member has been removed
- Walter Samson
- Him. How do you know ?
- Doesn't matter
- Well, guess who is going to take his place?
- I don't have time for guessing, Sean
- Why do you think I'm calling you from a disposable phone?
- But you're a federal prosecutor
- I was. I decided to do some work for the city.
- You stepped down?
- I wouldn't considered stepping down. I'm just doing the same job but in the DA office. I'm going to deal with other kind of criminals and I have better chances of having a promotion.
- Good for you
- I wouldn't have considered if it wasn't for helping your ass Harvey. As soon as I got the job I called my contacts and ask for the place. Now all I have to do is convince my fellow prosecutors that you are a good guy and Malik a vendictive son of a bitch
- And how are you going to do that ?
- Leave it to me
- Thank you Sean but unless is tomorrow and I have my license with my I'm not going to calm down
- Ok Harvey... just think about my gift. I've heard you have a Mustang that would look good on my garage.
Harvey spends the next hours trying to leave everything ready for the next day a little bit calmer after Cahill's call. Even though he trust him, he's still afraid of what the future holds. But he realize he had to make things right so he call Marcus.
- Hey- Harvey walks into Donna's office
- What is it Harvey? - She says, still mad at him.
- Guess who's gonna take Samson's place? - He says with a soft voice while sitting, bend, elbows on his laps. She can see he had change his attitude.
- Who?
- Cahill
- How's that possible?
- Apparently he's another idiot who's been fighting for an asshole like me - He smirks
- He is - She smiles in return - So that's amazing news. He's gonna be on your side.
- He is and says he will convince the others that Malik is a vendictive son of a bitch - a bigger son of a bitch - he corrects himself.
- Harvey... - Donna starts a speech but Harvey interrupts
- I'm sorry Donna... - he takes his fingers to his closed eyes, tired - I just... this has been too much for me and I'm just... tired - He says while opening his eyes and looking at her - The truth is I barely had the strength to fight this battle and I was afraid to loose the only thing I have left - he looks down.
Donna's heart melted. It always had a soft spot for Harvey and can't stand seeing him down. She doesn't even want to think that she is part of the reason because she knows she is.After a few seconds he stands up from his chair and goes to the door.
- Harvey... everything's gonna be ok... I know it - he looks at her and nods. Her reassurance is all he needs. All he ever needed.
The hearing day comes and it goes exactly as told. Thanks to Cahill, he doesn't even have to give so much explanation to the bar. He's let free. When he comes back to the office, he takes his time to apologize and thank everyone. They all offer a celebration with drinks but he passes the offer. Even though he feels calm, he's not happy. There's still a void that aches inside specially when he finds out that is the last week of Donna in the office and when he thought it was over, he has another panick attack that night. He takes some pills to sleep at night decides to take the next day off. Although he knows he needs to catch up on work, working under that circumstances wouldn't be much productive, so he decides to go visit his family. They don't talk about anything work related, he told them about Donna but asked them not to ask about it, so they don't. All he needed is to feel loved and find his place, a place where he can relay on, a place that always belonged to her. He visits his father later to share the usual whisky shots. Every time he would goes there he thinks about the questions his father would ask or the advise he would shared. He remembers his dad always encouraged him to fight for love, to take the chances. He feels guilty to not to be able to tell him he followed his example. Meanwhile at the office Donna is getting ready to leave. With a heavy heart she tries to find the strength to believe she was doing the right thing. She knows Harvey's absence isn't because he's tired, he never takes days off, and she hates that he's not there when the time they have left is too short.
When he comes back at home, he finds an unpleasant surprise outside his appartment.
- Harvey - Malik offers him a hand
Harvey looks at his hand not knowing his intention.
- What the hell are you doing here?
- I want to offer my hand and appologize, you won and I lost - Malik smiles
- You son of a bitch, you better get out of my way, the last thing I want is to see you smug face ever again.
- Oh come on Harvey I came here in peace to start fresh. We both know you wouldn't have been cleared if it wasn't for your friend Cahill. But let's put this in the past.
Harvey ignores him and keep walking on the street just a few meters from his apartment. Malik follows him
- Oh I went to apologize at your office and found out Donna was leaving. - Harvey tries to ignore him cause he knows what he's trying to do. - She's moving with Thomas Kessler- Harvey's impulse are on the edge after that but tries really hard to not to let it go - I mean a part time actress who climb you to have somehting to live. Everybody knows you paid her a lot of extras during that time and I'm sure it wasn't for the excellent secretary services and right when you're about to become nothing she decides to move with a millionaire client. - Harvey stops and looks at him with a warning look. - I gotta say... she really knows how to suck the right one. - Harvey doesn't hesitate and throw a punch. A very heavy one that makes him fall into the floor. He's about to keep beating him in the floor but then he stops.
- Come on up, let's make a ring right the hell here
Malik is lying on the floor with the mouth full of blood. He hardly stands up and face him again, very close.
- I only told you the truth Harvey. Everybody leaves you because you worth nothing. You're alone and miserable and right know you're afraid cause you realize that's how it's gonna be your whole life. - Harvey throws another hard punch on his jaw that probably breaks it. This time he doesn't fall so he hit him on the stomach two or three times until he's on the floor again. Then he leaves him there thinking how he deserved each and every one of his wounds and enter his building.
The day after, he goes at the office early to catch up on the work. An hour later Louis shows up
- Hey Harvey.
- Hey Louis, what is it ?
- How was yesterday?
- It was good, I went to visit my family cause they were worried.
- Awesome. Family's everything Harvey so I'm glad. Well... as you may know today is Donna's last day in here
- I know
- So we are planning to do a farewell toast tonight in here.
- Good. Do you need me to help with anything?
- No. Me and Gretchen are taking care of it, you just need to be there.
- Okay Louis. I'll be there.
- Good. 7 pm.
It's 6pm and Harvey is stucked with work. The perfect excuse to not show up later. So he decides to go to her office and finish the suffering. He enters in an almost empty room, only some papers in the desk and her laptop are there.
- Harvey, hey - She says focusing in the screen and writing something in a paper.
- Wow, it looks so much different this way
- It does. - She says typing on her laptop - Wait... I'm finishing up the list of the candidates for my replacement in case you Louis needs it and I'm done. - Harvey waits stand - There, I'm done - She closes the laptop and looks at him. Should we get going to the toast?
- Actually I came her to tell you that I'm really behind with work for the days that I wasted so I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to make it. I have to prepare a case for court tomorrow.
- Oh - She says with a disappointment look.
- So, I wanted to say goodbye Donna.
Words have never hurt that much.
Donna looks down and smiles with teary eyes. She stands up, round her desk and approach him. He had a prepared speech but when he saw her intention, he forgot it. They both open their arms and hug in an ever tender embrace. He holds on tight to her waist and she round his neck with her arms. No words needed, in their minds they don't realize how long that hug was lasting but he needed to keep it there until the tear he dropped dried so she doesn't see it. When they part, after what it felt not enough she doesn't hide her tears. He gives her his pocket napkin for her to clean her make up. Even with red eyes and with a messy make up, she looks beautiful.
- Thank you. - she grabs it - Oh God! I'm such a mess. This is worst than when I left my parents house. I don't think I'm gonna have any tears left to cry after tonight.
- You need to. I'm sure Louis is going to plan something special tonight.
- Yes - She gives his napkin back.
- Keep it, for you to remember me - He smiles.
- Thank you Harvey - She goes back to her desk and open a drawer - Speaking of that, I think you should keep this - She handed him the canopener
He laughs.
- For you to have luck tomorrow in courtroom and every other day
- It doesn't work without the ritual,you know.
- I know, let's do this one more time and then you're not allowed to do it with anyone else.
When they were about to do it, a Human Resources's employer enters for Donna to sign a document. Harvey excuses himslef, gives her a final hug and goes back to his office.
Samantha walks into Louis's office a few minutes after.
- Hey, hurry up, Jack from Human Resources is distracting Donna right now. Everything's ready in the conference room.
- Ok, give me a second I'll go right now
- Good, now I'm going to look for Harvey.
- Don't waste your time. Harvey's not going.
- What?
- He says he's stuck with work.
- Bullshit. It's Donna how can he not go - She goes to the door determined
- Sam, don't push him.
She backs up
- Why?
- Because he's Harvey and she's Donna and they're complicated.
- They have history don't they?
Louis doesn't say anything.
- Of course they do, it's so obvious. - She turns around and leaves
- Sam, Dr Lipschitz says you should let him grieve her alone.
She pretends not to hear and goes straight to his office. When he sees her walking trough the door, he warns.
- Sam, whatever it is. I don't have time.
- Well I don't care, you're gonna listen to me - She says while sitting in the chair, crossing legs.
- Excuse me? - He asks a little annoyed by his attitude
- Well since everyone here is afraid to talk to you because you're supposed to be "mourning Donna." I'm not... and I'm not your friend Harvey so I don't give a shit what you would think of me after I tell you what I think.
- And what is that ? - He says annoyed. He has no idea what she's about to say and he's curious, ready to challenge her if it's about business. But then Samantha starts her monologue.
- I told you once, we're more alike than you think. And there's a reason why we are always the last ones to leave the office and it's because we don't have anyone waiting for us at home. And because as hard as we fight on our cases and no one can beat us when there's an sentimental battle,we loose on the first round. And it's not because we are cold or we don't have feelings like people might think, because we do, it's because we never think we can win... So we overcompensate our efforts with work.. but there comes a time when it's not enough... and it's not our fault we feel this way, it's because somewhere along the way, someone we looked up to made us believe that true love doesn't exist, that happy endings only happen in movies... so we grew up with that. But then someone comes and it changes everything and it make us believe that we could actually have that... but as always we don't think we worth their love... we don't think we're good enough... but let me tell you something Harvey... you are good enough!! And your someone is running away in front of your eyes and you're not doing anything to stop her.
Harvey didn't even try to stop her when she was talking. He can't believe how right she is even when she was talking about herself.
- I know what you're trying to do Sam and I appreciate it but if you knew anything about me you would know that...
- You're loyal as fuck and you wouldn't steal someone's girl
Harvey looks at her assuring her answer
- I'm not telling you to be unfaithful Harvey I'm telling you to tell her how you feel before it's too late. - she stands up and he looks down
- I can't
- Why?
- Because it doesn't matter how I feel, she's happy with him - he yells
- And do you thinks she'd be with him if she knew you were an option? It just have been five month for God sake! She doesn't love him, she's moving with him because he can give her what she thinks you can't.
- How would you know that? - Sam cannot believe that Harvey Specter could be such a naive when it comes to people's feeling.
- I guess I know. But if you don't, you need to ask her yourself... it's your choice Harvey, you have your last battle to fight... . - She says that and leaves to the toast.
Harvey stays there trying to focus on the court the next day but he can't, so he decides to go home.
Two hours and a few drinks later and Sam's words are still running around his head then he looks at something on his shelf and decides to take his last chance. He knocks on her door a few minutes after. She opens it with surprise.
- Harvey... what are you doing here?
- I just thought... we were interrupted and it shouldn't be right for us to not to have a proper goodbye
Donna smiles
- That's good. Come on in... are you hungry? I was just making something to eat
- Didn't Louis order some food for the toast?
- Greek food - She says rolling her eyes and going to the kitchen.
- But you hate that
- Well, apparently Louis didn't know and wanted to surprised me with something different - She gives him a wine to open.
- I'm actually starving so I hope you're making enough... what is it? - he looks at the oven
- Surprise... - As if she would have been waiting for him, she made some pasta she knew he loved. Truth is, after years of fellowship they knew each other's food taste like no other. - I'm sure you're gonna love it. He pours the wine on the glasses while she put the plates on the table.
- Looks delicious - He says looking at the food - To be honest I thought you would have everything ready by now
- My flight is not until next week. I took my last week off to start packing .
- Are you hiring a private jet? - He smirks - I think it's gonna be cheaper than paying for all the extra luggage you're gonna carry.
- Actually - She smiles proudly - I'm not bringing all my clothes. I'm going to donate at least half of my dresses to a charity to sell them.
- Wow, that's awesome.
- It is. And it's my first step because If everything goes as planned, I'm going to be working in a clothes design company whose associating with a charity for a change - She smiles
- That's awesome Donna... Big turn but good, I'm sure it will suit you... I thought you were going to work in Thomas company
- No, I wouldn't - She looks down, a little bit ashamed. He realize that was an stupid comment. He knew better. All her life she avoid getting involved with the men she worked with and even when she - almost- never broke her rule, she still had to deal with all the backlash more than one time because of their closeness.
- I know... I just... It doesn't have to... - He tried to explain and wanted to bring the subject but she reacted
- Harvey... - She looks up - No. Let's not talk about it tonight. It's over now...
- I'm sorry
- Tell me about your visit to Boston.
- How did you know?
She answers with her "I know, I'm Donna" face.
- It was good. I needed it. It's been a hard week... oh and the kids asked when they're gonna see you again by the way - He smiles and she smiles back
- Actually my dad made me promise that I'll come back for thanksgiving. And Louis for Louis Jr birth. So I think I'm not going be gone forever.
- Louis Jr? Really?
As usual, one topic leads to another and they're there, enjoying each other memories, jokes, gazes, smiles, laughs. Neither of them wants to even suggest to end, knowing in both of their minds that it would propably be the last. Once they finish the food, they move to the couch to continue the conversation... and the wine. They're both doing a memory lane when Harvey spills the wine on his shirt.
- Goddamit. That's because you made me laugh. - He says while starting unbottoning the stained shirt.
- Oh, so it's my fault now, you were the one who brought Louis's time capsule for the matter - She smiles, looking for a cloth to help.
Once he finish unbuttoning his shirt, he notices his t- shirt is also wet so he thinks about taking it off but it would be awkward in front of her. She looks at him and quickly says:
- Oh I can lend you one of Thomas T-shirts. - She goes to the room.
- Would he be ok with that? - Great, Harvey thinks, wearing one his least favorite people's clothes. But he has no choice, it's either that or leave and he has no intention of that. Not until he says what he wants to say. Still doesn't know what, or how.
- Sure. Hope you can fit in it. - She lends him a dark blue T-shirt.
- Are you calling me fat? - He jokes, grabbing the shirt.
- You just ate two and a half plates of pasta.
- That's because you made me.
- You can change in my room - she points out the room
- I know.
While she goes to the kitchen to clean the few things she left in the sink, Harvey takes his time to scan her room. It has changed a lot since the last time, even so, he can still sense how much of her there's in every single detail. He goes and looks at the pictures on the desk, thankfully none of Thomas. Once he realize he's taking too much time and she's gonna notice, he goes out. She's washing the dishes when he couldn't help but come out with the comment.
- It has changed.
- What? - She turns back and ask again cause she couldn't hear and sees Harvey with Thomas T-shirt and a lot of thoughts get mixed.
changed a lot... since the last time- Harvey says again with a soft face and voice. If Donna wouldn't be trying to avoid all the innuendos he's sending, she would perfectly understand what he's saying.
- I know... a lot of things has changed since then - She says shyly while drying a glass, focusing on that instead of him.
- I know... I just... wish they wouldn't - He stands still, out of the room, without looking at her.
She doesn't know what to say and doesn't want to go deeper. Thankfully her phone starts to ring, unfortunately, it's Thomas and she doesn't feel like it's the moment but needs to pick up.
- Hey... It was good, really... he did?... I know... I know... that's good... I hope so... okay, bye.
It was a short talk, but Harvey notice she was uncomfortable, probably because she couldn't or didn't want to share the fact that they were together. He went to sit back on the couch. Once she hang up, she follows him.
- So, back to Louis... - She says while sitting in the couch next to him
- You didn't tell him I was here - Harvey's soft voice again. The one he only uses in confession mode.
- Well, he asked me about the toast - She says looking down... she's ready to keep changing the subject but he's not.
- Do you love him? - He goes straight to the point, head down, not looking at her.
- What?
- Thomas, do you love him? Is that why you're following him? - he looks at her
Donna's shocked about the question and afraid of his intentions.
- I already told you why I'm moving with him - she says looking down and answers naturally.
- Because you want more... - he doesn't know how to start articulating his thoughts. He's still not sure how but he's pretty sure this is his last chance so he better come out with everything - but... I know I'm the last person who can give you advise on this but for personal experience, when there's no feelings involve, I don't think it's gonna be enough... - he says calm softly, barely checking on her reaction with his gaze.
- Where are you going with this Harvey? Cause this doesn't seem like a proper goodbye - She asks a little bit angry but mostly curious.
- Well I lied... - He says convinced, looking straight to her eyes - because I will never be okay with you leaving. I can take everyone leaving, my father, Jessica, Mike... anyone but you.
She doesn't know what to answer. He is not saying anything new actually, only this time he put her above the others. His eyes looks for her reaction. He thought he was clear with what he wanted to say, he's ready to take any of her questions, not like the last time. She's speechless for a moment but then she looks down and takes a deep breath.
- I'm sorry Harvey... - She says with a compassionate tone - I really am. This was the hardest choice I had to make and mostly because of everything we've been trough.
- It doesn't seem like that. It feels like you're leaving everything behind because you don't care about it anymore. - he says with a sad tone.
- What?? You have no idea ... - She says angry
- Well.. You didn't answer the question. - He stands up and increase the tone - If you tell me you love him then I will have my answer and I walk out of here and won't say one more word... - he's red due to the pressure of the fight.
- Well I don't have to answer any of your questions Harvey. - She says with teary eyes - . Because I know exactly where this is going and I'm not going to let you.
- Let me what ?
- Use your way to convice me not to go because you're afraid of loosing me... I've heard that a thousand times...
- It's not that
- Yes it is. And I'm sorry Harvey but I put your needs over mine before because my heart couldn't see any other way. But not this time. I am leaving Harvey, I already made my mind... - She says determined but with tears in her eyes.
He turns around and put a hand on his head. He wants to surrender after what she said but still feels the need for her to know the truth so he turns to face her again.
- You are wrong. This is not about needs. I don't need you, maye I did before but not now. I want you.- He drops his hands to his sides, that he had raised during the discussion - I can't even think about not being with you because all I want is to be with you - he looks straight to her. Both of their eyes almost bursting in tears.
She's still sitting in the couch, looking at her side trying to come up with an answer.
- Say something - He requests.
- What do you want me to say? Tell me exactly how you want to play this. - She looks at him - Cause I've been here all these years, right at your side, and you just have to come up with this when I'm about to leave with someone else. You couldn't have a better timing right? In thirten years. What about when you were here and told me you loved me? - She finish this sentences with her voice almost broken. - No, you walked away and when I even confronted you about it, you didn't say anything. - She pauses, and says with irony- You weren't ready, right? For a serious relationship? So that's why when I told you I wanted more, next morning you run after your therapist. Suddenly being perfectly ready. Maybe to make sure you were not in my ambicious plans- She turns her head and let a few tears run - Goddamit I kissed you Harvey! - She screams- And you treated me like I was the devil itself. You even told me I made you become the last person you wanted to be. Can you imagine how that hurts?! Or finding out that you made some plan behind my back to get rid of me. What would had happen if I would had never find that out and I had taken Stu offer?? ... Or what about when you broke up with her? I was still here, by your side, call after call, drink after drink, repeating the same old circle. So I have no reason to believe your feelings emerge just when I'm leaving with somebody else.Because that's not what you want. What you want, what you always wanted, is having me by your side without feelings involve. Well that doesn't work anymore.
Harvey looked down a few times during those hard questions. He even shed a couple of tears, the first ones she's seen after his father died.
- You're right - I had my chances before so I have no right to be telling you this now. I guess my selfishness doesn't let me see any other way. I swear I didn't even wanted to do this but then I thought it wouldn't be fair no to tell you... that... Every since I met you I knew that I would never wanted you out of my life. And if couldn't say it before was because I have always been afraid of risking anything because I had everything to loose. I guess not so many people had the luck to find someone who they can look at the eyes and feel like it doesn't matter what happens, as long as those eyes keeps looking at me I know everything's gonna be ok. And I want those eyes to be the last thing I see every night when I go to sleep and the first thing I look in the morning. - He pauses - You have no idea how much I dreamed about it before... I don't just want you. I love you with all my feelings. But I know it's too late now. So you don't need to answer my question, I just wanted to make sure you are choosing your happiness cause there's nothing that I want more than that... you deserve to be loved more than anyone I know so I guess I'll have to trust Thomas with that.
He grabs his jacket and leaves, leaving her crying on the couch not sure about what to do or how to feel after that.
Harvey comes back at his apartment with the most aching he ever felt. Once he step out of the car, three police officers approached him. One of them grabs him from behind putting his hands on a handcuff while reciting:
- Harvey Specter, you're under arrest for assaulting a prosecutor.