Title
Her Daughter's Eyes
Summary
"You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memory."
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"This itches. No wonder the kids are always so squirmy." Big Snow tugged at the collar of her uniform shirt hating the constricted feeling as little one took over. All of her gowns at the palace growing up had wide necklines and were made of the finest silk. Her skin, sensitive and extra so now, was not used to starched cotton blend at this age or the hard shoe a hand was trying to fit her foot into. "Ouch! Regina!"
"Well hold still then and it won't hurt." Queen finished putting a wiggling foot into a black mary-jane and buckled it. Monday morning a long one already just getting the child dressed for school, never mind getting herself ready. Dropping the foot from her knee, Regina stood up and regarded the now very rumpled shirt on her charge. With a sigh she went into her Study and returned with a strip of something in hand. Going behind Snow she began checking the collar of a blouse, not sure how she felt about seeing what her gut had told her was there.
"What are you doing?" Snow tried to turn around to see as her hair was moved over her shoulder and she felt Regina's fingers tucking something into her collar. Told be still she tried to be and when Queen stepped away the itchy irritation was gone. Regina further straightened her shirt and nodded, seemingly satisfied. "How did you…?"
Regina went to the curio table by the front door, looking for her keys. "Henry hates those shirts so much I sewed tiny snaps in each of them along the collar for a silk liner to be attached."
Snow grew warm. "But why are those snaps in these shirts?"
"I'm not sure, but it's of no consequence. Problem solved." Matter of fact when the fact was the matter. "Let's go."
Grabbing her pink backpack and still not sure what to make of the whole collar thing, Snow was grateful that the shirt was much more tolerable with the addition of silk. Ride to school was quiet and Snow wondered what the day would hold. Suddenly anxious she didn't complain once about the car seat, or Regina's choice of classical music at 8:00 in the morning on a Monday, or even when she was told to stop tracing circles on the glass window. But voice her opinion she did when the Benz stopped and she was told they were here at school.
Something long buried and deep snapped in half inside of her and Snow suddenly couldn't, wouldn't be left on her own today. "Regina, just take me with you." Anxiety growing as Queen stepped out of the car and came around to the back to 'help' her out. Back door opened and much like yesterday when she had kicked the driver's seat firm eyes were on her but the tone of voice was coaxing.
"We have talked about this. You have to go to school and I have to go to work." Reaching to undo the seat belt Snow clutched way too tightly.
"No, I will not." A shaky tone.
Patience, Regina tried to summon it. "Do you want to go home or not?"
'Of course I want to go home. Right now with you!' Snow's head nodded as little thoughts rammed into big ones. The adult side knew what Queen had meant by that question, but the little one was sucked into it in a completely different way.
Understanding, Regina softened her tone. "Then you need to go to school. When I'm not working I will be working on trying to get us out of here and I cannot do that if I have to worry about you. Understand?"
'Worry… Regina worries about me?' Little Snow let go of the seat belt and allowed the Queen to undo it and help her out of the car. Heavy she felt as her bag was handed over. Numb too as they stood staring at each other as the bell rang in summons. One lone black mary-jane toed a crack in the concrete separating them.
"Do you remember what I told you?"
Nodding again Snow looked up. "Yes Regina."
"And?" Wanting to be sure there would be no mischief intended or not today while they were apart. Regina needed one day without trouble and time to begin further sorting the mess of a curse out.
"And I know to listen to the adults, not to talk about magic or who we really are, and wait for you on the steps after lessons." Teeth in lip Snow gnawed for a moment, needing to ask. "You will be there, right?"
Taking a step forward with a deep sigh Regina realized which side of Snow was asking. "I will." And seeing doubt in those eyes over a long tried memory between them she added. "Today, I will be right there waiting for you." She started to reach out to smooth a curl and dropped her hand when Snow turned away.
Too close and too much big Snow felt. Being a kid was hard. Being deemed her kid in this world was impossible. She shook the feeling of past away and tried to remember what room she was to go to. Notebooks and school supplies in her backpack said she was in second grade in Ms. Potts classroom. At least her teacher would be someone nice, someone who smiled at her, and maybe even who would give her some affection.
Snow looked at her feet as she walked. Hated that she was starving for affection, wanted it so badly from the person she shouldn't desire it from, but she kept pushing that royal hand away. Self preservation of her heart made accepting that affection too raw. Blaming little emotions, Snow stood up straight and lifted her chin. She would make the most of the day and do her best to stay under anyone's radar so Regina could focus on the curse. Only then would she see her family again.
That lasted exactly 4.5 hours until lunch. School, most subjects anyway were always easy for her. Snow had been tutored by the best in the kingdom from a young age, was well read and articulate as an adult, but she never remembered struggling as much then as she was now. She found herself fumbling, especially with math. Brain fuzzy Snow had difficulty with the simple concept of subtraction when she knew her adult mind knew the algorithm for it.
Slightly panicked and embarrassed, little one raised her hand for help. It was given and with some direction from Ms. Potts she got the concept and wrote the answer on her worksheet. Writing numbers as scribbles at best. Gone was the fluidity of reading and computation or even the act of writing her name. She refused to add Mills after White earning a question from the sweet lady who was her teacher, but she did not answer.
Feeling more than off and anxiety full Snow finally lost her composure altogether in the cafeteria. Seated alone at a table in the second grade area she dug through the pink sack from her backpack. Simple foods she preferred; milk, cold chicken cut up from last night and raw baby carrots had been packed with a pear instead of an apple in school traditional fashion.
She wasn't sure if it was the curse or something else, but her stomach was not used to the processed foods of this world. Learned the hard way this morning when she had went to the pantry in an attempt to make her own breakfast while Regina was in the shower. Seeing a box of something called Trix with a rabbit on it and hungry while waiting for Regina to make breakfast little Snow had tore into the sweet cereal. Eaten and not ten minutes later she had her head over the toilet, hair held back by a worried Queen over her sudden sickness.
Which surprised Snow as the adult that she still very much was inside had eaten processed foods for 28 years without an issue. It was as if time had indeed rewound biologically and she wondered if that was also true for Regina in some way. Her thoughts were interrupted by two girls with café trays full of the school pizza that sat on either side of her. Perking up, she thought they might be friends of hers in this life she still was figuring out.
Tentative Snow looked at each of them. "Hello."
"Snow, Snow, Snow. Do we have to have this talk every single day?" A girl with glasses and glossy blonde hair asked and took the pear from a pale hand, tossing it in the trash can at the end of the table.
"What kind of name is Snow White Mills anyway?" The other blonde lookalike chimed in from the left. "Where are your little dwarfs?"
Snow stiffened at more than just her name, recognizing the pair of identical twins known as Daisy and Delilah Stoneman and the teacher still inside her spoke up. "They actually prefer the term people." Her efforts to educate had the girl's rolling their eyes.
"This is our table." Daisy smiled as three more of their friends joined them. Nudging the still brunette with her elbow she frowned. "You need to leave."
Hurt and wondering why these girl's were picking on her little Snow felt tears forming and tried to swallow them down. It didn't seem she fit anywhere in this world, but she was a royal… She raised her chin and before the adult in her could stop it little well used words from long ago rolled in defense. "I may sit anywhere I please peasant. I am a Princess—" Gasping then as cold milk, hers, was poured over her head.
"Oh yeah, now I get the 'White' part." Delilah grinned and the tables around them burst out laughing until hands pushed her from the bench.
Snow lost it; all of the anxiety, hurt, and anger of the last two and a half days went flying in a well placed punch. Screaming after, she launched at the blonde who pushed back in defense. They fell to the floor in a further heap of pushing and pinching until someone pulled them apart. Told to let go of blonde hair she did, but not before giving another yank. Breathing hard Snow kicked out as she was set down on her feet, catching the adult helping Delilah up in the shin. Wincing at her actions Snow stepped back under the disapproving gaze and panting from excretion. Stomach in her throat she was escorted to the Principal's office while the bleeding blonde went to the nurse.
Given a towel and interviewed on the event, Snow tried to clean the milk out of her hair best she could as she sat on the bench in the main office. She was guilt ridden over losing herself as she had and had not done since she was a child the first time around. Then the Principal came over. In her upset Snow finally registered Kathryn's gaze on her.
"Are you hurt?"
"No." Shrugging Snow then shook her head. She wasn't hurt like that, but her heart did ache.
"Is there anything else you want to tell me before we call your Mother?" Kathryn asked.
Snow's eyes widened at more than just that use of title. "No!" Shaking her head. "I mean no, you don't have to call R—her." Biting her lip as she shrunk in the chair under Kathryn's questioning eyes. "Please."
"I have to Snow. Fighting is against the rules." Blonde knelt down to touch a knee. "Hey, it's going to be okay."
Dark curls shook as little tears welled. "No, it's not. She's going to be displeased with me. I'm not to lose my temper or say certain things. It's unfitting and I don't want to be in disgrace..."
Kathryn tilted her head at the odd expressions coming from such a young mouth, but squeezed that knee once and stood. "Maybe a little, at first she will be, but I bet once you try talking about what happened you'll feel better."
Snow looked away from those kind eyes and studied her hands. Whenever she had been in any kind of trouble in the past Regina had always taken time to hear her side, to talk with her before any correction was rendered. She hoped that would still be the case. As she waited she thought more about what had happened and of one similar incident back in the Enchanted Forest where she had learned a lesson about the difference between a royal and a peasant.
It was just a few weeks before her seventh birthday and she along with her Father and Regina were touring one of the wealthier neighboring villages in the Kingdom. Snow closed her eyes as the memory came into the forefront of her mind so clearly as if it had happened yesterday and for part of her it had…
Snow took in the bright colors of her Father's crested banner on either side of the village gate as the royal carriage rolled through. It was a bright nearly spring day, one of the first ones that didn't carry the heaviness of morning frost. Her face was pressed right up to the chilly carriage glass. Inside it was warm due to the blanket of furs over her lap and hot water skins under her feet. Cozy she felt seated next to Regina.
Snow could see the white puffs of crisp air coming from the guard's horses that trotted alongside them. Her nose felt like ice then, but for only a moment before she felt a hand rest on her knee briefly before it was gone. Turning on the touch she caught Regina's warning brow and promptly sat back against the seat and clasped her hands neatly in her lap hand muff as her Father's eye finally looked up from his ledgers for the first time the whole hour they had been riding. He smiled at her with a nod.
Beaming under his approving eye Snow continued to look out the window in a much more ladylike fashion as horns sounded announcing them. The carriage came to a halt a minute later and Regina took a moment to tie the pink bow on her clock a bit tighter and bring the white fur lined hood up over her dark cascade of curls falling. The Queen had a similar cloak in a deep mauve with a matching fur hat tilted over a brow with hair piled at the base of the neck. Snow loved the loose heavy silk of her dress that was a more childish version of the Queen's form fitting one. One day soon she would get to wear such wide skirts and jewels. Sometimes Regina allowed her to play dress up and they would make a game of doing each others hair. Rare those stolen moments of carefree amusement were and Snow treasured them.
The carriage door opened and the King disembarked first, then Regina and herself. In the wide open space with the villagers kneeling around them in a great circle and all those dipped heads with eyes straining to catch a glimpse of them had Snow feeling a little overwhelmed. Regina had explained what to expect and how she was to behave that morning. Forgetting for a moment in her anxiety she tentatively reached for a gloved hand nearby.
Her fingertips brushed only the tips of Regina's before Queen clasped those gloved in front great wide skirts. A clear clue Snow was to mimic the action, so she did. Listened too as her Father gave a speech and a blessing for the planting season to begin. Then the villagers were dismissed to be as they were and the King moved flanked by guards to walk some of finer craftsman stalls with some Noble men.
Snow followed Regina in a different direction one step behind and on the right with a quad of guards walking at each of the four corners around them. Village was divided down the middle with men's work on the left such as blacksmiths, the butcher, and carpenter work. Women's domestics such as the weavers, bakers, and food market were on the right. Queen paused at one of the shops to look at a length of fine spun cloth and Snow was delighted when she was spoken to directly for the first time since leaving the castle.
"What do you think of the color Snow?" Regina asked over a bolt of pale blue silk the color of a robin's egg. It was shot through with gold thread that flickered in the sunlight.
"It's beautiful Mother."
Nodding Regina turned to the shop woman and inquired about the price, but the shop woman refused to name one and yet Regina was insisting on some form of payment.
"You honor me my Queen." A deep curtsy from the meek blonde shop woman. "Though I cannot accept payment in coin. Knowing you or your daughter will enjoy my work is payment enough."
Snow's brow knit over the answer, but she remained quiet as was expected.
"I insist. Such fine skill deserves payment. Name your price of sale regardless of who I am."
"I meant no insult, your Majesty." Another bob of a blonde head and dip of skirts. "I was going to ask 50 silver marks."
"Then you shall have 50 gold ones."
Snow's eyes went wide and she thought for a moment Regina had made a mistake, but again said nothing as coin was exchanged for cloth. The bolt was wrapped in a clean cotton sheet and handed to their valet to hold and they were off again. Another exchange similar was made a woven belt with gold tassels in a deeper shade of blue than the silk bolt. That time seven gold marks were exchanged when seven silver had been asked for.
Snow followed to a stone bench under the shade of a tree near the village square. Their valet laid two silk cushions on the cold stone for them to sit and Snow wondered over the break, but she had not been spoken to so she couldn't ask. They sat in silence for a few minutes and she was grateful when Regina decided to fill the silence.
"The cloth will be made into a dress for your birthday in a few weeks." A soft smile graced a red mouth. "And I see a question behind your eyes, come out with it."
Snow smiled back, scooting as close as she could get away with being in such an open space. "I was wondering about the coins. Why did you give her gold when she asked for silver?"
"Observant. Good girl."
Praise from Regina always made her heart float and Snow blushed under it. She had been told to keep her eyes and ears open, but mouth closed today unless directly spoken to.
"While this is one of our more prosperous villages they have had a difficult winter. The whole kingdom has, hence your Father's tour to bless the planting season that begins next week." Regina nodded to the purchases in their valet's arms across the way. "Sometimes to show their devotion and sometimes in fear under the wrong eyes villagers will try to make a gift of their work."
Snow saw the way red lips turned down for a moment as if recalling something of past that was upsetting. Then Regina looked at her.
"Fine work deserves fine marks. Always remember that just because someone is of a different station than us does not make them less than or undeserving of our attention. If anything our station and wealth make us responsible for them."
"But they serve us." Quoting directly what she had heard her Grandmother say about the kitchen staff who were also peasants. The sharp look that flashed across the Queen's face before being replaced with a softer one made Snow's shoulder's tense, but she knew it had not been meant for her.
"Your Grandmother has her own opinions on station and is certainly entitled to them." Regina said with a bitter tone. "However my words and thoughts on such matters are the ones you would do well to heed Snow." Amber met green. "We serve the people, not them us. And take such lessons I am teaching you to heart. Do not forget or lose sight of what they mean. One day you may need them. Promise me."
Snow wondered over the serious tone, but knew better than to question it. "I promise Mother."
Memory faded and confusion and hurt over her current state returned. Snow missed the sound of heels approaching on tile a few minutes minutes later until they stopped at her swinging shoes. Slowly she registered those feet and brought her eyes up to a straight red mouth and appraising amber eyes she could not read. That same mouth parted to speak, but door opening caught both their attention as the Principal beckoned them into the office.
A hand was held out and a simple look of expectation told her to take it. Snow numbly did, and was pulled along into the small office and bid to sit in a chair across from a desk. She squirmed as the charges against her were relayed and even more under Regina's questions over the why behind her actions. She shrugged and that did not seem to help her case. Red lips pursed at that and even more when she was suspended for the rest of the day for fighting as was the other girl they learned. Regina signed something and was handed a thin stack of papers in return. Hand taken again and more firmly, Snow was led to the car.
Nothing said was much worse than any words she could possibly receive, or so Snow thought as they drove past Town Hall. She looked back at it from the back seat and gave questioning eyes to the rear view mirror when dark ones glanced at her in it.
"You need a bath."
Was all that was said and little Snow wrinkled her nose at the idea after having had one yesterday. She had bathed thrice a week in the Enchanted Forest and much more frequent than any peasants did as a royal and decided to say as much. "But I had one last night."
That had been true, but a close inspection after brushing the child's hair this morning had proved little fingers were not so dexterous at washing such long thick hair properly. Regina spoke with a touch of scorn she could not help. "And so you will again when we get to the house." She refused to refer to the mansion shared now as home without her son. That was too far away along with the missing half of her heart.
"What about your work?" High voice all little Snow.
Regina's tightened her grip on the steering wheel and after a long beat loosened it. "You obviously need my attention first."
Like always and always that had not seemed to change for Regina and a very small whisper deep inside she tried to ignore was glad of the fact. Every day that passed Snow was more and more the little girl her heart had forgotten and that was important, somehow in a way she had yet to figure out and their roles here too, as they were, seemed significant. Before being called away from Town Hall where she had a quiet hour between meetings to consider her Mother's letter she had been thinking such things. Then the call happened and at first she had been worried Snow was hurt and told not, she suspected Snow was still in a much different way.
"But—"
"No Snow. You will bathe and then we will have a much needed talk."
Worry pricked her skin and little Snow couldn't help but ask. "What kind of talk?" But no answer was given as they turned onto Mifflin Street and Snow registered a new flicker in the amber eyes glancing back at her; no not new. Comfort rested there, just a hint of it and then it was hidden away again.
Following inside and losing their things by the front door, Snow was taken right upstairs and into the pink bathroom. Water ran against porcelain and a little thought slipped in watching it. How exactly hot water came through pipes in such a way without having the tub filled with heated buckets of water from the kitchens still fascinated her. Then against her adult side's wishes Regina seemed intent not to leave her alone this time.
"I don't need…" Snow began and trailed off as her milk stained sweater was tugged gently up and over her head.
Sighing Snow accepted the help reluctantly when her fingers had trouble with the hook and eye clasp above the zipper of her uniform skirt. Allowing Regina to take over the fastening and down the zipper came, a skirt a puddle at her feet. She held onto the Queen's forearms as she stepped out and out of her stockings that came down next. Then held a hand as she stepped into the sudsy water. A sponge was soaped and handed to her. Snow blushed, beginning to wash her limbs as her sticky milky hair was sprayed down. Shampooed twice until her scalp was squeaky, she was rinsed again.
Left for a few minutes while Regina went in search for something Snow gave into the inclination to pick through a basket of a bath toys and something she suspected were colorful fat quills caught her attention. Settling on the purple one she began drawing a castle on the tile, dropping the soap crayon a minute later when she heard footsteps approaching. Queen eyed the drawing it seemed with some amusement and Snow was about to inquire about the look when she saw the bottle in the Queen's hand.
Pouting. "No more. You already did it." Not wanting her head touched again and done with the bath altogether.
"The conditioner will help with the tangles and Gods only know how you managed so many between this morning and now." Kneeling down Regina uncapped the bottle and poured some into her hand. Getting a defiant look she added. "You are in enough trouble with me at present. Do not add this to the list."
Snow crossed her arms allowing the Queen to begin working the liquid through her tresses. Then after a few minutes asked. "What list?"
"Quite a few things we will get too shortly." Explaining further when green eyes narrowed her way. "Talking about who you really are in the manner you did, fighting, not listening to the adults in charge of you when you were told to get off that girl, getting suspended and on your first day no less." Reaching for the sprayer Regina began to rinse suds from hair. "Need I continue?" Small fists splashed the water effectively soaking her slacks in an answer. Their eyes met over rippling water. Regina took a deep breath and let the sprayer run for several seconds more until the last of the conditioner was gone and then turned it off, finally responding. "That is enough from you." Pulling the plug as she rose along with Snow to stand. Taking a towel, she wrapped it around the child she helped out of the tub.
Snow stood still and quiet as she was dried. Towel around her head wrong most water out and her damp hair was combed, she was surprised, with incredible gentleness. Regina's adept fingers then began to braid quickly in a single long plait she recognized as the one she favored from long ago to wear to sleep.
"Go on and get dressed." Regina said and tied off the end with a rubber band. "I'll be along shortly."
"But…" Snow sighed when she was sent off with a pat to the back of her towel to hurry her along.
Once in her room she began biting her lip again, picking skin with teeth as she explored a closet. Little one inside reached for a pair of pink corduroy overalls, never allowed trousers in the Enchanted Forrest she wanted to see what they felt like here. She dressed in those and a long sleeved white shirt. She wondered if she would be rebuked over her lack of a dress, but then remembered Regina wearing pants. Just as she finished clasping the shoulder strap thing after some difficulty Regina entered the room. In pants that the Queen had apparently changed since she had soaked the others in her temper.
"Sit on the bed a moment please." Regina directed and waited for the child to obey. She also came to sit and patted her lap. "Let me see your foot." Taking a small ankle she removed a white ruffled sock and old band-aid. Checking the site of the cut, she pulled a tube and clean bandage out of her pocket. Applying Neosporin and a new band-aid, Regina replaced the sock and tossed the wrappers in the little trash bin by the nightstand and put the medication back in her pocket. Standing and as she had once earlier that day her hand extended in silence.
Slowly Snow took that hand. "Where are we going?" She asked as they descended the stairs.
"To my Study."
Little feet stilled for a moment before she was tugged along again. Formal, she'd forgotten that any talks they had ever had over something she had done as a child to earn a trip to the small library next to the Queen's chamber had always been formal. Discipline was with Regina; purpose filled and ritualized. The gravity of it before her now felt both a bit daunting and a small comfort. But more daunting as the white door neared and they entered as it closed behind them.
Her hand was dropped and forgetting herself for a moment Snow remained right by the door as Regina moved across the room to stand by the desk, seemingly waiting for something. Snow blinked and then she remembered, but not quick enough before red lips spoke giving direction.
"Come here to me." Small fluid gesture to the middle of the round rug in front of her.
Snow went to where she was expected, well knowing that cue in this setting. It was as if time rolled backwards and she was seven again standing to attention exactly three paces away in front of the one she so desperately wanted it from. Not often, but enough she had been in such a state and knew the expectation that had not seemed to have changed. She clasped her hands in front as she had been taught to do when being addressed by an adult of equal or higher rank. Chin level, feet together, back straight and eyes up. She remembered and it seemed that Regina did too.
Little one was not perplexed by their standing now as some other in her place might be. As a royal she was held to high standards for decorum, had been raised with them under Eva for the first four years of her life. Lost some lessons in what her father often referred to as her wildling year between four and five without a woman, and then regaining ground under Regina's care. Snow knew long before she did then where her actions would lead her this day. A small part of her, the very small part she was right now, needed what was to come because of what it meant.
Queen stood with hands behind back, posture perfect as always. When green eyes began drifting down under her gaze she prompted. "Eyes on me."
And Snow gave them, wide and waiting.
"I asked you before in the office at school why you were fighting and you did not give me an appropriate answer. Now I would like to know why specifically you are in such a state of disgrace with the school."
Simply put. "The children, the Stoneman twins, were being mean."
"How so?" Regina asked just as simply in return.
Shifting, but trying not to under those dark eyes. "Delilah made fun of my name and threw my pear away."
"That was wrong of her." Softly agreeing Regina went on to explain. "Never the less your actions in retaliation were as well."
Snow countered hurt and confused. "But she made fun of my name and she is a peas—." Then snapping her mouth shut when she realized what she was about to say and what she already had.
"And that word is part of why the girl you punched needed stitches on her jaw?" Tensing her own for a moment over the idea of little one being violent and the medical bill she would have to pay for Snow's actions. The money did not matter to her, but the principle of it did greatly.
Snow's nose wrinkled in thought over that unknown fact. She had gotten a little too carried away in her upset it seemed.
"Snow White?"
Name used made her heart flap and a whine escape. "Yes, but they told me the table I was at was theirs and I had to move, and I told them…" Suddenly interested in the pattern of the drapes.
"Tone and eyes." Regina prompted and waited for Snow to reset both. "What did you say to them exactly?" She knew, but the importance of it needed to be discussed.
"That I was a Princess and could be wherever I pleased." Snow's lips tightened at the memory.
"Last warning."
Snow winced and repeated what she said without tone.
And?" Queen asked.
"And I called her a peasant."
Nodding once. "Did entitlement get you anywhere pleasant today?"
"No." Upset now at just where she'd ended up.
Regina waited; this particular speech between them they were both versed in.
"No Ma'am." Correcting herself little Snow replied with a well used response.
"How you use your words matter and fighting aside. What should you have done instead?"
Thinking as a small brow pinched. "Get an adult or move away from the situation."
A small smile for the effort. "Yes, that would have been the better choice. If there is ever a next time where you are being treated like that again, I want you to go and get a teacher or another adult right away. Understood?" A little quick nod and Regina let the lack of a verbal response go for the eagerness behind it. "We have spoken extensively about talking about who we really are. Doing so here will only cause trouble." Going between misting orbs as she continued. "There is also the matter of the suspension. Being called away as I was to come and get you for your choices today does not help up us get home any faster. We have discussed this a few different times now, have we not Snow?"
Wilting at the truth. "We have and…" Tears welled. "I'm trying." Child was surprised when the Queen forwent formality stepping forward and her hands were taken. Both of them.
"I need you to try a bit harder. This cannot happen again. That girl was badly hurt and wrong as she was to be mean to you, you did not help the situation at all with your words or actions. You need to understand the seriousness of both today. You cannot hide behind your title when things do not go your way. With privilege comes—"
"Responsibility and service to the people." Snow whispered finishing that known statement.
Regina nodded to the fact. "Responsibility you will take now." Leading little one to the couch she sat with Snow in front of her letting go of hands. Wondering if Snow remembered this step as the child had her previous words said in another life. "Why am I to correct you?" Long asked question both foreign and not from her lips.
"I let my temper best me..." Biting a lip and dropping her chin. Snow was allowed to for a moment before it was lifted.
"You are doing fine." Regina's thumb grazed a cheek and letting go as Snow met her eyes again. Prompting. "And…"
"And I fought hurting another when I know better with my actions and words." Toes curling in socks.
Regina asked, drawing Snow closer. "How old are you?"
Whining again. "Seven, buuut—"
"Would you rather one in addition?" Searching little eyes. "Your tone is telling me you may in fact need that to be the case."
Green widened and curls shook, adding. "No thank you."
Regina drew the girl over her knee with ceremony, centering small hips over her own and moving the heavy braid to fall over a shoulder. Little one fit there as if time had not stolen these roles they were living away. No part of her relished what she was about to do. Quite the opposite for what it cost them to be here. Precious time to find their way out of this world, a reminder of a world and history between them that even put her in this position, and a need in green eyes for her to follow through. Also, to be who little Snow needed her to be even if for only this moment.
Snow, lost to the memory of experience, breathed through the familiarity of the lap beneath her. The way her tummy rested there and fluttered now as it had before in the past. She ducked her head to bury in her arms as she waited. Regina never rushed anything, little long any of these steps. Snow knew her role was to more than go through them, but to process what they meant and learn the weight her actions have. Grateful her clothing remained in place and wondered at the lack of removal of her bottoms at least. An arm, both reassuring and firm came across her waist holding her in place. As she always did tears began brimming in her eyes when that hand simply rested on her bottom and she remembered who it used to belong to in her heart. Who it might belong to now and she wondered if it was the same person. Hoped it was and she was surprised to find that word stuck in her throat.
Then that hand left only to return and tears pushed to spill at one. By three into the correction they fell loose and streaming down Snow's cheeks wiping the guilt of her actions away further with four and five. It wasn't about the discomfort though there was some of that. The long lost connection that Regina could and would call her to task if she needed it brought the tears. In the past she'd do just about anything to avoid the heaviness that always took over brown eyes when she'd earned a rebuke of some sort. Queen's hand had paused a moment ago Snow realized and she was asked the frame of a well used question.
"Will we need to discuss fighting or use of entitlement again anytime soon Snow?"
And Snow answered as was expected. "No Ma'am." And six and seven both the firmest finished her tears off. Ritual a third over she was lifted under her arms to stand up. She fought to keep her hands at her sides as her braid was smoothed and her clothing too save her tears and pink cheeks to right. Her hands went to rub then until she was reminded.
"Hands Snow."
And they returned to her sides with great reluctance as she was directed to a corner to stand and reflect. Tried not to fidget and when she did, she was called out for it gently still just like always. Too many thoughts rushed through her mind, but in her little state she simply was stuck in the one she had been tasked with to think over. They had talked about entitlement before back in the Enchanted Forest and Princess or not she knew she was expected to not wield it over others in the way she had, nor to lose her temper, a trait inherited from her Father, when she got angry. More tears rolled and after she suspected was her age in minutes she was called back over.
"Come here to me Snow."
Second third of the ritual done, little one wondered if the last part would be and skin warmed over the idea. She bit her lip in want of it as she turned around to at Regina. Far history stretched across the rug to be rekindled in so few steps should she take them.
In that moment when she looked at those amber eyes watching her little Snow didn't care that the adult hiding away inside of her was confused or even embarrassed over what had just happened. She didn't see the Queen then or even the woman she had woken up to in this world. She saw Regina; the woman who had saved her life, taught her how to ride a horse, and who kissed her fears away. This woman knew how to make the monsters she insisted were in her wardrobe and in her worst nightmares go away. And her little heart saw what was invisible to her big eyes.
She saw her Mother.
Snow bounded across that distance and fell in the arms open to her, clung with such fierceness in a way she did not understand should be possible. The only thing Snow cared about was just how tight and sure those arms wrapped her up and how the warm lips that had once scolded now pressed against her brow. Forgiven, she was forgiven and over more than she thought she deserved to be it seemed.
Regina didn't speak. Heart a buzz with ache as if giving her a clue to ponder. And ponder it thoroughly she did. They stayed like that for a long time in holding, each fearing in letting go first least magic be broken, so they did together and Regina found her voice.
"I expect different choices from you going forward, yes?" Formal again as she needed to be. Feeling too much she struggled with it.
Snow nodded and added. "Yes—Regina." Another word nearly slipped and she bit her tongue over it as she came back to the present life they were in and adult memories once again filled her head and now spoke. "I can't believe…" Blushing and realizing just how tight her hands were still holding onto the Queen. She let go, but she was not let go in return.
Moment indeed broken Regina confirmed. "Little you needed me to and it is done anyway." Reaching for a tissue on the table and handing it over under very adult green eyes. "Do not look at me like that Snow. You well know you did."
And she had, blushing again under that idea. "I would like to go to my room please?" Waiting for permission to be dismissed as she took the tissue with a very small thank you and got a nod for her request. Wiping her eyes and moving to get off that lap. Snow didn't miss the way Regina's eyes misted at the gesture nor how empty she felt after moving away. Truth there much too heavy and stewing in it, she found her feet moving to the door. Away Snow was moving when all she wanted, maybe even needed truly was to return to the promise of solace aching after her.
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Big Snow remained sulking in her room the rest of the day save for dinner which Regina insisted she be present for and eat something. Also, too at being prompted to complete the school work that had been sent home with them. She had refused at first and Regina had insisted yet again and Snow had buckled under firm amber.
Bending even more when the little girl in her took over and needed help with the math practice sheet. Hesitant Snow took her pencil and worksheet from her room and went down the hall. Master suite open, she stood awkwardly in the door way watching Regina read a paper on the lounger by the window. She coughed and paper was folded and quickly tucked away within the folds of what she now knew to be Cora's spell book.
"What is it Snow?"
"I'm finding it too difficult." Indicating the paper in her hand. Small step forward.
"Let me have a look then." Hand out.
Snow moved across the room, and stood by the lounger as Regina studied the worksheet and then her.
"Mathematics always held challenge for you." Not demeaning, just very matter of fact. "Do you remember the tutor you had for math at this age from before?"
Snow's nose twitched with remembrance of past mischief. "He was always so stuffy."
Regina arched a brow almost fondly. "And you certainly had a way of making his lectures more entertaining, if I recall."
"It wasn't my fault if he always failed to look down before he sat." Wide green eyes blinked and twinkled.
Paste, tacks and one time a frog on the tutor's chair had never failed to liven up a lesson. Sometimes caught by the old man in her prank and Regina would be called. They both had shared a dislike for the man and his less than enthusiastic way of teaching. On those prank filled days Regina would take over the lesson after softly scolding over such. Queen would dismiss the tutor and Snow always learned so much more in math during those lessons with just the two of them.
Dark eyes skimmed the paper and went back to green. "There is a coin dish on my dresser. Bring it here."
Fetching as asked Snow felt a familiar tingle of joy as the coins were laid out on the foot of the lounger and they spent the next ten minutes going over the concept of take away with tools Snow could manipulate.
"Does that make sense?" Regina asked to gauge understanding and was satisfied when Snow could articulate the concept back in simple terms along with modeling and getting correct another problem she'd stated. Putting the coins back in the bowl she handed it to Snow as memory made her throat thicken. "Put those back and go finish up your homework."
Snow obeyed, clear minded on one subject, but more confused on another entirely. Ten minutes more she finished and done the blasted worksheets Snow tried to find a book she could read on her own in her room, but they were children's tales and adult mind now she was in did not care for them. As the 8:00 hour approached she heard a knock on the door and was prompted to get ready for bed.
Tired though she refused to admit it, Snow changed into a very pretty white nightgown with ribbons going up the front. Old fashion comfort awakened the little one in her once more and as Regina prepped another uniform for the morning on the back of a door Snow curled up under the covers with Mr. Thumper just shy of her arms. Wanting comfort from the hard day her thumb automatically went to her mouth and index finger stroked the bridge of her nose as sleepy eyes watched the Queen. Then Regina turned and she was caught. Yanking her thumb out Snow tried to hide the fact that she was doing so by putting her face in her pillow. The bed dipped and a hand patted her hip gently. Slowly Snow eased her face from hiding and eyes fell onto amber ones.
"I'm sorry." Thinking that is what Regina was waiting for.
"It's alright Snow." And here it was. Regina never had an issue with the habit herself, but Cora had and insisted she do something about it. Though she'd always corrected gently on this one despite the callousness she had been on the receiving end of for the child's habit. Her words seemed to surprise the girl.
"Really?" Testing the fact by returning the digit and grabbing Mr. Thumper with her other hand.
"Really. We don't have to be careful here with things like that." Pulling covers up and glad the girl allowed it. "Try and get some sleep. I'll wake you in the morning." Leaning in to brush stray curls away, but child pulled away from her touch. Dropping her hand and not pushing the moment of affection that they had been able to have that day, she stood to go.
Small asked. "Regina?"
Turning. "Yes, Snow?"
"Will you leave a light?"
Familiar words answered. "I will..." Dimming the main one and leaving the hall bright in her wake Regina only barely heard the return of their little exchange of past.
"…Always."
Later that night after spending a few quiet hours in her Study pouring over the spell book and Cora's letter again Regina decided to call it a night. Exhausted with keeping up with a small child and figuring out where exactly she was in her mayoral duties to the town. Locking up the downstairs she headed up looking forward to a hot shower and bed.
She stopped at the first door upon the landing as she always did for ten years straight, even after Henry had left to live with the Charmings and peered into the room. Snow was fast asleep, little nose twitching much as a rabbit's did in a dream of some kind. Thumb gone from parted pink lips in favor of hugging the stuffed toy with both hands. Stepping into the room, Regina unfolded the spare blanket at the end of the bed and draped it over the child. Then she simply watched Snow sleep.
Soft. "You are in such need badly are you not little one?" Taking the affection Snow has denied her earlier, her finger stroked a cheek. Child stirred under her touch. "I will try harder…" Then fingers braved a tender stroke of brow and stole a kiss from a cheek. Queen withdrew from the room.
Little green eyes peaked open, hope filled on the promise unsaid and big thoughts also in wonder of what it was.
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A/N – Thoughts?
Hope you have a wonderful New Year!
Next time: Flashback to the Enchanted Forest gives further insight into Cora, Regina, and Snow's relationship. Regina and Little Snow connect. And another memory of Snow's comes to light revealing a very different perspective of the dark day at the Stables where something broke.