Author Note: First of all thank you for reading. I do have a ending in mind but just working towards it.
A huge shout out to and many, many thanks LottyCharl for helping me write this story and being my sounding board for ideas and giving me some great ideas. Check out her work here - u/9273738/
Please leave a review and let me know what I'm doing right or wrong. Happy reading.
Chapter 7 – Broken Promises.
Two weeks later.
Today had been a tough day for Lexi, she was too busy playing the elegant host and making sure everyone else was okay to be coping with her own emotions. The funeral had been beautiful, and the wake was just what Shay would have wanted. Everyone swapping stories and recounting funny moments they had shared with Leslie, playing her favourite music, drinking her favourite tequila.
Jay had watched his partner walk to each of the tables of Molly's to ensure everyone had a drink and then approach Kelly, who was standing with a few other firefighters from House 51. Lexi touched his arm as she approached him from behind, speaking as she did. However, Kelly pulled away like she had burnt him or something, he had barely turned his head to look at her when he replied to her question.
It hurt Jay to watch the pain flash across her face at the rejection but soon the elegant host expression reappeared as she walked through the crowd to the back of Molly's. Kelly's behaviour towards Lexi made Jay furious, but he understood Kelly was grieving too, Shay had been Kelly's best friend, but still Lexi was his fiancé. Jay couldn't imagine the pain Lexi was feeling, she had lost her twin sister and she deserved better than what Kelly was doing to her.
Jay followed Lexi through the kitchen of Molly's and out the back door, she stood with her back to the door breathing in the frigid night air. "Hey" Jay said and shrugged off his suit jacket and placed it on her shoulders.
"Hey Jay," she gave him a sad smile as she pulled his jacket a little tighter around her shoulders.
Crossing her arms over her body she hugged the jacket to herself, Jay knew that had been what she had wanted from Kelly, for him to hold her and he had rejected her. Jay stepped in front of her and pulled her to him. Embracing her he spoke in to her hair as she rested her head on his chest, "I know it's a dumb question to ask if you're okay, but I'm going to ask it anyway, are you okay?" She didn't answer him, but he felt the wet tears soak through his shirt on to his chest.
Lexi followed Kelly in to their apartment, neither one had spoken on the journey home from Shay's wake, Kelly held the door for Lexi, she stopped two foot in to the apartment and looked around. Kelly closed the door then walked around her and went directly to the kitchen.
For a split second, Lexi wanted to call out and tell Shay they were home, like she always did when she and Kelly arrived home after a date. Then she remembered, and it hit her like a sledgehammer to the chest. Lexi's legs gave out from beneath her, she fell to the floor in a heap, leaning against the door, the sobs rocked her body. She didn't recognise the sound that came from her mouth and couldn't see beyond the blurry tears gushing from her eyes.
She felt Kelly's arms around her, pulling her in to his chest, he sobbed with her and rocked back and forth. Lexi couldn't recall how long they sat that way, she just remembered feeling the cold air as he unwrapped himself from her and walked in to the lounge.
Lexi removed her shoes then forced herself to stand up, following Kelly to the other room, she wanted to curl up on the couch with him. He was standing in front of the sofa staring through the coffee table. "I can't do this" he proclaimed, "I'm sorry, I can't do this"
Lexi was confused, she didn't understand his words, did he mean he couldn't be in the apartment? "Can't do what baby?"
"Be with you, I can't look at you" Kelly's gaze never moved from the coffee table, "every time I do, I see her and…" his voice broke, choking on a sob but held it in, he sat on the couch behind him. Inhaling sharply, holding his voice steady Kelly explained, "I need you to leave, I don't know how to do this, if I'm seeing her when I look at you!"
"Kelly, I don't…" Lexi took a step towards the couch she wanted to sit beside him, touch him, tell him it was all going to be okay.
His yell of "DON'T!" stopped her in her tracks.
"Kelly you don't mean that" Lexi was frozen to the spot the anger in his voice freezing her mid step. "We're both hurting, we need each other"
"I don't need you" Kelly spat at her through gritted teeth. He had reached the anger phase of the grieving process, "We're over, I hooked up with someone, I spent the night with her!"
Lexi let his words rush through her mind, he didn't mean it, he was just saying it to get a reaction out of her, to get her to leave. Kelly hadn't come home the previous evening, Lexi had guessed he had crashed at Casey's or something, she didn't believe he had cheated. "Kelly you don't…" She began to protest but Kelly abruptly stood up, untucked his shirt from his pants, turned slightly so Lexi could see the fresh red scratch marks all over his back. Scratch marks she hadn't given him.
"Lexi just leave" Kelly began crying, exhausted from the day he sat back down on the sofa. He rested his head on the back of the sofa, staring up at the ceiling with blurry tear-filled eyes. "Please just leave, I don't want you here"
"I guess now that she's gone you don't need to keep your promises to her". When Kelly and Lexi had started their relationship, Shay had made them both promise to be good to one another and not put Shay in the middle.
Kelly shot his head up to look at Lexi, her words stinging more than he would have liked, "It should have been you" Kelly stood and spoke as he walked towards the door "She was just a paramedic, you're a cop, you get shot at all the time. It should have been you"
Lexi couldn't respond, she didn't know how to, she felt like she had forgotten how to form words. She heard the front door slam shut.
Jay sat on his couch drinking a beer, he hadn't been back long from Shay's wake, he had taken off his jacket, unbuttoned his shirt but not taken it off, undone his black suit pants, got a beer from the fridge and sat on the couch absentmindedly watching a football game. He didn't know who was playing, his mind was elsewhere, he was thinking about Lexi.
He remembered standing outside Molly's holding her in his arms, whilst she cried the tears, she felt she couldn't cry in front of anyone else. He had stood with her and allowed her to cry. He looked down at the mascara mark she had left on his shirt, the buzzer for his apartment pulled him from his daydream.
Figuring it was for someone else in the building, he walked to the door with his beer in hand. Pressing the buzzer, "Halstead" he answered
"Jay, its Lexi can I come up?"
"Sure" he replied simultaneously pressing the button to allow her access in to his building. He unlocked his apartment door and stood in the doorway waiting for her to climb the stairs. He took a drink from the beer listening to her approach, it sounded like she was taking two steps at a time. She reached the top of the stairs and turned to face him, as soon as she saw him waiting for her silent tears fell from her eyes. Jay noticed she hadn't changed out of the dress she had worn for the wake.
Lexi stopped two foot from his door, composed herself before she spoke, "I'm sorry its late, I'm sorry to barge in on you," she peered over his shoulder in to his apartment, only now realising he may not have been alone.
"It's fine, don't sweat it," Jay noticed her gaze in to his apartment, "I'm alone" he assured her.
Lexi half smiled looking down at her feet as she closed the distance between them, "Is the cabin offer still available?"
"Of course, anytime" a few days after Shay's passing, Jay had offered his Grandfathers cabin to Lexi as a getaway, for as long as she needed with or without Kelly, if she ever needed a break from it all. Jay stepped aside from the door allowing her to enter. "You want a beer?"
Lexi went in to the kitchen and helped herself to a beer from the fridge. After taking a long pull on the beer Lexi came up for air, Jay leant on the doorframe to the kitchen watching her, folding his arms over his chest, his half empty beer resting in the crook of his folded arm.
Lexi caught her breath, wiping some spilled beer from her chin, "I don't want to talk about it" she insisted.
Jay raised his arms as if she had pointed a gun at him earning a small smirk from her. "I didn't ask although I'm pretty sure I don't need to" Jay took a swig of his beer lowering his arms.
Lexi knew Jay didn't approve of Severide, he had been on the receiving end of many rants from her about Kelly's behaviour, mainly for flirting with other women, blowing her off at the last minute for a boy's night or recounting play by play an argument Kelly had started about her relationship with Jay. "Can I have the keys?"
"You want to go right now?" He asked looking at the clock behind her, "it's 2am!"
Lexi sighed deeply and turned away from him, putting her beer bottle on the surface, she gripped the edges, her knuckles turning white; "I just need to get out of here, please Jay" she told the floor, if she looked at him, she would cry, and she needed to show him she was okay.
Jay's heart broke at the pleading sound to her voice. "You've been drinking too" he spoke softly as he crossed the distance between them and leant against the surface beside her.
"I'm fine" she stood up straight and brushed her hair off her face but made no attempt to wipe the tears away, she knew her tears were safe around him.
"I'm not letting you drive like this, it's bad enough you drove here"
"Please Jay I'm fine, I feel fine"
"I promise you I will drive you there myself first thing in the morning" he put his hand on her cheek and used his thumb to wipe a falling tear, she closed her eyes at his touch and nuzzled slightly in to his hand. Without opening her eyes, Lexi stepped closer to him, allowing him to guide her so that she was stood directly in front of him, his long legs spread either side of her. She felt his breath blow a few stray strands of hair as he spoke softly "We'll call Voight on the way tell him you need some time"
Lexi opened her eyes, looking up at him she crushed a tear between her lips and nodded ever so slightly, she could feel the heat radiating from him through his open shirt, he still hadn't moved his hand from her cheek. Raising her hands and placing them on his stomach, Jay held his breath without meaning too, he closed his eyes savouring the feel of her cold hands on his skin, she whispered, "Thank you". Jay opened his eyes and let out a long breath, looking directly in to her sad, blue eyes "Thank you for everything, I don't know what I would have done without you over the last couple of weeks".
Lexi was suddenly very aware of how close they were, her hands on his stomach, his hand on her cheek, she didn't want to move, it felt nice to be close to him. She looked down at her hands on his flesh, taking a deep breath she was about to take a step back, she felt his hand under her chin guiding her head up to look at him. As soon as their eyes met Jay lowered his head and claimed her lips with his own.
Jay's senses exploded, her tongue tasted like beer and salty tears, her lips were soft and supple, her perfume was sweet and fruity, her nails dug in to his stomach slightly, he heard her breathing become faster as she inhaled and exhaled through her nose.
Lexi pushed his shirt down his arms and he pulled it off at the cuffs without breaking their kiss.
He slinked his arm around her waist, placing his hand on the small of her back he pulled her into him, she wrapped her arm around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair, tugging it slightly, she used her other hand to run her manicured nails down his torso to the waistband of his pants, pushing his already unfastened pants down to the floor, he growled in to her neck leaving small wet kisses as he unzipped her dress and pushed it off her shoulders.
The second her hands moved from his body to let her dress fall, she stepped back from him.
Neither moved to retrieve their discarded clothes, Jay stood staring at her no shirt on, pants half way down his legs, Lexi gazed back at him, her black dress pooled around her ankles, standing exposed in her bra and lace panties, "I'm sorry, shit, Lexi I'm so sorry"
"Don't be, it's fine, I kissed you back" Lexi confessed, I don't want you to be sorry – she thought but didn't say it aloud. She realised she wasn't sorry, she had no reason to be sorry, she was a free agent now. Lexi wanted to kiss Jay, wanted to kiss him and more.
"I never should have…"
Lexi knelt and pulled her dress back on interrupting him "Please stop apologising" Lexi turned and walked backwards to him motioning for him to zip her dress. As soon as her dress was fastened, she walked out the kitchen and turned left towards the front door
"WAIT!" Jay called after her, pulling up his pants as he followed her out. "Please don't leave. Stay here tonight" she turned to look at him, her hand on the door handle and cocked an eyebrow at him "You can have the spare room. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself"
"And your lips" she smirked
He chuckled, and the smile lit up his eyes "and my lips, scout's honour" he did the scouts honour hand gesture still smiling "I promised I'd take you to the cabin in the morning and I keep my promises"
Lexi remembered her words to Kelly about promises. Realising she had nowhere else to go, staying at Jay's was her only option, unless she checked in to a hotel. Lexi took her hand off the door handle and walked back towards the kitchen, "Get me another beer then".