Chapter 12

"The First Candidate Falls"

Standing in the fudge room, I carefully waited to see if Augustus Gloop would resist the temptation of not drinking from the chocolate river. The Oompa Loompa's working in the fudge room were on standby, carefully waiting to see what was about to happen. Meanwhile, the candidates were introduced to the river itself. Of course, as expected, Augustus couldn't help but drink the contents of the river.

"Grandpa, look at Augustus!" Charlie called out to Grandpa Joe as Augustus drank.

"Don't worry," Grandpa Joe said. "He can't drink it all."

"Augustus sweetheart," cried Mrs. Gloop. "Save some room for later."

Despite the fact that all of this was naturally prepared, Wonka still showed general concern for his river.

"Oh, uh, Augustus please don't that," he cried, trying to get over to the slurping boy. "My chocolate must never be touched by human hands. Wait, don't do that! Don't do that, your contaminating my entire river! Please, I beg you, Augustus!"

But it was too late and Augustus fell into the river much to Wonka's horror.

"My chocolate!"

"Help!" cried Augustus trying to swim.

"My chocolate! My beautiful chocolate!"

"Help!"

"Don't just stand there!" shouted Mrs. Gloop to Wonka. "Do something!"

"Help, police, murder," Wonka replied nonchantingly.

…

Sensing that Augustus was now in the river, I turned to the Oompa Loompa's running the boiler.

"All right, he's in the river," I said. "Reroute the flow away from the boiler."

"Yes, Mr. Wilkinson," replied one of the Oompa Loompa's and turned on the suction.

…

Meanwhile, Charlie attempted to save Augustus by using a large lollipop, but the suction pulled him under.

"What's happening to him?" asked Mrs. Teavee.

"It looks like he's drowning," added Mr. Salt.

"Dive in! Save him!" pleaded Mrs. Gloop.

"It's too late," remarked Wonka.

"Too late?"

"The suction's got him now, there's nothing I can do."

"Augustus, come back! Where is he?"

"Watch the pipe."

Wonka directed their attention towards the pipe that led towards the fudge room.

"How long is he going to stay down, daddy?" asked Veruca, concerningly.

"He can't swim."

"There's no better time to learn," Wonka remarked again.

"There's his coat, going up the pipe," said Mike.

"Call a plumber!" remarked Mr. Beauregard.

"Stuck in the pipe there, isn't he Wonka?" added Mr. Salt. "It's his stomach who's doing that."

"Help! Help!" cried Augustus from inside the pipe.

"He's blocking all the chocolate," remarked Violet.

"What'll happen to him now?" asked Mr. Beauregard.

"Oh, the pressure will get him out, tremendous pressure that builds up behind him," answered Wonka. "The suspense is terrible, I hope it will last."

Of course, the rest of the candidates showed general concern for him, especially Mrs. Gloop.

"This is terrible!" cried Mrs. Gloop.

"How will we get him out?" asked Charlie.

"It'll get him out," answered Grandpa Joe. "Remember how you once asked me how a bullet comes out of a gun?"

Sure enough, with those words, the pressure pushed Augustus out of the pipe and right into the fudge room.

"My son!" screamed Mrs. Gloop. "He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds!"

"Impossible, my dear lady. That's absurd, unthinkable."

"Why?"

"Because the pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room."

"You terrible man!"

But Wonka didn't and instead took his little flute to summon an Oompa Loompa.

"Take Mrs. Gloop straight to the fudge room," he ordered. "But look sharp or her little boy is liable to be poured into the boiler."

This didn't bode well with Mrs. Gloop.

"You boiled him up, I know it!" she cried as the Oompa Loompa took her away.

"Es Desperandos, my dear lady," Wonka replied. "Across the desert lies the promised land. Goodbye, Mrs. Gloop. Adieu, auf wiedensein, gesundheit, farewell."

…

At that very moment, I watched as the flow was turned away from the boiler and at that very moment, the fat German boy was spat out of the pipes and onto the ground below, his body covered in chocolate as I looked down at him in disappointment.

"Mr. Gloop, do you know who I am?" I asked, my arms crossed and my foot tapping.

"Mr. Slugworth?" the German boy groaned as he tried to pull himself together.

"I'm Arthur Wilkinson, vice president of Wonka enterprises. I am sorry to tell you that you are hereby no longer considered for the lifetime supply of chocolate because you violated the terms of your contract."

Just then, Mrs. Gloop raced into the fudge room and right away helped her son to his feet.

"I told you to save some for later, Augustus," she scolded at the chocolate covered boy before directing her attention towards me. "And as for you, you can be assured that I will convince people to boycott your candies."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Mrs. Gloop. But, let this be a lesson to you, Augustus: Gluttony does not get you anywhere in life. Learn to be patient and to have a smidgen of humility that would also serve you well."

Grunting in anger, Mrs. Gloop led her son away.

"And one more thing," I said to Augustus, catching the German boy's attention. "If I were you, Augustus, I'd go on a diet. It's not good for your overall health and especially your heart."

Augustus was nearly driven to tears with those words, but it was a lesson he was going to have to learn to take in eventually. Once he was gone, I redirected my attention back towards the Oompa Loompas.

"All right, he's been eliminated," I said. "Clean this mess up and return the flow to the boiler."

"Yes, sir."

Meanwhile, Wonka had brought his guests aboard the Wonkatania and took them through the tunnel of horror on the way to their next destination, which was where the Everlasting Gobstopper was being produced. It was the most secret room in the entire factory and Wonka was not going to tolerate any ill actions against it.

"Now, remember: No messing about, no touching, no tasting, no telling," Wonka warned as they stood in front of the door to the inventing room.

"No telling what?" wondered Grandpa Joe.

"You see," Wonka explained. "All of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing!"