Chapter 11 – Home.
The next morning Jay and Lexi had packed up the cabin and drove back to Chicago. They had gone to Jay's apartment and emptied their bags. Jay had made some space in his closet for Lexi's stuff and Lexi had assured him it was a temporary living situation; she would find her own place soon. Lexi didn't think starting a relationship and living together was a good idea.
Lexi felt seeing the team in a social situation would be easier than just showing up at work on Monday morning. Jay had called Adam and arranged for everyone to meet at Molly's the same night.
Lexi and Jay walked hand in hand to Molly's from Jay's apartment. A block from Molly's Jay stopped walking and pulled Lexi in to him, putting his arms around her, he kissed her lips lightly "are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, his lips brushed hers as he spoke "we could go home, get in to bed, go for rounds nine and ten" his lips travelled down her neck.
Lexi giggled "I'm sure…" she began gently guiding his head back up to her lips.
"BUSTED" Lexi and Jay both laughed hearing Ruzek's call from a few feet away. They had already agreed they weren't going to keep their relationship a secret from the team, there was no need, they were doing nothing wrong.
Ruzek tackled them, hugging them both at the same time "Yay the teams all back together" he smiled kissing Lexi's cheek.
"It's good to see you Adam" Lexi told him escaping from his embrace as he got Jay in a headlock and began dragging him down the street. Lexi laughed watching them before hugging Burgess and Atwater in turn.
Burgess, Atwater, Ruzek, and Halstead sat at a tall table in Molly's. Lexi stood beside Jay leaning in to him, his arm around her waist, holding her close to him. Antonio, Hank and Alvin had been at the bar when they arrived. They had had a drink with the team then all had other places to be, leaving the youngest team members to have a catch up.
Lexi felt relaxed, more relaxed than she thought she would, it probably helped that no members of Firehouse 51 were at Molly's.
"So, come on, is this a thing now? Is it official?" Adam asked pointing at Jay's arm around Lexi. "You know it's a lot of HR paperwork"
Lexi and Jay laughed, "yes, its official" Lexi answered for both of them kissing Jay.
"Oh shit!" Atwater announced nodding towards the door, "heads up!"
Lexi didn't need to turn around to know it meant Kelly had just walked in. Out the corner of her eye Lexi saw Casey approach the bar followed by Kelly who stood beside him, her whole body tensed, and she knew Jay felt it to. "Are you okay?" Jay whispered, "we can leave if you want to?"
"I'm good," she whispered back pecking his cheek "you okay?" she thought he might have felt a little awkward.
"Couldn't be better" he kissed her lips and felt her body relax against him. Lexi noticed Gabby and Herrmann appear behind the bar, they must have entered through the back. Gabby caught Lexi's eye and smiled, Lexi smiled back, happy to see her. Lexi and Gabby had been friends, their boyfriends had been best friends, they had been on many double dates and sometimes been the only form of entertainment the other had had when having to attend official CFD functions and of course Gabby had been one of Shay's best friends.
Lexi took her attention back to the friends at the table asking Burgess how she had faired being the only woman in the Intelligence Unit whilst Lexi had been away.
"Lexi" turning at the sound of her name Lexi turned to see Gabriela walking towards her.
"Hey Gabby" Lexi smiled walking a few steps to meet her then embracing her.
"it's good to see you" Gabby told her pulling out of the hug.
"You too" Lexi genuinely meant it too, she hadn't realised how much she had missed everyone until she saw them.
"This came here for you" Gabby explained retrieving a brown envelope from her back pocket. "I didn't know where to send it"
Lexi took the envelope and turned it over seeing the return address was for the lawyer's that had dealt with Shay's will. "It's from Shay's lawyers" Lexi proclaimed.
Lexi looked up from the envelope to Gabby for an explanation. "I have no idea" Gabby confessed. Lexi knew everyone was watching her, could feel all eyes burning in to her, waiting to see if she would open the mysterious letter.
Curiosity got the better of her and Lexi tore the letter open, she read the contents then cleared her throat and looked directly at Kelly asking, "you know about this?"
Kelly nodded meeting her eyes for a second before looking away "I got my letter a couple weeks ago" he told her taking a sip from his beer.
Lexi realised no one else knew what that were talking about "Shay left her share of Molly's to me and Kelly."
"It's about time the CPD were represented here too" Adam joked
"Yeah you spend enough of your money here too" Gabby agreed laughing "come on, we need a drink to celebrate" Gabby took Lexi's arm and led her to the bar to get them a drink.
Jay sat up in his bed watching Lexi remove her make-up through the open bathroom door. "You have fun tonight?"
"Yeah" she called back rubbing her moisturiser in to her cheeks in circular motions "I didn't realise how much I had missed everyone"
"Everyone?" Jay questioned.
Lexi switched off the light as she exited the bathroom, she leant on the doorframe looking at him. "No. Not everyone."
"So, seeing him didn't bother you?"
She wasn't going to lie to him, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings either. "A little. It wasn't easy to see him. I thought the first time I saw him, it would be hard, it would hurt…" Lexi crossed the room and climbed in to her side of the bed pulling back the sheets "…but I didn't really feel anything"
Jay repositioned himself lying flat in the bed "You don't feel like you have unfinished business?"
Lexi lay beside him, pulling his arm over her head. "None whatsoever" she assured him kissing his chest over his heart. Lexi began leaving small kisses down his chest.
"No" Jay groaned as her phone began to ring and vibrate on the nightstand "ignore it"
Lexi chuckled at his child like groaning sitting up on her knees in the bed "I can't, it could be work" she reached for the phone before it vibrated off the nightstand. "Detective Shay" she answered. Jay watched her expression, he couldn't hear the other side of the conversation, but he could tell she wasn't happy about the call "yeah, okay, give me half hour" Lexi ended the call and sighed climbing off the bed.
"What's going on?" Jay asked watching her pull on the jeans she had thrown over the chair when she had got home earlier.
Lexi continued to dress as she explained. "It was Officer Williams. Kelly's been arrested for drunk and disorderly, if I can go pick him up, they won't take him in"
Jay shook his head as he sat up straight in his bed "and your running off to rescue him?"
Lexi sat in the chair her clothes had occupied moments ago as she pulled on her socks "He could lose his job"
"That's his problem. He's not your responsibility anymore"
"Tell me what to do here Jay" Lexi pleaded standing from the chair and walking to sit beside him on the bed "you want me to call them back and tell them to take him in, that I'm not coming? If that's what you want I will"
Jay searched her expression and knew she meant it, if he wanted her to, she would call and tell them she wasn't coming. Jay sighed shaking his head "no, I know if you don't go and something happens that you could have prevented you wouldn't forgive yourself"
"This is why I love you Jay Halstead" Lexi kissed him recognising that was the first time either of them had said the words out loud. She hadn't meant to say it in this moment it had just slipped out. But it felt right to say it, it felt right to feel it.
Jay put his hands on either side of her face and moved in to her when she began to pull out of the kiss. "I love you too" Jay told her when they finally parted.
Lexi pulled up behind the squad car parked outside the Sports Bar. Kelly was sat on the curb holding an ice pack to his left cheek, Officer Williams and his partner stood behind him.
"Thank you" Lexi told Officer Williams as she exited her car. "I owe you one"
"Don't thank me" Officer Williams began watching Kelly stand up and walk towards her car "just be thankful the owner and the bouncer didn't want to press charges" Officer Williams explained.
Lexi got back in to her car and looked over at Kelly. "Save the lecture" he said without looking at her.
"How about thanks Lexi?" Lexi suggested pulling the car away from the curb "thank you for coming to get me in the middle of the night, thank you for keeping my ass out of jail". Kelly didn't respond, he leant his cheek against the cool glass of the window and closed his eyes. Lexi was pissed, she was doing him a favour and he couldn't even say thank you. Angrily she asked, "Where am I taking you?"
Kelly gave her his new address without looking at her.
Lexi hit the break too hard as she pulled to a stop at the curb making Kelly brace himself against the dashboard. Kelly looked at her with a 'are you serious' expression. "Ah shit there goes my five-star rating" Lexi quipped looking out of the windscreen.
Kelly got out of the car and Lexi watched him stumble a few steps, fumbling in his pockets for his keys. Fishing out his keys he then proceeded to drop them on the floor. Kelly bent down to pick up his keys and Lexi watched him stagger but catch himself before he fell over. Lexi shook her head getting out of the car to assist him.
"God damn it Kelly" She said completely annoyed with him picking up the keys and walking towards the door. Lexi chose a key from Kelly's set and tried it in the lock to no avail, she would open the door for him then he could fend for himself.
Kelly managed to walk to the front door without further incident. "You look good" Kelly told her as he watched her search his keys for the correct one, "you seem good"
Lexi stopped searching and stood up straight to face him. "I won't apologise for actually coping with my shit"
"That's not what I meant" Kelly told her shaking his head. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for everything, everything I did and everything I put you through"
The front door having been forgotten about they stood face to face in the small porch, a foot of space between them.
"You're sorry? Funny, my phone never rang!"
"Would you have answered if I called?" She forgot how well Kelly actually knew her. "I wanted to call, I did. I figured it was a conversation we should have face to face"
"Yeah well too little too late" Lexi went back to the task of finding the correct key.
"I lost myself" Kelly admitted, he touched her arm to get her attention, he wanted her to look at him. Lexi sighed and gave up trying to find the key looking up at him. "I can't tell you the amount of times you stopped me from going out of my mind. But I lost myself for a while. Shay's death should have bought us closer together not tore us apart, I see that now"
"SHAY DYING DIDN'T TEAR US APART, YOU DID KELLY!" Lexi shouted. Her anger got the better of her, she couldn't hold it in anymore. He didn't deserve her treading lightly; he didn't deserve her trying to save his feelings from being hurt. Lexi inhaled and exhaled composing herself. "What do you want from me Kelly? You want my forgiveness? I don't forgive you, I can't."
"I want a chance. A chance to make it right" Kelly begged, "Please"
Lexi shook her head "it's too late"
"Because of you and Jay? You didn't waste any time, did you?"
Lexi slapped him hard across his face, her hand stung from the blow. "DON'T YOU DARE!" Kelly shook his face and blinked back the tears that had sprung to his eyes from her smack. "I was faithful to you, despite what you might think" Lexi shoved the keys in to his chest and waited for him to take them before walking away.
"Did he tell you I asked to see you?" Kelly spoke to her back as he followed her fast stride to the car. Ignoring his words, Lexi opened the car door, Kelly slammed the door shut again. Lexi stood with her back to him, she wasn't going to let him see her crying over him. "I asked him where you were, I wanted to see you, to talk to you."
"Kelly please just leave me alone" Lexi sobbed in to her hands.
Kelly turned her around to face him, he pulled her hands from her face to look in to her eyes. "I hate that I make you cry, I hate that I hurt you. I made a mistake please let me make it right"
Lexi wiped her eyes "There's nothing you can do to put it right"
"I don't believe that"
"I don't care what you believe Kelly! I can't do this; I won't put myself in a position where you can hurt me again"
"Please, this can't be it" Kelly told her "I love you, this can't be the end."
"it is" Lexi opened the car door and Kelly pushed it closed again.
He placed his hands on her shoulders and gazed deep in to her eyes. "Tell me you don't love me! Right here, right now, tell me you don't love me, and I'll walk away"
Lexi shook her head and looked away from him, down at her feet, she couldn't take his soul-searching stare. She didn't love him anymore, she couldn't love him anymore, not after everything he had put her through. Pushing her away when she needed him most, cheating on her, how could she ever love someone who would do that? Only she did, she did love him. Being angry with him for being unfaithful and for not reaching out to her made it easier to tell herself she didn't love him anymore, she was over him, but she was wrong.
"Kelly, I…" Lexi began to protest but her sentence was cut short, his mouth was on hers, his tongue teasing her lips apart. Lexi hesitated, his touch and his kiss were so familiar, she kissed him back for a millisecond before she pushed him off. Kelly stumbled back a few steps. "I can't do this" Lexi got in to her car and drove away.